I saw everything was illusion, saw that I am everyone, was very overwhelming. Help

[Fountainbleu]

I recently went to a festival where I took about ⅓ LSD the first night, and a couple of hours later microdosed mushrooms throughout the night. The first night I had a profound experience listening to a DJ/show. I for the first time ever experienced what I think is no-self? It’s like I was watching the show but didn’t see my body (nose/face/feet..), it was just like a screen of the show. The next day I continued microdosing mushrooms and later at night smoked some cannabis. 

 

Then it happened. I saw everyone as if it was me. I was like what’s the point of even talking to you if you are me. It started to get pretty intense. I started to comb through every little detail in my life and saw it was all me. I felt very alone. I saw a picture of Jesus and said it was me. I started thinking about the dinosaurs and all the history we were taught and thought it was me. Then I started to think of my parents and siblings and thought it was me. All my negative emotions were me. I started to question all my beliefs and wondering if anything was real because it was made up by me. Even stuff learned here on actualized. Eckhart Tolle, Buddha, why should I even listen to their teachings if it’s all me? Then I started wondering wtf!? If all this is made up then wtf is going on and wtf am I, wtf is all this? The universe, the “void”, “enlightment”, is all this made up? Wtf is real? I became obsessed with it. Everywhere I walked and everyone I ran into I kept walking away because I said it’s all me. Even things that comforted me like taking a shower and going to sleep was just me. What’s the point? Nothing made sense. I thought I was losing it and I didn’t know how I was going to function in the world.

 

Some of my housemates were in the kitchen and I was like there they go playing their role, so typical, it felt like a movie set or something. The more I started to ignore these people the more they were seemingly trying to get my attention. Like they didn’t want to stop existing. Like in the movie the Truman show at the end when people started taking desperate measures to keep his attention because they still wanted to exist. 

 

What happened to me? Was this a non-dual experience? Did I experience oneness for the first time? Should I not take any psychedelics or smoke cannabis (I get really deep when I smoke and start deconstructing everything) for a while? All I could think about was Adyashantis title the end of your world, that’s what it felt like to me. When I was taking a shower I thought if all this is made up I can live till whatever age I want and manifest any reality in the world that I want. I thought that I could immediately imagine myself in a 5 star hotel taking a pampered bath.

 

This feeling persisted the next day (although not as intense) but the following day I  had a bad night of sleep and when I woke up it went away. Back to my old self.

 

What happened to me please? Any help and guidance would be greatly appreciated. Much love y’all

 

[Seraphim]

Yea it seems like you had a glimpse of the oneness, but since you still have your ego/I-thought you felt like it was something bad.

But it's not that everything is you, like from the perspective of your ego/I-thought. Everything is the Self, the absolute, it just is, and it is perfect, but everything is not you (the thinking human). So the evolved non-duality teachers won't have an ego like that, they will just feel like it's all the Self and there is nothing to say about it, it just is. It's a good thing, nothing to worry about.

When I look at things I can see that it is the Self, it's like the objects are shining with this I-feeling, it's blissful, sometimes it feels a bit trippy but in a good way, I notice it especially when I go for walks and looking at a big building or the sky, it's so big and it's all the Self   Some say that is why people are afraid of the dark, or the unknown, because they intuit that there is something big out there, they just can't see it, it's true but it's just the Self, it's good!

[OneHandClap]

Hey bud, been there several times before. The simplest answer (hardest to do) is to realize that no matter what you might think about reality, if it involves any fear, it's not the end of the road. 

As @Seraphim said very nicely, oneness tends to get corrupted by the ego and twisted into a solipsistic nightmare where we think "Oh shit, everyone is ME, I am everything." In reality, it's more like... everything is everything. "You" and all other beings just happen to be small portions of the grand show. In truth, there is only the show, not even you or other people. 

But right now, what you need to focus on is laughing at the absurdity. Don't try to figure it out or put your foot down to establish the boundaries of what is real. Just laugh. Realize you will someday die, and nothin' really matters at the end of the day. It's a gigantic, hilarious experience that no amount of thinking will ever solve. 

So for now, set aside the thoughts of instant manifestation. Set aside ideas of one vs many, self vs other, oneness, solipsism, whatever. Realize that reality is just what it is... reality. Have a good time, pet a dog, watch a stupid movie. 

Life's a trip. 

[Fearless_Bum]

@Fountainbleu you know what happened to you man come on ?. 

Good stuff. I went through the same thing a couple years back, it can be very intense. 

You'll get used to it. The fear/overwhelment reaction is just you defending yourself, relax, you are everyone and so what? Take deep breaths. Take it easy on yourself. 

[BipolarGrowth]

Conflation of the ego self and Self while in your first taste of oneness is what happened. Focus on asking yourself the question “Who am I?” 

Edited October 31, 2021 by BipolarGrowth

[WokeBloke]

Its all you yes!!!

That's what I think too.

Now you need a goal. Here's one: Make the best possible life or state of being that you possibly can.

[Nahm]

On 10/29/2021 at 5:15 PM, Fountainbleu said:

What happened to me?

I’d be more strategic with dosage. Sounds like you landed in the (as a reference) 3g mushroom zone where meaning starts breaking down, but there isn’t quite a breaking through. Limbo. Imo it’s better to experience the letting go of thought activity in meditation, and frame the trips as awesome experiences you can profoundly enjoy for having quieted the thoughts and brought equanimity to the body mind via a foundational practice and well being lifestyle. Then thought doesn’t take you for such a weird rough identity or hallucinatory ride when all the conjecture empties out. I think the best thing you can do is read the recap you wrote humbly looking for ‘what was I taught’ in reference to usefulness and insight into your life & ways. 

And if you haven’t already, bring an interest, a hobby / passion of some sort which is creative and which you love into your days. It’s most connective. 

[Inliytened1]

On 10/29/2021 at 4:15 PM, Fountainbleu said:

What happened to me please? Any help and guidance would be greatly appreciated. Much love y’all

this is what I call the Oneness awakening.   I had this awakening via meditation and it lasted more than a day.  It is a shift in consciousness - a non-dual state  or elevated state of consciousness in which you are Being.  As Being - duality falls away so there is no sense of separation or a you vs other.  It is One.  Other people do not seem like you - they are you - literally and actually.  It is a recontexualization of reality and it can feel like you are losing your mind.  It is realized there is nothing outside or separate from you.   It is basically like waking up from a dream and realizing that you are the Dreamer.   Yet you are still in the dream..just lucid...A lot of people when learning about non-duality think Oneness is so neat and cool...but when you actually become One it is quite the shock.  You realize in order to interact with yourself you need to trick yourself into a dual state of consciousness in which you are not conscious that you are everything.   You have to be in a finite state of consciousness.  Well here you are in an infinite state of consciousness so the dream appears silly.  Yet you are still attached to the dream and you don't want to exit the dream.  It's this attachment that God has to being finite that feels like it's being ripped apart when in these states of consciousness - and it can be very maddening.   You eventually find yourself back in a finite state of consciousness where you can cling once again to separation   this is what you and I are doing right now...when in actuality there is no difference between you and I at all...there is One Consciousness.  But we pretend there is a difference - bringing about this dream "we" call reality.