Has Anyone Here Overcome Social Anxiety?

[kag101]

On 31/03/2020 at 9:17 PM, Carl-Richard said:

You're actually correct. Not long ago I became aware that I have been holding back a lot of emotions, and it manifested itself as a tension in the gut area. I started to try to provoke emotional releases during my meditations, and after maybe only 2 months of doing that, I noticed the tension subsiding and I was becomming more "embodied" rather than numbed out. Sometimes meditation can make you totally disregard your emotions, and it's not healthy.

Anyways, I was doing well, and then spring came and my energy levels naturally started to increase, and I was catapulted into non-dual states of awareness out of nowhere, and I responded in fear, because it feels like death, and I'm not ready for it.

I believe the main tension that I was unconsciously holding onto all those years was the fear of death, and when I trained myself to become conscious of this tension, I reached a point where I can drop the tension at will, but then I would go into a process of dying.

So basically, like I've explained in a topic I made 2 weeks ago, I've spent the last few weeks trying to consiously recreate some form of emotional tension in order to ground myself, because I don't want to let go into nonduality. It scares me, I feel like I'm not ready, that I have to grow as a person. These 3-4 years of daily meditation has totally shifted how I experience reality, and there is really no turning back, even though I'm trying my best. It's really idiotic if you ask me haha

Based on my personal experience, I would recommend you stop your meditation practice. I think you'd benefit much more from good psychotherapy.

On 31/03/2020 at 9:54 PM, Commodent said:

Depression hits the 3rd eye chakra. To heal the problem permanently a suggestion might be to resolve the maturity-immaturity duality, and also maybe a consistent meditation/mindfulness practice. Just my 2 cents.

Mumbo-jumbo...

On 01/04/2020 at 5:01 AM, Carl-Richard said:

I just really don't want to die at the moment :).

That's great! You shouldn't want to die! As obvious as this might seem... You don't have to get rid of anything.

On 01/04/2020 at 9:49 AM, Carl-Richard said:

"Have you tried living life but nothing seems to make you satisfied? Try enlightenment!

EXACTLY! That's the trap of "enlightenment". It becomes a spiritual bypass.

On 01/04/2020 at 9:49 AM, Carl-Richard said:

I haven't really lived life yet, and even though I know that it won't satisfy me, I still feel like I have to do it.

Dude, I have been where you are. In my case, life seemed meaningless and I found no joy in virtually anything. So I started the self-actualization/enlightenment journey as a (desperate) attempt to heal myself. I started it when I was 11 (!).

It took me 14 years of trial and error to find what truly stabilized me. And it was something that was always right in front of my nose...: Science.

Little did I know, I had depression and I wasn't aware of it. Only when my psychiatrist decided to gave me a medication called wellbutrin did I feel normal again. I read stuff I wrote last year, and I'm like, "OMG! Did I really feel that empty?" Also, my social anxiety simply vanished. In fact, antidepressants are the first-line treatment for social anxiety. Not exposure therapy, not meditation, not psychedelics. It is antidepressants...

Looking in retrospect, all the books I read, all the meditation I did, were in a way, a waste of time. Bottom line is, I was trying to "self-medicate" my depression with those kinds of practices.

I spent so much time trying to free myself, achieve higher states of consciousness. All in all, I was trying to spiritualize my mental illness.

But now I understand that what made me suffer was, indeed, a chemical imbalance. Nothing more, nothing less. And that is liberating! Nothing spiritual, just chemical...

 

And btw - you are very honest and insightful. It also seems to be that you have a high level of self-knowledge.

All the best!

 

[Edan]

@kag101 thank you for your advice. Your story resonates with me as i was drawn to personal development and spirituality because of dissatisfaction with my life and wanting to heal myself from things like social anxiety which are deeply rooted, i have had it since first grade. They also want to give me Wellbutrin but i said no, because i think it is not a long term solution. You take it, of course you feel great but only for that much long. then after a few months you up your dose, then up and up and after a few years when you reached the highest dose it stops working and you are back where you began but worse, because your brain adjusts to the medication, and is dependent on it. It only treats the symptoms and not the deep roots of the problem. That is my biggest fear. Do you think otherwise? Depression can be cured and i know it because many people  have done it. A reason why i like Actualized.org is because Leo is interested in deep root solutions rather then quick fix solutions. 

Edited April 6, 2020 by Edan

[Commodent]

1 hour ago, kag101 said:

Mumbo-jumbo...

It's your life. Up to you if you want to investigate further. Many chronically depressed people seem to be conflicted when it comes to immaturity/maturity, and I'm also speaking from personal experience here. 3rd eye simply means it makes you less able to see things clearly, something which meditation/mindfulness might help with.

1 hour ago, kag101 said:

Based on my personal experience, I would recommend you stop your meditation practice. I think you'd benefit much more from good psychotherapy.

Why would they be mutually exclusive?

1 hour ago, kag101 said:

That's great! You shouldn't want to die! As obvious as this might seem... You don't have to get rid of anything.

Surrendering attachment to life does not mean that you want to physically die. It simply means you are not attached to the phenomena of life. Which is incredibly liberating, since you are not attached to any outcome. Life becomes like a game. No destruction needed.

Also, there is no way anyone should feel about anything. Any "should" is just programming and a completely self-imposed limitation.

1 hour ago, kag101 said:

EXACTLY! That's the trap of "enlightenment". It becomes a spiritual bypass.

Spiritual bypassing is rooted in dogma, "I should be doing/feeling/thinking this and not this" etc. That is also something that needs to be faced on the spiritual path. That is basically the point of the koan "When you meet the Buddha, kill him." Truth is always found within.

And again, cutting attachments ≠ passivity. Cut your attachments to Enlightenment, happiness all of that. That will leave you open to the natural flow of life, wherein genuine growth and joy reside.

@Carl-Richard is on the spiritual path. However, you seem insistent that he should go a different path. Your path. That does honestly not strike me as very integrous.

Edited April 6, 2020 by Commodent

[Elton]

@Rilles all I had to do was to stop bad habits like smoking,weed,junk food, porn and install new habits like reading meditating yoga exercise and pc exercise.

This took like 5 years after a lot and lot of homeostasis.. and I'm still in doubt if the change is permanent or not cause it's been just 4 months.. 

But whatever it is however I thought I suffered and I was fundamentally flawed I never gave up and kept on trying again and again sometimes took me lot of time to get back on track but better late than never...

Now I'm working on success in career which I have never really taken seriously all my life... And I have found my life purpose in the last 5 years (slow but I have found it throught the life purpose course) but I think to get there I need a intermediate step and get very successful first...

So when you work on your self and change your self image and become more confident and high on integrity social anxiety seems to just melt away..

Practical advise to follow: find one thing most important to you and do it..

Then see how how your high on integrity...

Social anxiety is just like performance anxiety the less you worry about it it will easily dis-solve..

Also not giving a fuck about what people think helps a lot.

[kag101]

On 06/04/2020 at 4:29 PM, Edan said:

They also want to give me Wellbutrin

Wow, that's an interesting coincidence...

On 06/04/2020 at 4:29 PM, Edan said:

but i said no, because i think it is not a long term solution. You take it, of course you feel great but only for that much long. then after a few months you up your dose, then up and up and after a few years when you reached the highest dose it stops working and you are back where you began but worse, because your brain adjusts to the medication, and is dependent on it. It only treats the symptoms and not the deep roots of the problem. That is my biggest fear. Do you think otherwise?

Did you tell this concern of yours to the doctor?

 

On 06/04/2020 at 5:19 PM, Commodent said:

Why would they be mutually exclusive?

I don't think meditation is very effective for social anxiety. In my case, it made it worse, actually. I would get even more "internalized", more self-conscious (in the negative sense).

On 06/04/2020 at 5:19 PM, Commodent said:

Surrendering attachment to life does not mean that you want to physically die. It simply means you are not attached to the phenomena of life. Which is incredibly liberating, since you are not attached to any outcome. Life becomes like a game.

This sounds too theoretical and unrealistic.

On 06/04/2020 at 5:19 PM, Commodent said:

Also, there is no way anyone should feel about anything. Any "should" is just programming and a completely self-imposed limitation.

So I "shouldn't" use should statements? Lol

On 06/04/2020 at 5:19 PM, Commodent said:

Cut your attachments to Enlightenment, happiness all of that. That will leave you open to the natural flow of life, wherein genuine growth and joy reside.

Ok, that's great. How many % of the population can achieve that state?

 

18 hours ago, Elton said:

all I had to do was to stop bad habits like smoking,weed

Smoking weed, in the long-term, was terrible for my social anxiety. I am so glad I got rid of it.

18 hours ago, Elton said:

And I have found my life purpose in the last 5 years (slow but I have found it throught the life purpose course) but I think to get there I need a intermediate step and get very successful first...

I agree.

18 hours ago, Elton said:

Practical advise to follow: find one thing most important to you and do it..

I like that. It reminds me of the book: "The subtle art of not giving a fuck."

 

[Commodent]

2 minutes ago, kag101 said:

I don't think meditation is very effective for social anxiety. In my case, it made it worse, actually. I would get even more "internalized", more self-conscious (in the negative sense).

To me it was the opposite. Do-nothing meditation helped calm down the neuroticism that was fueling the social anxiety and get more in touch with my authentic self. Getting a break from distractions and letting the dust settle, so to speak. Note that meditation can also be a neurotic activity of trying to "get somewhere".

2 minutes ago, kag101 said:

This sounds too theoretical and unrealistic.

Then I must be living a very theoretical and unrealistic reality. lol

4 minutes ago, kag101 said:

So I "shouldn't" use should statements? Lol

"Should" as much as you want, but from my own observations it's not a very pleasant way to live and it stunts growth.

5 minutes ago, kag101 said:

Ok, that's great. How many % of the population can achieve that state?

Most people, I assume. I don't see what would be stopping them, other than ignorance.

[Rilles]

i just want to tell yall im in therapy now, hopefully that will solve some of it, thanks for all the replies❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[kag101]

On 13/04/2020 at 7:41 PM, Commodent said:

Do-nothing meditation helped calm down the neuroticism that was fueling the social anxiety and get more in touch with my authentic self. Getting a break from distractions and letting the dust settle, so to speak.

Yes, meditation can help quiet the mind. But in some cases, especially when done excessively, it can lead to the opposite.

On 13/04/2020 at 7:41 PM, Commodent said:

Then I must be living a very theoretical and unrealistic reality. lol

So you're saying "not attached to any outcome"?

On 13/04/2020 at 7:41 PM, Commodent said:

"Should" as much as you want, but from my own observations it's not a very pleasant way to live and it stunts growth.

I don't care what you say. Nobody should want to die. End of story.

On 13/04/2020 at 7:41 PM, Commodent said:

Most people, I assume. I don't see what would be stopping them, other than ignorance.

How can someone cut attachment to happiness? And why would it be beneficial to do that?

 

 

On 14/04/2020 at 5:33 AM, Rilles said:

i just want to tell yall im in therapy now, hopefully that will solve some of it, thanks for all the replies❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

That's great, man!! ???

I hope it's a good therapist.

Best of luck, and keep us posted!!

[Commodent]

8 minutes ago, kag101 said:

Yes, meditation can help quiet the mind. But in some cases, especially when done excessively, it can lead to the opposite.

I think this ultimately boils down to intent, not the amount. As I said, meditation can also be a neurotic activity.

Do-nothing meditation involves no such goal of trying to "quiet the mind". It's essentially letting go of control, which is the very foundation of ego.

9 minutes ago, kag101 said:

So you're saying "not attached to any outcome"?

No attachment to any phenomena, whether it be past, present or future. This does of course imply detachment from projected future.

Essentially realizing how you are not subject to anything within the field of awareness, e.g. the physical body.

11 minutes ago, kag101 said:

I don't care what you say. Nobody should want to die. End of story.

I agree. Nobody should want to die, but they are free to want that if they so wish. If you've ever read about NDEs or advanced mystical experiences, you would know that the decision to return to one's body is often accompanied by a certain reluctance. That is neither right nor wrong. Similarly, someone identifying with a false self are not wrong for wanting to abandon this false self (which subjectively might feel like death).

21 minutes ago, kag101 said:

How can someone cut attachment to happiness? And why would it be beneficial to do that?

By becoming aware of the suffering that is induced by clinging to the state of happiness. The benefit is that you won't suffer when reality is not living up to the ideal of happiness that you're trying to impose onto it.

[Rilles]

On 16/04/2020 at 0:04 AM, kag101 said:

That's great, man!! ???

I hope it's a good therapist.

Best of luck, and keep us posted!!

So far shes great, really respectful, lets me talk and doesnt interrupt, doesnt put words in my mouth or try to overanalyze me, just listens with compassion ?

i will keep yall posted when i start doing some  CBT, right now im just telling her my lifestory basically

[kag101]

On 18/04/2020 at 3:34 PM, Rilles said:

So far shes great, really respectful, lets me talk and doesnt interrupt, doesnt put words in my mouth or try to overanalyze me, just listens with compassion ?

Cool! But like, does she make interesting observations or questions once in a while? I've had therapists who would nod their head and fake empathy.

On 18/04/2020 at 3:34 PM, Rilles said:

i will keep yall posted when i start doing some  CBT, right now im just telling her my lifestory basically

I personally like free-association therapy.

there's an app that helps me a lot and they use some concepts of CBT to identify inconsistencies in negative thoughts. it's really interesting. it's called Moodtools.

best of luck!

[Rilles]

7 hours ago, kag101 said:

Cool! But like, does she make interesting observations or questions once in a while? I've had therapists who would nod their head and fake empathy.

Oh yeah she does, nothing fake about her, she helps me to keep going when my mind goes blank and my body goes into hyperdrive, which happens alot when you bring up trauma. We have gret connection. 

I personally like free-association therapy.

there's an app that helps me a lot and they use some concepts of CBT to identify inconsistencies in negative thoughts. it's really interesting. it's called Moodtools.

Ill look into that, thanks!

best of luck!

 

[Rilles]

cried alot after todays session... it was hard to let it out but eventually it happened... I realize Im not as in touch with my emotions as I thought I was... been crying in bursts for a good 30 mins now though... feels good

?

[RacerX]

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[kag101]

On 27/04/2020 at 8:58 AM, Rilles said:

ried alot after todays session... it was hard to let it out but eventually it happened... I realize Im not as in touch with my emotions as I thought I was... been crying in bursts for a good 30 mins now though... feels good

?

how are you right now? do you feel lighter?

[Rilles]

7 hours ago, kag101 said:

how are you right now? do you feel lighter?

I felt really light and happy afterwards, usually Im absolutely drained and depressed after my sessions, but this seemed to fix me right up. 

[March]

On 21/02/2020 at 5:59 AM, Shiva99 said:

 

Thanks!

This was surprisingly insightful - you are never talking to a group of people, but only individuals.

Edited April 29, 2020 by March

[kag101]

On 4/29/2020 at 3:45 AM, Rilles said:

I felt really light and happy afterwards, usually Im absolutely drained and depressed after my sessions, but this seemed to fix me right up. 

Is feeling "absolutely drained and depressed" after your session a good thing? I know that purging is important sometimes and everything, but I don't think it's a good sign if it happens every single time.

In my case, I always leave psychotherapy with a sense of relief and optimism. I personally don't find cathartic experiences to be effective. in my experience, the best psychotherapy is subtle.

Have you asked her if she thinks that it is a good idea to see a psychiatrist? Maybe you're feeling things so intensely because you might have a chemical unbalance... 

[PepperBlossoms]

Ahh.  I have been having the same problem.  The neighbor came to the door, who I had never met, and my teeth were chattering the entire time.

Even meeting an old friend for dinner made my feet chatter.

When I played tennis with a group of strangers or even people who know me, in my mind, they all think I am a piece of shit.  If they are new, I tell myself that it won't take long for them to realize how much of a piece of shit/lame I am and that they won't want to talk to me anymore.

My mind tells me that my parents, cousins, aunts, uncles, brothers, ex love interests all think I am a piece of shit.

I remember I used to think my best friends were pieces of shit growing up and thought I was awesome and now I am wondering if that has something to do with it.  I also switch from thinking my parents hate me to thinking they are okay with me.

I find myself terrified of authority.- I've been scared of every boss I have ever had.  They have all been male with large age difference and I am a young female - I don't know if that has anything to do with it.

I quit my job and my company won't take me back and now I'm toying with other careers to try and I'm telling myself that anything I chose, I won't be good enough because I will be a piece of shit at it.  I told myself that I was a piece of shit at my last job and was the worst employee there and felt I had to quit to not get fired.  It is weird because when I was a student, I made all A's so it's a drastic change from good to bad performance.

Part of me feels like my parents are to blame for being too judgemental, but also every friendship I have ever had has gone to shit.  I feel like - okay it's good to know you're a shit but only to an extent and then it really messes with you - and I'm just trying to figure out how to symbolize these feelings so that I can get past them. 

Whenever I see really bubbly confident people, I kind of feel like they are being fake and tend to appreciate the quiet people who I feel I can identify with.  But then there is the whole - the things you complain about other people are just things that you don't like about yourself..

I've been talking with a counselor for a few months now, but there's still a long way to go.  I even get scared over our sessions (but he admitted he does too.)

[Rilles]

14 hours ago, kag101 said:

Is feeling "absolutely drained and depressed" after your session a good thing? I know that purging is important sometimes and everything, but I don't think it's a good sign if it happens every single time.

Well, it happens in different degrees, sometimes Im just more emotionally sensitive after a session. Music really comes alive... which is nice. ?

In my case, I always leave psychotherapy with a sense of relief and optimism. I personally don't find cathartic experiences to be effective. in my experience, the best psychotherapy is subtle.

I cant really tell whats gonna happen in the future, weve just been talking so far and not really taking action, I think ill feel more optimistic once I get challenges to work on. 

Have you asked her if she thinks that it is a good idea to see a psychiatrist? Maybe you're feeling things so intensely because you might have a chemical unbalance... 

Thats an interesting perspective... Ill definitley ask her that. Thanks for supporting me. ❤️