Integrating Lessons After Psychadelic Break Throughs

[acurefornihilism]

So my experience goes something like this:

I did a slightly too heavy dose of LSD (while drinking beer and smoking weed) back in 2015, and it almost quite literally cracked my head open and dragged me from stage orange consciousness, all the way to stage turquoise consciousness. Holy Fuck did freak out, I went through seeing God, and all the evil and the good in the world, ego-death the whole shebang.
And then it dropped me back on earth (back into stage orange) after I had accepted my own death and everything. 

The next days were some of the best I've ever had and I went about life with a new sense of purpose and a positive outlook on life.
Then I crashed when I remembered the face of God and all its implications and i started to get panic attacks.
From there I got really fragile and tried to cope with life and was scared shitless.
But then something weird started happening, it was like I downloaded amazing insights into my mind about life, like I accessed a great divine source of some sort.
It made me do all sorts of crazy shit like contacting people I've wronged and asked for apologies, I left my abusive best "friend" with NPD, I started to think for myself and yadda yadda and list goes on. It's still going on to this day.

Anyways, my whole point is that I see this as a part of the integration of all the lessons I was taught during the trip (even though I just remember them as a general vibe in my body and not so much verbatim). 
But do you guys and gals have any ways to go about doing this properly? The way I did this was a bit too all over the place and, first and foremost, RISKY. 
How would a grown-up go about this process is what I'm trying to say?

[Leo Gura]

Just slower your doses and trip regularly and take time in between trips to integrate and contemplate.

[Demeter]

@Leo Gura ,@acurefornihilism , from my very limited experience, it takes at least 3 weeks after a breakthrough trip to begin feeling normal again, if one can call it that.  Immediately after, I felt shaky, tired, and often on the verge of tears when recalling the experiences. I couldn't settle down to everyday tasks and preferred to take walks, being out in nature, or listening to the trip playlist which was the closest I could get to the actual experiences. Later, the days became something of a roller coaster - some days I felt upbeat, blessed and keen to meditate while on others I felt low and wondered whether I would make any progress through meditation and at times even questioned the validity of my experience. 

Would like to hear from more people how they coped or felt after their first illuminating trips.

Edited June 20, 2020 by Demeter

[Leo Gura]

@Demeter It varies for me, but yeah, the next few days or weeks after a trip can be rocky and unstable. Some trips requires weeks or months of integration while others don't. There are so many factors. You gotta be patient and intuitive about it. Don't re-trip too soon if you're still not done processing the previous trip.

[Nahm]

2 hours ago, acurefornihilism said:

The next days were some of the best I've ever had and I went about life with a new sense of purpose and a positive outlook on life.
Then I crashed when I remembered the face of God and all its implications and i started to get panic attacks.

Don’t wanna go down that road man, it’s rough and unnecessary.  Whatever perceived shortcomings you have going on in life are the experience of the relativity between what you want to be creating and what you actually are doing with your days. Any ‘shifting’ or ‘projecting’ that feeling / situation onto God / God’s face is arguably the worst trap one could create on the path. Mending relationships as you mentioned likely relieved some karma and cleared some conscience. Continue in that direction, bringing that honesty, humility and willingness to yourself & your life in regard to what you really want to create, do and experience. If it gets overwhelming, remember, it’s just for the experience of right now. If you put any future moment ahead of, or as a higher priority than enjoying the actuality of now, you’ll feel it. Let it teach you relaxation from suffering, joy from delusion, presence from conceptualization. If you do so, all of the days of this life will be like those “next days” you mentioned, and then some, infinitely. 

[electroBeam]

31 minutes ago, Nahm said:

Any ‘shifting’ or ‘projecting’ that feeling / situation onto God / God’s face is arguably the worst trap one could create on the path. 

What's that trap? Ive never seen Gods face before

[Peo]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

Don't re-trip too soon if you're still not done processing the previous trip.

what  do you mean, do  i need to experience  a  deep trip before  i understand  what it  means  to "process previous trip"

[Nahm]

@electroBeam

Exactly. It’s ‘old’ thought & beliefs, about me & the world, ‘resurfacing’, and getting recontextualized in more falsity.

[Nak Khid]

6 hours ago, acurefornihilism said:

It made me do all sorts of crazy shit like contacting people I've wronged and asked for apologies, I left my abusive best "friend" with NPD, I started to think for myself and yadda yadda and list goes on. It's still going on to this day.

 

what are examples of  It's still going on to this day?

[Forestluv]

7 hours ago, acurefornihilism said:

How would a grown-up go about this process is what I'm trying to say?

Reduce the dose, don’t add in alcohol or weed. The wee prior to the trip, get grounded with things like meditation. Contemplate the questions and desires you would like to explore. Create a safe, peaceful setting for the trip. Afterwards, give your mind and body time and space to process, integrate and embody the realizations. This can be done in many ways: spending time in nature, contemplating, journaling, creating. . . It can also be helpful to communicate with experienced people that you resonate with. For example, my early trips revealed aspects of nonduality that I couldn’t make sense of. My mind was making up all sorts of stories to make sense of it. It felt unstable. One thing that helped was to watch nonduality speakers that had a lot of experience. As well, going in nature and just observing without all the figuring it out. Yet that’s just me. Someone else may have revelations about creativity during a trip and resonate with an experienced artist that explains how to unlock inner creativity.

To me, it sounds like you have some intuition, feelings and a calling arising. I would get in touch with that and try not to get distracted by the background thinking noise. Thoughts can be insightful, yet they can also be noise of distraction. 

[acurefornihilism]

@Leo Gura Thanks

@Nahm Thanks

@Nak Khid I don't really know what it is. It might be that I finally connected to my intuition or something, cause I get these almost "religious/holy" moments of clarity still that I never used to get before. They're not as frequent anymore but they still happen from time to time.

@Serotoninluv Thanks, that helps a lot actually