Raptorsin7

Life Progress

639 posts in this topic

8 minutes ago, Zeroguy said:

It is about breathing correctly,discipline and focus.

Why is just sitting and being good? Is it because the breathe energizes the body? Or is it because just staying as presence will eventually lead to feeling good?

9 minutes ago, Zeroguy said:

Ofcourse you do.Craving for more dopamine .Can BS anyone not me.

Yeah I was thinking about this yesterday, I realized how when I'm engaging in addiction I am basically just feeling the dopamine spikes, and so when I'm basically just addicted to this sedating feeling in my awareness. 

But it's so hard to kick. It's like idk what else to do besides engage in my addiction.

10 minutes ago, Zeroguy said:

Work on your own independence as man.Yes work .

I have a job now, and I'm pretty well respected at my work. But I work a minimum wage job at a lab, I work with unskilled old immigrants. 

Idk what to do to make money. I have no prospects, and I don't think I'd like working with my family. I was thinking about talking about meditation/non duality etc but I don't feel comfortable teaching until I'm the very least happy or blissful/peaceful. 

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@Mz Hyde Hey, no I have not.

About a year ago I had a peak experience on LSD, and I thought I had I found my LP, but my progress with psychs and meditation stalled so my original idea stalled. 

At this point, I am not sure how to move forward. On the one hand I'm hoping to find some insight or inspiration so I can commit myself to a LP and start making more money. But at the same time, I know my mood/well being could be so much higher and better than it is and I don't think I'll be able to find a lasting LP until I resolve my unhappiness issues.

Have you?

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@Raptorsin7 Maybe 'resolving unhappiness issues' and finding lp can go together? (:

I'm in the process (taking Leo's course at the moment), but I think I need some more experience and knowledge in order to make the final choice. I'm not in rush, so I'll give myself time and space to explore as much as I need and I'll be narrowing it down along the way.

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9 hours ago, Mz Hyde said:

@Raptorsin7 Maybe 'resolving unhappiness issues' and finding lp can go together? (:

I'm in the process (taking Leo's course at the moment), but I think I need some more experience and knowledge in order to make the final choice. I'm not in rush, so I'll give myself time and space to explore as much as I need and I'll be narrowing it down along the way.

Yeah, I think If I had a clear sense of my life purpose It would make a big difference, and would definitely orient my life which would be huge given where i'm at. But I also think I won't find an authentic LP until I resolve some of the deeper psycho/emotional issues. 

I know what it feels like to feel relatively healed, and if I could operate from that healed space then I am almost certain I could find a life purpose to commit myself too. I think the big flaw with Leo's course is he doesn't take into account the emotional/psychological state of people looking for their LP, he acts like almost anyone can just find a LP no matter where they are at. 

How are you planning to find your life purpose? How do you think you'll know when you find it?

Edited by Raptorsin7

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7 hours ago, Raptorsin7 said:

I think the big flaw with Leo's course is he doesn't take into account the emotional/psychological state of people looking for their LP, he acts like almost anyone can just find a LP no matter where they are at.

Are you saying that from your personal experience with the course?

Figuring out life purpose is self discovery process which involves shadow work and some of it is included in the course.

7 hours ago, Raptorsin7 said:

Yeah, I think If I had a clear sense of my life purpose It would make a big difference, and would definitely orient my life which would be huge given where i'm at. But I also think I won't find an authentic LP until I resolve some of the deeper psycho/emotional issues.

Go at your on pace, of course. Don't take any steps you don't feel ready for.

8 hours ago, Raptorsin7 said:

How are you planning to find your life purpose? How do you think you'll know when you find it?

I think that some more experience in combination with the course should do the trick, it'll just take time, but I'm okay with that. I think I'll feel it in my bones when I find it.

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21 minutes ago, Mz Hyde said:

Are you saying that from your personal experience with the course?

Figuring out life purpose is self discovery process which involves shadow work and some of it is included in the course.

Go at your on pace, of course. Don't take any steps you don't feel ready for.

I think that some more experience in combination with the course should do the trick, it'll just take time, but I'm okay with that. I think I'll feel it in my bones when I find it.

Yeah I bought the course and got through about 40% when I thought I found my lp.

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Did you finish it?

Why do you think that what you discovered then isn't your life purpose?

Are you going to redo/finish the course or you think there's some other way?

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On 10/18/2021 at 7:53 AM, Mz Hyde said:

Did you finish it?

No I didn't.

On 10/18/2021 at 7:53 AM, Mz Hyde said:

Why do you think that what you discovered then isn't your life purpose?

I think it might be, I'm just not ready to undertake the journey yet maybe.

Basically, I realized the value of surrendering to awareness from psychidelics, and I realized how much these experiences improved my coordination and reflexes. My idea was to start twitch streaming and talk about meditation and psychidelics, I figured it was in alignment with everything i've been focusing on these past few years. 

But I struggled to embody the psychidelic insights and so my idea was basically pointless. I wasn't happy from all spiritual work, and I couldn't embody those heightened states that made me better at games.

Now a few years later I feel way better, and I have genuine spiritual progress but I'm still not where I know I can be. Now i'm not sure what my life purpose is. On the one hand I wish I had more money so I can move out and be free, but i'm also content with my spiritual progress because I think i'm close to a watershed moment that should recontexualize things

On 10/18/2021 at 7:53 AM, Mz Hyde said:

Are you going to redo/finish the course or you think there's some other way?

 No i'm not. I have a different attitude about how to find purpose.

The only useful purpose of the present birth is to turn within and realize the Self- Ramana 

My plan is to continue with meditation and practicing self inquiry, until I have emotional breakthroughs, and then once i'm in a place of well being and happiness I will decide what to do with my life

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“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing
and right-doing there is a field.
I'll meet you there.

When the soul lies down in that grass
the world is too full to talk about.”


― Rumi

Reading this makes my entire body vibrate

 

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I feel stuck again. 

Right now I am now conscious. But I am still suffering. I can feel the tension and pressure of suffering. I don't understand why recognizing my own conscious presence is not enough. 

I wonder if it's because I am striving too much. Hmm idk. 

This is very frustrating. 

Sometimes I feel in tune and surrender comes easy and natural. But then there are moments like now, where there is just tension and frustration.

If anyone is reading this and has some insight that would be great.

I want to find a way to make money to become independent. I don't know how to do this either. 

Overall things are progressing, but I'm just so sick and tired of suffering. I want peace and freedom. I want the bliss and clarity of knowing myself as pure consciousness. 

I want these headaches and pains to end. I even know that accepting the feelings and feeling into them is the key. And i've been trying to do that. But maybe the effort and striving is paradoixally perpetuating the suffering.

 

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I think If i had more balance I would be in a better place.

Materially, my life is very underdeveloped. I don't have close friends, no romantic relationships, I live with my parents etc. I think if I had a better life i would feel way better about my spiritual progress and plateaus. 

I REALLY want MONEY, A RELATIONSHIP, and FREEDOM. 

I want a beautiful and amazing girlfriend. I want to make enough money to be financially free to do whatever I want. I want to be emotionally free.

 

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2 hours ago, Raptorsin7 said:

Right now I am now conscious. But I am still suffering. I can feel the tension and pressure of suffering.

What are you resisting? Try asking yourself this question whenever you feel suffering.

2 hours ago, Raptorsin7 said:

But then there are moments like now, where there is just tension and frustration.

Why do you feel this way?

2 hours ago, Raptorsin7 said:

I want peace and freedom. I want the bliss and clarity of knowing myself as pure consciousness.

What do you think is stopping you from this?

2 hours ago, Raptorsin7 said:

I think If i had more balance I would be in a better place.

Materially, my life is very underdeveloped. I don't have close friends, no romantic relationships, I live with my parents etc. I think if I had a better life i would feel way better about my spiritual progress and plateaus. 

I REALLY want MONEY, A RELATIONSHIP, and FREEDOM. 

I want a beautiful and amazing girlfriend. I want to make enough money to be financially free to do whatever I want. I want to be emotionally free.

Do you have any plan how to do this? Try to set your daily life so that every day you do at least something that will get you a bit closer to where you wanna be.

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16 hours ago, Mz Hyde said:

What are you resisting? Try asking yourself this question whenever you feel suffering.

This is a good point. When I ask the question it immediately leads to the my presence, but still I am suffering. This question silences the mind, but I still suffer.

16 hours ago, Mz Hyde said:

Why do you feel this way?

I don't know why. I just know when I took psychs, there is an energetic process that unfolds that ends up with me feeling incredible clarity, bliss etc. I just know that right now I am not there, and I feel dissatisfaited with whatever i'm feeling now.

16 hours ago, Mz Hyde said:

What do you think is stopping you from this?

I don't know. I think psychidelics would be the best thing for me right now, but when I take them I get nauseous and bad headaches so I'm trying to go without. I think I can't fully surrender and accept whatever arises, I still cling and have aversion to certain feelings and sensations so I remain stuck on the hamster wheel.

16 hours ago, Mz Hyde said:

Do you have any plan how to do this? Try to set your daily life so that every day you do at least something that will get you a bit closer to where you wanna be.

No I don't have a plan. I have a decent sense of what I want. Money/wealth, work I can sink myself into, and either a relationship or fun casual sex. I try to contemplate and ask god/myself to show the path on how to achieve this. But so far almost nothing.

There's a rumi quote about how we can ask all from ourselves. But idk why when I ask I don't get clear answers.

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@Mz Hyde I was just listening to this rumi vide, and I could feel my whole body light up. It felt great.

This kind of thing is what I think will help me progress in life. But these kinds of feelings seem so fleeting and rare. I guess they are becoming more common, but the question is how to make this kind of stuff my default way of being.

 

Edited by Raptorsin7

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4 hours ago, Raptorsin7 said:

This is a good point. When I ask the question it immediately leads to the my presence, but still I am suffering. This question silences the mind, but I still suffer.

But do you get the concrete answer, something that you can work with?

 

I have a feeling that by focusing on spirituality you are overlooking the basic human needs that are necessary for any further growth and development (including spirituality). As Nahm said in some thread:

Quote

Are you going about this life & purpose thingy ‘in your head’ or on a dreamboard?  When the ideas, insights & inspirations spontaneously arise to fill in the gaps, are you writing those insights in the literal gaps on your board? Are you visually seeing your vision on the board, working backwards, and googling the insights & information where any gaps still remain? 

Also, how does Maslow’s pyramid jive cohesively with your life & purpose? 

 

1 hour ago, Raptorsin7 said:

@Mz Hyde I was just listening to this rumi vide, and I could feel my whole body light up. It felt great.

This kind of thing is what I think will help me progress in life. But these kinds of feelings seem so fleeting and rare. I guess they are becoming more common, but the question is how to make this kind of stuff my default way of being.

Maybe if you set the basics first that will open you up for this kind of feelings. It is normal to feel tension and frustration when survival issues aren't solved. Those feelings urge you to do something about it.

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19 hours ago, Mz Hyde said:

But do you get the concrete answer, something that you can work with?

Not really a concrete answer. But it does take my to own presence which is significant.

Here's the thing. I already know what it means to be healed and well from my psych trips. It's the same transformation process every time. I lay down, i become very sensitive to what I feel and the sensations of the body, and if i'm able to feel into my sensations and not get distracted I will have a breakthrough.

The breakthrough completely changes my perceptual field, I lose virtually all suffering and discomfort, and I have this amazing clarity and equanimty.

My goal is to live from this space. And the first step is getting in touch with my own presence.

19 hours ago, Mz Hyde said:

I have a feeling that by focusing on spirituality you are overlooking the basic human needs that are necessary for any further growth and development (including spirituality). As Nahm said in some thread:

Yeah I definitely have issues with my diet, health, etc. But I don't know how to all of a sudden satisfy these basic needs.

It takes tremendous discipline to eat healthy, work out hard etc. I try to work out or eat healthy, but I give in to my addictions very easily.

I can see how I need to address my base as well, but Idk how to go about that in an effective way. All the advice just seems to be just do it. But when it's so much easier to get sucked back into addictions then it is to have iron will.

I was thinking of doing some kind of medtation retreat or wellness retreat in the near future, I figure it could be like my rehab and give me a chance to start new habits with a clean slate. I may consider an ayahausca retreat too, but I dread having to drink the tea because I can't even look at psychs without gagging now, so I bet i'd just throw it up.

19 hours ago, Mz Hyde said:

Maybe if you set the basics first that will open you up for this kind of feelings. It is normal to feel tension and frustration when survival issues aren't solved. Those feelings urge you to do something about it.

I don't really have survival issues in the sense that I have money or safety needs. I'd say I have issues with discipline, relationships, and direction. 

But take relationships for example. How am I supposed to just go and get my needs for intimacy satisfied. I view woman as sex objects, and the kinds of woman who I would be into would not be into given my current situation and emotional constitution.

I can see the wisdom in getting my foundation solid, like my diet, exercise etc. But I have no idea how to approach that successfully, and also I'm not so certain that solving those issues will get me what I want.

I already know what works from deep meditation and psychidelics, I don't see the sense in turning away from that to solve basics without a clear undesrtanding of how basics will move me forward.

One thing I tend to see on this forum from guys like Leo and even Nahm, is when they don't know how to answer a person's questions or give specific guidance they default to the amorphous just solve your basics. As if it's that simple to just develop strong habits, healthy relationships, end your addictions etc.

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