How To Control Thinking

[Raptorsin7]

I'm very confused about how to control my thinking. Sometimes I hear people say that you don't control thinking, and that thoughts are simply arising in awareness. But on the other hand I think that my thinking habits are the reason I am unhappy, and so i need to change thinking habits to improve my feeling in life. But how do i resolve this paradox? Am in control of thinking or are thoughts just arising outside of my control?

Also, can someone expand on the role of thinking in how we feel about our lives. Why is it that thinking is important to happiness?

[Derek White]

You can definitely control thinking. I'm sure you do it all the time in a suppressible way, you're just not aware of it. 

You must deferential between concentration and observation/meditation. To really understand the question, because the answer is in the question, you must get in touch with observation/awareness, which is something beyond thinking. Beware not to get lost in thinking (content) but to observe the whole movement of thought (structure). I suggest you listen to David Bohm and J. Krishnamurti's lectures on thought and emotion, otherwise you can ask me (I think I have some control over thought). Also check my old post I made on silent mind some time back, it's in the bookmark section. 

If you derive happiness from thinking than yes, you are sad because of thought and emotion. These are tough questions to answer in a forum. IDK if you will read big replies... This distinction between 'negative' and 'positive' is also fake and made by thought... Just know that if you derive happiness from 'positive thinking' than you're not really happy, anyone can destroy your house of cards... Just seriously observe it, you are as close to your thoughts as you can get.

You can also try meditations that makes your mind quite (sound meditation, chanting). Lastly, just beware that thoughtless state isn't the ultimate, like there is silence which is greater than the 'silence' of not thinking, but it is the step in the right direction and an asset. 

[Raptorsin7]

@Derek White I will read long replies about this specific topic. I'm going to do a long meditation session like 3 or 4 hours based on advice from another post here who posts about happiness in meditation. I can observe thinking, i have a decent amount of mindfulness. i've made big improvement with my quality of life with changing thinking patterns in the past so I know it's possible and I liked the higher state i got too. I understand ultimately I will transcend these kinds of questions but i'm not there yet. Right now i just really want to find genuine, lasting happiness in my life because I feel like i'm missing it. And changing thinking seems like the most practical thing I can do right now based on where i'm at.

[Derek White]

If you can be silent effortlessly, that would be great, if not then change thinking.

Just remember that changing thinking is not the ultimate solution. You need a structural change not a content one. 

[Raptorsin7]

@Derek White I can silence the mind for moments, but I still face resistance and get dragged back into thinking and procrastination. But isn't the first step changing thinking? Can i run before I walk here and just detach from thinking altogether. Feels like it might be too much 

[Derek White]

@Raptorsin7 That's great but if it's for moments it's not effortless. 

Anyway, on to practical advice, maybe try slowing down the thought process. Do you mind sharing what thoughts bother you?

[Raptorsin7]

I don't really know what's preventing happiness. It's just when i stop and look at my life, and more importantly how I feel about my life it just doesn't feel good. I feel like life should feel way better than this, and I've experienced times in my life where life was much more satisfying and enjoying. So i'm trying to solve it with meditation by going for enlightenment but I think what I really want is genuine happiness. 

@Nahm gave me great advice about aligning thinking with feeling and stuff. But i'm still confused. 

I don't know what specific thoughts are causing me to be unhappy. I just know right now i'm not happy. And i feel like I could feel 10000 million times happier but I just don't for some reason.

[wesyasz]

I think deciding where your attention goes change a lot of your thinking patterns. What sort of music you listen to, what content online you are feeding yourself, what kind of people you spend your time with, what activities you spend your time doing. What sort of food you eat. Spending more time in nature. Basically what you feed yourself with on body, mind and soul levels. Meditation for sure is beneficial.

That's how I see it .

[28 cm unbuffed]

you cannot control your thinking, the more you are trying to resist the thought, the stronger it gets

what you have to do first is to allow it and observe it - meditation type beat

then - like Ramana Maharshi said - if you are questioning the thought - you stop your sufferning

you are not the thinker, because who would consciously decide to suffer 

so, practially speaking - obeserve your thougths (easier said then done, it requires a lot of meditation practice) and when a thought brings suffering then question it and change it with positive thought, that way you create new patterns and beliefs about yourself

example:

you have a thought: "i'm a fucking fat pig" - ok, i see you, let's change it

but if you really are a fat pig, you cannot just say to yourself "i'm skinny calvin klein model", you cannot simply lie to yourself

but you can change it with "im a little bit fat, but i still love myself like that, there's nothing wrong with it and i work everyday on losing fat, let's fucking go!"

Edited December 20, 2019 by 28 cm unbuffed

[Surfingthewave]

@Raptorsin7 Happiness is a concept in our minds. Meditation will help you to reach a no mind state, which yes can make us feel better. You have already started with this so well done. 

You have talked about depression before. It could be a chemical imbalance so I would get your mood checked, in case.

Other techniques can make you feel better such as visualisations, affirmations, diet and exercise. If you bring up those natural endorphins every day through exercise you'll feel much better, guaranteed. 

Edited December 20, 2019 by Surfingthewave

[Derek White]

@Raptorsin7 Maybe there are implicit thoughts? Maybe try to sit down with a pen and paper or without it and try to invoke 'negative thoughts' and see how you feel? Observe sadness. Just don't let the emotions that crop up to overwhelm you and make you suicidal. Go 'thought hunting' if you will and see which assumptions and thoughts are bugging you & observe them. This should lessen the effect of deep rooted emotions. 

No, thinking how great and awesome you are is not going to help you. This is so childish IMO. 

Here a cool video guide about anger but you can do it with any emotion:

 

[Derek White]

@Surfingthewave Happiness is not a concept.

[Raptorsin7]

@Surfingthewave I don't believe in the chemical inbalance theory of depression. I agree with the other parts though, I also have poor discipline so i can't implement those things at will. I have a lot of soft addictions that are difficult to uproot.

[Surfingthewave]

@Derek White What is it then, in your opinion? 

@Raptorsin7 Just be aware of how we can trick ourselves into quick fixes. Changing habits are tricky but as you build momentum you'll get there. Constant never ending improvement is key (thank you Mr Robbins) but for some of us, it's the "constant" part which is the hardest part. 

[Bluff]

You do not control thinking. There is no thinker. There is awareness in which thoughts appear. 

Take your stand as this awareness. By doing this and by observing your thoughts, you get deeper into the thoughts and the roots of these. 

By this process you gain insights which change your long-time thinking habits. 

[Raptorsin7]

@Bluff I can that stand for only moments at a time before i get dragged back into content. I know changing thinking can work wonders that's why im so interested in it. I want to get this little win, before i move onto something more advanced like trying to embody just plane awareness in every moment of my life.

[SriBhagwanYogi]

https://www.osho.com/meditate/what-is-meditation/witnessing

[Raptorsin7]

@Surfingthewave I don't agree necessarily with that. Life never stops, and we will always be growing throughout our lives i have no doubt. But in terms of happiness and satisfaction with life that is binary. I am looking for happiness, the same way people look for water in a desert. It's not true to say that a thirsty guy in a desert is on a lifelong journey to improve his water getting. No, he gets his water he's done and now he moves onto other issues. This is how i view happiness. It's like a character trait. Some people are just happy and satisfied for some reasons. Others, like me, are looking hard for it. I'm the guy in the desert looking for water. When i get my water i'm good

[28 cm unbuffed]

@Raptorsin7

i chose a different approach to that problem - i decided that i will be happy with whatever i already have and already am first

if you'll start from ground zero, let's say - you are homeless, you have no money, you are ugly as hell and you are still happy with that and you love yourself no matter what, that's when life gets easy - because no matter what will happen and what life will bring you - you are still happy, because you were happy with having nothing and being nothing and you loved yourself despite all of that

and when you love yourself fully you will simply know what you want and what you do not want for yourself and you will work on getting that / becoming that

[Raptorsin7]

@28 cm unbuffed Yea that is what i'm seeking too. I accept that my happiness will have to be unconditional for it to be meaningful. But how  to start this process?