Why is cheating considered okay?

[Tyler Robinson]

Just now, Federico del pueblo said:

@Tyler Robinson I don't think most men believe that cheating is ok.

They know it's not ok, but some of them still do it, whilst many don't do it.

It's only ok if the guy is single or has a open relationship.

Everything else is bullshit.

If man really believe that it's ok to cheat on their gf in a monogamous relationship, then they're just using their minds capacity to create some kind of nonsensical belief system that helps them to not feel bad about cheating. That's all.

And btw, women do that too.

Well glad to know that you don't think that way.  What a relief. 

 

[Federico del pueblo]

1 minute ago, Tyler Robinson said:

Well glad to know that you don't think that way.  What a relief. 

It doesn't even enter my mind how other men could see it differently.

I know that there are some guys who will say things like "yeah, cheating is not good, but come on, it's still much more disgusting if a girl cheats on her guy than the other way around".

And I just think they are hypocritical, narcissistic, insecure and just plain dumb, fucked up guys. 

It should not even cross your mind to waste your time with any guy who says things of that nature.

[gettoefl]

every person has a different definition of cheating

it is a highly unhelpful word due to its ambiguous and hysterical connotations

at the start of relationship

write down that which you accept that which you don't accept and the consequences of breaches

and have the other do the same

 

[Federico del pueblo]

26 minutes ago, Tyler Robinson said:

If a woman whines about how a man cheated on her, she is bad because she wasn't open minded enough .. Blah blah blah. 

I don't even know where you could possibly meet guys who talk such horseshit?! Or is this stuff from some posts on the internet, because surely there's no limit as to how bizarre opinions, that you can find somewhere on the internet, can get.

So don't consume that stuff, these guys are more toxic than Chernobyl was one day after the atomic catastrophe.

 

[Tyler Robinson]

9 minutes ago, gettoefl said:

every person has a different definition of cheating

it is a highly unhelpful word due to its ambiguous and hysterical connotations

at the start of relationship

write down that which you accept that which you don't accept and the consequences of breaches

and have the other do the same

 

I just left the guy. Game over. 

I didn't give into his "be open minded" bullshit.. 

 

[gettoefl]

1 minute ago, Tyler Robinson said:

I just left the guy. Game over. 

I didn't give into his "be open minded" bullshit.. 

 

rookie error was you thought his standards would be the same as yours, next time set your stall at the beginning, live and learn

[Tyler Robinson]

8 minutes ago, Federico del pueblo said:

38 minutes ago, Tyler Robinson said:

If a woman whines about how a man cheated on her, she is bad because she wasn't open minded enough .. Blah blah blah. 

I don't even know where you could possibly meet guys who talk such horseshit?!

I can actually screenshot a text conversation right now to you to show you that even the noblest gentlest educated and respected men out there say those things. 

In fact the guys who have the clean cut image are the ones who are more notorious in making a woman believe that it's in her best interests to let him do what he wants. 

[Tyler Robinson]

3 minutes ago, gettoefl said:

rookie error was you thought his standards would be the same as yours, next time set your stall at the beginning, live and learn

Oh yes sir. You're right. Should have asked before.  But I thought it would be too much to ask right away. 

I like to keep it polite and simple in the beginning. I don't like to intimidate a man. 

And this was something I wasn't even planning to do. It happened by accident. 

 

[Ulax]

1 hour ago, Tyler Robinson said:

@Ulax by the way I asked "why is cheating considered okay?" I did not ask "why is cheating desirable for men?" 

 

I think the two go hand in hand. People tend to rationalise what they desire to be okay.

That said, I don't think its widely considered to be okay. Most people seem to condemn it.

[gettoefl]

4 minutes ago, Tyler Robinson said:

Oh yes sir. You're right. Should have asked before.  But I thought it would be too much to ask right away. 

I like to keep it polite and simple in the beginning. I don't like to intimidate a man. 

And this was something I wasn't even planning to do. It happened by accident. 

 

one person if not both of them needs to be mature assertive practical dispassionate and say to the other even after sleeping with them, these are my rules of engagement, i would appreciate any that you have

[no_name]

Omg! You need to stop being such a doormat low value chick… get the hell out of this forum, start learning about healthy relationships and healthy people, get rid of all the trash in your life that’s planting this garbage in your head.. build your self self esteem.. stop thinking about what some loser dude thinks about you and only think about whether that loser is worth your time.. don’t worry about asking “too intrusive” questions because you’re an absolute idiot if you don’t try to find out right away if the guy is full of crap or a decent human being.. and if some dude tries to tell you that “cheating is ok”, block his number and get the fuck out…you do understand there are dudes out there who think “beating a woman is ok” too, right? And many women believe them? Do you truly value yourself so little that you want to be around dudes like that? Why do you value yourself so little? Do you have nothing better to do with your life? 

Edited August 21, 2022 by no_name

[no_name]

4 hours ago, Tyler Robinson said:

Why so many men expect women to even provide room for cheating in a relationship? 

Why can't they understand that it's very unhealthy? A woman is deeply impacted by cheating. 

Why is it okay for a man to see multiple women when it's not okay if women do it. 

Omg what the f*** is this ???. I mean is this for real? Is this a troll post? It can’t be an actual person writing this ?

I mean this person said in my post that it is “cringe” for a women to expect a man to be a gentleman and pay for dates, but she thinks it’s ok for a guy to “expect women to provide room for cheating in a relationship”? Holy crap ????

Edited August 21, 2022 by no_name

[no_name]

4 minutes ago, Something Funny said:

@no_name excuse me, ms. stage yellow girl who doesn't  have time to waste on stupid arguments with kids and is only here to get usefull advise from mature people to work on her own issues. Why are you so toxic? 

What is the point of attacking her post right now out of the blue? 

Because petting her on her head won’t help her understand how extremely idiotic her thinking is. 

What do you care about what I post mr lashes out on everyone and is super bitter in the forum, can’t mind his own business, and then excuses himself and asks for forgiveness because he just woke up or is having a bad day?

Edited August 21, 2022 by no_name

[Tyler Robinson]

1 minute ago, no_name said:

Omg! You need to stop being such a doormat low value chick… get the hell out of this forum, start learning about healthy relationships and healthy people, get rid of all the trash in your life that’s planting this garbage in your head.. build your self self esteem.. stop thinking about what some loser dude thinks about you and only think about whether that loser is worth your time.. don’t worry about asking “too intrusive” questions because you’re an absolute idiot if you don’t try to find out right away if the guy is full of crap or a decent human being.. and if some dude tried to tell you that “cheating is ok”, block his number and get the fuck out…you do understand there are dudes out there who think “beating a woman is ok” too right and many women believe them? Do you truly value yourself so little that you want to be around dues like that?

I do value your opinion in this regard. 

I have low self esteem I agree. But the situation in my life seems to be much more beyond just low self esteem. 

I seem to be extremely confused while dealing with people.  It takes me an awful lot of time to figure out things. I like to give people as much space as possible and not jump to the worst conclusions about them. 

Part of the reason why I do this could be that I don't want to live in a 24/7 fearful state where I'm just thinking the absolute worst about people who are nice to me. 

You see this is a logistics problem. Most people are rude and could care less about someone's feelings, much less fall in love and maintain integrity. How many people do you think are really interested in spreading love in this world. You will see selfish assholes everywhere who wouldn't lose a single opportunity to slice you with a knife. 

I came from a broken family, a traumatized background, I always had to deal with the shittiest people, the worst kind, I had to deal with men who gave me death threats, the trailer trash types. It was difficult for me to meet half decent people. Because I came from poverty. 

I already got used to having the least expectations out of humans. 

With this backdrop, even people who were remotely polite to me appeared extremely pleasant and high value to me. Now I could have easily said no to them on petty things.  But I didn't have the luxury to simply turn guys away on a whim. I'm not a stunner in appearance and I never had a large volume of men to adore me. I had to make a pick out of the meagre bunch of men who took some interest in me.  Turning them away would mean that I would have to be alone and being alone, especially given my childhood wounds was simply too much to deal with. You don't have a hard time being alone when you come a healthy support because there's always someone to fall back on. But when you come from an abusive family, it's 10 times hard being alone, you want someone to give you that value and space that your family never provided you. 

So yea in some ways men made me feel confident. Some men who were nice made me feel good. It was a boost to my self esteem and a source of emotional support. 

I can't accept cheating even if my standards are fairly low.  

 

This guy is really good in terms of compatibility.  My second last guy was verbally abusive. 

In terms of all the guys I have dated, this guy is very polite and decent. So far no other abusive red flags. 

But he made being around other women seem okay. So I don't know what to do.. 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

@Something Funny it's ok if @no_nameattacks me. 

 

She is not trying to attack me exactly. She is just angry that I don't have strong boundaries, that I don't stand up for myself. 

 

I don't mind her being pissed at me.  

 

She is trying to show me tough love. She is concerned that I might get into trouble. 

 

That's okay. She is coming from a genuine place and I appreciate her criticism of me 

 

In fact i like people like her. They attack me for my own good. They care about me more than people who are nice and stab me in the back later. 

 

Honestly I'm tired of inauthentic fake people. 

 

I might get a Beating and I'll be happy to receive it if that person showed me genuine concern for my well being. 

 

Let her say what she wants. I'm not offended by it. 

[Tyler Robinson]

34 minutes ago, no_name said:

Omg what the f*** is this ???. I mean is this for real? Is this a troll post? It can’t be an actual person writing this ?

I mean this person said in my post that it is “cringe” for a women to expect a man to be a gentleman and pay for dates, but she thinks it’s ok for a guy to “expect women to provide room for cheating in a relationship”? Holy crap ????

I'm not saying it's ok. I'm asking why it's considered okay. 

I just want men to be more sensitive to how women feel. It seems a lot of men are too vague and flippant around this topic. I just want to know their mentality. And I want them to take it seriously. I want them to know that women are hurt by cheating, much more than they  realize. 

I want to know their underlying psychology.  

It's no longer about one man. I just see too many men making it look like it's okay to see multiple women. 

But I'm not okay to accept it. 

 

Edited August 21, 2022 by Tyler Robinson

[Scholar]

2 minutes ago, Tyler Robinson said:

This guy is really good in terms of compatibility.  My second last guy was verbally abusive. 

In terms of all the guys I have dated, this guy is very polite and decent. So far no other abusive red flags. 

But he made being around other women seem okay. So I don't know what to do.. 

You definitely need to work on your self-esteem issues and your inner wounds, as you described them. As long as you don't resolve them you will fall into codependencies with other people, and accept things in your life that you would not if you were of healthy mind and heart.

Maybe Emerald's work will resonate more with you, watch some of her videos and apply them:

https://www.youtube.com/c/TheDiamondNet/videos

 

And you also need to learn communication skills. If you like the person you are with, and they are making you feel uncomfortable like this, communicate and discuss that with them. It takes maturity to be able to communicate one's own desires and needs, and for a healthy relationship that kind of maturity is just paramount.

I have had relationships with very dysfunctional people, and I was able to heave them out of the depths of hell because I was able to interact with them in a mature way. You can be an example if you develope yourself, someone who can bring out the potential in people. It takes some level of distance and wisdom, but that is all this work is about.

If you are dependent though, it will be difficult to truly interact with people in a genuine and authentic way, simply because of fear. Your fear will stifle all love in your relationships.

[no_name]

7 minutes ago, Scholar said:

I have had relationships with very dysfunctional people, and I was able to heave them out of the depths of hell because I was able to interact with them in a mature way. You can be an example if you develope yourself, someone who can bring out the potential in people. It takes some level of distance and wisdom, but that is all this work is about.

This is a bad advice, you never want to be in relationship with someone whom you are hoping you'll be able to "fix". It takes an enormous amount of effort and years and decades to fix yourself, it is impossible to fix someone else if they are not willing to put that enormous amount of effort themselves, which most people won't do if they are in a comfortable relationship

[Scholar]

5 minutes ago, Tyler Robinson said:

I'm not saying it's ok. I'm asking why it's considered okay. 

I just want men to be more sensitive to how women feel. It seems a lot of men are too vague and flippant around this topic. I just want to know their mentality. And I want them to take it seriously. I want them to know that women are hurt by cheating, much more than they  realize. 

I want to know their underlying psychology.  

It's no longer about one man. I just see too many men making it look like it's okay to see multiple women. 

But I'm not okay to accept it. 

 

Not all men are accepting these things, but what you must understand is that we are living in a time of uncertainty and exploration. Norms have been challenged, the world has moved on, and social dynamics have been altered. All of this in an era of human self-indulgence. There are a lot of things happening, a lot of moving parts. And people are afraid, they are suffering, they are addicted. Their minds are struggling in these new environments.

And before we can develope the wisdom needed to navigate this new world, there will be a lot of suffering. A lot of fear, dogmatism, loneliness.

You haven been swept up by these forces, falling into fear yourself. Like the men who have a certain idea of what women are and want, you now have fallen into the same trap. You have an idea of men and what they deem to be okay and not okay.

What matters here are not your ideas, but your fear, your suffering. You have to recognize this and look inward, and mature. Once you do, the suffering of this world will be revealed to you, and you will understand perfectly well why men and women say and do the things they do. They are blind children, clawing for happiness, in a world in which their minds have been altered in ways so that what they seek cannot ever fullfill them.

 

A world which needs to take the next step, the step that you must take too. You have so much more potential than you think. You can not only be a person who has their own selfish desires fullfilled, you can be the one who inspires others. There is no other solution here, because that is our place on the earth. We must mature, that is the purpose of our suffering.

[Scholar]

2 minutes ago, no_name said:

This is a bad advice, you never want to be in relationship with someone whom you are hoping you'll be able to "fix". It takes an enormous amount of effort and years and decades to fix yourself, it is impossible to fix someone else if they are not willing to put that enormous amount of effort themselves, which most people won't do if they are in a comfortable relationship

Yes, what you propose is a bad idea. But that is not what I am proposing. And it actually is possible to influence others in tremendous ways, if one is capable of radiating genuine love. The way most people attempt to fix others has nothing to do with love. Most people are too stuck in their own suffering to help anyone. Like you for example, I can sense fear and suffering in you, that would makes you blind and ignorant to the suffering of others. Your mind does not allow you to be open-hearted, because it has to fear to protect itself from the suffering of this world.

And of course, wisdom is a requirement here, too. The idea of fixing someone is an idea stemming from the resistance towards what is. That is not Love.