How Can I Get A Girlfriend?

[HGGabrielF]

Hi guys,i have a very important question.

 

I am a very shy guy and i want to have a girlfriend.I tried to speak with a girl i like very much,but as i said before i am very shy and i do not know what to say to a girl.When i speak to her i am always blocking so to say.

+How can i deafeat my shyness?

I hope you'll help me guys.Please!!

[Sukhpaal]

Wish you the best of luck!

[Harry]

@Sukhpaal Hit the nail on the head. But "Six Pillars of Self-esteem" by Nathanial Brandon. He gives practical advice on how to raise your self-esteem.

Study this like a Bible of the good-life, complete all the exercises and I assure you you'll be a changed man by the end.

[reez]

@HGGabrielF Read "No More Mr.Nice Guy" - Robert Glover

"Six Pillars of Self Esteem" - Nathaniel Branden

"Way of The Superior Man" - David Deida

and lastly "Models" - Mark Manson

Should get you an idea

[HGGabrielF]

Thanks guys!

[Marks199]

Hey I have a great Idea!!! Start getting out of your comfort zone, start doing things that you don`t like for example: I don`t like high places but I get out to the balcony to overcome that fear and step by step you will going to eliminate these negative feelings of fear. 

[abrakamowse]

Tell her you like her and wait for her reaction...

then invite her out and kiss her, that's all...

[Natasha]

@HGGabrielF  Also, check out his other vids on everything you need to know about dating and relationships

 

[abrakamowse]

Invite her to eat some pizza!!! That will do! You get the heart of a woman with pizza...

[vizual]

Forget about the girl for a moment, exactly like you said, you need to overcome your shyness. It's not about 'defeating' shyness because shyness is not really a real thing, it's a learned and irrational habit cooked in the brain. I know it can feel very painful and awkward when you can't express yourself around people you really like. The solution is that you need to give mindfulness to that blocking feeling. The automatic response of the ego is to run away from that uncomfortable feeling, but if you keep running away it will persist. You have to 'shine light' on that feeling as to say. 

A good exercise is to visualize social situations where you feel anxiousness and blockages and stay with that feeling, watch it and let the feeling be. Don't resist the feeling because the feeling is not bad per se, it's your interpretation that makes it bad. Your lizard brain thinks it's protecting you, but that part of the brain can only look at things at a very short term. It does not always look at for your best interests on the long run.

So there aren't any shortcuts one way or another. You have to look the uncomfortable feelings straight in the eye, and realize that blockages in your brain are just smokescreens if you truly let them be for what they are without trying to warp them in some way or run away from them.

[HGGabrielF]

ty guys

[egoeimai]

@HGGabrielF  you can say hi..you can say anything. Anything matters. As soon as the conversation starts...

Then you can make actions instead of words.

[Bombardini]

On 21 maj 2016 at 11:09 AM, Harry said:

@Sukhpaal Hit the nail on the head. But "Six Pillars of Self-esteem" by Nathanial Brandon. He gives practical advice on how to raise your self-esteem.

Study this like a Bible of the good-life, complete all the exercises and I assure you you'll be a changed man by the end.

So the sentence stem exercises really worked for you? 

[abrakamowse]

I have to be honest, I was always shy and I never could overcome my shyness as a teen. I was always regretting about not acting or being more adventurous with women as a teen. But that's the past. Now I am married. But I can tell you that seeing that there's not a self has changed completely my life.

 

If I knew that as a teen I would have had much more girlfriends that what I had. That's my advice for you guys.
There's no self to be shy about anything.

[egoeimai]

I didnt consider that guys are introverts. ....until these posts. 

Haha If anyone has experiences about platonic relationships and the consequences after that,i would like to hear the story.

By the way..whats the effect of this type of "rejection" to a guy's psychology?

Because I know girls get more insecure and they have no trust to other guys.

Whats about guys?

[abrakamowse]

4 minutes ago, popi said:

I didnt consider that guys are introverts. ....until these posts.

You never watched a Woody Allen's movie? hehehehe...

[egoeimai]

@abrakamowse no hm..whats that?

[abrakamowse]

6 hours ago, popi said:

@abrakamowse no hm..whats that?

He's an actor and director of a lot of movies, some of them funny. And his character most of the times was a shy guy who had big problems with girls. He's the kind of neurotic guy in most of his movies. Funny guy.

 

[Zane]

On 5/20/2016 at 4:28 PM, HGGabrielF said:

Hi guys,i have a very important question.

 

I am a very shy guy and i want to have a girlfriend.I tried to speak with a girl i like very much,but as i said before i am very shy and i do not know what to say to a girl.When i speak to her i am always blocking so to say.

+How can i deafeat my shyness?

I hope you'll help me guys.Please!!

I know the struggle of trying to talk to women! I used to be tactless and unintentionally creepy around women. When i was younger, i felt baffled by girls and i would get so awkward that I would psyche myself out. I used to blurt out what came out of my mouth and that alienated women from me. I started focusing on making my game much more natural and more authentic but balancing my quirkiness and exuberance and not compromising my personality. I spent close and intimate time around one girl at a time and in high school, I spent two years getting to know a girl and my breakthrough was inviting her to prom and she accepted. We're still good friends today but I loved her because she embodied my values of authenticity, quirkiness and creativity. I also practiced being completely confident telling a good friend that i loved her and she said "I love you too." In college, I met a relaxed and quiet and highly intellectual and creative introvert who loved "Alice in Wonderland" as much as i did and she won me over with her illustrations, her serenity and her kindness and sweetness. Talking to her was effortless and I spent a good deal of time with her by inviting her to movies in my dorm, to parties and to eating dinner with her. I'm now using OkCupid to apply my strategy of genuine curiosity, being authentic and not compromising your personality and not conveying desperation for love or sex and for not being an extremely fragile male. I have a selective approach to women where you choose a girl carefully, spend time around her and learn deeply about her, discover mutual interests and don't fake confidence. Instead of eliminating your shyness, find a way to use your shyness as your greatest asset when socializing. The girls i met embraced my eccentricity because it was rooted in someplace authentic. Authenticity revolutionized my social skills! You don't have to be an Alpha Male! My motives were not to get laid or have a harem, but to create genuine friendships with a strong foundation in my own values. 

[Zane]

Or here is some simpler advice: 

1. Create an identity for yourself. Have a vision for your identity in writing or in pictures and read the vision to get it into your head. Do an exercise prompt called "being my authentic self!" For example, I might write "I want to be the hilarious comedian with a gift of gab." 

2. Strategize on becoming this identity! Write a concrete action plan! For example "I would go to comedy club open mics and go on stage to perform either spontaneously or with a plan and rehearsal. I will look at this identity from multiple angles." 

3. When socializing with women, don't randomly choose women or focus too much on sex. Be more selectively social and set your eyes on a few girls! Ask yourself "how can i confidently approach them, start a conversation and make a connection?" Put that idea into action! 

So to boil the strategy down:

1. Create your own identity 

2. Focus on being selectively social and slowly expand options

3. Strategize and practice