Hardkill

Why didn't the law of averages work for this guy?

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I just came across this vid of a clip from an episode of Dr. Phil. I felt really bad for this guy. Why didn't the law of averages work in his favor? I thought that after a certain amount of experience and rejections from women you would inevitably get a yes from a girl.

https://www.drphil.com/videos/ive-been-on-probably-300-first-dates-but-ive-never-had-a-relationship-says-47-year-old-0/

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Not if you are thirsty desperate or talking about yourself the whole time and I think he was being both and both aren't attractive, imo.


“You don’t have problems; you are the problem.”

– Swami Chinmayananda

Namaste 🙏 🕉

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@Hardkill Very simple. Because he never got out of the Vampire mentality. He doesn't seem like he is aware of what he has to offer and a relationship is much more about giving than it is about receiving.


unborn Truth

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@Hardkill  

15 hours ago, Hardkill said:

I just came across this vid of a clip from an episode of Dr. Phil. I felt really bad for this guy. Why didn't the law of averages work in his favor? I thought that after a certain amount of experience and rejections from women you would inevitably get a yes from a girl.

https://www.drphil.com/videos/ive-been-on-probably-300-first-dates-but-ive-never-had-a-relationship-says-47-year-old-0/

   It depends on how intuitive you are, how experienced you are reading people's emotions and body, how committed you are, and how fast you learn. The guy, from my view, is being too needy and logical about all this. 

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Yeah, but isn't this so unusual that he couldn't get even just one woman to even settle with him, despite all of the time and effort that he put into dating? He even tried virtually everything form A-Z to improve his dating and still couldn't get even one 3rd date with any girl at all. I bring this up because guys like me who have suffered from the pain of having more bad than good experiences with dating and constantly struggle to get out of the dating rut no matter what we do. Before I got my first girlfriend ever at the age of 30 (which is very late) and slept with a few other girls before met her I went through the hell of having to be rejected by hundreds of girls I approached IRL (in every kind of place or venue possible) and countless amount of girls I tried to connect with with every kind of online dating app out there. Additionally, over the past few months, my girlfriend has been playing games with me over whether or not she can trust me anymore. A lot of times she is also very controlling over me. So, my relationship hasn't been so great lately.

Many times I feel and think that maybe guy's like me and that guy in the video might just have to let go of dating and move on with the rest of our lives because improve dating appears to be futile and potentially very damaging to one's own self-esteem and confidence. It's such a painful cross to bear as a good man, especially someone like me who has some degree of Asperger's or is socially awkward like that 47 year old man is, to have to face constant rejection. 

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On 04/03/2020 at 1:07 AM, Hardkill said:

Yeah, but isn't this so unusual that he couldn't get even just one woman to even settle with him, despite all of the time and effort that he put into dating? He even tried virtually everything form A-Z to improve his dating and still couldn't get even one 3rd date with any girl at all. I bring this up because guys like me who have suffered from the pain of having more bad than good experiences with dating and constantly struggle to get out of the dating rut no matter what we do. Before I got my first girlfriend ever at the age of 30 (which is very late) and slept with a few other girls before met her I went through the hell of having to be rejected by hundreds of girls I approached IRL (in every kind of place or venue possible) and countless amount of girls I tried to connect with with every kind of online dating app out there. Additionally, over the past few months, my girlfriend has been playing games with me over whether or not she can trust me anymore. A lot of times she is also very controlling over me. So, my relationship hasn't been so great lately.

Many times I feel and think that maybe guy's like me and that guy in the video might just have to let go of dating and move on with the rest of our lives because improve dating appears to be futile and potentially very damaging to one's own self-esteem and confidence. It's such a painful cross to bear as a good man, especially someone like me who has some degree of Asperger's or is socially awkward like that 47 year old man is, to have to face constant rejection. 

   That's ok. Some men will improve slower or faster than others, and a few will suffer greater than others. If it gets to the point that the suffering turns very dark, then you can confidently say that dating isn't for you, and move on to improve a different part of your life. You'll know when to move on. 

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Well I know its tricky but some people really do the work and others only change circumstances. To really grow and solve a problem in life an emotional release is needed. There is never a guarantee to find the perfect partner. But if you actually deal with the issue, do the hard work. You will see that you never needed a great partner to begin with. You are complete and whole. You have alle the love in the world. Seperation is an illusion anyways.

 

 

Another point regarding the law of averages. Outliner are always a part of statistics. There are guys that talk to 50 woman and sleep with all of them, as there are guys who talk to 1000 woman and not get a single one interested. But those are so rare, its like winning the lottery. Forget the law of averages, its only there to help you to take action. Just do the work. Or do you think an aspiring basketball player thinks "If Im just throwing the ball in the air long enough I will win the game"? No, of course not. That is what someone who is either very dumb or not really interested in playing basketball would do. Someone who is really apsiring to become good at it will train his technique, play with friends, join a team, get a coach and think about strategic countermeasures to his opponents tactics in the field. He will watch hours of basketball games, talk with his teammates about it and so forth. I mean you dont have to go all out on this, but ask yourself if you really want this and then take the required steps.

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On 3/4/2020 at 10:07 AM, Hardkill said:

Yeah, but isn't this so unusual that he couldn't get even just one woman to even settle with him, despite all of the time and effort that he put into dating? He even tried virtually everything form A-Z to improve his dating and still couldn't get even one 3rd date with any girl at all. I bring this up because guys like me who have suffered from the pain of having more bad than good experiences with dating and constantly struggle to get out of the dating rut no matter what we do. Before I got my first girlfriend ever at the age of 30 (which is very late) and slept with a few other girls before met her I went through the hell of having to be rejected by hundreds of girls I approached IRL (in every kind of place or venue possible) and countless amount of girls I tried to connect with with every kind of online dating app out there. Additionally, over the past few months, my girlfriend has been playing games with me over whether or not she can trust me anymore. A lot of times she is also very controlling over me. So, my relationship hasn't been so great lately.

Many times I feel and think that maybe guy's like me and that guy in the video might just have to let go of dating and move on with the rest of our lives because improve dating appears to be futile and potentially very damaging to one's own self-esteem and confidence. It's such a painful cross to bear as a good man, especially someone like me who has some degree of Asperger's or is socially awkward like that 47 year old man is, to have to face constant rejection. 

Dude, I was in a similar boat. I looked at a journal entry from 2 years ago questioning whether I should just give up. At the time I was 21 and had never been on a date in my life (much less had sex).  

Two years later, I have 2 girls that I'm seeing (not hiding anything from them), and I'm continuing to improve my approaching and dating whenever I can take the opportunity. There's still more failiure than successes, but I'm becoming more of man.

Have the focus be on your character development as opposed to trying to get (a) girlfriend(s). You will improve over time.

My two successes from daygame (the two girls I'm seeing now) were from approaches that were not stellar at all. And my first date with one of them was akward, and I didn't know if I was gonna see her ever again (sealed the deal with her on the second date though ;) )

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Posted (edited)

If those numbers are true and he isn't just lying (possibility) it's pretty staggering and just pure unlucky that he hasn't landed at least one of those women.

He is actually quite attractive for his age and seems like a decent honest guy from the short video.

I'm sure if he just kept lowering his standards he would get with some woman but that is a VERY tough pill to swallow and I think people should draw a line somewhere for themselves.

Sex and relationships are great and fun but you shouldn't have to sacrifice so much when there are so many better things in life.

Edited by Roy

"If you meet the Buddha on the road, kill him."

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