Girlfriend won't let me watch porn...

[gettoefl]

2 minutes ago, integral said:

Woman want low quality animal sex to. its completely relative to there situation. 

i am talking of meaningful relationship not hookups or pickups

[zurew]

11 minutes ago, gettoefl said:

you do it since you don't relate effectively to the opposite sex, if you could relate properly you'd be having all that sex with them.

Thats an assumption. You can have sex and watch porn. Porn doesn't have to replace sex.

12 minutes ago, gettoefl said:

i am talking of meaningful relationship not hookups or pickups

Many people in a "meaningful relationship" want to have rough animal "low quality" sex. It totally depends on the person, what he/she likes.

[gettoefl]

2 minutes ago, zurew said:

Thats an assumption. You can have sex and watch porn. Porn doesn't have to replace sex.

Many people in a "meaningful relationship" want to have rough animal "low quality" sex. It totally depends on the person, what he/she likes.

you have only so many units of energy, you give it to the porn actor or you give it to your partner, trying to do both sounds like sloppy seconds

meaningful relationship means you give them the respect and decency they give to you ... it means reciprocity ... if they want something you try to meet their wants and if they don't - for example porn - then you abstain

[Devin]

1 hour ago, KH2 said:

Basically, Leo adviced something similiar of a concept in one of his videos about dealing with emotions (can't remember which one, he's got a lot of videos on that topic), and he's not even a tiny bit conservative LOL. "Observe the emotions, let them flow freely, resistance to emotions creates suffering" is basically what he said. SO BASICALLY, IGNORE THEM?

Think about it, noone on this planet really gives a fuck about how you feel. So why should you?

Tolle too, says something like just observe them and let them pass they're not you.

You should care in a way though, not letting them be used to make decisions though, they're usually something unprocessed in your subconscious mind poking out. Ignoring them sounds like resistance to me, the opposite of what Leo said

Edited August 10, 2022 by Devin

[Devin]

1 hour ago, JoeVolcano said:

This is interesting, because it sure sounds different to people when it's the other way around, doesn't it...

 ?‍♂️ 

Btw. I agree that porn doesn't need to have a place in every relationship. I guess it's just a matter of how it works out for any particular couple (or individuals in a couple). I can totally see the arguments from both sides. I think this can only be settled between the two of them, and they'll have to take the time and effort to work it out.

Many women don't mind too much that their man watches porn

I think if the woman was far enough along it wouldn't bother her, she seems in the middle of this and the former and likely won't get to a point where she wouldn't get bothered by it, he will probably out grow this though.

I'm sure many men especially on here wouldn't want to be with a woman that watches porn though. I don't think it has to do with sexism.

I'm monogamous but I actually wouldn't be hurt if I was cheated on either, so I don't think I'm a good litmus test. I love the idea of growing with someone through those relatively difficult things, most people have too much ego to deal with that much though.

Edited August 10, 2022 by Devin

[Raptorsin7]

@gettoefl Yeah, totally agree.

No quality girl is going to be okay with a man who's content with a porn habit.

At best they will hold their tongue and hope you change your stance in the future.

 

[zurew]

58 minutes ago, gettoefl said:

you have only so many units of energy, you give it to the porn actor or you give it to your partner, trying to do both sounds like sloppy seconds

This assumes that your partner have the same libido as you. Even assuming that, you further have to assume that you are both home all the time waiting around to have sex. Realistically this almost never happens.

Unless you want to talk about a "relationship" where you have a fucking harem at home with 20 chicks waiting around to have sex with you, a man with a high libido will always have the energy to fap regardless how much sex he has with a single partner.

 

58 minutes ago, gettoefl said:

meaningful relationship means you give them the respect and decency they give to you ... it means reciprocity ... if they want something you try to meet their wants and if they don't - for example porn - then you abstain

They can be okay with porn, or they could even like porn.

 

guys, don't use the word 'conscious' or 'quality' when you have a subjective opinion about something. Just because you use that word, your opinion won't automatically become a 'conscious' or a 'quality' take.

Edited August 10, 2022 by zurew

[Carl-Richard]

1 hour ago, KH2 said:

If you hold your shit, your body will either force you to shit all over the floor,

That is what a wet dream is.

 

1 hour ago, KH2 said:

You can also survive if your feefees get hurt.

Basically, anything that doesn't kill you, should be ignored.

Why are you afraid of your feelings?

[Guest Nilsi]

1 hour ago, KH2 said:

After 5,5 years of trying to first quit completely, then do it "moderately", I can finally say I've quit for good, and I overall feel better, confident in my skin, and a lot more "wholesome".

I know this might sound like a longshot to say this type of idea here, and too closeminded and conservative way to look at things (especially here), but I honestly think this whole "just experience pleasure, feel into it" philosophy is closely related to "your feelings matter, be vulnerable, don't supress emotions" bs. Personally, when I just ignore both my pleasure AND my emotions, AND on top of that do what needs to be done, I ironically end up feeling better in the longterm anyway.

Do you have sex regularly? If not I would urge you to reconsider what you're doing. I went for 3 months + without ejaculating a couple years ago, and it's just a terrible idea. I completely repressed that part of myself and it took me quite a while to find a healthy relationship to sexuality again.

I think these semen retention "benefits" are mostly bogus. It's just a short-term high from all that testosterone that is building up in you, which is just your body urging you to fuck. At this point it is kind of public knowledge, that your testosterone spikes at 7 days without ejaculation and then just goes back to baseline. I wouldn't be surprised if in the long run you would completely mess up your hormones and sexual functions with this nonsense, since your body will just think you won't need it anymore.

Same story with repressing your emotions - bad idea!

[Devin]

56 minutes ago, Nilsi said:

Do you have sex regularly? If not I would urge you to reconsider what you're doing. I went for 3 months + without ejaculating a couple years ago, and it's just a terrible idea. I completely repressed that part of myself and it took me quite a while to find a healthy relationship to sexuality again.

I think these semen retention "benefits" are mostly bogus. It's just a short-term high from all that testosterone that is building up in you, which is just your body urging you to fuck. At this point it is kind of public knowledge, that your testosterone spikes at 7 days without ejaculation and then just goes back to baseline. I wouldn't be surprised if in the long run you would completely mess up your hormones and sexual functions with this nonsense, since your body will just think you won't need it anymore.

Same story with repressing your emotions - bad idea!

I don't see where anyone is recommending semen retention here, porn and masturbation don't have to go hand in hand ?

[Carl-Richard]

29 minutes ago, KH2 said:

Shitting is also a purely biological function, whereas jerking off has became this complex cesspool of porn ideas and programming, addiction to dopamine spikes, various kinds of psychological conditioning from the enviroment/society, AND the basic biological function of procreation/getting rid of your semen.

Jerking off and porn has existed since the dawn of time. The information age is just an amplifier, which is a more general problem that needs to be addressed (e.g. through ways of increasing general resilience like physical exercise, spirituality, meaning etc.). However, completely shutting down your sexuality is not the answer. Internet porn is not the only source of hyper-salient stimuli in your life. You're fixating on sexuality for some other reason (unless you're actually living in a cave).

[Tyler Robinson]

@KH2 I mean you could still do porn and keep it in moderation. You don't need to be a porn maniac.. 

[Guest Nilsi]

1 minute ago, KH2 said:

I don't understand this moderation argument. Is it that hard to not touch your dick? Is it that hard to not drink?

I get where you're coming from because I used to think like this as well. Let me just tell you from my own experience, that this is not sustainable and will result in a pathological relationship to your sexuality. Take it for what it's worth.

[Tyler Robinson]

1 minute ago, KH2 said:

 

I don't understand this moderation argument. Is it that hard to not touch your dick? Is it that hard to not drink?

You offer very reasonable arguments but I think this statement is straight out of fantasy. Most people are not good at self control. It's a tough. The urge for sex or drinking is quite strong. Unless you have some hormonal problem going on, I'm sure you would have periods where you really crave it. Suppression of sexual desires is not healthy either. 

[zurew]

7 minutes ago, Tyler Robinson said:

Suppression of sexual desires is not healthy either.

And it takes a lot of mental power to repress sexual desires everyday. I might argue that watching porn 1-2 times a week take a lot less mental power from you compared to repressing your sexual desires every day, 7 times a week.

 

Also, when you are super horny, thats where you make the worst decisions in your life.

Edited August 10, 2022 by zurew

[Tyler Robinson]

Just now, zurew said:

And it takes a lot of mental power to repress sexual desires everyday. I might argue that watching porn 1-2 times a week take a lot less mental power from you compared to repressing your sexual desires every day, 7 times a week

Yea exactly. It just seems odd to even suppress something that is naturally arising. Feels like going against nature. Well it might have some health benefits like not losing physical energy or protein from your body, I think the mental harm caused by suppressing desires outweighs any benefits that people boast about. It's almost like mental torture, one might get used to it after a while, but long term suppression might even lead to deviant sexual behavior. 

[Carl-Richard]

2 minutes ago, KH2 said:

I'm not shutting it down, I'm using to to motivate me towards approaching women, and gaining new sexual experiences. I think that's rather healthy.

And, like I've already mentioned, it auto regulates anyway.

Ok. Try this: notice if you feel more or less uptight when talking to women while being on 2+ weeks of nofap vs. having masturbated the day before (granted you're regularly masturbating, not straight after ending a month-long streak).

Your hand is an auto-regulation mechanism

[Carl-Richard]

5 minutes ago, KH2 said:

Tbh, I feel relaxed with chicks, when I'm regurarly socializing with people. Whether I masturbate or not, makes no difference - I'm just more motivated.

You don't notice a dip in sexual urges after 2 weeks?

[Guest Nilsi]

16 minutes ago, KH2 said:

I actually like the craving, I prefer it over feeling nothing. Similiar during sex, masturbation, eating a cookie or whatever, I always liked the process a lot more than the finish. I actually prefer that horny/testosterony feeling, makes me perfmorm better when exercising for example.

If you really love your semen so much, you could at least give some form of tantric sex a shot. You could check out Mantak Chias book called "The multi-orgasmic Man" or David Deidas "The enlightened Sex Manual." If you're worried about your time, this would give you your spiritual practice and your sexual expression as a package deal + you won't have to spill your juice. For me personally, the energy that builds up from this gets unbearable rather quickly, so I'm not that into it, but maybe you'll enjoy it.

[Tyler Robinson]

14 minutes ago, KH2 said:

I think lows and highs in sexual interest are fairly common amongst all men, masturbators and non masturbators. You can't really predict the exact time and date when your sexual interest dips.

I'm not really worried about this anyway, because body knows the best how to regulate hormones properly.

I can tell you're the kind of guy who does a lot of work out.