- Upwards Spyral - 6 Week no Cocaine Challenge or I donate 1000€ to

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I'm commiting for real. This is the most Important thing in my life for the next couple of weeks. I'm not waiting for 2020 to take personal development seriously. I'm putting 1000€ down on my desk for 6 weeks to remind me of the commitment, even though I don't have excess money per se.

More important than that is my desire for a focused mind and vigorous body and actitude, and the desire to embody the insight of the HUGE importance of getting nutrition handled as a ESSENTIAL REQUISITE for self-development.


And with Cocaine I refer to the socially  acceptable edible version AKA REFINED SUGAR and other junk foods. This is what it deserves to be thought as.

Really it's wrong to even call it with the label "food". It's not food. It's stimulating addictive poison that has been accepted to be called " food " by our low consciousness culture.


I've been observing the effects of this motherf* for the last two years and  ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.


I have developed my body awareness quite a bit over this time and now I'm able to actually feel the effects of the "food" I'm eating. I recall being completely numb and clueless to this throughtout my life.


I'm TIRED of being tired all the time.  Constant brain fog and constant bodily fatigue. Also it looks like it magnifies resistance for any positive habits x10, and keeps creating negative spyrals of shitty low consciousness behaviour like wanting to zone out with League of legends, binge Youtube, excesively fap, etc. ( and these behaviours feed into shitty diet ).


Not having  enough focus to sit and introspect, contemplate and work on the LP course consistently.

It makes me feel anxiety and tension in the body even though I consciously keep releasing it.


It actually fckin' hijacks my emotions and thoughts making me feel negative, depressed and nihilistinc as a withdrawal syndrome. Like WTF? If this isn't a clear sign it's a hardcore drug IDK what is.


It exagerates the magnitude of dropping excesively stimulating food. No, life won't be hell without pizza and cookies.


Yesterday. I woke up inspired to make the commitment and I ALMOST DIDN'T! This whole thing started off as a little thought to which I was like * dismissive tone of voice*  " yee that wud be cool man" as I kept laying under my warm and comfy bedsheets before getting ready for work.


But I decided to take action on the thought, and here we are.


Somehow sharing this on the internet makes it specially meaningful giving me some motivational leverage.

Even though I understand all meaning is self constructed and that from the Universe's point of view it's also  cool if I commit to a Strict Twinkie-only diet,  I'll let go of my cynisism for 6 weeks and take on this personal experiment, keeping faith in that It will be worth it.


Defining the Goal. 


Pretty much following the guidelines in " How to shop for healthy food" video + my  personal experience.


No Oyster / Soja sauce noodles or rice from work.  No crispy flour-coated fried sh*t, no cheap meat or eggs. No sweetened fruit shakes, or ice cream, even if all of this is free. I noticed how my capacity to focus was worse week by week as I kept eating  these things since I started working in that restaurant two years ago.


No Wheat, bread, cookies, donuts, crossaints, cereal. No soft drinks, no honey or even fruits for the first week as I'm shooting to stabilize my blood sugar levels and I tend to binge on frozen fruit, and having a sweet taste in my mouth kicks off binge habits of overeating.


No freaking Zebra Cake that my dad just brought in through the door as I was writing that my mom baked.


BRB I'll burry that sh*t on the beach right now. 









Edited by mmKay
posted by mistake, wasn't ready.

🌹🎩 Growing Hair on my Balls 🍒 Extremely Raw and Honest " PUA " Journey Journal. Viewer discretion is advised.

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First day gone already.

Not sure how my diet will look like but I do know it will be full of vegetables.

Ate mostly steamed brocoli, avocados, washed Cherry tomatoes and tested out raw peanuts, they seem to be alright ( no alergic reactions ).

Lots of negative emotions and physical withdrawal syndromes when the time of the day after work came where I'd usually have some snacks. Headaches, stomach aches, overload of depressive thoughts. . .

Also had to apply quite a lot of willpower when bored not to grab a snack.

Before bed I didn't remotely feel as tired as mostly. I remember crashing on the couch even with my work clothes on without having energy to brush my teeth before bed.

WTF had Insomnia this night for some reason ? Sugar trying to get me tired to lower my willpower so I fall into cravings. GG but NOPE.

🌹🎩 Growing Hair on my Balls 🍒 Extremely Raw and Honest " PUA " Journey Journal. Viewer discretion is advised.

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It's Sunday so grocerie stores are closed here in Spain. I'm getting by eating Avocados with himalayan salt and steamed brocoli.

It feels soft as it goes in, but still kind of aggresive, as if such food "didn't belong in my stomach", causing some mild discomfort and flatulence.

I feel my stomach struggling to get used to actually having to digest food, instead of melting over-processed wheat, processed white rice, and ofc processed sugar.

A while ago I heard about the so called " keto flu ", which is basically a group of negative symptoms that appear when your body is switching from using carbohydrates as fuel ( wheat, rice, legumes, potatoes, pasta . . . ) to using ketones aka fat ( avocados, olives, nuts, quality meat, sardines, olive oil . . .) 


"Switching to a very low-carb diet is a major change, and your body may need time to adapt to this new way of eating.

While some people may transition to a ketogenic diet without any side effects, others may experience one or more of the following symptoms: "

Nausea - nope

Vomiting, - nope, although this happened to me once because of eating non-washed vegetables bout a year ago.

Constipation - yup, somewhat yesterday.

Diarrhea - This one took me by surprise at my first attempt on a low carb diet. I was like "Wth?, I'm eating so clean and having so much digestive problems?" So after couple of attempts I transition pretty good.

Headache -Yes, during the first day after quitting sugar.

Irritability -Yes, in the form of shitty negative thoughts.

Muscle cramps - yeah, in my legs when driving.

Dizziness - nope

Poor concentration - No difference right now. But less brain fog for sure.

Stomach pain - Yeah, somewhat mild and annoying.

Muscle soreness - Yeah, but may be because I'm a couch potato these days.

Difficulty sleeping - Yup, slept bout 4 hours last night. Didn't fall asleep during Siesta either.

Sugar cravings - Yes. I keep getting flashes of grabbing some quick snack that is laying around the house, I imagine how it would taste. I get thoughts rationalizing that I shouldn't be so strict in life, that It's okay to fail this time and I'll just do this challenge next time, that it's probably unhealthy to quit sugar completely. . . etc. YOU ARE NOT FOOLING ME THIS TIME.

Weakness. Yes, still today as well as yesterday. Not as heavy as when coffe's effect runs out where I crash on my couch and I feel unable to move to my bed, wash my teeth and switch to my pajamas. Not as quick and heavy energy drops as after sugar crashes, but still when coming back home after my the first part of my split-shift, I feel like my bodie's biological clock knows It's time for a snack and makes me crave some bagels. 

Today I just slept through it. Didn't fall asleep but I stayed in bed for bout 90 min.

I'm not afraid of loosing the bet and the 1000€. I feel that I am all in, completely commited. No wiggle room at all.

For this first week, from Saturday to Saturday,  21st  till 27th December, my goals are : 

At least 1'5 litres of water per day, one bottle. ( grabbed few big chugs as was writing this ) 

Only vegetable diet, probably mostly raw, steamed or in a healthy soup.  I'm talking buying frozen brocoli, coliflower, brussels sprouts to steam them.

Raw tomatoes, cucumbers, sweet peppers, avocados , and carrots. I worry about the ones where I eat the skin because of all the pesticides ( they are really nasty, look at some videos in YouTube ). I'll buy some baking soda to clean them later on, for now I'll rub them with tap water and vinegar solution.


Woah my poop is green. But I pooped whole lentels that I ate 3 days ago??? Holy sh*t I need to calm down and chew my food.


From now on the time I'm eating is sacred for me. I'm commiting to the the following ritual : Clap my hands , rub them together get present to the moment for couple of seconds before putting ANYTHING into my mouth. By this I will remind myself to chew my food properly, taste it, and I will keep visualizing all the positive side effects of an A+ diet.


I'm planning to eat some more tomatoes, carrots, avocado and maybe peanuts this night. GG.

🌹🎩 Growing Hair on my Balls 🍒 Extremely Raw and Honest " PUA " Journey Journal. Viewer discretion is advised.

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Ate nothing besides some raw red onion, that mildly irritated my stomach and gave me some flatulance, and about two hands full of raw peanuts with some table salt, that actually triggered a familiar behaviour, craving for more food. It may be  because my body needed more salt, I actually had had little calories for the day and was legit hungry, OR also quite likely it's binge eating at night bad habit kicking. Anyhow I stopped after that one cup and noticed the feeling of craving. Still not sure if peanuts are 100% good for me.

Forgot very often my new before-eating ritual. It will take some effort and time to set in place.

Anyways, tomorrow is monday, shops are open,  and I'm planning of buying quite a lot of vegetables and probably a whole box of 20 avocados as I may get a discount from work.

Also stumbled upon the oportunity of online shopping as organic vegetables are avaliable.

Energy levels quite steady. Let's see if I'll have insomnia again.


🌹🎩 Growing Hair on my Balls 🍒 Extremely Raw and Honest " PUA " Journey Journal. Viewer discretion is advised.

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Good for you! Good luck with it all. After the holidays I'll be getting back on track myself. I call sugar "crack" (cocaine).

Whenever I go to this certain gas station this particular lady tries to sell me every candy known to man. I tell her, "I don't want no CRACK!", lol.

I thought the burial for the zebra cake was hilarious, but poor mom, haha.

“You don’t have problems; you are the problem.”

– Swami Chinmayananda

Namaste ? ?

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Good for you, be strong. ? 

I would look into getting some healthy recipes and cooking some yummy dishes. Eating raw red onions is a tough sled.  

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Thanks y'all! 

@Anna1 Yeah, saying "nope thanks " to people that offer you sweets and junk stuff is one possible way that I Imagined that I could go down in.

It may be an extra challenge walking into Mercadona during the holidays and seeing all the tempting limited edition Christmas poison fudges, chocolates, cakes and stuff. Not demonizing any of this stuff btw, just reprograming it in my mind.

And yeah my little brother thought I ate all of the zebra cake in 15 min LOL as it completely dissapaired from the kitchen in a blink of an eye.

Now I feel like I understand all those antique sacrifice rituals ;)

Yup, staying commited for this 42 days no matter what, and then probably I'll look into some healthy dessert recipes, and yeah, I'll be developing some yummy and convenient dishes. I thought about Gazpacho with no bread, which is quite typical over here and SURPRISINGLY HEALTHY as it is a super mainstream dish, although I noticed that any liquid foods are somewhat irritable to the stomach as it's not chewed or anything, it's just dumped raw blended in there.

@Serotoninluv Any favorite recommendations are welcome (;

Anyways, beggining of day 3.

One more night of Insomnia. If I had to speculate I have slept around 4 or less hours. Kind of a shocking difference from the usual 10-11 hours I've been having for the last year and half. Feeling strangely awake and energetic regardless of the little nap time. Is this the new standard or just a side effect of the diet switch? I'm actually genuinely intrigued.

I will be starting my mornings this ancient detox technique I found called Oil pulling, where you basically keep some liquid oil in your mouth for 5- 20 min as it sucks and draws all the sh*t from your body so that you can spit it out. Isn't that bad but kind of damn nasty at the same time. This I've been doing on and off for the last 3 weeks and I'll give it a honest try, even though with this many changes It will be hard to discern what is producing what results.

I'm expecting ego backlash and I'm ready for it. I'm not new around here , come and get me (:

Also, strangely I naturally felt like meditating before sleep and also first thing in the morning, something that hasn't happened in the last year, nothing out of this world but I'll take it.

Anyways, It's 8:53 AM here and I'm out to shop. Peace !


🌹🎩 Growing Hair on my Balls 🍒 Extremely Raw and Honest " PUA " Journey Journal. Viewer discretion is advised.

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Okay, kind of felt like a Noob for this fail.

Thought walking to the supermarket would be a good idea but I didn't put thought into how much groceries will weight.

Ended up walking about 1'5 km carrying 30kg of groceries. With an empty stomach. I had to take couple of breaks because of the struggle and a man in his 50's offered me help, which I politely declined with my noob pride. That's a hit to my subtle misantrophy lol.

Anyways, thats a sure way to hinder and disencourage healthy eating. More thought has to be put into minucia like this;

  • Grocerie list on phone
  • Thinking about what do I already have, for how long will it last me and when is aproximately the next time I'll shop.
  • Is going by bike or walking good enough, or I'll be buying heavy things like water so that I take the car or ask for my younger brother for help?

Also, this reminds me of the importance of eating before going shopping to mitigate hunger.

This is HUGE. It's way more likely to indulge in some fast snack as it has happened to me dozens of times over this last year, where my intention was to have a healthy breakfast but with the hunger and reduced willpower, I end up grabbing some morning pastry with my little brother, that snowballs into shitty diet throughout the day, overstimulates taste buds making tomatoes and letuce taste like amazon prime cardboard, , incites crappy eating the day after as the sugar crash will eventually come, and the downwards spyral begins .  . .


The last thing is that now I know what's up with that crave feeling I experienced yesterday with the table salted peanuts.


"... ate raw peanuts with some table salt, that actually triggered a familiar behaviour, craving for more food. It may be  because my body needed more salt, I actually had had little calories for the day and was legit hungry, OR also quite likely it's binge eating at night bad habit kicking. Anyhow I stopped after that one cup and noticed the feeling of craving. Still not sure if peanuts are 100% good for me."

As I was shopping I was listening to this nutrition audiobook, and what they said made completely sense and clicked instantly.

Table salt is refined in such way that it stimulates the tongue in way more quick and potent way, resulting in what . . . ? Pushing on that pleasure and reward system in the brain, releasing that crave for more response. Crave is definately something I don't want to be having in my diet, no matter if its healthy food or no. Crave is a no-no and will be dissapairing over these 6 weeks.

I do have access to himalayan salt. Its about 50 times more expensive than normal table salt. Not a big deal but it's something to consider over the long run.


🌹🎩 Growing Hair on my Balls 🍒 Extremely Raw and Honest " PUA " Journey Journal. Viewer discretion is advised.

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Just had spinach leaves and Iceber lettuce for breakfast. Didn't want to make a salad so I'm able to discern more clearly what is having what ( at least on the short run )  effect on my gut. Had one squeezed lemon and some olive oil as dressing. I'm aware lemon juice has sugar. I'm not concerned about such quantity and I'm staying vigilant for any flavor-crave it may induce.

Taste is good, although I felt like a giraffe chewing that many leaves, just instead of having a long neck I have a long d*ck.

( I mean long deck,  of pokemon cards. I used to collect them.

- Just kidding -


Almost fell for a trap. Was about to use balsamic vinegar as dressing when I noticed it has colorants.

Staying away from that for now as the main concerns are Wheat, Dairy, sugar, soy and artificial chemicals, sweeteners and colorant agents.


Feeling kind of week, sore legs, and actually less energetic as when I went to sleep last night.

From what I remember letuce gives me somewhat of flatulence. Let's see if that changes over this period of time.


I'll have a short siesta if I feel like, or how many I feel like I want.

I have a quite big wiggle room for the time outside of eating properly, besides behaviour that may snowball into crappy eating. Anything else is a win. Going slow and steady this time. 

That means laying in bed till I have to go to work is a win as well.


🌹🎩 Growing Hair on my Balls 🍒 Extremely Raw and Honest " PUA " Journey Journal. Viewer discretion is advised.

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Couldn't fall asleep. Weird alert state + Monkeymind chattering + the gardener making noise with his leaf blower didn't precisely help. 

Next time I'll use ear plugs for naps during the day.

Besides that, I experienced a 6.5 / 10 headache during these 2 hours. I'm not distracting myself from the pain. I see it as addiction leaving the body. Also doing my best to detach from the experience, just observing and documenting the process.

🌹🎩 Growing Hair on my Balls 🍒 Extremely Raw and Honest " PUA " Journey Journal. Viewer discretion is advised.

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Experienced 5 / 10 headache for the rest of they day. I'll eat more than what I think is enough just in case I'm not getting enough food in my body. Not feeling sleepy at all, but weak. I know this feeling. Sore muscles and tiredness was fixed eating some meat last time I went vegan for couple of weeks. I'll wait it off for this first week, and then maybe introduce some fish products or lentels for the protein intake.

Ate tomatoes, letuce and olives ( not sure how good they are for me yet, all ingredients are okay, besides of the fact that they are pasteurized.

Since I'm not strict with my time besides of what I'm eating, I watched some personal development content as eating. Ended up bad. If I'm not putting attention to the feelings of my gut I get the same bodily feelings as in anxiety. I need to actually focus more on the food while eating.

I'll bring some vegetables to work and have a cold shower now. I feel like it's going to be a tough next 7 hours in work as usually carbs give me enough energy to get through the shift, and sometimes even coffe.

I'll report back at night.

PD: possibly crappy writing because in rush.

🌹🎩 Growing Hair on my Balls 🍒 Extremely Raw and Honest " PUA " Journey Journal. Viewer discretion is advised.

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First three hours were good as I ate steamed brussel sprouts and broccoli with pink salt before going to work. Also had a quick freezing shower that boosted my energy before heading out. After these 3 hours, I started feeling bloated, had flatulance, felt like my stomach was upset and in constant pain ( 4 / 10 ). Definately not how I think It should feel with an optimal diet.

Intuition is telling me it will take about one or two weeks of this kind of eating before I start feeling good. Now I'm just getting used to actually digesting.

Also, some craving and desire for tasting and satiating food appeared, as I was in contact with aromatic and desirable looking food for the whole time.

Don't get fooled. It's poison. You've been there, and you ate it for years. You know how it ends. 

Was feeling somewhat down, but I reminded that there is no choice, literally, as I'm fully commited. And that helped me to get in a better mood.

Just ate one avocado during this time, since gut was feeling irritable and I didn't want my food to touch anything from the soja and oyster sauce infected kitchen.

Damn the avocado slides in nice. I belive the perfect diet would feel somewhat like eating avocados the whole time. It doesn't give you a rush, no brain fog and it ain't no stone for the gut.

So I decided to take the access I have to good avocados and get myself a whole box.  Why wouldn't I, if I'm going all in?

Hoping to finally be able to sleep for more than 4 hours tonight. GN





🌹🎩 Growing Hair on my Balls 🍒 Extremely Raw and Honest " PUA " Journey Journal. Viewer discretion is advised.

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Beggining of day 4

Slept 5-6 ish ours. I feel worse than hangovered tbh. I guess that's what it takes to pay the sleep dept for the last 3 days . I feel sore from carrying the overload of groceries yesterday, and I',m guessing the brocoli and spinach I'm eating isn't enough protein for my muscles to recover.

Also woke up with some mild diarrhea. Reminds me of baby poop, as is the gut is reacting poorly to the veggies.

Yeah may seem gross to talk about feces but there is value in tracking it. You'll see it as well when you go through this.

I'll have just an avocado for this morning as I'm just going to work for 4 hours today and think about what's next when I come back.

I ain't having no coffe to energize for sure, screw that.

If I had bit more time I'd do some light exercise for energy but I'm already running late.


🌹🎩 Growing Hair on my Balls 🍒 Extremely Raw and Honest " PUA " Journey Journal. Viewer discretion is advised.

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Thanks @mmKay  I really enjoyed reading this fascinating, brave (cold turkey, cold showers) and funny odyssey which I'll be following everyday, you've sure got dedication and amazing will-power (just before Christmas as well), best of luck to you, you're on the right track, don't give up, you can do this !! ? ? ? 


Poor Sleep Quality

"Sugar withdrawal can cause sleep disturbances, which can take away the amount of REM sleep you get at night. When the body is adjusting to a decrease in sugar in the diet and with a decrease in certain hormones, it can cause the brain to work in unnatural ways, and your sleep quality could be affected. As with some of the other previously mentioned symptoms above, poor sleep quality related to sugar withdrawal may diminish by itself and with time, but if you notice that it persists for longer than a week or two, then you should consult with your physician for further guidance".

source :


Edited by Amandine

"Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence". Erich Fromm

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Thanks @Amandine ! I'm glad you are digging it. I'm also enjoying sharing the day by day of this challenge. That article is gold btw, it literally narrates evertything I have went through these couple of days. 

Funny I didn't think about googling " quitting sugar" before doing this haha.


Anyways, just came back from work. Energy levels were REALLY low, till the point where I took a 5 min toiled break just to sit down with the lights off.  Pain in leg muscles, right foot tendon ( may be caused because of weared out shoes, gotta get myself a quality pair since I work standing all day) and upper back and traps. There weren't that many clients in the morning,  so I as I saw they were giving out free massages in the kitchen I just walked over and without talking pointed at my traps without saying anything lol.

Not going to say that all Thailand and Thilippine people have inborn massage skills, but it just so happens everyone in the kitchen does have some magic hands and most of them couple of years of exp under the belt, so thats something I was grateful of as I growled in pain during the massage.

That breakfast avocado with salt and pepper gave me some energy but not enough to cut through that "sleep-dept-hangover" as coffee with sugar or some candy breakfast like a sandwitch or bagel would do. It's outrageous how these things spike energy. Nevertheless I'm not interested. I'm looking for long-term steady energy, bodily but mostly cognitive sharpness.

Again, it sucks to be doing this while working with appealing (very unhealthy) food. Smells induce craving thoughts, quite often. I just notice them and dismiss them with the power of full commitment ( " there is no alternative" , as in I won't eat any of that because I have decided not to)

They also decided to bring a special Italian Panettone cake for us to share, and even though no one directly offered me a piece, I looked at it dead in the chocolate chips and said NOPE, turning 180 degrees and walking away.


One of the things I noticed work for me,  is that If I dont think about junk food, imagine it's flavours, picture different dishes, or even have their names in my head, I can get by using way less willpower. I just think about something else or shift my focus on the sensations of my gut and overall body in the moment. So in a sense writing about these things in retrospect is somewhat harming me, but I'm willing to deal with this.

Reminds me of that one time I meditated looking at a cookie, and caught myself salivating, having constant impulses to grab it that I had to inhibit, rationalizing why I should eat it right then ( like " yeah, I'll just chew it and spit it out" - wth lol). Way easier not to have such things at sight or just hide them in a shelf if they belong to your roommates or family.


As I was driving home I noticed myself in a vegetative- really low energy state, and thought of taking advantage of the situation by experimenting the effects of doing some light exercise on energy levels.

First, I packed my bowl full of iceberg lettuce, spinach olive oil,  lemmon juice, one avocado and himalayan pink salt, ate it, and It feels and tastes quite damn good. Didn't feel like cutting up and washing any other veggies for the moment. I'll do that later during the day.

Then I shuffle danced to some Oliver Heldens music for about 3 min and I have to say it's quite amazing how cardio draws physical energy from nowhere. That's something I'll be doing more of.


-- It's cold in my room and it bothers me. I will be looking for solutions.


I'll be back.


🌹🎩 Growing Hair on my Balls 🍒 Extremely Raw and Honest " PUA " Journey Journal. Viewer discretion is advised.

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After eating the avocado salad with spinach, for the FIRST TIME in these couple of days I felt good, as in 7/10 good ( for the next couple of hours )

Despite I was feeling weak, I also felt relaxed and content, as if nothing was missing in my body. Mental clarity also kinda improved but it's tough to measure results.

Story time.

One of my motivations  to do to this challenge ( besides turning 22 and feeling somewhat petty for wasting any more lifetime)  was that even though I had comprehended quite profoundly the "meaningless" facet of life down to my bones by a more than 1 year long Dark Night of the Soul, nutrition was still a source of suffering per se.

Let me explain.

I was capable of completely blissing out during meditation by accepting everything exactly as it is and being in the present moment, or even lying in bed for 15 hours quite often, either just being in the moment or getting lost in fantasies. I was okay with that.

During that year my diet went from quite standart mainstream diet, to really sh^t. I'm talking water or dry fasting for 16 hours a day really often, not eating anything  and then just binge eating junk food at night like donuts, Mcdonalds, Burger King, cereal, sandwiches, chocolate, muffins, Doritos, Bollicaos. . . etc , besides eating one dish a day during the weekends as I used to work just on Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

  • ( Two  side notes:  I'm noticing my mouth watering while thinking about all of this, and also the fact that I feel I'm struggling to articulate all of this and I'm sensing this impulse to alt-tab to YouTube and zone out rather than putting the effort to write and share this.

So I was okay with anything happening and pretty much blissing out no matter what would happen to me, my stuff,  or others, as in just surrendering completely ( at least in theory )

I had stopped inhibiting most of the impulses. And the result is that even though you become a quite more spontaneous person, you also turn into a wild chimp that's guided by what feels best in the moment while avoiding pain and discomfort.

You know, the usual things introverts indulge in these days: video games, binge watching YouTube, fapping too much, porn,  junk food. . .

It felt as if my willpower muscle melted away during this period. I just didn't smoke or drink, I guess because this are habits that I resent because of my parents.

But all of this behaviour had their consequences. It gave you a highs and then crashes, mood swings, depressive thoughts, withdrawal syndromes,  and it would really deep fry your capacity to focus, meditate or introspect, besides other obvious health dangers.

Sooo. . . my ability to bliss out came and went as my body was sending actual physical withdrawal signals of " SOMETHING IS MISSING IN YOUR BODY!!"  and creating misery.

Yeah,  I could have surrendered to the feeling of " misery " and just dettach and observe, but since now I have a different outlook on life I decide not to be like that and do a few things while I'm alive.

Also intuition is telling me that this is the correct path and it will be worth it. Lets try it out.  At least I can't say that I haven't tried Hedonism lol.


*sigh*  -  It made me somewhat uncomfortable going through this mentally again.


Anyways. Made a soup with pink salt, olive oil, black pepper, 5 carrots, 3 garlic cloves one sliced onion ( I luv these last two :> ) and 3/4 squeezed lemon juice cos' 1/4 fkin fell to the ground. Also why do my lemons have more seeds than sunflowers??  having to pick them outta my dishes pisses me off (mindfully)  -__-

I ate half of the soup with no remarkable gut issues or sleepiness. I'm aware both onions and carrots have some carbs and therefore sugar. I'm experiencing with different vegetables and how they make me feel but I doubt this would give me a sugar crash.

Also noticed that eating veggies in soups makes me eat faster and less mindfully since I don't have to put that much effort into chewing the soft pieces of food. Nevertheless it went into my stomach gently.

I keep forgetting of the rubbing hands ritual before eating lol. I allways catch myself when I'm already having the first bite.

Lastly, now I'm feeling somewhat tired and stiff but most likely that's because I've been a couch potato during this whole evening.

Shops are closed tomorrow and I forgot to buy water. GG dehydration.

Hoping to get some good sleep tonight. GN y'all.




🌹🎩 Growing Hair on my Balls 🍒 Extremely Raw and Honest " PUA " Journey Journal. Viewer discretion is advised.

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haha, all this is so hilarious, :D I love your chatty style I feel like I'm going through it all with you, I reckon you've got us all salivating bro, to me sugar's like the "ego", when you try to leave it you get "sugar backlash", but anyway who would trust a substance with a multiple personality disorder (it's got at least 61 different names for God's sake, just look at your food labels, and if you consume one of its many "personas" by accident, you can't even wash it off, the sneaky little bugger's even in your frigging toothpaste!, just promise us you won't bury the Christmas cake today, (just  give it to you little brother instead or stick it in the freezer man), ha I'm already looking forward to the next juicy installment, be back later for my daily dose, happy christmas to you!xD

Edited by Amandine

"Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence". Erich Fromm

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@Amandine (; Happy holidays to you too!.

Yeah true, - I didn't think about toothpaste containg sweet stuff. Over the last couple of days I had a feeling that that's something I'll have to drop or upgrade,  and made sure to not to ingest any of it by rinsing off few times. Also the Oil pulling with olive oil and tongue scraping I'm doing first thing in the morning is doing miracles for halitosis and my oral health ( I used to have to chew mint gum constantly as any non-fresh smell bothered me).

Deodorant is something I thought about upgrading as it contains alcohol, aluminium and irritates my skin. Not a priority though.

Haha, I hope there won't be any Christmas cake. I non-judgementally told my dad about the challenge I have set myself ( he is 64 and and has been drinking coffee, eating bread, butter, sugar and cheese for his whole life), making clear it's something I'm just experimenting with for myself and not imposing on anyone else. I'm sure there wouldn't be much conflict besides few weird looks.

He's remarkably chill and also healthy despite his life long smoking and night drinking history- probably because he smokes weed to relax before bed and eats 'bout a ton of garlic a year. He even rolled me one that time I asked him as I wanted it to hang out with some girls LOL.

He's a tough guy to pin on the spyral. Hes got some conservative blue worldviews and conspiracy theories ( jews running the world, anti-refugees, reptilians, etc. ), his life is pretty much is about getting money and creating a business related with cars (stage orange), but honestly who doesn't chase money these days. He's aware of the huge ecological disaster we are part of ( stage green)  with animal slaughter, plastic overload, ocean waste dumps and air pollution, tells me quite often about that one time he hugged a tree and he could feel that it comunicated with him, and besides his extensive knowledge of physics, chemistry, history and electricity knows a fair bit about quantum mechanics.

If they decide to do any kind of dinner orwhatever I'll just come over with my tupperware with cut up veggies and eat nothing off the table.

Anyways, Day 5 began around 9 AM

Once again slept pretty bad. Went to bed at around 11 pm and instead of succumbing to my habit of playing some League of Legends I decided to lie in bed and keep listening to the nutrition audiobook after setting it on a timer to turn off after 45 mins.

I thought I had made some groundbreaking discovery by  noticing that one reason for me getting improper sleep may be that my feet are freezing even under two blankets. So I scavenged two more from around the house and now I was getting some seriuous heat.

Turns out I fell asleep on my left arm, it went completely numb and combined with the fact that the soup I had had quite a lot of water I woke up 2 hours later to pee.

I felt destroyed. Really weak, physically sick and somewhat dizzy as I went to pee.

Intuition is telling me I'm not consuming enough calories. Makes sense since most foods I ate used to have lots of carbs and added sugar is a easy way to pack in some easy calories into food.

OR, it just happened that I broke my REM sleep cycle. Most likely a mixture of both.

Fell asleep again, woke up probably around 7-8 AM and just lied in bed enjoying the contrast of my cold room and warm blankets. Sometimes I wish I had a pee bottle near me to avoid having to go to the bathroom, but then again there is extra enjoyment of going in the cold and comin' back to the heat.

I thought about water fasting the whole day, but I'll leave it for next week as I feel I need more calories for now.

This Saturday one week will have passed and I will experiment with adding some high quality eggs, meat or canned sardines and mussels ( yummy) to see how I react.  Or instead of that I'll just go for lentels, but they usually feel really heavy on the gut even though I chew quite carefully.

I'm not working today. Most likely I'll do some meditation, stretching, light cardio or biking and I'll keep chipping away at the LP course.

🌹🎩 Growing Hair on my Balls 🍒 Extremely Raw and Honest " PUA " Journey Journal. Viewer discretion is advised.

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