Thestarguitarist14

Why do people seem opposed to self love

14 posts in this topic

I just find it interesting that when I talk to people about filling their own needs with self love, self approval and etc most people seem to be like “why?”  Is it perhaps that they think that if they love themselves that they will be alone and not get into relationships?  Funny, the old saying is that cannot love someone if you don’t love yourself.  If anything, self love can deepen a bond and not maki g a relationship about fulfilling each other’s needs.

This society seems to be okay with the relationship paradigm of dysfunction.  Makes sense with the way the world is today.

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Leo has talked in the past about artificial values and obligations that, if you don't value or participate in, will make you viewed as a bit selfish by the rest of society. In the same token, people equate unusually high levels of self love with selfishness.

What most don't realize is that selfishness is actually more selfless than selflessness.

You're correct, you can't make anyone else happy unless you're happy first. You can't feed anyone else unless you're fed first. You can't be in a healthy relationship with another unless you're in a healthy relationship with yourself first.

Edited by EternalForest

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@EternalForest I remember in the art of live by Dr. Eric Fromm he says that a lot of people confuse self love with narcissism.  But he says that narcissists actually lack self love.

It seems that the key is to reject the social hierarchy?  

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The roots of the media are deep, it has molded most of our culture. All teens, in my country or latinoamerica are very dreamy about the concept of love and sherish blindly the toxicity that comes with it. Jealously and possesion are sherished as a part of a young tribe shared fantasy. I have tried too to give that same advice, yet, it doesn't seem exciting to them, or thrilling. In my case I had to suffer the fantasy I wanted haha, that's the best thing that ever happened to me. Having my way and having my dreams shattered. It was like a catapult to wisdom.

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It's the Jordan Peterson mentality: if you love yourself just as you are, you have no incentive to become a better person. It's a result of stage blue, conventional, masculine, black-and-white, absolutistic thinking. What they don't understand is that the only way you become a better person is actually through self-love. They just don't want to do it consciously, because they see it as two contradictory perspectives. It IS possible to love yourself and still be striving to be a better person. They're actually the same thing.

Edited by Carl-Richard

To balance beauty and complexity so perfectly is a divine mystery.

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@Ethos Disney and Hollywood romantic comedies have a lot to do with it.  On one hand it is cool how the film and television industry want to showcase what they believe love is.  But the problem is that it leaves people with just a theory on love without even understanding its scope.  So people just repeat what they see on the screen.  I was like this until I got into pick up for a few years.  Also, as a society we act as though romantic love is the only kind of love.

@Carl-Richard Yeah, a lot of people think that self love means that you are just accepting yourself as is and you don’t want to grow.  When in fact I don’t think you can grow without loving your self.  Self love is the most important type of love.  It is a bit paradoxical.  

Edited by Thestarguitarist14

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Just how the current state of society works. Survival values is rooted deeply in the unconscious need to view oneself as inadeuqate, unworthy, and unlovable. Survival values are destroyed when you apply conscious self-love to yourself. It is the biggest threat to survival values and behaviour, therefore anything that promotes self-love (perfect as you are) rather than self-improvement (being better than you already are) is seen as dangerous, wrong, and stupid. It is hard, there is so much inertia keeping us grounded in a deficiency mindset, which I sruggle with, but I'm growing a lot atm. Being ungrounded is scary, it is why there is a huge resistance towards green and beyond (self-expression values as opposed to survival values)

Edited by Tarzan

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@Tarzan Deficiency consciousness is huge.  It is sad how many guys allow themselves to be jerked around by women and how many women allow themselves to in relationships with douches just because they cannot be alone.

I look back on a lot of things in my life, specifically with women and I would have made so many better decisions of I loved myself more. 
 

This society acts like we can only get love from another person.  Add in the rat race and it is no wonder why most people hate their lives.

Edited by Thestarguitarist14

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There is a wrong notion that is popular, I myself believed this is that self love will stop you from improving yourself. Leo's video on self acceptance introduced me to self love. I still find it difficult to practice self love.

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@Thestarguitarist14 You're correct, narcissists don't have self-love. They crave admiration and validation from everyone else around them. Someone with true, healthy self love is content with themselves.

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People usually swing to one side or the other a bit too much due to various traumas or wounds from the past.

 

1. There is the unhealthy over-emphasis on love from other people or through relationships which causes neediness and a lack of love for oneself.

2. There is the unhealthy closing off from other people making one love themselves as an individual but also selfish and closed off from others.

 

These are very common wounds.

Number one usually stems from being abandoned from people or not feeling the love they wanted as a child.

Number two seems to stem more from feeling hurt or having ones emotional boundaries invaded in the past by either parent or lover.

 

A fully integrated human being loves themselves completely and is 100 percent detached, but at the same time is 100

percent open hearted to people, relationships, and community.

 

Edited by Byun Sean

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