Difficulty connecting and liking people

[no_name]

It is very easy for some people to get along with everybody. Some people can have a conversation even with a banana if they wanted to and they would find it interesting and exciting.

I tend to find most people, like 95%, quite uninteresting. The 5% that I do find interesting though, I could talk to them for hours and I tend to cling to them. 

Same thing with intimate relationships. I remember my INTP friend telling me he could date even girls that bag groceries if they are cute and he likes them. I feel that most men are like this, they don’t really care about deep connections or how smart the girl is, as long as she is pretty, that is why they have so much more options and choices. 

Vs I need a deep connection, also a person that has an interesting job and is passionate about it, is an intellectual, very smart, and best at what he does. The problem is that there aren’t too many guys like this.

Same thing with friendships, I don’t get along well with people at work, for example, because they are “too orange” or some of them are “too blue” coming from other cultures, and I don’t find it interesting. Some of them are “too green”, but I think they are just faking it because it’s “trendy” in a corporate culture. 

I’ve been reading that a lot of INFJs have this problem with connecting with people.

How do I start seeing people as more interesting? How do I become more easy going? 

As for dating, I don’t think this quality of mine is very attractive. I think guys like extroverted, confident girls who are more bubbly. Not as emotional and sensitive, not so touchy feely, and not with so much depth. Honestly, sometimes I feel guys just want someone dumb next to them, to always agree with them, not cause too much problems, and be easy.

Edited April 25, 2022 by no_name

[Terell Kirby]

Seems as though you are overthinking. The answer to all this theory, is taking action .. getting outside a socializing.

You won't meet like-minded friends or romantic partners without being social. Ignore any negative self-talk on this front.

[puporing]

You're okay, you're good enough. I'm sorry the world is so shit for people like yourself to find genuine people to connect with. It's really not you. Please stop gaslighting yourself. You deserve to be loved for who you are.

[integral]

20 hours ago, no_name said:

As for dating, I don’t think this quality of mine is very attractive. I think guys like extroverted, confident girls who are more bubbly. Not as emotional and sensitive, not so touchy feely, and not with so much depth. Honestly, sometimes I feel guys just want someone dumb next to them, to always agree with them, not cause too much problems, and be easy.

You just described my gf, also guys like the quiet intellectual type with equal erection strength.

[RMQualtrough]

Your conflict is that you feel pressure to be a way other than what you enjoy, is it? If you don't WANT girls who bag groceries (wtf bro, grocery workers can't be good people?) then you shouldn't feel like you ought to.

[Ninja_pig]

I personally think that interest and curiosity is a choice. You are an intellectual type right? You like to explore various topics? Do the same with people. Every person is a deeply nuanced and complex story that is practically bottomless. All you have to do is listen to them very closely. A person will tell you pretty much tell you all their deepest secrets if the believe that you will listen to them without judgement. If you find people uninteresting, that is either because they are not opening up to you for whatever reason, or because you are not truly listening to them. Give them your full attention, never judge any aspect of a person, but still have boundaries.

I know Jordon Peterson is not exactly a trusted source on this forum, but I think he says it pretty well in this video: 

I also highly recommend the book How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. It's basically a handbook for people like you and me who don't automatically know how to be sociable. It will tell you everything there is to know about seeing people as interesting and being more easy going.

As far as relationships go, yes there are many girls who will enjoy deep talks with you, but you have to remember to flirt! Don't be %100 cerebral. This is a problem for me personally. I tend to stick to intellectualizing because that's where I'm comfortable. I have to remind myself to stick my neck out a little and be sexual. If you are an INF person like me then you might make this mistake from time to time. 

Edited April 29, 2022 by Ninja_pig

[Preety_India]

I'm an INFJ and I struggle a lot with this 

 

[Carl-Richard]

1 hour ago, Ninja_pig said:

I know Jordon Peterson is not exactly a trusted source on this forum

That's not true