Porn is essentially pointless.

[the-philogynist]

7 minutes ago, Eph75 said:

The dogma.. What if.. just what if you have got this wrong. Stay with that thought. Explore the possibility. There you find the opportunity for growth. 

Are you talking to me?

If you are, than you have to explain what exactly do I have wrong.

[Forestluv]

@the-philogynist I’m not telling you that you are “wrong”. I understand what you are saying. You are perceiving sex as a copulatory mechanism. That’s fine if you want to stay contracted within that construct. To me, that is a great construct for how mice, rabbits etc. have sex. A primordial limbic system driven activity. Yet it is a very limited and contraction of human sexuality. 

It’s not that you are wrong. What is being said is that you are very limited. Rather than seeing it as “complicated”, try to see it as limited. Imagine that you are in room 223 in a Grand Hotel and have never left room 223. To you, all that exists is room 223. When people tell you there is more than room 223, it is not over-complicating things - it is expansion. If you want to stay in room 223, that is totally fine. It is a fine room and some people want to spend their life in that room. There is nothing wrong with that. . . . Yet be aware that there is much more to explore that you are unaware of. Yet to expand, you would need to open the door to room 223, look and explore - which you are not interested in doing at this time. And that’s fine.

 

[Eph75]

Yes sorry, I should have written "missing out on something" rather than "wrong". And yes, that was addressing you @the-philogynist

[Dlavjr]

7 minutes ago, Serotoninluv said:

@the-philogynist I’m not telling you that you are “wrong”. I understand what you are saying. You are perceiving sex as a copulatory mechanism. That’s fine if you want to stay contracted within that construct. To me, that is a great construct for how mice, rabbits etc. have sex. A primordial limbic system driven activity. Yet it is a very limited and contraction of human sexuality. 

It’s not that you are wrong. What is being said is that you are very limited. Rather than seeing it as “complicated”, try to see it as limited. Imagine that you are in room 223 in a Grand Hotel and have never left room 223. To you, all that exists is room 223. When people tell you there is more than room 223, it is not over-complicating things - it is expansion. If you want to stay in room 223, that is totally fine. It is a fine room and some people want to spend their life in that room. There is nothing wrong with that. . . . Yet be aware that there is much more to explore that you are unaware of. Yet to expand, you would need to open the door to room 223, look and explore - which you are not interested in doing at this time. And that’s fine.

If you're gonna bother listening to any one of the responses in this thread @the_philogynist, listen to this one. We all get what you're saying, you can easily just "have sex" with no skill or effort required, but you're missing out on a whole world of intimacy by doing so. And it expands into every aspect of a relationship. A sexually satisfied woman is far happier in a relationship than one that is not. There are an endless array of skills that can be developed in sex, and they're optional, sure, but the benefits of doing so are far too good to overlook. Why sell your sex life short? Why would you NOT want to make it the best it can be? Also, as a side comment, you can develop a skill in literally anything. Skill is not something that is restricted to only certain activities. One person will always be better than another at SOMETHING. The best way to enjoy life to it's fullest is to develop yourself as much as possible and accept that you have an infinite amount of knowledge to learn, and skills to develop. There's everything to gain when you get good at sex, do yourself and your future mate the favor and be open to sex as an extremely intimate art rather than sex as an activity for personal gain. 

[the-philogynist]

17 minutes ago, Serotoninluv said:

@the-philogynist I’m not telling you that you are “wrong”. I understand what you are saying. You are perceiving sex as a copulatory mechanism. That’s fine if you want to stay contracted within that construct. To me, that is a great construct for how mice, rabbits etc. have sex. A primordial limbic system driven activity. Yet it is a very limited and contraction of human sexuality. 

It’s not that you are wrong. What is being said is that you are very limited. Rather than seeing it as “complicated”, try to see it as limited. Imagine that you are in room 223 in a Grand Hotel and have never left room 223. To you, all that exists is room 223. When people tell you there is more than room 223, it is not over-complicating things - it is expansion. If you want to stay in room 223, that is totally fine. It is a fine room and some people want to spend their life in that room. There is nothing wrong with that. . . . Yet be aware that there is much more to explore that you are unaware of. Yet to expand, you would need to open the door to room 223, look and explore - which you are not interested in doing at this time. And that’s fine.

 

First I just what to say to you all, please just stop with the 'skill' analogies. They're totally off the mark, and I just can't stand to hear them... anymore.

Having said that: Yes, sex is a copulatory mechanism among the animals and it's just that a simple mechanism.

But what with humans sex is more unique because of the simple and default fact that we are human beings and we have the ability to be creative.

Please believe me I'm not thinking in a limited why. I just really see what's going on now and I refuse to buy into the nonsensical ways of society.

 

[Forestluv]

2 minutes ago, the-philogynist said:

I just really see what's going on now 

If you enjoy your view, I’m happy for you. 

[Danioover9000]

  @the-philogynist   First, I want to say I understand and could relate to most of what you're posting. Second, I'm more than willing to help with your issue regarding either pornography or real sex, as long as you are willing and aware enough to learn and help yourself as much as possible. Third, I'm not gonna judge or demonize you, you know, the kind of judging you'd get from family, friends, mainstream media, school, or people pretending to be therapists.

   I want to start by asking you some questions, in number format, and if you respond then respond on the number:

1. What outcome are you after from pornography, dating, sexuality or relationships?

2. Have you developed a vision for blank(blank refers to either porn, dating, sexuality or relationships)?

3. Have you got an image on your vision board of this outcome?

4. Could you share what you see, hear and feel when you visualize this outcome?

5. Do you want help clarifying your intentions further?

[Shin]

19 minutes ago, Serotoninluv said:

If you enjoy your view, I’m happy for you. 

Usually, when you defend your viewpoint that much, you aren't enjoying at all.

[DrewNows]

On 12/25/2019 at 3:12 AM, the-philogynist said:

Of course I haven't 'felt' the sex yet but I 'know' what sex is.

I'm going to say this again, try to understand what I am saying: we all know what sex is by default, sex is not really what we do, sex is already what we actually are.

Try to understand.

An idea of sex is much much different than actual sex, I assure you, as someone who didn’t have sex until later on, the experience changes your perspective and understanding 

22 hours ago, Shin said:

I had a friend that is a playboy and can attract any 10 he likes, and he was still jerking off after having sex with those kinds of girls

Because he subconsciously knows he can’t find lasting happiness outside of himself 

and we wonder why it’s hard to appreciate what we already have 

 

[the-philogynist]

42 minutes ago, Dlavjr said:

If you're gonna bother listening to any one of the responses in this thread @the_philogynist, listen to this one. We all get what you're saying, you can easily just "have sex" with no skill or effort required, but you're missing out on a whole world of intimacy by doing so. And it expands into every aspect of a relationship. A sexually satisfied woman is far happier in a relationship than one that is not. There are an endless array of skills that can be developed in sex, and they're optional, sure, but the benefits of doing so are far too good to overlook. Why sell your sex life short? Why would you NOT want to make it the best it can be? Also, as a side comment, you can develop a skill in literally anything. Skill is not something that is restricted to only certain activities. One person will always be better than another at SOMETHING. The best way to enjoy life to it's fullest is to develop yourself as much as possible and accept that you have an infinite amount of knowledge to learn, and skills to develop. There's everything to gain when you get good at sex, do yourself and your future mate the favor and be open to sex as an extremely intimate art rather than sex as an activity for personal gain. 

I'm listening. Keep asking questions I have no problem answering.

I'm going to just say it: It is not 'skill' thats the wrong word. The right word is 'creativity'.

Yes, some people just don't know how to be creative. That probably do need some help in that area. That's why it would be good if one partner is more creative that can tell the other partner who is not that creative WHAT TO DO.

You know, technically I can't miss something that I haven't actually done yet.  I'm "looking forward to it"

[the-philogynist]

1 hour ago, Eph75 said:

Yes sorry, I should have written "missing out on something" rather than "wrong". And yes, that was addressing you @the-philogynist

I can't technically miss something that I haven't actually done yet.

I'm "looking forward to it".

[the-philogynist]

14 minutes ago, DrewNows said:

An idea of sex is much much different than actual sex, I assure you, as someone who didn’t have sex until later on, the experience changes your perspective and understanding 

Because he subconsciously knows he can’t find lasting happiness outside of himself 

and we wonder why it’s hard to appreciate what we already have 

 

Can I ask you something?

Is it not true that everything that we do, start in the mind and as a thought first?

We never do any type of action unless we thought about it in our minds first.

[DrewNows]

@the-philogynist imo “true” sex is about connection and sharing an experience. Porn can be about an experience but also it’s often about the release of energy, its appealing when one isn’t willing to put the energy into other areas of life. The abstinence usually results in more productivity and creativity, the sexual energy needs to go somewhere!  

[DrewNows]

17 minutes ago, the-philogynist said:

Can I ask you something?

Is it not true that everything that we do, start in the mind and as a thought first?

figure this one out experientially, how often do you move without thinking first? 

We never do any type of action unless we thought about it in our minds first.

It’s not true, but usually this is where people go wrong when it comes to sex. I remember my first time, I was completely engrossed in fulfilling my idea of “a good time” instead of being open, communicative and sensual. When there’s true intimacy, it’s a flow state experience, like being in the zone. There’s clarity for the role of thought and it’s simply to communicate wants and needs with the partner. Everything else is just reactionary responses, nothing more 

Edit: openness/vulnerability greatly impacts learning and improving, mental blocks are usually what causes poor sex. due to an idea, trauma/unhealed wounds and lack of understanding in the fragmented self

Edited December 26, 2019 by DrewNows

[the-philogynist]

20 minutes ago, DrewNows said:

It’s not true, but usually this is where people go wrong when it comes to sex. I remember my first time, I was completely engrossed in fulfilling my idea of “a good time” instead of being open, communicative and sensual. When there’s true intimacy, it’s a flow state experience, like being in the zone. There’s clarity for the role of thought and it’s simply to communicate wants and needs with the partner. Everything else is just reactionary responses, nothing more 

Edit: openness/vulnerability greatly impacts learning and improving, mental blocks are usually what causes poor sex. due to an idea, trauma/unhealed wounds and lack of understanding in the fragmented self

If you don't mind me asking:

For your first time having sex, what did you thought was a 'good time'?

[the-philogynist]

1 hour ago, Danioover9000 said:

  @the-philogynist   First, I want to say I understand and could relate to most of what you're posting. Second, I'm more than willing to help with your issue regarding either pornography or real sex, as long as you are willing and aware enough to learn and help yourself as much as possible. Third, I'm not gonna judge or demonize you, you know, the kind of judging you'd get from family, friends, mainstream media, school, or people pretending to be therapists.

   I want to start by asking you some questions, in number format, and if you respond then respond on the number:

1. What outcome are you after from pornography, dating, sexuality or relationships?

2. Have you developed a vision for blank(blank refers to either porn, dating, sexuality or relationships)?

3. Have you got an image on your vision board of this outcome?

4. Could you share what you see, hear and feel when you visualize this outcome?

5. Do you want help clarifying your intentions further?

Thanks, I appreciate the comment.

Just for the record and to make things clear: I don't have a porn or sex addiction. I could care less about pornography. Porn doesn't care about our sexuality. I don't care if the whole industry goes out of business tomorrow, because I can get an actual woman. Porn doesn't care about our sexuality. But at the same time I'm not anti porn either. Don't have a sex addiction because I'm not having sex right now ha ha. 

I'm having trouble perceiving some of the questions.

Could you list those questions again but in a different way?

Edited December 27, 2019 by the-philogynist

[DrewNows]

37 minutes ago, the-philogynist said:

If you don't mind me asking:

For your first time having sex, what did you thought was a 'good time'?

Lasting a long time, multiple positions, being dominant/confident, and pleasing partner based off my ideas rather than what’s real, basically whatever I learned from porn. It was crazy fake sex tbh, about as good as jumping into a porn scene in your head, better than masturbation but far from true love/intimacy . Basically like two people working together to fulfill completely different desires, sex objects  

Porn has a clear agenda that entices imagination, objectifies women/sex and creates abnormal expectations imo, however it serves a purpose on a certain level, just not the happiest of levels

[the-philogynist]

3 minutes ago, DrewNows said:

Lasting a long time, multiple positions, being dominant/confident, and pleasing partner based off my ideas rather than what’s real, basically whatever I learned from porn. It was crazy fake sex tbh, about as good as jumping into a porn scene in your head, better than masturbation but far from true love/intimacy . Basically like two people working together to fulfill completely different desires, sex objects  

Porn has a clear agenda that entices imagination, objectifies women/sex and creates abnormal expectations imo, however it serves a purpose on a certain level, just not the happiest of levels

Ok, if you don't mind me asking.

how long did you last?

Did you two actually do multiple positions?

Where you actually confident and dominant?

As far as women being sexually objectified, some actually objectify themselves in society. So what do they expect some men would do?

 

[DrewNows]

13 minutes ago, the-philogynist said:

Ok, if you don't mind me asking.

how long did you last?

Did you two actually do multiple positions?

Where you actually confident and dominant?

As far as women being sexually objectified, some actually objectify themselves in society. So what do they expect some men would do?

 

It’s not just woman being objectified...men are as well, we all objectify ourselves and in turn, others 

the rest of your questions are irrelevant 

[Forestluv]

2 hours ago, the-philogynist said:

I'm going to just say it: It is not 'skill' thats the wrong word. The right word is 'creativity'.

Yes, some people just don't know how to be creative. That probably do need some help in that area. That's why it would be good if one partner is more creative that can tell the other partner who is not that creative WHAT TO DO.

You are using the term “creative” as a euphemism for “skill”. One can be creative and lack skills. An novice artist that is creative still needs to develop skills to be a skilled artist. There are many styles, mediums, utensils, lighting, contrast, color, mood, etc. Similarly, a person can be creative during sex and unskilled. There are things one learns over time.

I think you are putting way too much emphasis on “skills vs. no skills”. Technical skills are just one component. There are other components, like you say, creativity. As well, I would say something like being genuine and caring is more of a character trait than a skill. For some women, feeling a close connection and comfortable with each other are more important than technical skills. A guy could have great skills, yet if he finishes and then rolls over and starts snoring without caring about her organism and fulfillment, his skills are insufficient.