Raptorsin7

First Vipassana Retreat Report

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Posted (edited)

Okay so i'm going to share my experience going on my first Vipassana retreat. Overall it was an incredible and challenging experience. It was my first retreat, and it really makes me appreciate the value of getting out of your normal routine and spending prolonged time in isolation with a spiritual intent.

Day 0:

So the first day was just orientation and registration, followed by a meditation and discourse video at night. I came in ready to go and was really eager to throw myself into the meditation and just get as many hours meditating as I could because this was my first ever retreat.

The first night was the hardest for me by far. I had 2 roommates and I am the kind of person who likes their privacy so I was disappointed that I had to share a room. I went into the retreat saying no matter what I would not quit, but the first night I literally mentally quit. I had such a bad migraine and nothing could relieve it, and i couldn't sleep because my roommates were snoring and breathing loudly. I made the decision mentally that I was going to call my parents in the morning to pick me up, it was a shock that I folded so easily but I still figured I learned something and maybe I'll come back in the future.

I realized during the first night how much my mom loves me, and I felt that a lot of my issues in life were related to not feeling in lovAfe with my mom anymore. I know as a kid I did love her, but then something shifted and that was on my mind. When I thought of this I would feel like crying, but I didn't want to disturb my roomates so I couldn't let it out, but the tears actually did help my headache a lot which was interesting.

Day 1-3

Okay, so I woke up on day 1 feeling a lot better. I managed a few hours of sleep, and I resolved not to quit while I was feeling better. I immediately went outside to get some fresh air and I found just walking in nature was good for my mood. I was pretty lazy the first day meditating, I spent a lot of the optional meditation times just sleeping in my room instead of meditating, but I was mainly focused on surviving and not aggrovating my head ache or anything.

The main issue I was facing the first few days was an upset stomach. I kept feeling the urge to fart, and I was worried I'd like shit my pants during the meditations sometimes, so I was in this constant battle with myself during the meditations.

By day 2 I realized I wasn't going to quit, so I began to dedicate myself to the meditation. We were just focusing on the breathe and I could feel my concentration growing and I was beginning to settle into the retreat.

Over these first few days I felt incredible purging happening. I was having all sorts of insane and crazy thoughts in my head all day, but I was also beginning to feel much more peaceful and equanimious. I was actually feeling a stronger urge to cry at night which was huge for me, and I began to develop more peace with my stomach sensations and I wasn't as concerned about farting or anything. The whole practice of equanimity was really helping here and I could feel the benefit.

Day 4-6

So day 4 we learend Vipassana. The first sit was so excruciating. I couldn't believe how slow he wanted use to scan our bodies, and I could feel so much energy building as my body was shaking as I did it. But after that first sit I felt incredible going outside. I had a psychidelic glow to me perception, and I was so ecstatic with how the retreat was going. At this point I was way more dedicated to the meditations and I could see the fruit of my growth.

I almost achieved a perfect sync of energy flow in the body on day 4 and at this point I thought I was going to be enlightened or something by the 10th day. 

I had an incredible insight into relationships on day 4 as well. I could feel a burning in the tip of my penis, and I was a bit anxious about it lol. But as I felt into the tip of the penis pain I just sat with it with equanimty and I could feel it start to heal and feel better. Then i got a huge flood of insight into relationships, about how I am too attached to the idea of monogamy, and that there is truth in polyamory. I also realized that what's an acceptable relationship is based on societal standards and so I should not be so attached to any one type. I felt my mind open and become much more tolerant, and I am now much more open to the idea of polyamory and being with many partners. 

I was also thinking of Alexander the great. He had many wives and lovers, and I think he had a lover relationship with one of his male friends. I don't know if I want to be homosexual, but I definitely see the value of having loving male friends in your life, and before I would have considered that gay and unacceptable.

At this point I was on a complete high. I had all these quotes about me being a god going through my head, and this was the peak of the retreat for me. 

There's a quote: When Alexander travelled the desert auricle of siwa, the priests welcomed him as son of Amuim king of the gods. I had that thought running in my head, I felt like a demi god and it was awesome. 

From day 4-6 I was practicing a lot and making some progress, but I began to get frustrated too. I found myself striving for the experience I had on day 4, and so my meditations began to get worse. 

Day 7-9

Oh I forgot to mention my retreat got covid. So we lost about half the people to covid. By this point my two roommates had already quit, so I was lucky that I had the full room to myself.

I also developed a crush on a girl in the female side of the meditation hall. She was glowing and it was the first time I had seen a high conscious woman in person like that and it was really captivating for me. I think I gave off a strong energy while there because I had a few woman who kept looking at me, and I was pretty good during the strong determination sits so maybe that helped make me look better idk.

But when covid hit I saw her leaving and I was pretty crushed. Then i saw she left with a guy form the retreat haha so maybe it was her boyfriend. It was a good lesson in attachment and it was a cool sobering reality check, because at that point I was on a pretty big high.

By day 7 I had stopped making progress with my meditations. I had hit a wall, but I still felt that the retreat was such a win for me that I didn't mind. At this point I eased up a lot with my focus during the sits and I began to make plans for when I came home.

I was thinking of travelling a lot and how much I wanted a relationship. And I was thinking about how I want to ask my parents to give me part of my inheritance now as a trust fund so I can travel and have more freedom and autonomy.

By day 7 I was so comfortable on the retreat. There was no chance of me leaving and I began to appreciate the time I had left, but was also looking forward to going home.

Day 10

Day 10 we could finally talk. It was amazing how fast the energy changed once we could talk. I met some incredible people on the retreat, it was so fully of laughter and joy speaking with everyone. I felt a real connection with a bunch the guys I met there, and it was so awesome to just talk, listen to people's stories and learn from everyone. My group had a great bond between everyone so it made the last day very fun and awesome to experience.

Okay so that was pretty long. I have so much to say, and there's definitely some stuff I left out.

If you have any questions feel free to ask and I can go into depth about any part of my retreat.

Edited by Raptorsin7

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Such an amazing milestone dude. Amazing report. ❤️

How do you think this will impact your daily practice? Has it shifted your perspective on how you view meditation? 

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Awesome stuff man! Sounds like you’re in a better place these days. I’m looking to do my first formal retreat on my next vacation time opening 


Dissecting Leo Gura’s Take on Solipsism (Direct Communication to Followers of Actualized.org)
https://youtu.be/NVkxzKCfvOs

 

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Really enjoyed reading that. Really looking forward to trying this myself now. Sounds like a very valuable experience ^_^

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Thanks everyone. Yeah this was one of the best experiences of my entire life.

On 8/2/2022 at 8:55 PM, Consilience said:

Such an amazing milestone dude. Amazing report. ❤️

How do you think this will impact your daily practice? Has it shifted your perspective on how you view meditation? 

I have regressed from the discipline I had on the retreat. And i'm not planning on pursuing Vipassana, but I learned something called Sahaja Yoga from @Shambhu a while ago, and I feel like that will be my meditation path.

This has made me realize how powerful sober practice can be, but it requires much more than I thought before. Morality, extended hours, etc are all essential. 

I think i'm going need to spend more time on retreats in the near future, I really like being thrown into the fire and especially because I know I can do it now.

There's a Christian hermitage an hour from my house and they let you book a cabin and you can do your own spiritual practice there. I think that's the next step for me. I find it really hard to keep up disciplined practice living at home.

Overall I feel like I've evolved to another level since the retreat, but at the same time I feel like I have to keep the fire lit otherwise I'll regress more and more.

I have so many other thoughts about meditation, but i'll go on for too long.

I think people who dismiss the power of meditation are very deluded, but at the same time I feel like something was missing from the retreat. I have a strong intuition that Buddhism/Vipassana is not a complete path, but at the same time that retreat was a life changing experience for me and I am so happy that those places exist. I'm very conflicted about my path moving forward tbh, but still i'm very happy with how things are unfolding.

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Posted (edited)

💙

Great report. Hopefully going myself next month. 
 

would be good to hear you elaborate on the meditation insights you said you’d just end up going on with 

Edited by B222

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Nice!

On 8/2/2022 at 6:48 PM, Raptorsin7 said:

Day 4-6

So day 4 we learend Vipassana. The first sit was so excruciating. I couldn't believe how slow he wanted use to scan our bodies

Hahahaha, I know that. The single worst meditation session on these 10-day retreats, at least for me lol :D


You don't have to like everyone. You just have to love them.

Check out my journal. Recognize Yourself! ☀️

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On 8/6/2022 at 1:09 PM, B222 said:

would be good to hear you elaborate on the meditation insights you said you’d just end up going on with 

What do you mean by this? I don't know how to respond, are you talking about the insights into meditation I had before the retreat?

 

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Nice report man.

I just completed my first 10 day course, I agree that it's one the best experiences of my life. Day 10 is such a lovely day, it's amazing that even though you don't talk to the other meditators the whole time, once you do, there is such a genuine feeling of closeness to them. 

How have you been feeling after the course? 

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Congrats dude! Nice to read your report.

Was this your first retreat? I want to do a 10 day vipassana as well but not sure if I should start there or do a shorter one.


The game of survival cannot be won. 

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@King Merk Yeah this was my first retreat, but I feel like I've been serious about the path for 3 years now. 

I don't think I could have completed it without a lot of the work I've done these past few years, but also I feel like I'm a lot more immature and mentally weaker than most people from my background so it kinda balances I guess.

I definitely think doing a short retreat can be a good way to get your feet wet. Maybe a 1-3 day retreat. But also if you feel up for it, jumping into a 10 day can be incredible too 

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On 8/13/2022 at 8:26 PM, Pateedm said:

Nice report man.

I just completed my first 10 day course, I agree that it's one the best experiences of my life. Day 10 is such a lovely day, it's amazing that even though you don't talk to the other meditators the whole time, once you do, there is such a genuine feeling of closeness to them. 

How have you been feeling after the course? 

I'm two weeks off the course, and in most ways i've regressed to my poor habits. But I also did not continue with the 1 hour in the morning/night so i'm sure that's a big part of it.

But it's had a lasting impact on me in other ways. I'm going to do another retreat in the next few months, and I've already made some moves in my life in a positive direction.

I'm going to Sadhguru's ashram in Tenessee to learn shambhavi mudra and then i'm going to be travelling to Europe for a few months to just wander, explore, contemplate.

 

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@Raptorsin7 Sounds awesome man!

I definitely noticed as well, nothings gonna compare to the environment of a retreat. You're basically a full on monk for those 10 days, I have found it much harder to meditate when its just me at home, surrounded by distractions. Like, without my phone on the retreat, I did not care at all, but once I'm at home and I have the capacity to use my phone, I just use it. Honestly feels like the addiction is on the same level as a crack addict.

Are you planning on doing another Goenka retreat?

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