The End Of Seeking

[Raptorsin7]

Today was a good day. Here's what I accomplished:

I meditated for about an hour total using Sam Harris' meditation app

I did not order any take out and I ate pretty healthy. I made a vegetable fruit smoothie, i made homemade burgers, and i ate fruit during the day.

I started reading The Mind Illuminated and I have a clear map for my practice now. This book is amazing. It's so clear, and I can clearly see where i'm at in the stages and where I need to go to improve.

I went for a walk at night. I enjoy the night time walks because I don't like being alone in my apartment at night and it allows me to spend some time outside, which prevents me from isolating myself in my apartment.

I went to the gym and had a good work out. I did an incline walk for 30 minutes which was great it got my heart rate up and i got a little sweat. Then did about 20 minutes of weights which was solid. I'm happy with the gym because it allows me to get out of the apartment and be among people. Not too worried about weight or how hard i'm working out right now because i'm going to start slow and build up.

The LSD trip was a great reset for me. I feel much more clarity and am more focused on my improvement. I think that's how i'm going to use LSD moving forward. If i notice i'm in a rut or i'm back sliding on habits then i'm going to take a day on the weekend, likely saturday and do a trip to recenter myself.

[Raptorsin7]

Today was another solid day:

Here's what I accomplished:

I went to class, and got my exams back. I did much better than I expected. I barely studied for finals, and my grades are average or just below average. I was expecting some F's on these exams, so i'm quite surprised that I pulled off decent grades. My mind is geared to excel in law school, so i don't have to worry about failing out of school. I'm going to be strategic these semester with what classes i go to, so i don't spend more time in school than i have to.

I went to the gym and got in like a 40 minute weight lifting workout. Right now i'm just concerned about getting myself to the gym so I don't isolate myself in my apartment like i've been doing in the past. Going to keep up this habit. I really like doing an incline walk to get a sweat going then doing about 30 minutes of weights.

I did a TMI meditation. I had trouble focusing on my breathe in my evening meditation, but overall it was a good one. I got pretty deep into the meditation, and i'm so happy I found this book because now I have a structure to my meditation practice that I didn't have before.

I woke up very early. I woke up at like 6:30 which is big for me because i usually wake up late. I'm going to continue waking up very early because i don't like being up late at night and I really enjoy my morning time to myself.

I went out for drinks with some friends and had a pleasant time. I want to start going out more with my friends, but I also need to pace myself with the alcohol consumption. I don't have a problem with alcohol like I've had with weed, but I still want to control my intake because I don't like the after effects of a night out drinking.

I made an appointment with a therapist. I'm actually not sure how good she is because her PHD is in teaching and not therapy. But I think therapy for me is just about finding someone i can confide in and be totally open with. My therapist seems like a loving person, so I think she will be suffice. I'm going to go to her on Saturday, and i'm planning on doing a bit of an interview of her to see if she's up to task. If she's not good then i will find someone else, but if she seems solid then i'm going to stick with her.

I didn't order take out for another night which is huge for me. I also didn't smoke weed today which is another big accomplishment. Eating junk food at night and smoking weed was absolutely killing me, and I didn't realize how bad it really was on my mood. This has been the single biggest change i've made over the past few days and it's been transformative. I'm not going to be neurotic about this habit. If i relapse on take out or weed then so be it. But these habits need to die. They are making me unhappy and hurting my healing process. My goal is to heal myself. So these habits need to end. I'm open to smoking weed in the future if i can get a better relationship with the substance, but right now it's hurting more than helping so bye bye.

[Ingit]

@Raptorsin7 ??

[Raptorsin7]

@Ingit Thank you 

[Raptorsin7]

Another solid day: Here's what I accomplished

I woke up at around 6:45 and was able to meditate in the morning for 30 minutes. 

I went to the gym after class even though i didn't feel great because i ate pizza at school. I noticed just how much junk food affects my mood and energy levels. I think at this point in my life I need to be really careful with my diet. The junk has to go. It's time.

I did not order any take out and overall i ate very healthy today. A few things need tweaking though. i'm going to stop ordering large coffees from tim horton's and go down to a medium. Eventually i'm going to start going to other local coffee shops and getting out of my comfort zone and ordering different kinds of coffees. My city has a lot of local coffee shops so this can be a really fun adventure for me just going around the city a bit more.

I did 90 minutes in the float tank. I really enjoy the float tank. It gives me a sense of calm and clarity. I'm planning on doing it every other day for the near future until I feel like i'm totally over my depression. 

I made plans with my friends to watch football at my apartment on Sunday. This is good for me to be social and do something I like that's not just going out and getting hammered. 

I did 45 minutes of meditation before I did the float tank. This session was odd because i basically fell asleep during it. TMI has good points on how to overcome these kinds of challenges so i'm really excited to overcome these and evolve my meditation practice.

My third eye or the sensation between my eyes is really starting to thaw out a lot. I feel constant cracking throughout the day, and ever since the LSD trip the cracking has been more frequent. I think moving forward LSD will be used to reset myself if i fall into a rut for more than a day or two. I'm not concerned about peak experiences or seeing the truth, right now i'm in heal mode and want to master the basics of personal development. 

-The next step for me is going to be improving my diet a lot. I find right now i just don't that much food. I think if i was consuming A LOT of high quality and healthy foods then it would make a big difference. No more junk food for me. I'm done with it. The only exception will be when I go out to restaurants/bars with friends. But even then I'm going to be very strategic with what I eat. I'm also going to limit myself to max 2 drinks every time I go out. I'm going to drink as slow as a fucking turtle if i have to. i drank 3 drinks last night and i felt hung over in the morning, so that's a big no no moving forward.

I'm on the up and up. I'm gaining momentum. It feels authentic and genuine. I feel in control of my own destiny. Intention is key. And right now my intention is to heal myself, in every domain of my life. And it's working. 

 

 

[Raptorsin7]

We are cosmic surfers catching a wave called "life". @cetus56

[Raptorsin7]

The outer world is just a reflection of the inner world. Turn inward and watch how everything around you changes.

[Raptorsin7]

Another great day. I'm rolling right now. Here's what was accomplished:

Early morning meditation for 30 minutes. Woke up around 6 am but stayed in bed for about an hour.

Float tank for 60 minutes. I had 90 minutes booked but i came late. Something to work on moving forward, show up a bit earlier so there's more time in the actual tank.

40 minutes of meditation in the middle of the day. I think it's about time i moved up on the TMI scale. My attention on the breathe is good, but the attention is dull and i get sleepy sometimes. The book has recommendations for overcoming this so i'm looking for to reading more.

I had an excellent conversation with @Nahm today. I learned a lot about the dream board and non-duality. It's a lot of info he's throwing at me, but it's really incredible what he's teaching me. I think it will be a good idea to spend some contemplating the ideas we discuss so it's clear in my direct experience. I'm going to be talking to him weekly moving forward for the foreseeable future so I will plenty of chances to clarify what's going on. He's an amazing person i feel so grateful that I was able to meet him and learn from him.

I did yoga tonight. This was the smoothest class i've ever done. I think its because my diet is getting so much better. I barely ate that much today, i ate a kale smoothie, yogurt, a wrap, and coffee. Diet is so important for energy levels in exercise. Yesterday i had pizza at school and i felt sluggish at the gym. Today my diet was clean and i crushed the workout no problem. I'm done with junk food. I ate enough trash food for this life time. Going to be very strategic moving forward with junk food. Going to limit it to parties or when i'm out with friends. Even then i'm going to be very choosy with what i pick from the menu when i'm out.

I ordered take out today. But i ordered a very healthy kale wrap that i think was overall very healthy. It was expensive so i don't want to get into the habit of ordering this kind of thing all the time. But i think moving forward i'm going to go out and buy some healthy food from local healthy restaurants. 

 

 

[zeroISinfinity]

 

?❤️

 

 

 

[Raptorsin7]

@zeroISinfinity Haven't seen those yet i'll check em out. Thanks bud 

I just got back from therapy. Overall it was a good experience. I learned a lot, and it was nice to be open with someone and just sit there and express yourself. I definitely find more value in my conversations with @Nahm so I think moving forward i'm going to stick with just the life coaching. But I'm going back in three weeks to do a recap of the techniques i went over today.

Here are the main takeaways from therapy I learned:

• I have an ideal vision for myself, and by striving towards that ideal constantly i'm unable to just be happy and present in the moment. This connects back to the ability to truly connect to the present moment, and so far i have been unable to successfully connect. I intend to be more aware of when i'm creating this ideal vision for myself in my activities, and i'm going to intend to be more comfortable just in the present with whatever happens. Good or bad I need to accept life as it is more than I have been doing. It's paradoxical but this will bring more richness to my life
• I am going to start practicing loving kindness meditation or self compassion meditation in addition to my other meditations I have been doing. This will help me accept where i'm at more and address the suffering i'm creating in my life with too much striving.
• I am going to look into volunteering so i can give back in my community. I'm going to choose something really simple that I really enjoy and i'm going to take my time with this. If I don't find something that resonates with me then i'm going to push this one. I want to give back, but i'm committed to my own development right now and i am comfortable with this focus. Overall my plan is to address my seeking first, then start a business using my new found energy and happiness from all my personal development work. Then i'm going to start giving that money back to the world. One thing I really want to do is pay for people's online coaching and therapy from the forum that can't afford it. This is a simple yet powerful way to help people.

[Raptorsin7]

I love this music. I watched part of this anime on the plane to Japan this summer and something about it just resonated with me. Great art style, great music, great setting. Just plain amazing.

[Raptorsin7]

Another good day. Here's what I accomplished:

I did an hour of meditation focusing on the breathe. I believe i'm on stage three of TMI so i'm trying to progress by overcoming the gross distractions that pull me away from the breathe. 

I did not order take out. I ate very healthy today, and my mood is improving likely because of the improved diet.

I went to therapy today and learned some interesting insights. I have an ideal i strive towards and I think it's limitng my happiness in the moment because i'm always expecting more. My therapist recommended that I do self compassion meditation which i think is a great idea. I also want to look into volunteering. 

I went to a party tonight and did not drink any alcohol. I resisted the social pressure with ease, and honestly I have little desire to go out and do normal socializing anymore. I want to do more with my life and have deeper connections. 

A major thing I need to work on is lack of direction during my day. I noticed that i spend a lot of time procrastinating because i'm just not clear on what to do next in my day. I think making a list and setting clear goals should help resolve this issue.

[zeroISinfinity]

I went to a party tonight and did not drink any alcohol.

 

Man, why I am opening this thing if no one wants to drink.Good boys love it. 

 

[Raptorsin7]

@zeroISinfinity Yeah i used to drink a lot at parties because i was anxious and I felt like I needed alcohol to have a good time. I realized i just don't really like parties that much and the downside of drinking alcohol is too much it's not worth it.

[Raptorsin7]

Today was another solid day, but I ran into an odd problem. So invited a bunch of my classmates over to watch the nfl playoffs today. But only one person showed up  I bought a bunch of junk food for them so now i don't know what to do with it lol because i don't want to eat this crap. I wasn't too bothered by people not showing but it made me realize that these kinds of shallow social relationships are just not for me anymore. I want to be social in class but at the same time these relationships are not fulfilling so i'm not going to put too much effort into them moving forward. I'm going to try to be authentic and be myself and allow whatever relationships arise through this natural process.

My diet has been much better over the past week and i feel the different. I feel much more clarity and do not feel a desire to eat junk food anymore. Even right now i have cupcakes, donuts, cake, etc in my apartment and i didn't even eat that much so i'm hungry. But i just don't want to eat that crap. I feel like for the first time in the while I have genuine growth and progress, and the food has been the biggest driver so far. I'm not giving this up for a moment of taste pleasure. Not worth it.

I want to start a business very soon. I'm not sure whether i should do the life purpose course or just jump into researching business ideas. I think doing the LP could be a good idea because i can probably finish it pretty quick because i'm starting to wake up super early recently. I can do both. I can do the LP course and I can look up business ideas. If one of them resonates with me stronger then I will run with the thing that feels better. Trying more things in my life and seeing how they feel is the path forward for now. I have been stagnant for a while now, and it's time to just change things up and follow the good feels.

Here's what I accomplished today:

• Woke up very early, around 6:30.
• Meditated for an hour doing TMI technique. I am at stage three in TMI, and i'm going to be re-reading the 2nd and 3rd stages in the near future until I master those stages.
• I did not order take out, and overall i ate very healthy. Frozen berries, kale smoothie, sandwich from safeway, and fish. I still have a long way to go to purify my diet, but i'm making major progress. I think I need to eat more food in general because i find i'm hungry a lot but i'll address this moving forward. I don't mind the discomfort of being hungry for now I can handle it.
• I read a chapter of TMI. I think i've learned enough from TMI so far and i'm going to just re-read sections over now when I feel stuck in my meditation practice so i can address my weak spots. The next book i'm planning on reading is Ask and it is given by abraham hicks. I'm going to start dream boarding more actively moving forward so I think learning about the LoA will be important for my growth. One of the first things that i'm going to go ham with is using the dream board concepts to manifest the girl of my dreams. I am ready for the girl of my dreams to come into my life. I'm going to use this journal to describe the traits so i'll probably just make one long blog post about what I want in a partner.

I'm at an interesting point. I've improved more over the past week and felt better over this week then I have in years. But I don't feel done or satisfied with the progress. I feel good about where i'm at though. I have excellent resources to learn from and life just feels easier now than it has in the past. I'm excited for where my life will go in the near future. But i also am starting to understand that my life will go wherever I take it. I am the creator of my own universe. Taking action will bring results and change my universe. Sitting on my couch has it's place, but i spend too much time here. Time to change the balance and tip the scales in another direction.

[zeroISinfinity]

On 12.1.2020. at 8:44 AM, Raptorsin7 said:

 

Cheering you up c'mon. 

May I ask. Have donut, well you don't want them. 

Place where I live well nobody eats donuts. Well they do exist lol but not so popular. 

Why? 

Need to do research on that, is it american thingy. 

So want to say this. 

??>??

??=?? guess this is ok for my Love to Canada. 

 

 

 

Edited January 13, 2020 by zeroISinfinity

[Raptorsin7]

Lol people love donuts here in Canada. Canada >EU  I love Canada so much haha.

People in America love donuts even more. Everyone there is addicted to sugar and terrible food. I think EU is much better, people are healthier and less obese than America.

@zeroISinfinity are you a basketball fan? There are lot's of Serbians where i'm from and so many of them love basketball 

[zeroISinfinity]

Yes I am. 

Fav team Partizan Belgrade. 

NBA Detroit Pistons. 

 

 

[Raptorsin7]

@zeroISinfinity Lol awesome

[zeroISinfinity]

When I said I love ?? I meant ?? part. ?

Nah it's all good. 

Hope you are feeling better and better. 

❤️