My girlfriend told me she is non-binary

[supremeyingyang]

@integral

The other thing is I despise the ideology from knowing it in an out. Ok, I finally confess it. Ready? I was an Antifa kid.

But the point is my citique is not from Blue, but from Yellow. At least I give my best to draw from Yellow.

 

Edited March 30, 2023 by supremeyingyang
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[integral]

18 minutes ago, supremeyingyang said:

You are too foreseable. I OWNED a macbook, then came to the conclusion I dislike the company Apple for their philosophy, installed linux on it and after it was due I replaced it with a PC.

lmao right so if you dislike someone's identity find a replacement. Lets not consider accepting people the way they are, that goes against our very important and fragile preferences that need to be upheld at all cost.

To reject apple for its philosophy that you disagree with is a higher order cause. The equivalent here is to accept people the way they are, that's the higher order position. If you cant do this thats fine, thats where your at. 

Edited March 30, 2023 by integral

[integral]

42 minutes ago, supremeyingyang said:

@integral

The other thing is I despise the ideology from knowing it in an out. Ok, I finally confess it. Ready? I was an Antifa kid.

But the point is my citique is not from Blue, but from Yellow. At least I give my best to draw from Yellow.

Its a reasonable idea, i agree that preferences and values matter in compatibility. The thing is in this one situation compatibility was confirmed.

To love someone then reject them for some idea they believe in is extreme. Its the cliché. 

Edited March 30, 2023 by integral

[supremeyingyang]

39 minutes ago, integral said:

lmao right so if you dislike someone's identity find a replacement. Lets not consider accepting people the way they are, that goes against our very important and fragile preferences that need to be upheld at all cost.

To reject apple for its philosophy that you disagree with is a higher order cause. The equivalent here is to accept people the way they are, that's the higher order position. If you cant do this thats fine, thats where your at. 

i don't fear your shaming, that stick does not hurt me. I accept all people, the worst and the best and all between -- and their identities. But why the hell should that mean I'm forced to have them around? If I chose to I do, if not then I don't. Ideology is part of that decision. Why is that difficult to accept? I can't believe you follow that ideal with any rigidity. Or would you want to chill with some trump supporter every week? What if I say, you are to blame you aren't interested in his babbling and want to leave? Is this logic still cool or not?

Edited March 30, 2023 by supremeyingyang

[supremeyingyang]

 

4 minutes ago, integral said:

Its a reasonable idea, i agree that preferences and values matter in compatibility. The thing is in this one situation compatibility was confirmed.

To love someone then reject them for some idea they believe in is extreme. Its the cliché. 

Yes, but OP talked only about being attracted:

On 3/29/2023 at 2:09 AM, Mada_ said:

I'm obviously attracted to her, we have sex and I think we have a good thing. We listen to self help audiobooks together and do exercises along side each other.

 

"To love someone then reject them for some idea they believe in is extreme." Sure, when it's a extreme change, you may reject them. Why not?

[supremeyingyang]

BTW I swear after that discussion I take a big break from the forum, it consumes too much time that I should allocate to learning Russian, BJJ-Training or Meditation.

[integral]

5 minutes ago, supremeyingyang said:

i don't fear your shaming, that stick does not hurt me. I accept all people, the worst and the best and all between -- and their identities. But why the hell should that mean I' forced to have them around? If I chose to I do, if not I don't. Ideology is part of that equation. Why is that difficult to accept? I can't believe you follow it with any rigidity. Or would you want to chill with some trump supporter? What if I say, you are to blame you aren't interested in his babbling.

That's true I'm being a bit forceful to encourage a more open minded ideology. Part of it is its going to be a problem down the road for many reasons.

If you have kids what are you going to do if one of them is unorthodox? Make there childhood full of trauma?

Ye i wouldn't want to chill with a trump supporter it sounds like we wouldn't be compatible because of my preconceptions, but if i FELL IN LOVE WITH ONE LMFAO, then they revealed they where a supporter of trump. I would very likely accept them because my preconceptions about trump supports was proven completely wrong, after all I'm already in love with one! 

Im really not trying to shame doe, Im expressing what I think are the absurdities created by peoples preferences. 

[integral]

9 minutes ago, supremeyingyang said:

BTW I swear after that discussion I take a big break from the forum, it consumes too much time that I should allocate to learning Russian, BJJ-Training or Meditation.

I agree , This is my first day dumping time in here after a 2 week break. 

[Israfil]

1 hour ago, zurew said:

I know, thats why I pointed out that polarity won't  necessarily change just because of gender (in this case how his girlfriend views herself). 

 

That's possible, but not probable.  Gender, sex, and energy are heavily linked. You're not a collection of traits, you're an integrated whole. It is expected that shifts in what you identify as affect further aspects of your identity. Change begets change.

[supremeyingyang]

20 hours ago, integral said:

If you have kids what are you going to do if one of them is unorthodox? Make there childhood full of trauma?

Please. Obviously it's different if it's your child.

20 hours ago, integral said:

Ye i wouldn't want to chill with a trump supporter it sounds like we wouldn't be compatible because of my preconceptions, but if i FELL IN LOVE WITH ONE LMFAO, then they revealed they where a supporter of trump.

They as in multiple people or as these non-binary trump supporters?

20 hours ago, integral said:

Im really not trying to shame doe, Im expressing what I think are the absurdities created by peoples preferences. 

That's cool.

20 hours ago, integral said:

I agree , This is my first day dumping time in here after a 2 week break. 

Nice, I feel we are getting to the end.

Edited March 31, 2023 by supremeyingyang

[zurew]

1 hour ago, Israfil said:

That's possible, but not probable.  Gender, sex, and energy are heavily linked.

They are heavily linked, but they are also separate things. Regarding the context of this thread, the OP very much liked her energy and her appearance, because if he wouldn't have , he wouldn't have had sex with her, and he wouldn't have said, that they had a good time.

She identitfied as non-binary from the start  (even during the times when they had fun), so regardless of her non-binary identity, they had fun and they enjoyed their time with each other.

You would maybe have a point, if she would have identified herself in one way from the start and would have changed her identity during the relationship.

Edited March 30, 2023 by zurew

[Israfil]

6 minutes ago, zurew said:

You would maybe have a point, if she would have identified herself in one way from the start and would have changed her identity during the relationship.

But that's what I understood that happened.

Edited March 30, 2023 by Israfil

[zurew]

2 minutes ago, Israfil said:

But that's what I understood that happened.

I thought she was just informing him about how she prefers to be refered to, but regardless, if that was your thought process, then I can see how you got to your conclusion.

[Israfil]

I understood your thought process better too. It is completely reasonable.

[TheSomeBody]

17 hours ago, supremeyingyang said:

Good you asked! Being a Homophobe means to hate homosexuals. I'd draw the by hate. Of course that's sometimes hard to say, but in a case where someone seeks advice it's fairly probable that he is respectful.

better saying queerphob or transphobe

[supremeyingyang]

17 minutes ago, TheSomeBody said:

better saying queerphob or transphobe

It was not my choice of words plus you may study the history of this thread to determine the originator. You don't get the context.

 

[Mada_]

On 30/03/2023 at 6:34 AM, Roy said:

How is she your girlfriend and yet you didn't know how she chooses to (sexually) identify herself lol? That should have been something you figured out or been disclosed in the first day or two of knowing each other.

Unless she is coming out and making up all this stuff now.

I've done a lot of dating in the past year and this is the first time it's come up. 

We've been together for a couple of months, she has described herself in conversation as "feminine defining" so I concluded that was that. 

We were in bed the other night and she told me it's a very new thing, and she prefers they/them pronouns, and asked if it changed anything. 

My issue isn't with her identity or how she feels in her body, its having to dictate other peoples language, and other peoples language being integral to that identity. I just think it's silly tbh. If we were best friends I wouldn't even think about it, but we are in a romantic relationship so I want us to have more congruence in our world-views. 

[supremeyingyang]

18 minutes ago, Mada_ said:

My issue isn't with her identity or how she feels in her body, its having to dictate other peoples language, and other peoples language being integral to that identity. I just think it's silly tbh. If we were best friends I wouldn't even think about it, but we are in a romantic relationship so I want us to have more congruence in our world-views. 

Exactly what I think.

[TheSomeBody]

15 minutes ago, Mada_ said:

I've done a lot of dating in the past year and this is the first time it's come up. 

We've been together for a couple of months, she has described herself in conversation as "feminine defining" so I concluded that was that. 

We were in bed the other night and she told me it's a very new thing, and she prefers they/them pronouns, and asked if it changed anything. 

My issue isn't with her identity or how she feels in her body, its having to dictate other peoples language, and other peoples language being integral to that identity. I just think it's silly tbh. If we were best friends I wouldn't even think about it, but we are in a romantic relationship so I want us to have more congruence in our world-views. 

being queerphobes has lots of layers. same as being homophobe. i have a friend that dont have problem with gay people, he is into guys , he had sex with guys but its really hard for him to accept that he is into males and always identify as straight.

would you like to be called she? or they? would it be ok for you that everyone one day start calling you she or they all the time ? is it just silly? would you like to be dress like a girl and put make up and have long hair?  thats what trans and queer people need to deal everyday. it is funny from straight paradigm but from queer one it is just not funny. as long you wouldnt realize that people have also gender identity it will keep being funny for you.

 

[supremeyingyang]

10 minutes ago, TheSomeBody said:

being queerphobes has lots of layers. same as being homophobe. i have a friend that dont have problem with gay people, he is into guys , he had sex with guys but its really hard for him to accept that he is into males and always identify as straight.

would you like to be called she? or they? would it be ok for you that everyone one day start calling you she or they all the time ? is it just silly? would you like to be dress like a girl and put make up and have long hair?  thats what trans and queer people need to deal everyday. it is funny from straight paradigm but from queer one it is just not funny. as long you wouldnt realize that people have also gender identity it will keep being funny for you.

 

Another time you are fighting the last war, the conversation is since the start way beyond the point of 'do I accept all people'. We ALL agree (I would be suprised if not). It's about 'Do I let my partner control me with some culture and morality arguments'. This is a new situation for 99% of the people, so we need to discuss it.

Edited March 31, 2023 by supremeyingyang
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