My girlfriend told me she is non-binary

[integral]

13 minutes ago, supremeyingyang said:

Another time you are fighting the last war, the conversation is since the start way beyond the point of 'do I accept all people'. We ALL agree (I would be suprised if not). It's about 'Do I let my partner control me with some culture and morality arguments'. This is a new situation for 99% of the people, so we need to discuss it.

@supremeyingyang I thought about the main point you where making, your right that choosing to avoid some situations is the right move. It can be unhealthy to be in a long term relationship and catere to other peoples needs even if we fully accept them as they are.

Edited March 31, 2023 by integral

[TheSomeBody]

1 minute ago, supremeyingyang said:

Another time you are fighting the last war, the conversation is since the start way beyond the point of 'do I accept all people'. We ALL agree (I would be suprised if not). It's about 'Do I let my partner control me with some culture and morality arguments'. This is a new situation for 99% of the people, so we need to discuss it.

why they controlling him? is straight-normative culture is not a culture? why thinking the they as stupid to use they pronounce is accepting?
it is a new situation for most of people, i dont really get the point of "Do I let my partner control me with some culture and morality arguments'
 

[supremeyingyang]

3 minutes ago, TheSomeBody said:

why they controlling him? is straight-normative culture is not a culture? why thinking the they as stupid to use they pronounce is accepting?
it is a new situation for most of people, i dont really get the point of "Do I let my partner control me with some culture and morality arguments'
 

You don't understand my point. Again. I could describe it, but are you really interested in what I have to say?

Edited March 31, 2023 by supremeyingyang
edit

[supremeyingyang]

14 minutes ago, TheSomeBody said:

why they controlling him? is straight-normative culture is not a culture? why thinking the they as stupid to use they pronounce is accepting?
it is a new situation for most of people, i dont really get the point of "Do I let my partner control me with some culture and morality arguments'
 

If Identity is made up, who decides what to do? You can't determine what's better unless you have interest. If your Indentity destroys mine, it's not compatible. If I want a traditional role relationship and you want to be Non-Binary in a Relationship with me there can be only one of three solutions:

1. I change

2. You change

3. We split and nobody changes

Now, people discuss in this thread how 3. is not a valid option and brought in severale culturale and morale arguments along the lines of "nothing changes, so you are foolish for considering to split" and "if you split because of it, you are a *phobe".

I say it depends heavily on the details and the OP is definetely free from being charged of being a bigot.

Edited March 31, 2023 by supremeyingyang
edit

[TheSomeBody]

24 minutes ago, supremeyingyang said:

If Identity is made up, who decides what to do? You can't determine what's better unless you have interest. If your Indentity destroys mine, it's not compatible. If I want a traditional role relationship and you want to be Non-Binary in a Relationship with me there can be only one of three solutions:

1. I change

2. You change

3. We split and nobody changes

Now, people discuss in this thread how 3. is not a valid option and brought in severale culturale and morale arguments along the lines of "nothing changes, so you are foolish for considering to split" and "if you split because of it, you are a *phobe".

I say it depends heavily on the details and the OP is definetely free from being charged of being a bigot.

the thing is that she asked him for only pronounce and not to change their relationship role. if he would argue that they wanted to have diffrent role in the relationship then i would agree with you.
if he would talk a languege without gender then it wouldnt bother him i guess. if so i do think it is queerphobic

[supremeyingyang]

41 minutes ago, TheSomeBody said:

the thing is that she asked him for only pronounce and not to change their relationship role. if he would argue that they wanted to have diffrent role in the relationship then i would agree with you.
if he would talk a languege without gender then it wouldnt bother him i guess. if so i do think it is queerphobic

We agree

[Danioover9000]

@Mada_

On 3/29/2023 at 1:09 AM, Mada_ said:

I'm obviously attracted to her, we have sex and I think we have a good thing. We listen to self help audiobooks together and do exercises along side each other. 

 

I was in bed with her the other day and she told me she uses pronouns they/them and asked if it changes anything. I didn't reply because I wanted to think about it. 

 

I can see how you can consider identity constructed, but don't think this is independent of gender. And the whole progressive gender movement tries to separate biological differences from having affect on personality. 

I have a few issues with how this works in society, I dont think it works well and it is a strawman movement. 

 

My gut feel is that it's a deal breaker, it's a tough one. Watching Leo's video on the liberal mind has been helpful. 

   Was this before you both began to date, or in the middle of it? Careful, she may be setting grounds to justify sleeping with other men. If she told you in the beginning and you're okay with it okay, but if she told you when you both were dating and sleeping, and this is news to you, that's a red flag.

[flowboy]

On 29/03/2023 at 5:26 PM, integral said:

The fact that you would end a relationship based on this is equivalent to being homophobic.

It's perfectly acceptable to want to be in a relationship with a woman.

[flowboy]

On 31/03/2023 at 3:23 PM, Mada_ said:

My issue isn't with her identity or how she feels in her body, its having to dictate other peoples language, and other peoples language being integral to that identity. I just think it's silly tbh. If we were best friends I wouldn't even think about it, but we are in a romantic relationship so I want us to have more congruence in our world-views. 

Sounds like you don't want to be in a relationship with someone who demands that you call her "they".

That's a perfectly acceptable boundary then.

Set it, and see what happens.

[supremeyingyang]

10 minutes ago, flowboy said:

It's perfectly acceptable to want to be in a relationship with a woman.

Erik, the discussion is through. Please don't beat the dead horse. At the end we came to the conclusion 'whatever you want, just show repect'

8 minutes ago, flowboy said:

Sounds like you don't want to be in a relationship with someone who demands that you call her "they".

That's a perfectly acceptable boundary then.

Set it, and see what happens.

for real

I'm out of the discussion with this comment

[flowboy]

@supremeyingyang Why are you being so rude and acting like you are responsible for moderating this discussion?

4 minutes ago, supremeyingyang said:

I'm out of the discussion with this comment

Then be out ?‍♀️

Nobody's complaining except you, so why don't you tell us what your real issue is?

Edited April 3, 2023 by flowboy

[supremeyingyang]

14 minutes ago, flowboy said:

@supremeyingyang Why are you being so rude and acting like you are responsible for moderating this discussion?

I have zero problem with you doing that, I just roll eyes if someone joins late and talks to the first page posts as if the person there had the same position as back then.

[supremeyingyang]

Of course I could be more polite, so sorry on that front @flowboy

"Then be out ?‍♀️

Nobody's complaining except you, so why don't you tell us what your real issue is?"

I tell you and maybe Integral what I think, nothing more, nothing less.  But in one thing you are right, I'm out now and take a long break from the forum <3

Edited April 3, 2023 by supremeyingyang