Celibacy. Balance. And The Best Life.

[Martin123]

@eskwire trust me, monastery is the pussy way out. If you truly resonate with it then by all means go. But there is a reason why life is so diverse rich and beautiful.

Why there is fun, joy, excitement.

Sex, food, music, arts.

Relationships, communities, culture.

 

All these things are the expression of "your" infinite nature. After all you are limitless, then why limit the limitless into the monastery.

[eskwire]

@Inglorious It sounds crazier than it is. I love it. My friends and family lay on it for brief periods because they like what it does for their backs. If you're curious about it, you can start with just sleeping on the floor for a few nights. 

[eskwire]

@Martin123 It was just something I've thought about from time to time. I don't have a calling or anything. I love to work and do business or administrative type activity and wouldn't want to give that up, but some of the monk type lifestyle choices seem like they have merits worth integrating. 

[sweater]

@eskwire Pillow? No pillow? Lo

[Martin123]

@eskwire This calling you speak of can easily be awakened as you progress. Your sole existence in this world at this time is a proof a desire for some sort of creative action. Be it family or business or book or a garden.

Creativity is the most inherent human quality. There is a creative intent behind everyone's existence.

[eskwire]

3 minutes ago, Martin123 said:

@eskwire This calling you speak of can easily be awakened as you progress. Your sole existence in this world at this time is a proof a desire for some sort of creative action. Be it family or business or book or a garden.

Creativity is the most inherent human quality. There is a creative intent behind everyone's existence.

Meant that I don't have a calling toward a monastery but yes, you said that very nicely. 

[eskwire]

7 minutes ago, Inglorious said:

@eskwire Pillow? No pillow? Lo

Hehe up to you! I would like to ditch the pillow because I prefer not having one while laying on my back but once you turn on your side...whole new ballgame. ?

[sweater]

10 hours ago, eskwire said:

once you turn on your side...whole new ballgame. ?

????

[Peace and Love]

@eskwire

On 2/5/2017 at 4:16 PM, eskwire said:

I am considering celibacy, permanently. If you have any personal experience, advice, reading, or clues into the following questions, that would be much appreciated.

• What clues are there to know if celibacy is the right choice for you?
• What about temporary celibacy, intended to be broken at a certain point in time? Such as, after so many years or after certain goals are met.
• Is considering celibacy at all, permanent or temporary, too cut and dry?
• What clues are there to know you can handle the vicissitudes of romantic impermanence and challenge without significant damage or wasted time? 

I am considering this because the fundamentally unfulfilling nature of romantic love has become more than viscerally clear at this point. To me, getting involved in the future with anyone seems like a dangerous gamble not worth taking. The cost-benefit ratio, opportunity cost, and risk shut the whole thing down for me.  

Of course, if I am simply operating from a place of fear, I would like to know that and face it. 

Thoughts appreciated!

I just want you to know that there is certainly nothing wrong with being celibate but there is also nothing wrong with being in an intimate sexual relationship either.  What matters most is your thoughts and feelings behind what you are doing/actions.

And besides you said the f word........FEAR!   Which lets me know that you might have some type of childhood vow or experience that has led you to believe that relationships are not worth pursuing.   I think it's pretty common for many when pursuing enlightenment and consciousness work to think relationships are a waste of time.   They can be time wasters and unfulfilling if your mind is not in the right place.  The TRUTH is you don't need anyone to complete you.  But we also need BALANCE, and relationships can be GREAT personal development growth when applied correctly!  Although we need to be comfortable being alone and with ourselves and I'm pretty sure Absolute Infinity/God/Nothingness did not put us here to be completely alone and not interacting with other people.   Also keep in mind there absolutely nothing wrong with not getting married or having kids at all.  Everyone is different and has their own path to take.

All healthy committed relationships start from a place of self love.    And any time you have issues in a relationship you look within to find answers.  Because when you change yourself and your perspective the world changes around you.  And what about Non-duality relationships?  I see relationships as a way to expand my spiritual growth.  And for some people it may be apart of their life purpose.

I have come across some great reading and studying material when it comes to relationship stuff that you may want to look it.
Here's a book  you may want to look at, that I'm currently reading right now:

Spiritual Partnership - The Journey to Authentic Power, by Gary Zukav

This books goes along with a lot of the stuff Leo teaches here on this site about consciousness and sage work.  It think it will resonate with you.

http://shiningworld.com/site/shop/index.php?route=product/product&path=18&product_id=133

 

I also LOVE this video.  I wish I had seen this video when I was a lot younger.  This is what a healthy relationship looks like!

I also want you to know I really understand where you are coming from.  I have not been in a long term committed relationship in almost 10 years now. In my last relationship my ex-boy friend raped me and I had 3 months of vaginal bruising. He stalked me and I had to put a 6 month restraining order and leave the city where I lived to be safe.  Then  a year later I got involved with adult entertainment for 6  years.  I left the industry after a near death experience from being drugged in a bar.  I also left the industry feeling that men were evil, horrible creatures, that were out to get me and that I wasn't good enough to be in a relationship. I became very insecure about my body and my looks.  I did a lot of therapy, reading, and spiritual work to be where I am now. I've learned that you attract what you are.   If you love yourself, you will attract someone that loves you too.  

I know healthy good relationships exist.  My dad recently passed away in Oct. of 2016.  My parents were married 40 years, and my dad was abusive to my mother and I.  My mom healed and realized her self worth and soon after met a guy at a grocery store in Dec. 2016. They have been dating and inseparable ever since.  They are madly in love with each other, and are planning to get married.  We are expecting a proposal on valentines day.   I know if my mom can find somebody that easily, I know that I can and so can anyone else as long as they love themselves. 

Good luck on your journey, whatever path you may take!



 

[Colin]

@Peace and Love dear god peace and love, I just want to give you a hug.

 

[Colin]

@Peace and Love

 

[Peace and Love]

@Colin

1 minute ago, Colin said:

@Peace and Love

 

Thanks for sharing all these helpful quotes and videos.  I am a 1000000 times better than I was two years ago when I came home after being drugged.  I LOVE myself, and I know there are some great men out there!   It's just that prince charming hasn't found me yet! lol.

[Colin]

OK good good, I just had this outpouring of empathy when I read your story, because I know how helpful and nice you have been to me on this forum.

[Colin]

@Peace and Love OK good good, I just had this outpouring of empathy when I read your story, because I know how helpful and nice you have been to me on this forum.

[eskwire]

@Peace and Love Bless you for taking the time to share your resources and story with me! Thank you.

I am excited to take this year to myself and only allow friendships at this time. You are right that you attract what you are and, right now, I'm changing rapidly. I don't want to attract who I am today because that's not where I'll be very soon!

As to fear, I'm still not sure if it's fear that made me consider this. If it is, it is probably a fear of myself not being able to stay aware and make good decisions re: relationships while it's happening.

Thank you again! Excited to check out that video. Healthy examples are KEY.

[Arion]

@Peace and Love Hi, I deeply empathize without what your experience in life has been...but it's great to see that you've became a better person from it

Keep doing what your doing! 

As for me, I am a 20 y/o male, but choose celibacy as I have experienced how porn use and masturbation warps the male mind.

Also, I guess I had bad experiences with women, but I trust that there are great women out there;

Celibacy for me is -an  experiment to 'swim upwards'.....sexual energy for a man usually flows downwards...by downwards i mean short term lustfulness with the the urge to ejaculate - this is great for nature and the continuation of a species, but there sa certain thing that happen during with true abstinence- just read the reports of nofap persons who have been successful.

I , as said before have experience s what lust feels like.....in a bad way, through porn use etc..I've enjoyed seeing rough sex etc, and sure this can be something beautiful for an intimate couple, but for porn watchers it just trains us to like violence and humiliation .

I have found it brings more peace, and is wholesome to see female from a point of reverence , rather than lust.

Lust may be okay in an intimate relationship; this isn't my assumption, as I haven't reached there yet

This view on sexuality is Bramacharya, an ancient Hindu practice...there's a guy by the name of Stuart sovatsky who publishes work and insight on this philosophy of sacredness sexuality.

It is difficult to maintain long term, but each failure and effort carries me further and further in.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Principium Nexus]

@eskwire Is celibacy still working out for you?

[Spiral]

Try it you really want to get into spirituality "hard core" style, but it might be a bigger sacrifice then you intended original if you ever change your mind.

[Principium Nexus]

@Spiral Was this message for me or somebody else? I practice nofap time to time and see clear results, but I cannot imagine to do it for a very long period (more than a month). If you have no partner then okay, but in a relationship? 

[Spiral]

36 minutes ago, Principium Nexus said:

@Spiral Was this message for me or somebody else? I practice nofap time to time and see clear results, but I cannot imagine to do it for a very long period (more than a month). If you have no partner then okay, but in a relationship? 

It was was a general statement but primarily for eskwire.

 As per your question regarding nofap and celibacy: If your only goal is spiritual insight avoiding "distractions" like partners, kids and sex is beneficial as the distract you from you goal.We are talking really hard core search here, you might as well be in a temple mediating etc for 15h/day every day for years.

If you want a more balanced life, which is what I would recommend then go ahead, I don't restrain myself from relationships or sex within them, but i do avoid a pleasure oriented life style in the areas were I find it resonable. 

noFap has it's special effects that I consider separate from other spiritual practices, I would recommend a balanced approach, say once a week, if the need goes away great if it does not that fine too. Stopping permanently is really difficult and a long up hill battle what is barely worth it as it also is distracting from the rest of your life.