Women And Gay Men Of Actualized.org, What Makes A Man Sexy?

[egoeimai]

Although,I know that you are responsible for the way you feel,and not anyone else,but I dont know,sometimes you think others bring certain feelings out of you,when you meet their eyes!  lolz

[NormL_is_boring]

5 minutes ago, egoeimai said:

@NormL_is_boring and by the way he is looking at you. If his look makes you feel attractive/safe around him/sexy etc.

Yes I agree. Also jumping right to sex talk is a huge turn off. I mean really men old enough to know better still do that.

[Peace and Love]

@Vercingetorix

1 hour ago, Vercingetorix said:

@Peace and Love well nice to see creatures from Absolute infinity hanging around with us here 
thanks, so far I had limited luck in (acro)yoga and meditation group, but to be fair I just started searching recently.

The hardest part when it comes to love is you have to stop looking to find LOVE.  When we search we put blinders on and we can no longer see...The best thing to do is be more outgoing and find yourself.  In the process you will attract the right person.

 

[Vercingetorix]

@Peace and Love DO you mean not to look for something specific, for "love", "girlfriend", "relationship" and just be open and spontaneous with what happens and from this position I have good chances to attract the right person?

[egoeimai]

36 minutes ago, NormL_is_boring said:

Yes I agree. Also jumping right to sex talk is a huge turn off. I mean really men old enough to know better still do that.

Hahaha and they lose all the time.

Not wise,right? ?

[Peace and Love]

@Vercingetorix

Just now, Vercingetorix said:

@Peace and Love DO you mean not to look for something specific, for "love", "girlfriend", "relationship" and just be open and spontaneous with what happens and from this position I have good chances to attract the right person?

I think you should know what it is you want in a relationship.  But actively looking for it can be very draining and take away from your life purpose.  I think that if you are focusing on growth and development and you are interacting with people that are in line with your life purpose and meditation, enlightenment, etc, you will likely find someone that is your type.

[Vercingetorix]

@Peace and Love I see what You mean I completely agree, It's not something you are likely to force by willpower.

[Peace and Love]

@egoeimai    @NormL_is_boring

47 minutes ago, NormL_is_boring said:

Yes I agree. Also jumping right to sex talk is a huge turn off. I mean really men old enough to know better still do that.

9 minutes ago, egoeimai said:

 

2 minutes ago, egoeimai said:

Hahaha and they lose all the time.

Not wise,right? ?

I'm so glad you mentioned this, because this is super important!

There is huge misconception and pressure when it comes to sex.  We have magazines depicting beautiful women making us women feel we have to look like literal barbie dolls to be accepted and loved, while we also have adult entertainment that is giving a false idea of what sex and intimacy really is.  A lot of men (but not all of them of course) look at adult entertainment for REFERENCES!  And it's SO SAD!  If anyone should be talking about this....it should be me, considering I worked in the adult entertainment field for 6 years. 

Adult entertainment is for entertainment purposes and everything is purposefully staged.  Although it can be fun to watch, it's really unfortunate that a lot of men have fallen into this TRAP.

I actually had an ex bf that didn't believe in forplay because of  the way things were depicted in PORN and in the end it caused me a lot of sexual pain (3 months of vaginal bruising) and a bad breakup. (He was my first, and I certainly will NEVER make that mistake again!)

Most Adult Entertainment doesn't show intimacy, and it doesn't show how real relationships function.  And my ex really did believe that's what a relationship was supposed to be like!

I AGREE.....Men that are too pushy are indeed a SUPER turn off.  I love some of the things PUA has to offer with men building confidence, creating effect communication, and approaching women and taking care of themselves.  But I will be honest....I've heard certain men from PUA talking about approaching women so they can practice sex so they can attract the right woman later...to me that's  fricken SCARY as SH*T.  Like seriously....I don't want to be your practice doll....I've literally refused to go on second dates with men because of them showing me those types of signals.

From my experiences and what I have seen.  ...... Sex will NEVER build a relationship like  great communication and connection will.  Once you have great communication, chemistry, and a good bond, the sex will be amazing and come naturally.  You'll both be comfortable to communicate what is you both want to do sexually that arouses you even if there is no sexual experience involved!  I've dated men where I had sex early on and because of it the sex completely sucked because there was no chemistry and no communication...zero arousal.  I ended up with a few very selfish men that were out there for themselves!  And you also lose your respect!


Intimacy is what matters!!  Although sex is apart of a healthy long term relationship, sex early on puts these blinders on you....you get the oxytocin hormones in there and you're screwed....you can be attached to someone (especially women) and the person may the wrong match for you.  I've tried sex early on in a few relationships and they consistently failed.  The ones that lasted, were the ones where I waited.  I'm going with what works for me.

I think it's important to use discernment when it comes to who you choose to date or sleep with.  Once you are dealing with sex, you are putting very heavy emotional attachment in the relationship, that doesn't need to be there unless you both are ready.    (Of course unless you are both on the same page and are in a open relationship, or doing one night stands, etc......you set the ground rules for sex early on....... this can lead to a big problem).   


 

[Sevi]

Sexy is a state of mind which allows you to feel comfortable in your own skin and connected to your true self (and to the source)

That state of mind is generally is the consequence of confidence,

Confidence is information/knowledge in application.

To get better at something in life, which can be anything, and eventually master it can really allows us to be on the path of being and feeling sexy.

[Guest Annetta]

@Vercingetorix You're welcome!
A lot of these women are in the 26-35 age range, they're experienced enough with men to know what they want.  You'll usually find 'em studying eclectic subjects such as Practical Spinsterdom and World History of the Social Hermit.  Good luck, my friend.

[egoeimai]

 

Lol lets just pretend I dont like light-blue eyes! Okay? 

They're only just a few. Lolz. It's past midnight Wtf Am I doing? Gtg 

[egoeimai]

7 minutes ago, Whywolf said:

!
A lot of these women are in the 26-35 age range, 

Im not. Give us your top 5,then ! 

[Guest Annetta]

@egoeimai Sure! Top five what? 

[greenleafx]

The list grows longer as my intention about the depth of relationship/interaction gets more serious. Here are some big landmarks in progressive order:

1. Physical attraction. This is the first sorter for putting a person in a friend zone or potentially more than friend zone. 
2. Kindness. Decency and values are important. Shared reality.
3. Awareness, intelligence and capability. Left brain and right brain prowess needed. Also need to make money and stand up in the world. 
4. Open-mindedness. To grow together, this is a requirement.
5. Forgiveness and letting go. It's a given that we will piss each other off. What do you do then is the big question.  

Edited March 9, 2017 by greenleafx

[abgespaced]

I assume this thread was started in order to develop sexual wisdom by gaining insight into the minds of women by asking them what they like.

Logically it makes sense. "I want sex -> women have the sex I want -> I'll ask women want they find sexy -> get the sex I want".

Problem is, this is a very male way of thinking. This is how men solve problems. It is not how women think, communicate or reveal themselves.

So, in the interest of supporting the men coming to this thread looking for answers, I am about to reveal some uncomfortable truths. The fallout won't be pretty.

 

On the whole, the above responses by the women are not what they find sexy in a man. Rather, they have listed what they find attractive.

Attraction happens between lovers, yes. It also happens between friends, family and even different species. It is obviously not a direct cause of sexual arousal.

Know now that it is almost impossible for women to communicate the truth about what arouses them. I.e. what they find sexy. 

One reason is that their ovulatory cycle keeps them guessing; their biological impetus for choosing a mate changes as their hormone levels fluctuate. 

What they find "sexy" in one phase of their ovulatory cycle will differ from what they find "sexy" in another phase of their ovulatory cycle.

This is an uncomfortable truth for women. Luckily there are now at least 50 studies that back this up. Dr. Martie Haselton is a notable scientist in this field. Her study on Human Estrus can be found here: http://www.sscnet.ucla.edu/comm/haselton/unify_uploads/files/gangestad and haselton current opinion 12-1-14 in press.pdf

 

Previous research had found that women find male confidence, even a degree of arrogance, more sexually appealing during the fertile phase [e.g., 15-16]. Recent studies replicate and extend that work, finding not only that fertile-phase women are more sexually attracted to “sexy cad” or behaviorally masculine men (relative to “good dad” or less masculine men), but also that, during the fertile phase, women are more likely to flirt or engage with such men [17,18].

Females of a variety of species, including primates [2], prefer dominant or high ranking males during the fertile phase of their cycles. These males may pass genetic benefits to offspring, as well as, potentially, offer material benefits (e.g., protect offspring). Women’s fertile-phase sexual attraction to behavioral dominance appears to have deep evolutionary roots.

 

You won't get women admitting to these truths because in all likelihood they do not process them on a conscious level, whether by ignorance or by choice.

Not only that, any man they have to communicate this to is not the man for them. Women want a guy that "just gets it". Anything less is compromised.

Complicating matters further is the current social stigma around women submitting to men. Even though deep down they want this. They want to open up, trust, be vulnerable and feel safe in the presence of a strong, confident, secure and dominant man. Society tells them it's wrong. Which only harms women.

 

I have no doubt that the above responses are sincere. But they will not help you form the complete picture, which is much bigger than what I have written here.

If you take anything away from this thread it's this: what women say they want vs. what they need and respond to are not necessarily the same thing.

[Vercingetorix]

@abgespaced @abgespaced

I think that as one develop his/her consciousness he/she becomes much less effected by biological mechanisms, you gain so much more control of your life and what you want consciously is reflected more and more in your actual behaviour. 

 

[Shin]

I shave, I love black, can we marry already (after your gender surgery) ?

[egoeimai]

@I_Like_Thing lolz Today I went to a metal gig and this guy looked like Leo's bald. Lol 

Check him out.

He is 57  you know!!! He was awesome! Great night! 

Edited March 9, 2017 by egoeimai

[abgespaced]

8 hours ago, Vercingetorix said:

@abgespaced @abgespaced

I think that as one develop his/her consciousness he/she becomes much less effected by biological mechanisms, you gain so much more control of your life and what you want consciously is reflected more and more in your actual behaviour. 

 

Biological mechanisms can be controlled to some extent, yes. Like forcing yourself not to eat or drink. How long can that be maintained?

[h inandout]

On 3/6/2017 at 11:38 PM, abgespaced said:

1. What in a man attracts you

2. What in a man arouses you

1.  Some sign from the greater universe helps.  Like maybe we meet in beautiful and unusual circumstances...  Or something to just let you KNOW that you have to find out about this person.

2.  I once told a boyfriend that making a budget would turn me on more than anything else.  Workin out your shit first is key.  

That and his natural smell... omigod.

Edited March 10, 2017 by MissMiki