I don't think it's possible to be a full human without a partner

[LordFall]

I've done a lot of inner work/game and feel like I filled out both my masculine and feminine poles decently. Paradoxically now I feel more complete but incomplete than ever. Its like a void that's just missing. Hookups and FWBs don't do anything for it, it's just pleasure, comfort, excitement but not completeness. I felt that sense of companionship and completeness with my ex but that was toxic so it felt really bad but also like calmingingly good.

The best way I can explain it is this Venn diagram, it's like no matter how much I fill up my circle I'm still missing my girl. Not sure if anyone can relate. The purple makes it feel better but still doesn't do the job.

"I need you like the flowers need the rain."

 

Edited October 13, 2022 by LordFall

[ivankiss]

I know exactly what you mean.

[Chives99]

There is no end to searching, once u get the girl u will be looking for whatever is next and don't forget relationships can be difficult and result in a lot of arguing ,my housemates at uni were like stockbrokers on the phone pacing about trying to sort things out with their gf. seemed to make them very stressed, nothing can fill that void inside of you other than your own being 

 

[Loba]

I think it is possible to be a human without a partner, probably easier in many ways...  There are plenty of people in the world who do just fine without one, they are happy and complete.  I was in a very long, very stressful relationship for most of my 20's and I learned how horrible humans can be to one another.  It's much easier - and safer - just to figure shit out on your own.  Humans who feel their incompleteness in regards to needing another body to fix their bullshit have not had to deal with the genuine deep and dirty extent of just how toxic a partnership can often be, or they didn't learn their lesson the first time around in how it can set them back... how after a period of time, no matter how much you may think you like your partner you will more often than not come to hate them.  People grow old, they grow sick, they grow apart.  Staying in tune with another consciousness isn't easy.  Nor is it always fun.  Or even a valuable experience.

I see people claim this need and tout it as something of a misguided value, but in my case, I think I would rather be quickly murdered than to have to suffer through dealing with another man.  They take so much and give so little.  Shallow, very little emotionally, broken creatures.  More so than women much of the time...
If I were stuck with another one, it would be a daily quest not to find reason not to swallow a bunch of pills or just put a gun in my mouth just to get away from them.

Incidentally, getting away - and figuring out why I got into that situation in the first place lead me to God, so I suppose I have some reason to thank the uselessness of human connection.  I think people who still seek outside of themselves are still broken in some way and don't want to admit it.  If you genuinely found both halves within, it would mitigate these needs for the most part.  I see people in dire straights, people who are broken down, people stuck in cultures that don't allow love - these things are rare - most people don't find this and there's a reason for it, which is that most people don't really deserve it.

On top of that, even if you find it, it might not be yours, or they might die, they might leave you - there is no way to really maintain a connection with human beings.  I prefer finding solace within some form of divinity that I can parse within myself and the outside world - and the love that comes from that, and the guidance that comes from it is much clearer, there is a lack of manipulation and abuse, and a genuine desire to see that I do better for myself.  That wouldn't be found within a human connection.  Just more abuse, misunderstandings, trying to change me to be someone they want, resentment and so forth.

I would keep searching within.  I think true love, true completion, is something you die into - that the other side brings it to you.
True love will kill you... it will change you... but it will be something you'll want and it will make you a better person.
Humans don't do this for one another, only the goodness that comes from beyond the human condition altogether would ever bother.

Just my 2c take or leave.
I see a lot of helpless foolish romantics on this website, but sometimes common sense, and just looking at how the real world functions in relation to connection is a good bubble burster.  Later.

[integral]

4 hours ago, LordFall said:

I felt that sense of companionship and completeness with my ex but that was toxic so it felt really bad but also like calmingingly good.

Its a mindset issue, the mindset of what you want a relationship to be.

Think of a relationship exactly like a good friendship and not a soul bond, complete me, make me whole halleluiah pursuit that is prone to overly high dependency. 

The good stuff is in the friendship and the intimacy that comes with it. 

2. Friendship develops when two people share intimacy through an intellectual, interest-based, or spiritual resonance in kind and degree through their lower left quadrants. The quality and depth of their friendship are determined by the alignment of their respective interior lines(cognitive, communicative, worldviews, values, moral, spiritual, etc.), as well as shared interests and hobbies. Friendship is often the pre-requisite for a woman to enter into a sexual relationship, while men tend to be more driven by their physical/sexual attraction in the right-hand quadrants that may (or may not) lead to friendship after sex. Vulnerability, truthfulness and honesty are vital factors for the development of mature friendships through intimacy, since integrity is the main ingredient for building trust.

Check this out.

 

Edited October 14, 2022 by integral

[NoSelfSelf]

What kind of inner work did you do to come up to this conclusion ?

[SamC]

Try to integrate the femenine internally. Then you will have your ex with you all the time, but internally. View your outside femenine - masculine relationship as your internal masculine - femenine relationship.

If you heal the incompleteness inside you will stop attracting incompleteness on the outside. 

[LordFall]

10 hours ago, Chives99 said:

There is no end to searching, once u get the girl u will be looking for whatever is next and don't forget relationships can be difficult and result in a lot of arguing ,my housemates at uni were like stockbrokers on the phone pacing about trying to sort things out with their gf. seemed to make them very stressed, nothing can fill that void inside of you other than your own being 

 

The average relationship is a disaster, that's not really what I mean by this. This is the toxic relationship I was referring to before. I like the codependent/independent/interdependent model for this. 

 

10 hours ago, Loba said:

I see people claim this need and tout it as something of a misguided value, but in my case, I think I would rather be quickly murdered than to have to suffer through dealing with another man.  They take so much and give so little.  Shallow, very little emotionally, broken creatures.  More so than women much of the time...
If I were stuck with another one, it would be a daily quest not to find reason not to swallow a bunch of pills or just put a gun in my mouth just to get away from them.

On top of that, even if you find it, it might not be yours, or they might die, they might leave you - there is no way to really maintain a connection with human beings.  I prefer finding solace within some form of divinity that I can parse within myself and the outside world - and the love that comes from that, and the guidance that comes from it is much clearer, there is a lack of manipulation and abuse, and a genuine desire to see that I do better for myself.  That wouldn't be found within a human connection.  Just more abuse, misunderstandings, trying to change me to be someone they want, resentment and so forth.

Thank you for your response. I'm sorry you dealt with an unfortunate experience but I don't think that reflects the true potential for human relationships. You're right on the part where those relationships would be temporary anyway though, that's a good point. I think an interdependent relationship with a more developed being would be a 180 degrees completely different experience from what you've experienced though and might change your mind on the subject. 

 

6 hours ago, NoSelfSelf said:

What kind of inner work did you do to come up to this conclusion ?

I think a lot of spiritual people fool themselves on this subject and just end up disconnecting themselves from things they call physical and miss out on the best things in life. I don't believe my conclusions to be incorrect but feel free to elaborate. 

 

5 hours ago, SamC said:

Try to integrate the femenine internally. Then you will have your ex with you all the time, but internally. View your outside femenine - masculine relationship as your internal masculine - femenine relationship.

If you heal the incompleteness inside you will stop attracting incompleteness on the outside. 

Elaborate on this, this is what I explained. I think I've done that to a degree but perhaps there's still more to get into on that end. 

 

8 hours ago, integral said:

Its a mindset issue, the mindset of what you want a relationship to be.

Think of a relationship exactly like a good friendship and not a soul bond, complete me, make me whole halleluiah pursuit that is prone to overly high dependency. 

The good stuff is in the friendship and the intimacy that comes with it. 

2. Friendship develops when two people share intimacy through an intellectual, interest-based, or spiritual resonance in kind and degree through their lower left quadrants. The quality and depth of their friendship are determined by the alignment of their respective interior lines(cognitive, communicative, worldviews, values, moral, spiritual, etc.), as well as shared interests and hobbies. Friendship is often the pre-requisite for a woman to enter into a sexual relationship, while men tend to be more driven by their physical/sexual attraction in the right-hand quadrants that may (or may not) lead to friendship after sex. Vulnerability, truthfulness and honesty are vital factors for the development of mature friendships through intimacy, since integrity is the main ingredient for building trust.

I don't know if I agree. Friendships are fundamentally different from true relationships. Female-male childrearing is one of the truest alliances in this world, it's one of the only partnerships where your interests truly align. Most friendships are based on mutual benefit, companionship, and intimacy as you mentioned but those same people you don't really share a true purpose with. Your friends have different callings, businesses, purposes, etc then you so you're not really "together" in it apart from just being together in the game of life and having similar aspirations. Your woman is truly in business with you, you're gonna share genes/a bloodline and financially ally together. Even on things like finances your closest friends will most likely share a completely different reality than you whereas your partner will basically fuse with you on most aspects of life. 

Of course not in all ways and this can be fleeting in many regards but that is the core of the arrangement. 

[Lila9]

As long as we are living in a human body, which has needs like eating, sleeping, emotional needs and a natural tendecy to live with other humans, it's much much more easier to live your life with someone, having a close intimate relationship with someone.

No matter how spiritual you are, or advanced, it doesn't matter. If you are honest with yourself (and you are very honest here), your body craves intimacy like it craves food or sleeping.

Intimacy is healing. Close relationships reduce stress, addictions and other common mental issues like depression and anxiety. If people were nore intimate and loving with eachother, psychologists and psychiatrists would remain jobless. There's nothing wrong about willing to live your life with another fragment of God. 

It doesn't mean that being alone or single is bad if someone prefers that. But it's importent to understand that there's nothing more spiritual in being alone or having shallow relationships with the other sex only.

I also feel that people in spiritual circles misunderstand what detachment really is. Many think that dechament is not giving a fuck about the person and his/her needs, or they think that it's means to appear cold on the surface.

Real detachment is unconditional love.

Real detachment is detachment from a certain way you want someone to be or behave, real detachment is 100% acceptace of yourself and others as they are, as you are with all the virtues and defects.

Real detachment is being in flow and acceptance without the need of manipulate someone or control someone.

 

[NoSelfSelf]

@LordFall Im not saying you shouldnt have relationships i just wonder why would you need one, since inner work implies that you give yourself everything and then from that point without needing anyone you meet someone but you make it like its a must,mybe for women i dont think a man need a relationship hes enough for himself but choose to be in one...

 

[SamC]

@LordFall

The reason we feel empty Is because we feel alone and dissconected from our highest Self.

The highest self could be seen as the no self (feminity, unconditional love,) and " true self" ( masculinity, sense of direction, inteligence, values ect) becomeing one. That's what love is - masculinity and feminity together is CREATION. That's what the purpule area in the picture is and that's what you seek - love, Wholeness.  Funnly enough, you interpet the purpule as a representation for your hollowness.. notice how what you're afraid of, in a sense is the same thing you want. You're afraid of the hollow, because you belive you are stuck in that thing which keeps the masculine and feminine seperate, but in actuality - you are that thing which connects it. 

Many times we think getting " access " to the feminine on the outside will fullfill us but it won't. It will only mirror the relationship you have with the feminine on the inside. I would even go so for to say that if your feminity isn't allowed to love you on the inside, you will not feel the love on the outside.That's why a lot of guys feel like they can't get a girlfriend, becuase they only attract seperation and even if they get a girlfriend, they will still feel seperate from her. Love will not flow freely and the relationship will mirror all the ways you feel incomplete.

Psychadelics and family sytems therapy is in my opinion the best ways to do heal this. Other ways are meditation, shadow work, kriya yoga and contemplation.

Edited October 14, 2022 by SamC

[LordFall]

@SamC I think you're very right, thank you for sharing. I also think though that it's important to recognize and fulfill the needs of our physical selves. You and I are both mammals and not only is that not a bad thing, but it's also probably the biggest miracle ever accomplished. I don't know if you're making this mistake but I see it in a lot of spiritual people where they seek to transcend and ignore these so call materialistic needs. It's important to not be consumed by them but to try and think you can or would even would want to transcend them is insanity. 

Just like I don't see how you could evolve beyond the need to eat, shit, and piss I don't think you can get over your biological mating drive and however you would define the emotional/hormonal component that comes with it. 

What I meant to say with the purple is not that I'm afraid of it, I love it and I've worked hard to develop it. I feel the missing of that pink part, it is outside of me but I still don't feel complete without it. If I'm incarnated as a human straight male I don't see how I could feel complete without fulfilling my biological destiny and sharing my life and bloodline with a/many female(s). I feel like I've gotten a lot of the healing part down(perhaps not all but most) and now I'm ready to live as a consciously realized male and that purpose cannot be accomplished without females.

We might be spiritual beings but we also have the gift of being physical ones and I think many people involved in spirituality miss the beauty in this part. 

Curious what you think about this @Leo Gura, I feel like you agree with me. 

[Tron]

very few women will contribute to your life in a positive way outside of your blood. 

[LordFall]

3 minutes ago, Tron said:

very few women will contribute to your life in a positive way outside of your blood. 

Elaborate, I feel the opposite most women contribute to my life in a positive way. If anything that's how I feel about men. 

[SamC]

35 minutes ago, LordFall said:

@SamC I think you're very right, thank you for sharing. I also think though that it's important to recognize and fulfill the needs of our physical selves. You and I are both mammals and not only is that not a bad thing, but it's also probably the biggest miracle ever accomplished. I don't know if you're making this mistake but I see it in a lot of spiritual people where they seek to transcend and ignore these so call materialistic needs. It's important to not be consumed by them but to try and think you can or would even would want to transcend them is insanity. 

Just like I don't see how you could evolve beyond the need to eat, shit, and piss I don't think you can get over your biological mating drive and however you would define the emotional/hormonal component that comes with it. 

What I meant to say with the purple is not that I'm afraid of it, I love it and I've worked hard to develop it. I feel the missing of that pink part, it is outside of me but I still don't feel complete without it. If I'm incarnated as a human straight male I don't see how I could feel complete without fulfilling my biological destiny and sharing my life and bloodline with a/many female(s). I feel like I've gotten a lot of the healing part down(perhaps not all but most) and now I'm ready to live as a consciously realized male and that purpose cannot be accomplished without females.

We might be spiritual beings but we also have the gift of being physical ones and I think many people involved in spirituality miss the beauty in this part. 

Curious what you think about this @Leo Gura, I feel like you agree with me. 

@LordFall for sure! I´m a young dude myself that still has a lot to experience when it comes to having external relationships with the feminine - I´m in one right now. it´s super important that you are honest with what you want. If you want a lot of sex and feminine companionship, you should go for it. Just remember, the feminine outside can´t complete you. Of course, it can handle some of your needs but the healing will be found inside. When this full integration has been actualized you can then go on and celebrate that love and union with feminine on the outside.

what I meant with the purple analogy is that from what I understand you feel like you´ve come a long way and tried to integrate the feminine but still haven´t done it completely and all you want is your ex-girl and the femininity to feel completely whole. Notice how you experience that there is " You" trying to integrate it, instead of you just being it. The feminine will always " run " away when you try to constrain it by becoming it. The only way to get access to the feminine is to BE it. Trying to integrate it and set up a process for it so that it will integrate with another part will never work. But when I say this what will this lead to? it will lead to you thinking okay, I´m going to be aware of this and then do this instead so that I can integrate the feminine (Which is the whole " problem").  That´s what being afraid of yourself is... believing you have to be something else than what you are.  You don´t! And that´s why the feminine doesn´t want you to be any other way, because it is you!

Integrating the feminine is in other words about building deeper trust and surrender within yourself. You can´t become it, you can´t create something to be it, you can´t heal something - it just happens. Consciousness ( Being) alone is curative. The Feminity is the No self and the message it tries to give us is-  " you´re fine no matter what you do, stop trying to change yourself. Stop trying to change me - let me be free"

Edited October 14, 2022 by SamC

[Tron]

8 hours ago, LordFall said:

Elaborate, I feel the opposite most women contribute to my life in a positive way. If anything that's how I feel about men. 

me personally, my boys have always understood me and had my back. It's usually guys I can be my true self around.  Theres a few cool girls that I know, but it is what it is I guess