A Bit Stuck In Self-Inquiry

[Rilles]

I know im not the mind or my thoughts or my sight and stuff like that, but when I try to actually pinpoint what the awareness itself is I keep slipping around in the mud inside my "head"... I dont know if theres something there or not... Can somebody guide me with further questioning or something? In pm if you prefer

[RedLine]

I will try to explain exercise theory, rather than the specific question you should ask. Maybe it could help you. 

 

In the ego standard state of consciusness we think we are seeing reality FROM a ego. So, the exercise basically consists of locating that ego from which we are "observing" reality; Once you have located it, keep in mind that it is an object, not the subject (because you are seeing it, it is impossible for it to be the object). Then try to locate the subject over and over again, discarding everything you can recognize as an object.

 

You probably already know this, but try to reflect on the purpose of the exercise again, it may be helpful.

 

This exercise is difficult as fuck, as it requires a lot of effort / purpose, it is not like meditation, so don't judge yourself so hard if you are not able to do it correctly and you are repeating the question mentally because you are too lazy to "feel the exercise". "It happens to me too, just persist and forgive yourself.

 

Edited April 28, 2020 by RedLine

[Salvijus]

 

 

Edited April 29, 2020 by Salvijus

[Inliytened1]

12 hours ago, Rilles said:

I know im not the mind or my thoughts or my sight and stuff like that, but when I try to actually pinpoint what the awareness itself is I keep slipping around in the mud inside my "head".

You will never be able to pinpoint it/yourself - because it is nothing....You are nothing.   Just have to become directly conscious of that.

 

[Matt23]

I think Peter Ralston is running weekly satsangs over webchat.  I think for around $20 a month.  It seems he'd be a great guy to ask about self-inquiry and enlightenment work, etc.

If you go to his Cheng Hsin website the info should be there.

Edited April 29, 2020 by Matt23

[Guru Fat Bastard]

14 hours ago, Rilles said:

but when I try to actually pinpoint what the awareness itself is

This translates as "but when I try to catch, what the awareness itself is".
Be aware of when you are trying to catch, what can't be caught.
In trying to catch what can't be caught, what is already there is missed.

Inquire:"Am I the awareness I am trying to catch?"

Edited April 29, 2020 by Guru Fat Bastard

[The observer]

14 hours ago, Rilles said:

but when I try to actually pinpoint what the awareness itself is I keep slipping around in the mud inside my "head"

You are not awareness. Awareness is a thought. Who is aware of it?

[Rilles]

4 hours ago, Inliytened1 said:

You will never be able to pinpoint it/yourself - because it is nothing....You are nothing.   Just have to become directly conscious of that.

 

But how... ?

4 hours ago, Matt23 said:

I think Peter Ralston is running weekly satsangs over webchat.  I think for around $20 a month.  It seems he'd be a great guy to ask about self-inquiry and enlightenment work, etc.

If you go to his Cheng Hsin website the info should be there.

Thats awesome! I love Ralston!

3 hours ago, The observer said:

You are not awareness. Awareness is a thought. Who is aware of it?

Okay... thanks??

[Rilles]

5 hours ago, Salvijus said:

 

 

Thanks! Watching right now! Exactly what I was looking for

[Commodent]

Rest with the feeling of "I". No need to over-complicate.

[Salvijus]

37 minutes ago, Rilles said:

Thanks! Watching right now! Exactly what I was looking for

Amazing ??

[Nahm]

20 hours ago, Rilles said:

I know im not the mind or my thoughts or my sight and stuff like that, but when I try to actually pinpoint what the awareness itself is I keep slipping around in the mud inside my "head"... I dont know if theres something there or not... Can somebody guide me with further questioning or something? In pm if you prefer

Let go of that “I know”.  It’s one thought, only, as is any of the ‘mud’. That “I” and what “it” “knows” is kind of the most important thought to recognize as only a thought, and let go. There’s no I which knows anything to be found anywhere in the cosmos. Labeling one at a time thought ‘mud’ is preventative from recognizing the one thought at a time-ness. It sort of write’s off the whole inquiry. You might reallocate to maybe an hour of daily meditation to quiet the mind, and then return to self inquiry. Just a suggestion. Also, trying to ‘pinpoint’ the awareness is self defeating of the practice. It’s voluntary thinking. You might compare that to grasping a pencil and writing a linear flow of ideas that comes to mind, vs self inquiry being more of a letting go of every single thought that arises, no grasp on no thought whatsoever, and returning to the penetrative intention in feeling the ‘answer’ for which no thought is a substitute. If there’s emotional term oil, stop self inquiry and write about it. Keep the two ‘practices’ clean in that way.  Also give the diet a once over. It’s incredible what a different it can make in terms of clarity vs “mud”. (It might be solid already, idk) Godspeed my man. ♥️