SageModeAustin

3 months fwb probably done, got me fucked up

102 posts in this topic

Hey bros. I really fell for this chick, my fwb for only 3 months, but that’s a long time for me

 

It’s really made me depressed because I’ve realized  a few things

 

-females are intrinsically hypergamic 

-they only care about how THEY FEEL 

-you never own a girl, it’s just your time with her

-the only constant is change

-women will always come and go out of your life 

-every single girl on this planet is abundant 

-us guys have to work wayyyy harder to be abundant (but the good thing is it’s much more rare  to find a male that’s abundant)

 

but what’s really fucking me the most is..I could’ve done better. I knew better. I could’ve been less needy, I could’ve been more charismatic and charming like when we first met. Things went sooo well the first month, fuck (she was chasing me) if I just stayed as the person I was when I met her the first month things could have gone amazing..I could’ve not been an insecure little bitch and sent mixed signals. I could’ve not taken her to the rsd free tour! I could’ve done so many things better, but I didn’t. She wanted to possibly date me in the beginning too

550263C9-0DE8-418E-B26C-95F04C2CF555.png


Your intuition is your own personal genie.  Learn to trust that infinite intelligence.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

what happened at the freetour? 

it's okay man. forgive yourself. you've made mistakes, now learn from them. that's just where you were at, and that's okay. your skills were simply just at that level. now it's opportunity to refine and try again

just as you would for your next exam/business/marathon etc. 

 

and that's also not to say she's gone. 

btw u going to nyc freetour on thursday?

Edited by d0ornokey

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

She might not be gone.

But if you brought her to some pick-up thing, it's probably not going to make her feel very good and will potentially send her some red flags and mixed signals. Imagine she'd brought you to a "fuck lot's of guys" tour. You probably wouldn't be feeling very good about it, especially if you were in a FWB situation that was in the running to go toward a relationship. You're not really showing her that you care about her specifically.

Now, you might say that RSD is different than that. But in the eyes of a woman who's vetting you out to be a partner, that's going to effectively be the near-equivalent her bringing you on a "fuck lot's of guys" tour. 


If you’re interested in developing Emotional Mastery and feeling more comfortable in your own skin, click the link below to register for my FREE Emotional Mastery Webinar…

Emotionalmastery.org

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 5/15/2019 at 4:30 AM, Emerald said:

Imagine she'd brought you to a "fuck lot's of guys" tour. You probably wouldn't be feeling very good about it, especially if you were in a FWB situation that was in the running to go toward a relationship. You're not really showing her that you care about her specifically.

You must be joking. He's showing way too much that he cares about her specifically (= neediness), look at the conversation! It's right there. She's annoyed because he was too clingy and ungrounded, and is trying to get him to back off a little. And being quite unsubtle at that, so he must have been uncalibratedly pushing her for awhile.

 

Do you think guys that go to RSD events have to hide it from their girl friends? Noooo. They own that shit.

@SageModeAustin  made a bold move bringing her, that's not the mistake. The mistake is not fully owning it, and getting insecure about it afterwards.

Of course after admitting you're an aspiring manwhore, you can expect a decent shit test, e.a. her getting offended or pretending to like you less now, to see whether you would crumble or whether you fully owned it.

You failed that test. Asked her if she thought it was weird. Now she knows you're insecure about it. And decided to have some fun with you.

The lyrics she's referring to:

Quote

[Chorus: Travis Scott & Don Toliver]
No, you can't say if I'm mad or not

She's enjoying playing with you bro. You're so anxious for her approval now, that sending you mixed signals is an amusing game.

 

About the being hard on yourself "because you could have done better": no you couldn't, or you would have. Knowing what you know now, you can do better. But you needed this reference experience first. Without this experience, you'd make that mistake over again, every time! See how everything works out? You have earned knowledge now.

Edited by flowboy

Learn to resolve trauma. Together.

Testimonials thread: www.actualized.org/forum/topic/82672-experience-collection-childhood-aware-life-purpose-coaching/

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, flowboy said:

You must be joking. He's showing way too much that he cares about her specifically (= neediness), look at the conversation! It's right there. She's annoyed because he was too clingy and ungrounded, and is trying to get him to back off a little. And being quite unsubtle at that, so he must have been uncalibratedly pushing her for awhile.

Do you think guys that go to RSD events have to hide it from their girl friends? Noooo. They own that shit.

 

I'm just telling you how a woman would react to it. Women don't tend to be fond of the idea behind RSD/PUA, and would likely see it as the equivalent of a "Fuck a bunch of guys" tour. 


If you’re interested in developing Emotional Mastery and feeling more comfortable in your own skin, click the link below to register for my FREE Emotional Mastery Webinar…

Emotionalmastery.org

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 5/14/2019 at 8:21 PM, SageModeAustin said:

It’s really made me depressed because I’ve realized  a few things

 

-females are intrinsically hypergamic 

-they only care about how THEY FEEL 

-you never own a girl, it’s just your time with her

-the only constant is change

-women will always come and go out of your life 

-every single girl on this planet is abundant 

Are these realizations based one your experience with this one girl while you are depressed?  It seems like a big claim to make that women only care about how they feel, that seems really alienating to women at large and might make you look silly to women who know they care about other people.  I wouldnt say you did anything wrong but it seems like she got to know you enough to decide she wasnt interested.  Would recommend just learning from this and going next, and not losing any confidence in yourself because things didn't work out here.  Anyways hope you feel better 


Comprehensive list of techniques: https://sites.google.com/site/psychospiritualtools/Home/meditation-practices

I appreciate criticism!  Be as critical/nitpicky as you like and don't hold your blows

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
31 minutes ago, Emerald said:

I'm just telling you how a woman would react to it. Women don't tend to be fond of the idea behind RSD/PUA, and would likely see it as the equivalent of a "Fuck a bunch of guys" tour. 

See, but this is already supplication, caring about how she'd react to it! That's my entire point.

Doesn't matter how she sees it, if YOU care about how she sees it, she will see you as a pussy and a beta male.

I'm not saying you're wrong, I'm saying it doesn't matter because hoping for a good reaction is a dead end in general.


Learn to resolve trauma. Together.

Testimonials thread: www.actualized.org/forum/topic/82672-experience-collection-childhood-aware-life-purpose-coaching/

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
20 minutes ago, zambize said:

Are these realizations based one your experience with this one girl while you are depressed?  It seems like a big claim to make that women only care about how they feel, that seems really alienating to women at large and might make you look silly to women who know they care about other people.  I wouldnt say you did anything wrong but it seems like she got to know you enough to decide she wasnt interested.  Would recommend just learning from this and going next, and not losing any confidence in yourself because things didn't work out here.  Anyways hope you feel better 

Most girls I know it's like the total opposite.

The only moment they seem like that is when the guy is disfunctional (or they are), otherwise they care A LOT about you.

But you already know that, I just wanted to quote you :D


God is love

Whoever lives in love lives in God

And God in them

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
6 minutes ago, flowboy said:

See, but this is already supplication, caring about how she'd react to it! That's my entire point.

Doesn't matter how she sees it, if YOU care about how she sees it, she will see you as a pussy and a beta male.

I'm not saying you're wrong, I'm saying it doesn't matter because hoping for a good reaction is a dead end in general.

You really have no idea how women function.


If you’re interested in developing Emotional Mastery and feeling more comfortable in your own skin, click the link below to register for my FREE Emotional Mastery Webinar…

Emotionalmastery.org

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
29 minutes ago, Shin said:

The only moment they seem like that is when the guy is disfunctional (or they are), otherwise they care A LOT about you.

Yeah of my friends, I'm the most emotionally vulnerable with my friends that are girls because they (the women in my life) just know a good bit of how venting and emotional processing works.  They have in general been the most socially and emotionally intelligent people around me, and have been the ones to notice what I care about and what's important to me.  I do get that it's easier to kind of blame women as a whole than yourself, but yeah it seems pretty clear to me that women care about other people.  Fuck I did the same thing as you, typed up some response that you already know, probably just so I could say something to you, let you know I'm glad you're back on the forums, hope you're doing swell <3


Comprehensive list of techniques: https://sites.google.com/site/psychospiritualtools/Home/meditation-practices

I appreciate criticism!  Be as critical/nitpicky as you like and don't hold your blows

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Emerald said:

You really have no idea how women function.

@Emerald I'm pretty f*ing sure about this one :) Never hide parts of your life because you're afraid of what she might think.

Care to elaborate then, if you're making such bold claims about me?

Because you're recommending dishonesty here. And that doesn't give me confidence that you know anything about how to relate to women in a romantic way.

Edited by flowboy

Learn to resolve trauma. Together.

Testimonials thread: www.actualized.org/forum/topic/82672-experience-collection-childhood-aware-life-purpose-coaching/

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
50 minutes ago, flowboy said:

See, but this is already supplication, caring about how she'd react to it! That's my entire point.

Doesn't matter how she sees it, if YOU care about how she sees it, she will see you as a pussy and a beta male.

I'm not saying you're wrong, I'm saying it doesn't matter because hoping for a good reaction is a dead end in general.

They care to know that you care (a lot).

They just can't stand if you care to the point of being unauthentic, drop your mission, and try to be nice just to get their approval/love/sex (like a puppy dog/nice guy syndrom).

 


God is love

Whoever lives in love lives in God

And God in them

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Caring is one thing, changing your behaviour is another.

Sure I can take an interest in someone's opinion. But if I like to go to RSD seminars, I'm not going to pretend otherwise because she may have some weird judgmental attitude about it. And bringing her along to show her how awesome it actually is, might be a good idea.

Edited by flowboy

Learn to resolve trauma. Together.

Testimonials thread: www.actualized.org/forum/topic/82672-experience-collection-childhood-aware-life-purpose-coaching/

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, zambize said:

Yeah of my friends, I'm the most emotionally vulnerable with my friends that are girls because they (the women in my life) just know a good bit of how venting and emotional processing works.  They have in general been the most socially and emotionally intelligent people around me, and have been the ones to notice what I care about and what's important to me.  I do get that it's easier to kind of blame women as a whole than yourself, but yeah it seems pretty clear to me that women care about other people.  Fuck I did the same thing as you, typed up some response that you already know, probably just so I could say something to you, let you know I'm glad you're back on the forums, hope you're doing swell <3

Don't hesitate to pm me if you want to skype one time

Friend :)


God is love

Whoever lives in love lives in God

And God in them

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, flowboy said:

@Emerald I'm pretty f*ing sure about this one :) Never hide parts of your life because you're afraid of what she might think.

Care to elaborate then, if you're making such bold claims about me?

Because you're recommending dishonesty here. And that doesn't give me confidence that you know anything about how to relate to women in a romantic way.

I read his message and his post, and I didn't pick up on any excessive neediness. In fact, I know his behavior would probably register to me as disinterest and not the opposite. If a man is my FWB and he's taking me to a PUA/RSD tour, I would get the impression that he's not really interested in anything serious. And if I had feelings for him, it would make me feel really awkward and unwanted. So, if she's no longer interested in him, it's because she's gone into auto-reject mode where she feels like he's already rejected her and just wants to keep her around to have sex with. 

Now, clearly this isn't the case. But it's certainly what the OP's behavior is suggesting from a woman's POV. So, neediness isn't even part of the equation here. In fact, she probably doesn't want to get too attached to him because she's afraid that he's too likely to be a player. 

Women want a man who is emotionally invested in equal measure to their own level of emotional investment. They don't want some aloof guy who can't hold space for them emotionally and would leave them as soon as some hotter woman comes along. 

What they don't want is a guy who's more emotionally invested than they are and is clingy. But the OP doesn't seem clingy to me at all. He seems like a guy who has a very normal level of emotional investment in the woman, but that maybe did a foolish thing by bringing his fuckbuddy (that he has real feelings for) to a "fuck lots of girls" tour. Women don't typically like either of those things. 

So, the main mistake he made here is not communicating his feelings honestly... and his behavior seeming to suggest aloofness and that she's just another girl to him. So, his feelings and behavior don't match. This will throw a woman off and make her uncomfortable because women can usually sense that intuitively.

Edit: Another possibility is that she never wanted anything serious to begin with and just wanted a FWB situation. In which case, it's nothing the OP did to cause that. That said, I suspect that it's more akin to what I'd written about before. Usually, if a woman wants to have sex with a guy on a repeated basis on a FWB level, it's because she's not really looking for a FWB and really wants to be with him. But there are exceptions.

 

Edited by Emerald

If you’re interested in developing Emotional Mastery and feeling more comfortable in your own skin, click the link below to register for my FREE Emotional Mastery Webinar…

Emotionalmastery.org

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Emerald  Look at the subtle clues.

  1. He's fretting a LOT in this post about what he could have done better, so he was probably fretting about what to do during their time. She must have felt this insecurity.
  2. The texts we see here are not needy maybe, but her responses indicate he's been needy and she's had enough.
    "I slept late like a normal person does, just fyi if you're trippin' on a text back". Meaning: he's been bugging her before when she took longer to answer a text. So often that she's trying to preempt it now. This is super needy behaviour.
  3. The upper line says "...being weird?", followed by him qualifying and defending his decision to her to take her there. Meaning he's been bothering her to assure him that it wasn't a bad decision to take her there, and she doesn't think it's weird, and she still approves of him, because the doubt has been EATING HIM UP.
    This is super, super needy.
  4. He asks about her seeming cold (needy, insecure), and she refers him to some shitty songtext, which I can only interpret as her playing games with him because it's so easy.

 


Learn to resolve trauma. Together.

Testimonials thread: www.actualized.org/forum/topic/82672-experience-collection-childhood-aware-life-purpose-coaching/

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
21 minutes ago, Emerald said:

If a man is my FWB and he's taking me to a PUA/RSD tour, I would get the impression that he's not really interested in anything serious. And if I had feelings for him, it would make me feel really awkward and unwanted.

This is a bit of a far-fetched projection. I agree that there may have been an initial judgment, but there's no telling how the actual experience was for her. Since many women go to those seminars, there must be something in it for everyone. In the end it's about teaching men social skills, to be less creepy, and helping the sexes meet each other in a more natural, flowing way. Her man is into self-development. That's a positive.

Unless he had some shame about it, and handled it wrong!

My point is, it's very well possible that she liked it, once she got to see it.

Edited by flowboy

Learn to resolve trauma. Together.

Testimonials thread: www.actualized.org/forum/topic/82672-experience-collection-childhood-aware-life-purpose-coaching/

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
23 minutes ago, Emerald said:

"fuck lots of girls" tour.

Your view is apparently colored by your own judgments and insecurities, since you keep calling it that.

Also your statement that women typically don't like that, well that really depends on their upbringing. If they don't have toxic shame around sexuality, they might not be so judgmental.


Learn to resolve trauma. Together.

Testimonials thread: www.actualized.org/forum/topic/82672-experience-collection-childhood-aware-life-purpose-coaching/

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
19 minutes ago, flowboy said:

Your view is apparently colored by your own judgments and insecurities, since you keep calling it that.

Also your statement that women typically don't like that, well that really depends on their upbringing. If they don't have toxic shame around sexuality, they might not be so judgmental.

No I understand that people go to RSD guys to help with social skills and things like that. I think it's fine for guys to go and partake in it.

But if I were FWB with a guy and he took me to one, it would give me a very clear signal that he's not interested in being exclusive and is probably looking for sex. That is, unless he communicates to me very clearly that he cares for me in particular and wants a deeper relationship... which the OP didn't.

That said, most women are not going to risk it with a guy who might be a player. And that's how women would see anything related to PUA/RSD stuff. I know RSD stuff isn't as toxic. But most women certainly would generally read that message that way. Like it or not, it's true. 

 


If you’re interested in developing Emotional Mastery and feeling more comfortable in your own skin, click the link below to register for my FREE Emotional Mastery Webinar…

Emotionalmastery.org

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
28 minutes ago, Emerald said:

That said, most women are not going to risk it with a guy who might be a player. And that's how women would see anything related to PUA/RSD stuff.

It all depends how he frames it. He could have convinced her that it was awesome that he was working on himself to be more attractive and less creepy. We don't really know how that seminar went, but it could have changed a lot.

28 minutes ago, Emerald said:

But most women certainly would generally read that message that way. Like it or not, it's true. 

While that may be true that most women today would be judgmental about it, what choice does he have? Are you suggesting he pretends to not go to RSD things? Because he's already been doing that, that's a given. So he can be dishonest about it, or not, or even be inviting.

Bringing her along at least has the potential to flip her preconceived notion. Lying about it (or quitting RSD) would be inauthentic and make her lose respect for him, rightfully so. And not bringing her just leaves her behind with all these preconceptions still in her mind.

Edited by flowboy

Learn to resolve trauma. Together.

Testimonials thread: www.actualized.org/forum/topic/82672-experience-collection-childhood-aware-life-purpose-coaching/

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now