Preety_India

Why am I attracting narcissists?

75 posts in this topic

@AMTO yep. 

I know how asking for something in love gets so demonized lol.. 


    God is not a belief.  محبت     الحب   प्यार  love  ॐ Om  मोहब्बत God الله   اللہ   خدا My blood is Hindu, my soul is Christian and my heart is Islamic. But right now my head is in the clouds with an Aries male  currently ruling my heart. The Snake seduces the peacock, embodies Shiva and the Gods bow to it. ... ll ॐ ll.. INTP loner... और तुम नाचते गाते हुए मेरे कदमों में आ गिरेगी... Live a Roman.Die a Roman...Nothing else but to enjoy  the rest of my dream 

Preety preety

 

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3 minutes ago, AMTO said:

@Preety_India Just be honest about the situation. If someone doesn’t love you they’re not going to start just because you love them. It’s either given freely or it isn’t. 

Romantic love is very self biased and survival oriented.

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5 minutes ago, Byun Sean said:

Romantic love is very self biased and survival oriented.

Yes. But it can still be a truly beautiful thing. I’m not saying it’s bad. I’m just saying it should be freely reciprocated. 

Edited by AMTO

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14 minutes ago, AMTO said:

Yes. But it can still be a truly beautiful thing. I’m not saying it’s bad. I’m just saying it should be freely reciprocated. 

Agreed. 


    God is not a belief.  محبت     الحب   प्यार  love  ॐ Om  मोहब्बत God الله   اللہ   خدا My blood is Hindu, my soul is Christian and my heart is Islamic. But right now my head is in the clouds with an Aries male  currently ruling my heart. The Snake seduces the peacock, embodies Shiva and the Gods bow to it. ... ll ॐ ll.. INTP loner... और तुम नाचते गाते हुए मेरे कदमों में आ गिरेगी... Live a Roman.Die a Roman...Nothing else but to enjoy  the rest of my dream 

Preety preety

 

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6 hours ago, Preety_India said:

@Akemrelax no I'm not. You have no clue about narcissistic abuse @Axiomatic so please stop with your victim shaming both of you 

I'm opening threads to gain perspectives and not be character judged. If you don't know how narcissists operate in a relationship, simply don't spout bullshit. 

Stay away from the thread if your intention is to make me feel bad. I'm already having a much worse time dealing with narcissistic abuse and Abusers. So stop with your shaming and silly baseless speculations. 

To know the psychology of a person, you need to know that person in reality. 

So stop your silly psychoanalysis of my character. It feels like a personal attack. 

 

Please don't make this personal and keep it civil the thread has nothing to do with you personally with both of you. 

Actually, I think they're not entirely wrong. But their perspective could be presented more carefully.

There's something that I've noticed about disordered personalities is that you can't really separate them from each other. A narcissist has the core of an empath, and an empath has the core of a narcissist. There are various dynamics that this special structure allows to exist and interplay, and so it's not always simple to discern who is who. Attraction simply cannot occur if either parties is a 100% narcissist or empath. There needs to be something familiar about the other person that turns the little spark into a huge fire.

And so, if you really look inside yourself, you will most likely find some things that you judge as narcissistic or selfish. But to you, they are normalized because they live in the shadow. They had to be normalized because you as a person could not be otherwise. Deep down, an empath isn't really selfless, rather deeply selfish when you touch his core or even go near it. Notice for example that you chose to break up with your ex because you realized the harm he was causing you. If you were 100% selfless, you wouldn't have minded his abuse. I'm not saying that you should have stayed. I'm just presenting you with a certain perspective to help you understand yourself better. Another example is right now, when these two people on the forum told you that you may be a narcissist, notice your reaction, it proves their point. And now as you're reading this, it's perfectly normal if you feel triggered and feel like we're wrong or abusive. Recognize that it's your shadow trying to protect you. Observe your inner reactions and emotions. If you actually feel triggered, that means you have some narcissistic aspects in your shadow. And these aspects have to come to light instead of being ignored or denied in order for you to become integrated. This is the key to solving all of your problems with narcissists. It's not that you're not actually selfish, it's that you're ashamed of being selfish, even though you are. This shame is what makes you an empath. And without it, you would be a narcissist. This shame is what's preventing you from creating and demonstrating your boundaries to others in a proper manner, and it is what's allowing the shameless narcissists to take advantage of you.

I want you to really contemplate what I said here. And I wish you all the best. Good luck.

Edited by Gesundheit

If you have no confidence in yourself, you are twice defeated in the race of life. But with confidence you have won, even before you start.” -- Marcus Garvey

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@Gesundheit I'm hypersensitive. I'm not a narcissist. 

I'm an HSP. Calling someone a narcissist is a huge deal. And it should be done either by a licensed therapist or after careful examination to fulfill all major traits. Not because someone wanted to simply throw that word around. 

In the case of my ex boyfriend he was diagnosed as a narcissist bipolar by his therapist. 

So please don't loosely throw that word around unless you have had a close relationship with that person in which case you have enough information about that person's behavior. 

The people I have referred to don't even know me in real life. So it's exceptionally judgemental to make such a huge claim on my character. 

Especially when someone is opening about their wounds and abuse in a relationship, one is expected to show sensitivity. 

Being vulnerable to so many people on this forum is already a big deal for me. It's not easy thing at all. 

So I expect people to not use personal attacks especially when they know nothing about me in real life. It's baseless speculation. 

And when I deny it, they shouldn't impose their views on my character. That's totally unfair. 

I opened the thread for help, support and advice not for judgement and baseless accusations. 

Please respect that. 

 

I get triggered very easily because I'm an HSP due to childhood trauma and scars. It's a sign of unresolved traumas and mild PTSD. So please be mindful to not further trigger it. 

 

Edited by Preety_India

    God is not a belief.  محبت     الحب   प्यार  love  ॐ Om  मोहब्बत God الله   اللہ   خدا My blood is Hindu, my soul is Christian and my heart is Islamic. But right now my head is in the clouds with an Aries male  currently ruling my heart. The Snake seduces the peacock, embodies Shiva and the Gods bow to it. ... ll ॐ ll.. INTP loner... और तुम नाचते गाते हुए मेरे कदमों में आ गिरेगी... Live a Roman.Die a Roman...Nothing else but to enjoy  the rest of my dream 

Preety preety

 

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@Gesundheit  you can call me egotistical though. I can give you that. 

I do have a bit of an egoic edge to my personality. 

But many many  people have egotistical tendencies. Does it mean that they are narcissists? Absolutely not. 

My PTSD does cause me to get defensive and maintain an ego, this is just a defensive front I put on to reduce triggers from further activating the PTSD. This is absolutely normal for all PTSD victims.

I have been diagnosed with PTSD by my doctors many years ago so Im already on my way to recovery but PTSD does not recover as easily as I would want it to 

I hope that clears up why I get defensive. 

 


    God is not a belief.  محبت     الحب   प्यार  love  ॐ Om  मोहब्बत God الله   اللہ   خدا My blood is Hindu, my soul is Christian and my heart is Islamic. But right now my head is in the clouds with an Aries male  currently ruling my heart. The Snake seduces the peacock, embodies Shiva and the Gods bow to it. ... ll ॐ ll.. INTP loner... और तुम नाचते गाते हुए मेरे कदमों में आ गिरेगी... Live a Roman.Die a Roman...Nothing else but to enjoy  the rest of my dream 

Preety preety

 

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@Preety_India Okay I apologize.


If you have no confidence in yourself, you are twice defeated in the race of life. But with confidence you have won, even before you start.” -- Marcus Garvey

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@Preety_India

Self love...top of mind ....

Enough sleep.

A clean diet.

Daily exercise.

Daily meditation. 

Aligning thoughts with feeling. 

Some time spent each day on what you enjoy, and specifically activities which highlight and expand on your unique gifts.

Break routine. Take a solo trip somewhere new.  

Order / try something new, outside your typical day to day. Could be a new food, a more expressive flamboyant blouse, anything. 

Body pampering...not sure what the options are over there in India but things like mani & pedi, massage, float tanks, etc, etc. 

Anything whatsoever which is creative. Drawing, painting, clay, anything. To ‘connect’ in creation is ‘connect’ in self love. 

Then, happiness, peace of mind, love, etc, all the Goodies, are far less contingent upon relationships with others. 

Sun’s just gotta shine :) that’s your thingy. ?

Narcissists would avoid you like the plague. 


MEDITATIONS TOOLS  ActualityOfBeing.com  GUIDANCE SESSIONS

NONDUALITY LOA  My Youtube Channel  THE TRUE NATURE

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@Nahm  thank you Nahm. That was very sweet of you. :)

 

 


    God is not a belief.  محبت     الحب   प्यार  love  ॐ Om  मोहब्बत God الله   اللہ   خدا My blood is Hindu, my soul is Christian and my heart is Islamic. But right now my head is in the clouds with an Aries male  currently ruling my heart. The Snake seduces the peacock, embodies Shiva and the Gods bow to it. ... ll ॐ ll.. INTP loner... और तुम नाचते गाते हुए मेरे कदमों में आ गिरेगी... Live a Roman.Die a Roman...Nothing else but to enjoy  the rest of my dream 

Preety preety

 

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@Nahm  ahh, I am gonna bring back the dream board. Thanks for reminding. That was the most awesome thing. 

 


    God is not a belief.  محبت     الحب   प्यार  love  ॐ Om  मोहब्बत God الله   اللہ   خدا My blood is Hindu, my soul is Christian and my heart is Islamic. But right now my head is in the clouds with an Aries male  currently ruling my heart. The Snake seduces the peacock, embodies Shiva and the Gods bow to it. ... ll ॐ ll.. INTP loner... और तुम नाचते गाते हुए मेरे कदमों में आ गिरेगी... Live a Roman.Die a Roman...Nothing else but to enjoy  the rest of my dream 

Preety preety

 

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@Preety_India

*second most awesome ‘thing’. 

 

“You are born to enjoy the beauty of the earth, you don't have anything to lose on earth” 
― Dr.P.S. Jagadeesh Kumar

“If there is ever a magical beauty that can be watched hours with great admiration, and that is the beauty of a strong light falling from the everlasting skies into the heart of the dimness!” ― Mehmet Murat Ilden


MEDITATIONS TOOLS  ActualityOfBeing.com  GUIDANCE SESSIONS

NONDUALITY LOA  My Youtube Channel  THE TRUE NATURE

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21 hours ago, Etherial Cat said:

For my part, I will disagree that my attraction towards men are due to pavlovian reflex.

I find what you said a little bit problematic because you're separating the innate from the acquired. This separation may have practical value, but in the context of truth, I think it's not the best way to approach this discussion. The innate, we actually acquired from our ancestors. The acquired, we inherit to our descendants, and it becomes their innate. This circle keeps going to infinity. But there's no actual separation between the two. So that's the fundamental problem here. This separation assumes that there are things that can be changed (acquired) and some other things that cannot (innate). I find that to be incorrect from my personal experience.

Second, I disagree with your views on attraction. We don't feel attracted towards what maxes out our survival. But let's assume it is about survival. Still it's tricky because what do you mean by that? Is survival purely physical or psychological? Or both? Regardless, how do we even know what is good for our (physical, psychological, whatever) survival? When we say survival, it's not that simple. We have to know exactly how it works in reality. Notice that ultimately what survival means is maintainance, actually. And what is maintainance but keeping the Pavlovian reflex alive while at the same time allowing change and adaptation? This Pavlov scientist figured all of reality out with this one concept, which I actually find identical to non-duality. Reality is nothing but a Pavlovian reflex.

I think what modern scientists do is just patching their theories about life with evolution since it's the most prominent theory in our time. And I think many people do the same as well.


If you have no confidence in yourself, you are twice defeated in the race of life. But with confidence you have won, even before you start.” -- Marcus Garvey

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It's just interesting how whenever I have dealt with shitty women, I had to swallow the pill and accept that I had to take responsibility for my own actions and choices, but when women are treated badly, it's the world's fault, or the patriarchy's, or whatever. But rarely ever theirs. 

Not trying to personally attack anyone or call anyone out, or start a flame war. I am just making a personal observation. 

 

That being said I have preety india on ignore. She is wayyy too much man and spams this site like crazy. 

Edited by Axiomatic

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