PepperBlossoms

Advice on How to Be More Mature

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Posted (edited)

Any advice on how to be more mature?  How to notice when we are being immature or ways to work on it?

Edited by PepperBlossoms

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Some examples:

-Talking about ourselves, scope of concern limited to ourselves

-Not listening to what others say, interrupting, not considering others, ignoring feedback, ignoring instructions

-Not doing what we say we will do

-Wanting things our way, getting upset when it is not our way

-Thinking we are right and others are wrong, thinking we are better than others, blaming others, thinking that others are not our friend

-Not taking care of needs

-Being reckless, lack of planning, no concern for outcome

-Thinking we don't need any help

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Your second question relies on answering your first. The outcome of that answer is gonna determine how to go about doing the second. 

The idea of immature/mature are relativistic and arbitrary. Mature just means fully developed or fully grown. Who is the authority on  that maturity? 

Identifying why you asked the question in the first place might prove useful in this situation. 

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Let's consider what creates maturity in someone.

If you observe carefully, there are two major factors that help in development of maturity. Life experience and suffering.

So to be more mature, get more life experience and face more suffering.

To get more life experience, you don't necessarily need to wait to grow old. You can get it by reading, traveling, listening to mature people, trying new stuff.

To face more suffering, you don't necessarily need to create it. There is a lot of suffering present in one's life that one usually doesn't pay much attention to, and tends to ignore. Instead, stop ignoring it and start facing it.

3 hours ago, PepperBlossoms said:

Some examples:

-Talking about ourselves, scope of concern limited to ourselves

-Not listening to what others say, interrupting, not considering others, ignoring feedback, ignoring instructions

-Not doing what we say we will do

-Wanting things our way, getting upset when it is not our way

-Thinking we are right and others are wrong, thinking we are better than others, blaming others, thinking that others are not our friend

-Not taking care of needs

-Being reckless, lack of planning, no concern for outcome

-Thinking we don't need any help

Specifically, one way to accelerate the process of maturity could be to do opposite of each point above deliberately.

For example, deliberately 'Not doing what we say we will do.'

Do this. And consciously 'suffer' the consequences. This is not to guilt yourself to stop doing this. But to get crystal clarity that doing the behaviour causes you suffering.

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3 hours ago, Sagar Takker said:

To face more suffering, you don't necessarily need to create it. There is a lot of suffering present in one's life that one usually doesn't pay much attention to, and tends to ignore. Instead, stop ignoring it and start facing it.

Specifically, one way to accelerate the process of maturity could be to do opposite of each point above deliberately.

For example, deliberately 'Not doing what we say we will do.'

Do this. And consciously 'suffer' the consequences. This is not to guilt yourself to stop doing this. But to get crystal clarity that doing the behaviour causes you suffering.

Those are some great ideas.  Thanks.  Could start by looking at each one and see what scenarios one could deliberately practice them on.

4 hours ago, RickyBalboa said:

Your second question relies on answering your first. The outcome of that answer is gonna determine how to go about doing the second. 

The idea of immature/mature are relativistic and arbitrary. Mature just means fully developed or fully grown. Who is the authority on  that maturity? 

Identifying why you asked the question in the first place might prove useful in this situation. 

Yeah I was thinking the same thing - the definition can vary from person to person but nevertheless having some sort of definition helps.  Maturity can be thought of as having stages of development just like the ego and spiral dynamics - in that regard - if being able to notice what the different stages are and especially if one is acting at the lowest stages, it would be helpful for knowing and getting past as one extra dimension to be developed in.  Having developed maturity could provide many benefits, perspectives, and understandings that an immature person may not have access to and be unaware of.  Thanks for the reply.

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Posted (edited)

I like how you made a list in your second point. My approach would be to create a list of all the distinct items I need to work on to improve - this requires a good amount of self awareness. After that I would sort the list by the matter of importance. Then I would work on each item on the list one a time by reading books, watching/listening to videos/podcast, doing the exercises that may be recommended. As my self awareness grows, I would keep adding to the list. 
 

I would also put aside time for “miscellaneous” topics which would help to raise my self awareness. Having role models helps with this immensely too. So does having councillors.

Edited by Khr

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On 1/6/2021 at 8:35 AM, PepperBlossoms said:

Any advice on how to be more mature?  How to notice when we are being immature or ways to work on it?

Hey there, umm I think I have a different understanding of the word "mature". For me, I am very immature and I am very fine with it. However, I think of myself as wise; whether that's true or not is up to whoever wanna judge me. 

So, basically don't overthink what your personality is, and how you want to shape it. That is still "False ego", look into "True self vs False self"

The true self does not try to be anything, he is whatever the hell he is. And that's me lol :D You'll find relief and happiness constant here


Hope this helps <3

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More life experience and knowledge of Psychology + science + spirituality + sociology = WISDOM

in my opinion, u should work on knowing more.

not shaping your personality to appear more mature or whatever. That is still False EGO

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@Yamak9889 I was watching a youtube video and the speaker was saying how one can be very much so developed spiritually but very much low developed in another area such as maturity - you'd get someone of high spiritual insights who still acts like a child - the low developed area will tend to impact the other areas - in that case - it can be beneficial to not only build up the strong areas, but to try to build up the weak areas too.

The video was shared by @nistake from another post.

 

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Self-honesty, is the key to maturation in my experience

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Accepting life completely and totally for what it is, letting go of judgements, grounding oneself in a sense of humility without being afraid to show confidence when needed, increasing compassion, stopping the blame on anyone including overly blaming oneself, taking full responsibility for one's life, a strong sense of self-awareness, and having emotional stability would all be things I'd associate with maturity (or at least the kind I think is most worth shooting for).

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5 hours ago, PepperBlossoms said:

@Yamak9889 I was watching a youtube video and the speaker was saying how one can be very much so developed spiritually but very much low developed in another area such as maturity - you'd get someone of high spiritual insights who still acts like a child - the low developed area will tend to impact the other areas - in that case - it can be beneficial to not only build up the strong areas, but to try to build up the weak areas too.

The video was shared by @nistake from another post.

 

5 hours ago, PepperBlossoms said:

@Yamak9889 I was watching a youtube video and the speaker was saying how one can be very much so developed spiritually but very much low developed in another area such as maturity - you'd get someone of high spiritual insights who still acts like a child - the low developed area will tend to impact the other areas - in that case - it can be beneficial to not only build up the strong areas, but to try to build up the weak areas too.

The video was shared by @nistake from another post.

 

Because being spiritually advanced does not mean you have strong EI (Emotional intelligence). For eg, a monk who's spiritually advanced may show up late for wedding event without apologizing. Or he may be unattached.

When he see a python eats a dog, he doesn't stop it because he let the nature takes its flow. People will rush to save the dog but who will save the python from hunger? And if you give chicken meat to the python, who will save the chicken?

So anyway, the monk may appear to be immature in human relationships esp if he is not trained. 

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9 hours ago, PepperBlossoms said:

it can be beneficial to not only build up the strong areas, but to try to build up the weak areas too.

this is philosophy. you're adopting other people's understanding and applying it to yourself and others.

I have a completely different philosophy than all u and those people in the video.

But if you want u can send me a message telling me about what you want from all these questions that u ask here. 

What's your end goal? the point you're trying to reach? 

If your asking how can I increase my emotional intelligence, my answer is simple; analyze every single experience that you have. 

When someone yells ask urself why does he yell. Go google it and this way your wisdom will increase and so your emotional intelligence will increase as well

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