I have anger issues that is morphing into hatred

[somegirl]

22 hours ago, soos_mite_ah said:

First, it's important to understand why you feel angry, what's triggering it, and to what extent does it make sense. Then, after identifying that,  you could decide to further go into yourself if it's a personal issue that is being triggered by past traumas or experiences, or you can go more externally where you set boundaries with the people disrespecting you.

Yep, will for sure look into it more, but for now I'm just writing what I think is happening.

I think it definitely is past situations and "traumas" that happened in my crucial years od developing as a person, unfortunately...

22 hours ago, soos_mite_ah said:

It's important to do the later during a time when you have gotten a chance to calm down or do it preemptively (i.e. instead of getting annoyed and angry over time, let someone know something is bothering you the first time it happens instead of waiting for the second or third time when you really get pissed off).

Yeah I figured this is a bad idea, to let things build up over time. For sure.

22 hours ago, soos_mite_ah said:

When you're having this conversation with someone, it's best to not assume ill will right off the bat. Instead of focussing on accusing someone, focus on how you feel about the situation and relize this is one way of looking at it. Sometimes people do things that can look disrespectful without meaning to do hurt anyone so it's important to go into these conversations with a calm and open mind.

Oh yeah... I sometimes assume ill will from the get go. Sometimes. Gotta give people the benefit of the doubt. I would feel better and less tense.

22 hours ago, soos_mite_ah said:

Then set the boundary. Depending on how the conversation goes, this can go one of two ways. One way is that yall collaborate and find ways to understand each other and come up with a solution, or another way is that this person gets offended and starts getting combative. If it's the later, you know this person is doing this intentionally and that's even more of a reason to have some strong boundaries and maybe even distance youself from this person if it is an option. If it's the former, well you still get your boundaries because the other person is respecting them. 

Yep. When someone is being defensive after me telling my concerns or something that is bothering me, that's a big no no.

22 hours ago, soos_mite_ah said:

Since a lot of how people deal with conflict and anger has to do with the situation, I think it would be really helpful if you included some examples of situations that are causing anger issues or just your history with dealing with anger.

I have written couple of examples while replying to your message now. Regarding feeling stupid and all.

So a brief list:

-when someone is disrespectful towards me

-when someone tries to make me feel small and like they are better than me (rolling of the eyes, correcting my grammar etc). God if I ever catch someone rolling their eyes on me, it's critical lol. 

-when someone tries to make me feel stupid or uneducated. Huge trigger of mine.

-when someone's not having integrity. When they are not actually implementing stuff I asked of them to do or change (so so so crucial for me). This is synonymous to respecting someone, in my opinion.

-when someone is not respecting the deal we made

[somegirl]

19 hours ago, Eph75 said:

It also does not mean engaging in the anger that involves acting out of aggression, which would be destructive.

Destructive for two reasons, it births negative side effects in the external world, and, it creates a pattern of more easily channeling anger into agression, every time we allow it to. 

Oh, I see. Interesting..

19 hours ago, Eph75 said:

Our brain builds patterns, it's like a muscle flexing, getting stronger with the type of practice we do, building stronger neural pathways that create strong behaviors that we default to, more easily and quicker, without being able to interact with ourselves inbetween the impulse and a knee-jerk response.

Got it, it makes sense.

19 hours ago, Eph75 said:

That's the first thing that we want to do, to work on creating time/space between the anger impulse and our response, in which we can rationally reason with ourselves to make sense of what's going on. 

And, based on that reasoning, we can choose the most constructive response that we can come up with. 

If I'm understanding you correctly, you're suggesting I pause for a second during the times of anger and while anger impulse is triggered, before my response?

If so, I have tried in the past. But every time I try to slow down, man, anger is just such a tricky emotion. I just get carried away.

Though I can like REALLY try, maybe have post-it notes or do tapping method and affirm stuff like "I'm aware of my emotions and I take control over them, not the other way around".

CBT, I think I have read about it before but I forgot. If it's not overly complicated, I will try that as well. Thanks. 

 

[somegirl]

19 hours ago, Eph75 said:

Let's make a distinction between anger and anger. 

There's anger that wants you to take external world action, and this is about someone infringing on you as a person, overstepping your personal boundaries (psysically or mentally), and is calling our for you to establish (or reaffirm) those outward boundaries, so that you maintain (or build-up) your self-worth, self-esteem, and so on.

Action: Let others know they've overstepped your boundaries. 

And then there is anger that is a product of an underlying emotional impulse, where feelings are layered, much like an union, and where the outermost layer is experienced, as anger. 

Action: Introspection. 

Oh wow, thanks for putting it this way, makes things much more clear for me to figure out which "category" I'm in. 

19 hours ago, Eph75 said:

Some people are hypersensitive with very dysfunctional boundaries, flying off the walls for everything that happens,

Loll.

I don't know if I'm like this. I feel like sometimes I am. 

Like I get angry when someone is correcting my grammar for example. Or when I make mistake while speaking. It triggers in me a belief (that I think I have) of being stupid and serves as evidence to me that "This is why you're not good enough".

Just one example. I have made a smal list of things that trigger me as a response to @soos_mite_ah .

19 hours ago, Eph75 said:

Others have let's people infringe on their personal space to such a degree that there's little sense of self left, with resulting low self-esteem and self-worth. People-pleasers and yes-sayers that disregard their own needs are in this risk group. 

I was once like this but now I swung to the other side of the pendulum. I'm maybe even too reactive.  I have such a low tolerance towards people who dare even think of going that root or disrespect me in any way.

Though what I view as disrespectful is not so clear to me. Though I can guess - a lot of things. Sometime going overboard with it.

19 hours ago, Eph75 said:

If we reach such a point that we focus internally, to create time inbetween our impulses and our responses, we can examine our triggers, choose differently, having more constructive responses, and as a result we create change. 

We change ourselves, how we function internally, and how we manage to interact with what's external to us.

A side-effect from this is that it also changes other's responses to our behaviors (cause and effect), which interestingly can catalyze positive and permanent change within others or your relationship.

That means, managing our emotions can and will be hugely rewarding, to ourselves and those around us. 

Sounds grand doesn't it?

This sounds like a dream to me lol.

19 hours ago, Eph75 said:

We also need to beware, that anger is also a drug, aggression can make us feel powerful and in control

You know...

The reason I kind of also don't want to lose that ability to "be aggressive" is because... I don't want to get hurt again. Someone already abused my good nature and I don't want to let it happen again. And you're right, I feel so freaking powerful and in control when I assert my bounderies for example. I don't think that's fake sense of power.

I want to be able to defend myself and rely on myself, not be helpless little girl I once was.

So in a way... I want to let people know that they can't play with me by showing small snippets of aggression here and there. Is that more healthy way to go about it in your opinion?

I mean, I still think we need to be able to have this "aggressive side" but express it in a more healthy way. Is that's even possible?

I think I want to be a positive person that radiates love, but also a person who is able to put someone into place when they are crossing my bounderies or making me feel less than.

[somegirl]

15 hours ago, Loving Radiance said:

That's like not loving those of your children which are ugly. They also deserve your love. Give them love, be present and care for their needs as long as they are present.

Actually, they have great wisdom and know of places with big treasures. Follow them and you will strike gold.

Yeah, you're right. 

I know I should accept them. It's just so hard when you're in the moment. 

[somegirl]

14 hours ago, RickyFitts said:

I think there's often a part of us that feels like we're doing the other person a favour by letting go of the anger we feel towards them, like we're letting them off the hook.

This is exactly how I feel. Like I'm letting them get away with it. 

But for the things that happened in the past, this kind of approach is ridiculous. You're just hurting yourself...

14 hours ago, RickyFitts said:

When the truth is that it really is something you do for your own wel!-being, first and foremost.

Right

15 hours ago, RickyFitts said:

It can be very challenging, though. What's helped me personally is to notice how the anger manifests in my body as a particular point of contraction, and to allow that inner tension to relax and breathe. Deeper feelings like grief and despair might also then arise, but these feelings just need to be felt and released, and then the surface anger also tends to diminish. It can take time though, these feelings can be very deep-rooted.

And they can be very freaking intense as well. Like for me, it's so intense. This is why I have trouble controlling myself once I get angry.

[Eph75]

19 hours ago, somegirl said:

If I'm understanding you correctly, you're suggesting I pause for a second during the times of anger and while anger impulse is triggered, before my response?

Yes! 

19 hours ago, somegirl said:

Though I can like REALLY try

I never quote Star Wars, but when I do, it's this quote:

"Try no. Do or do not. There is no try." 

Of course this isn't easy, to change something like this there needs to be deep intention, and strong motivation. 

Extraordinary change require extraordinary measures. 

Achieving emotional mastery is extraordinary. 

And the gains are extraordinary (far bigger than anger issues) 

19 hours ago, somegirl said:

I was once like this but now I swung to the other side of the pendulum. I'm maybe even too reactive.

That's a natural part of the change process, and it makes sense; you came to realize, consciously or subconsciously, that enough was enough, and you compensated. Overcompensation often happens, and I'd stretch to say, with important and "loaded" things that push-back, overcompensation is more the rule than the exception.

19 hours ago, somegirl said:

The reason I kind of also don't want to lose that ability to "be aggressive" is because... I don't want to get hurt again.

This is what needs to be unlearned. 

This is a coping skill, to maintain sense of self and autonomy, by protecting boundaries. 

But that's where anger is great, useful, and serves an important purpose. 

Agression is not a useful response. 

It's the aggression side of this that needs to go, as it's destructive in nature. 

All emotions are impulses that should go away quickly, except happiness, which dissapates slowly. 

When we are angry over time, we walk round with cortisol in our bodily chemistry, which has so many negative side effects, psychological, pschysomatic and physical.

Maintaining boundaries can be dealt with in more constructive ways, for example impact feedback. 

Example; "When you keep pointing out my mistakes in my language it makes me feel as if I'm less worthy as a person, as if my worth is reduced to my ability to be grammatically correct." 

Framing it like this without active/passive aggressivity leaves an imprint in others as "them hurting you". 

When giving impact feedback it's about letting others know of their action and the impact on you. And it's important to leave it at that, and not get into an argument. 

If there's an argument, you still lose. The point is to leave the other with a thought. 

That's a thought that they are likely to take with them. This is especially powerful. 

If there was an argument afterwards, their lasting thought would be connected to whatever ways you wronged them in or by having that argument. 

Not the impact they had on you. 

The grammar example isn't a perfect one, as people commenting grammar is something we're better off not reacting towards, recognizing that there is some need within the other to feel important, or maybe them thinking they are being helpful, by helping you see and correct your grammar. 

When setting boundaries, we need to we selective, and choose our battles, depending on the severity of that boundary infringement. Not engaging in what's trivial, which is likely a over-reaction based of other more severe boundary infringements.

19 hours ago, somegirl said:

And you're right, I feel so freaking powerful and in control when I assert my bounderies for example. I don't think that's fake sense of power.

Let's make a distinction here. 

A) A person with a lot of anger issues go partying every weekend, and keeps getting into fights. This person uses fighting as an outlet of his anger, into aggression, into physically abusing others.

That anger release makes this person feel powerful, in control, and it also acts as a pressure release valve. 

This person gets addicted to exercising that power, essentially finding pleasure in being aggressive. 

Our brain chemistry works like that, we build addictions within our rewards system. 

(Extreme example, yes) 

B) Your example, you feel powerful by setting boundaries, you have difficulty to control your aggression while doing this. 

You feel powerful because you get a sense of control over your life, by setting those boundaries. That's your Brian chemistry rewarding you for that boundary setting, administering serotonin. That reward is making you come back for more boundary setting, as it makes you feel powerful, and good. 

This is very different from examole "A", this is healthy power, while "A" was not. 

Now, the crux here is the agression. There's likely also a bit of power sensation happening based on the aggression.

And there's risk that we do get hooked on using aggression also while managing our boundaries, which (think about brain as a trainable muscle) closes the gap towards starting using aggression is other non-boundary-setting situation, as it then brings sense of power. 

How we manage boundaries matter. 

We just need to me aware of this, and introspect, into how we use aggression. The end goal is not to use aggression, and find creative outlets. 

That is, unless it's a life threatening, life-or-death situation, aggression to protect yourself from actual physical harm or injury as a result of someone attacking you. But then we're talking about fight-flight-or-freeze responses where fight require aggression, and will happen instinctually.

19 hours ago, somegirl said:

This sounds like a dream to me lol.

The possibility is very, very real. But extraordinary, require extraordinary.. 

19 hours ago, somegirl said:

I mean, I still think we need to be able to have this "aggressive side" but express it in a more healthy way. Is that's even possible?

Let's make this simple. 

No. 

Anger yes! Healthy.

Aggression no! Unheatly. Unless it's actual survival. 

The distinction between the two is important.

By losing aggression you don't lose anything, really, you gain something, as aggression takes a toll on you. 

By losing anger (suppressing anger) you lose everything, as it's connected to maintaining your sense of self. 

Some would say beating on a punch-bag is a healthy expression of agression. Well, yeah, it's way better than beating on a person. But that's managing aggression outlet. Not emotional mastery. The negative side effects of aggression are still there, needing to be managed, being channalize into an outlet that doesn't hurt others, at best.

19 hours ago, somegirl said:

I think I want to be a positive person that radiates love, but also a person who is able to put someone into place when they are crossing my bounderies or making me feel less than.

Great! 

How would a lovingly radiating person, lovingly set boundaries? 

(Rhetorical question) 

It would involve learning to set boundaries without "pouring gasoline and throwing a burning match" onto the problem (which aggression essentially does). 

And keep remembering, anger is your friend, feel into it, understand it, take action, but regressing to aggression is when we've lost our self-control. 

Is there room for win-win where boundary setting actually builds relationships and gains respect of others? 

(Rhetorical question) 

Some people switch roles when you set boundaries, from being a "perpetrator" to being either "victim" or "helper".

Maybe you've seen this in some cases already? 

Somewhat off-topic, but at the same time not, as this switch happens when setting boundaries and the dynamics in relationships change; "Karpmans Drama Triangle" is a good read-up on this phenomena. 

(of course, some negative people we should just choose to stay away from, or ignore, but also that can be done without aggression, and instead as a conscious choice) 

Making this an inward journey puts focus on gaining as much understanding as possible about emotions, conceptually, and observing emotions in yourself. And having that strong intention to move towards mastery. It's hard work, but fully possible.

Here's something that helped me towards emotional mastery:

When first sensing an unpleasent emotion, say anger, but often it's something else before that, you can stop and ask "it" a disarming question, such as, "hi little friend, who are you and where did you come from". Saying this out loud, if possible, works best. 

This might sound corny, but that's part of the point, adding some lightness into the process. 

If we're "dark" in our mind, we need to shift to a somewhat "lighter" mode of introspection. 

It becomes ritualistic and forces a pause, and a shift, with a note of love and friendliness, into introspection. 

If you experience emotions as physical phenomena, as I do, shift you focus to the part of your body where that sensation is experienced, and engage into a friendly constructive conversation with that sensation. 

Over time we catch ourselves in earlier stages of this emotional process, before it gets inflated in the mind. 

As with everything that is difficult to change, we need to engage with it from all imaginable angles at the same time. That increases the chances of successfully changing our behaviors. 

Edited May 26, 2022 by Eph75

[Elton]

@somegirl there is this book by Kate it is called loving what is..

in that she has a worksheet called the work.

It's very helpful and is about your own judgements toward a situation or a person.

[RickyFitts]

9 hours ago, somegirl said:

And they can be very freaking intense as well. Like for me, it's so intense. This is why I have trouble controlling myself once I get angry.

You're right, they can be so intense, particularly if they've been held in for a long time. That's why it's so important to do practices like yoga and breathwork that help the body to relax and gradually release these feelings, I think, otherwise they just continue to fester inside you and seriously impact your quality of life and cause issues in all aspects of your life.

[RickyFitts]

5 hours ago, Elton said:

@somegirl there is this book by Kate it is called loving what is..

in that she has a worksheet called the work.

It's very helpful and is about your own judgements toward a situation or a person.

Are you referring to Byron Katie?

[somegirl]

On 5/25/2022 at 3:42 PM, JonasVE12 said:

Although you have this intention to become aware, the next time you become angry, you may lose yourself in it completely and forget about all of this, but the stronger this intention to become aware becomes, the more you will become aware over time. You just need intention and your subconscious will bring it out when it needs to.

Interesting. So intentions are more important than anything in this case.

On 5/25/2022 at 3:42 PM, JonasVE12 said:

And it is also not about controlling what you think. It is letting yourself think whatever you are thinking, not trying to control anything. It's letting yourself relax with whatever is inside your body and mind, and riding the wave. You don't hyper-focus. You simply let things be and you fully accept the sensations. 

Sounds scary... But I know this is the right thing to do.

On 5/25/2022 at 3:42 PM, JonasVE12 said:

It's also not good to want to get rid of your uncomfortable feelings as soon as possible. Liberating yourself from them is to release attachment/aversion towards the feelings. It's having the feeling and being completely in vibrational alignment with the sensations. You can literally treat it like a game. 

It's like this. 'I notice I'm angry'.... 'Wow, this feels intense....' 'I feel so powerful and alive'...... 'Grrrrrrrrrrr'

You literally stay with the sensation of intensity within your body. You feel it's subtle qualities and you find a sense of enjoyment within that feeling. 

I see, got it.

Yeah I think I have aversion towards anger. I hate the feeling so much, it makes me so uncomfortable. 

On 5/25/2022 at 3:42 PM, JonasVE12 said:

I have a suggestion for you. It may help you. So above, I said that awareness is something that deepens the stronger your intention becomes. Without intention, the way you react will always be the result of the way you have been conditioned to react - It's your nervous system's automatic response. Your subconscious mind is completely taking over at that point.

Ohh I see.

Didn't know intentions were that powerful. Wow. 

On 5/25/2022 at 3:42 PM, JonasVE12 said:

So the suggestion is to keep bringing the intention up in your conscious mind to become aware and to turn anger in on itself whenever it manifests. For example when someone insults you. I have a journal for example, and everyday, I write in it my intention for this day. For this week. For this month. For this year. For the coming 5 years. And for the coming 20 years. And I keep adding to it everyday.

Thanks. I will do this. Super helpful.

On 5/25/2022 at 3:42 PM, JonasVE12 said:

But yeah. Please be with your anger. It's just an intense feeling in your body. It can't hurt you. It's just intense. You can really handle it. And it feels so fucking good to feel anger and be able to just sit with that anger. So good. You can even transmute anger to pure ecstasy and bliss. 

Yeah you understand what I'm saying. It's really intense and uncomfortable. But if you managed to do it, I guess I can too

[Federico del pueblo]

On 24.5.2022 at 8:33 PM, somegirl said:

I have noticed I constantly have intrusive thoughts that pop into my head throughout the day, that remind me of things that make me feel angry or upset. It's like I can't let go of things that once happened.

I am especially awfully triggered by someone being disrespectful towards me or treating me "less than" or like I'm stupid. Oh god... I go into rage. My heart starts beating fast and adrenaline goes up in some instances, and I can get so nasty. I don't know if that's normal (since noone likes being disrespected, I imagine). 

And the moment I enter that vicious circle of anger, it's so hard for me to control myself. It's like I am not me anymore.

I have noticed I am becoming this negative person, as a result of these intrusive thoughts that keep reminding me of things that upset me throughout the day, and I notice that hatred is slowly developing inside me. And this is exactly what I don't want to happen. I fear my friends wouldn't want to talk to me because they would be too afraid of my energy. 

Like, I don't just get angry anymore, I start hating and cussing (inside of my head) and wishing the worst for that person that did me wrong.

How do I change this? This is a problem that lasts for a few years now.

What is the healthy way of dealing with people who might disrespect me in the future?

 

I think you need two things:

- learning how to assert yourself in a socially acceptable way

- some way of releasing the destructive emotions that were caused by these events and the people involved

 

When it comes to the self assertion it doesn't have to be very complicated.

Someone talks to you in a way that seems disrespectful to you, then you pretty much simply tell that person exactly that.

"The way you're talking to me makes me feel disrespected"

"Excuse me, but I feel like you're talking to me as though you're above me"

 

When you attempt to do that you might encounter more unhelpful emotions like a fear of speaking up, maybe more anger if the person doesn't acknowledge your "complaint".

So it remains important that you also know how to not get triggered so much anymore, because even if you can assert yourself you could then later still have angry thoughts that will suck your energy out of you and make you bitter over time.

That's why I think a technique to release destructive emotions is hugely important here.

I think I've mentioned before that I use EFT/tapping for these purposes, but I'd like to elaborate on this technique a little bit more in this post.

The reason why I think that EFT could be very helpful to deal with these types of thoughts/emotions is that you could use exactly the way of thinking that usually triggers you WHILE doing the technique on them and this will over time unwire these patterns in your brain.

Your anger is an habituated emotion that gets triggered by specific thoughts or events. You have neural networks in your brain where all of your anger issues are stored and once you get triggered these networks activate and start to fire. Then you feel angry/pissed/upset and get stuck in a anger loop because these emotions will drive more angry thoughts which in turn lead to more anger (your body is full of adrenaline and other stress hormones at this point).

BUT if you have these angry thoughts/emotions and then you do the tapping while still engaging in angry thoughts something interesting happens:

Your brain receives a "anger signal" due to the event or thoughts and at the same time it receives a "calm/relaxed" signal due to the tapping (because the tapping has a calming effect on the amygdala = your fight or flight structure in your brain).

So now your brain receives the feedback that the level of anger it tried produce in response to your thoughts couldn't be reached and that therefore the event doesn't have to be "considered" quite as anger inducing as it originally was stored in your brain.

So now your brain uses its neuroplasticity to make that neural network that corresponds with your anger issue less thick/less dense/smaller, i.e. you have less neural connections that can be used to trigger that kind of anger and thus your anger response the next time will be weaker.

If you repeat the process more often at some point this neural network will have become tiny and the issue doesn't bother you anymore, then if something that would originally trigger anger happens you can easily think it away like "ah, I don't give a fuck, let's just move on" or whatever.

You could still have other triggers of the same emotion (anger) and if so you probably need to use the technique on these others triggers too, but the more of your anger you've unwired the weaker the remaining triggers will become.

About 6 months ago I was still horribly pissed about many things, by now there are few things left that can trigger anger in me, and if I do get triggered it's like 5 times less intense.

Hope this helps ?

[soos_mite_ah]

On 5/25/2022 at 7:39 PM, somegirl said:

Just for the record, I never yelled at people outside my home when I got angry (so that includes my friends, colleagues, classmates, professors, cashiers etc). 

Though I am the worst in family conflicts, which now, when I think how I behaved back then, I feel bad. I would literally yell from the top of my lungs, and I really think I have used all my lung capacity while I was doing that. I would get hysterical sometimes, usually when I felt like I was not being heard or taken seriously. One time I broke something. 

I think when it comes to family, it isn't super uncommon for people to feel like they can act out more. This could be for a variety of reasons and since idk, there isn't much I can say for sure but at least from my observations, a lot of how we react in the context of relationships have to do with the dynamics that have already been set up. For example, something a stranger does might not piss you off but it a family member did the same thing, you might lose your shit if the family member set up a combative and argumentative dynamic where that type of communication is acceptable. Another thing that also comes to mind is how some people feel like they can get away with anything because there is this assumption of lack of boundaries and this notion that you can do anything to family and they are still required to be loyal to you. I'm not saying that's you but it can indicate the over all social environment in a family and how yall collectively function. I'm just putting some thoughts out there, not necessarily trying to put it in your situation exactly. 

On 5/25/2022 at 7:39 PM, somegirl said:

I think... I think I just have such a fragile ego. I almost don't let anyone even dare to do something that would "remind me" of my "not being good enough" belief that I think I have, deep down. Like, even someone suggesting I made a mistake while speaking, for example, is enough to trigger a response of "This means I'm stupid" and cause anger.

I think whether your ego is fragile in this case has more to do with how you regulate your emotions rather than those emotions coming up in the first place. To a certain extent (and by that I mean as long as you aren't in stage red going around acting like Maddy from Euphoria) I think getting angry at disrespect is a symptom of a healthy ego. I feel like spirituality sometimes tends to demonize the ego and try to make it as small as possible and to reduce it so it in turn reduces suffering. While that can be valid, sometimes it can turn into avoiding all pain and negative emotions in general (which is why spirituality can attract broken people who are tyring to emmerse themselves into something to fix themselves and their lives). But imo, that isn't the healthiest way to live and can lead to a lot of spiritual bypassing. What I'm trying to say is that I don't think that you have a fragile ego by feeling disrespected and wanting to act on it rather I think that it's perfectly normal to feel this way and it isn't something to be avoided or dealt with necessarily.

As for limitting beliefs, I think it can be beneficial to address those and work through it so that you can minimise the sensitivity to these comments and occurances. But i will say that there is a good chance that you will still feel a degree of anger towards these occurances even if you deal with the sensitivity. Addressing the sensitivity can only help you regulate your emotions, it won't stop it from coming up. 

On 5/25/2022 at 7:56 PM, somegirl said:

I have written couple of examples while replying to your message now. Regarding feeling stupid and all.

So a brief list:

-when someone is disrespectful towards me

-when someone tries to make me feel small and like they are better than me (rolling of the eyes, correcting my grammar etc). God if I ever catch someone rolling their eyes on me, it's critical lol. 

-when someone tries to make me feel stupid or uneducated. Huge trigger of mine.

-when someone's not having integrity. When they are not actually implementing stuff I asked of them to do or change (so so so crucial for me). This is synonymous to respecting someone, in my opinion.

-when someone is not respecting the deal we made

I mean, looking at all of this, I don't think that your emotional response is out of the ordinary. I would have been much more concerned if one of the items on the list were along the lines of you getting angry when someone is setting a boundary for example. The only thing that I would try to contemplate on is the notion of being uneducated. What does it mean to be uneducated and how does that contridict with being respected? Because even if you are uneducated or uninformed about something, you still deserve to be treated with basic human respect and not be looked down upon.  

[RendHeaven]

Are you open to psychedelics?

[somegirl]

37 minutes ago, RendHeaven said:

Are you open to psychedelics?

I'm a little scared tbh. Even though I hear good stuff, how would I know that it won't be bad for me and my body? 

I don't know...

If I would try it, I would do it with my significant other (bf).

Edited May 27, 2022 by somegirl

[RendHeaven]

@somegirl I hope you find hope in this:

(I've time stamped it for you for the relevant portion)