Model looks in dating

[Ross]

Hi there, 

I feel like looks are important in dating, and by significant amount. I feel like also men get sexually judged on appearance as well. I just feel a little depressed because I know I am not and never will look like a model in my whole life, as say I don’t have desired looks such as chiselled jawline and ripped body and great hair, like Brad Pitt or Jeff Seid. I have been using tinder for a wjhile and the only girls I match tend to be ugly. How is it even possible for an ordinary guy like me to become more attractive among 8-10 range?  It’s annoying because I’m an engineering student and I have little time to work on dating life. 

[Pilgrim]

Honestly it's not that important. An interesting personality will make you much more attractive in the long run.. as long as you are average in your looks, have good hygiene and aren't too small there is nothing in the way in terms of looks.

Most women are attracted to self-confidence and humour.. good looks don't hurt, but they are not necessary either. So you do not need to feel depressed about that. Make the best out of your looks, do some sport and dress in an interesting way that's really enough. Work on your self-acceptance and self-love instead. Self-confidence doesn't mean to be the loudest person in the room, but knowing who you are, liking who you are and having trust in your abilities. There are so many different kinds of humour as well.. don't think about what girls find funny.. just develop the kind of humour that comes natural to you. This is your kind of humour and the girls that are attracted to it are the ones that are attracted to you.  

[Michael569]

4 hours ago, Ross said:

I don’t have desired looks such as chiselled jawline and ripped body and great hair, like Brad Pitt or Jeff Seid. 

Your ideas of male attractiveness are fucked up by media and pop culture. While there are benefits to looking good, a high quality woman will look for way more than what you mentioned above. Pilgrim gave a good list. 

Focus on other areas of your development. Leo has a video about this, something in terms of male attractiveness. 

Btw you can have chisseled jawline and be ripped if you really wished it...both come from mastering your nutrition and exercising...get ripped, lose that double chin and get that tight skin look

Edited December 27, 2018 by Michael569

[NoSelfSelf]

Its your vibe not looks

[aurum]

6 hours ago, Ross said:

Hi there, 

I feel like looks are important in dating, and by significant amount. I feel like also men get sexually judged on appearance as well. I just feel a little depressed because I know I am not and never will look like a model in my whole life, as say I don’t have desired looks such as chiselled jawline and ripped body and great hair, like Brad Pitt or Jeff Seid. I have been using tinder for a wjhile and the only girls I match tend to be ugly. How is it even possible for an ordinary guy like me to become more attractive among 8-10 range?  It’s annoying because I’m an engineering student and I have little time to work on dating life. 

You're just misinformed on how the dating world actually works. In the list of things that are important for being attractive as a man, looks would be close to dead last.

[Dan Arnautu]

6 hours ago, Ross said:

Hi there, 

I feel like looks are important in dating, and by significant amount. I feel like also men get sexually judged on appearance as well. I just feel a little depressed because I know I am not and never will look like a model in my whole life, as say I don’t have desired looks such as chiselled jawline and ripped body and great hair, like Brad Pitt or Jeff Seid. I have been using tinder for a wjhile and the only girls I match tend to be ugly. How is it even possible for an ordinary guy like me to become more attractive among 8-10 range?  It’s annoying because I’m an engineering student and I have little time to work on dating life. 

Go out more. You're ovethinking and making up boundaries that don't exist.

[YaNanNallari]

If you look like shit, then yes you might need an even better personality, but hopefully you're going for that anyway. Personality will get you the stuff you want in the end, don't worry

[MM1988]

@aurum I cant say this is true from my subjective experience. The guys I know who have no problems with women are also the tallest and best looking ones. Girls will approach these guys, stalk them on social media and lust over them. Really good looking and confident women who would give an average guy hell for even looking in their direction will send these guys awkward messages and behave like an insecure school girl. This is the power of looks alone.

[aurum]

12 hours ago, MM1988 said:

@aurum I cant say this is true from my subjective experience. The guys I know who have no problems with women are also the tallest and best looking ones. Girls will approach these guys, stalk them on social media and lust over them. Really good looking and confident women who would give an average guy hell for even looking in their direction will send these guys awkward messages and behave like an insecure school girl. This is the power of looks alone.

And how has that belief system been working out for you?

[Hardkill]

On 12/27/2018 at 7:46 AM, Ross said:

Hi there, 

I feel like looks are important in dating, and by significant amount. I feel like also men get sexually judged on appearance as well. I just feel a little depressed because I know I am not and never will look like a model in my whole life, as say I don’t have desired looks such as chiselled jawline and ripped body and great hair, like Brad Pitt or Jeff Seid. I have been using tinder for a wjhile and the only girls I match tend to be ugly. How is it even possible for an ordinary guy like me to become more attractive among 8-10 range?  It’s annoying because I’m an engineering student and I have little time to work on dating life. 

Hey man, glad you came on here. What everyone is saying here is definitely good legit advice. Btw, Ross is actually my real first name. Anyways, there are some things that I want to add here. There are a number of factors that we need to consider regarding why looks alone will rarely ever be enough for guy to pull the girls he wants.  Let's dive into this.

One reason for this is that naturally most women DO NOT ever make the first move on a guy, let alone take the lead in any interaction with a guy they are interested in due to the fact that the great majority of them are too afraid of getting rejected just like the great majority of men get too nervous approach the hot girls. The second reason, is that even though the feminist movement has greatly influenced women in general to be more strong, independent, assertive, and in some ways act more masculine, in virtually all areas of their lives, this has actually not been the case when it comes to dating, sex, and romance. There have been more women these days that have taken it upon themselves to go up to the guy, talk to him, ask for his number, ask for a date, etc. However, again, most women are too afraid to be that forward with a guy. This has been one of things that has been lagging with the whole feminism thing. Usually this is because A LOT of women are afraid of coming off as a sexually aggressive woman, because of the fear of being slut-shamed by others or society (even though, in most cases more men actually would really like it if she is very forward). This is true, regardless of where or how a girl meets you whether it be through your social circle of friends, from cold approach within any random environment, online dating, etc. So, having said all of this, most women naturally decide to leave it to the guy to be the man and take the initiative and lead with practically everything. This means that with most women (again, not always), you as the man are expected to be the one to approach the girl, start the conversation, ignite the sexual energy between you and her, lead the interaction, take control of the frame within an interaction along with what topics you discuss with women, sexually escalate with her, be the one to get her number, be the one to set up the date(s) (including time, place, and day), lead with calibration to you kissing her then making out with her and then to having sex with her, physically lead her to a certain place(s). Essentially, you are usually expected to be the leader with pretty much everything you do with and say to the girl no matter how good looking you are (even if you look like Brad Pitt, George, Idris Elba, Tyrese Gibson, Michael B. Jordan, Chris Hemsworth, Ashton Kutcher, Henry Cavill, etc.). Also, some women will feel too insecure or too intimidated to deal with a good looking guy because they are afraid of being played by them, despite them actually jumping the gun.

 

The second reason for why just being a good-looking guy is not enough is that women are not as visual and logical as men are. Yes, they may think that a certain guy they see looks hot and may likely give him the chance to have a good start with her in the approach. However, if during the approach he says or does something that she thinks or feels sounded too awkward or weird then she will probably, if not for sure, end the convo either by excusing her self and walk away from him or will say in some sort of way that she wants to end the interaction with him because she's no longer interested in him. This is because biologically speaking, women's sexual attraction to men (assuming she is straight) is more based on their intuition and emotions than how visually and logically they find a certain a man attractive. Why do think that their still aren't as many women who watch porn as much as men do, especially when it comes to watching straight male dominated porn? Believe me, and I don't like to brag, but I've actually been told pretty much all of my life that I am an extremely good looking guy who should have been an actor or model, and yet I got rejected by hundreds of women I like. Most of women I like have and will always say no to me for a date and/or sex. Therefore, there feelings about a certain guy tend to be more fluid than a man's, which means that their emotions will tend to change more frequently than a man's. However, if you know how to inspire a woman to feel positive emotions and even more so get her on an emotional roller coaster that really engages her, then you will greatly influence her to be very attracted to you not just socially, but also sexually as well. This is why it is absolutely crucial for men to develop their personal charisma as much as possible. This means that it is immensely important for a man to improve his overall social skills as much as possible, including the ability to intelligently read and understand other people especially women's emotions and non-verbal cues, the ability to listen to people especially women well, the ability engage others verbally and physically on a very emotional level, the ability to emotionally connect well with others including women as much as they can, the coolness of the clothes and accessories they wear, how in style and congruent their haircut and facial hair (possibly beard or mustache) is, their personal hygiene, their wit and sense of humor, and possibly their ability to effectively organize and lead social circles and events, etc. Also, last, but not least is the fact that men HAVE GOT TO ACT MASCULINE/DOMINANT AND AUTHENTIC. Why do you think most women get turned on by the alpha males? Because not only do they act very confident, which in and of itself is very attractive trait (even for women to have), but also these very, if not hyper-masculine men project dominance and aggression around women (without being a creep or perv). WOMEN LOVE TO SUBMIT TO A MAN THEY AT ARE ATTRACTED TO (AT LEAST TO SOME DEGREE) WHO TAKES PRIDE IN BEING IN CHARGE OF HER. This is because submissiveness and passivity are more feminine traits and dominance and physical aggression are more masculine traits. Furthermore, they actually respect and get turned on by a man who physically sexually escalates on them all the way to kissing to making out to having sex. Even though a lot of women these days are taking pride in being a strong, independent women who seize the opportunity to strive for success, money, and power (including leadership roles), deep down when it comes to social and sexual matters practically all straight women want to be dominated by a man for the most part, even if she is married to him. Men of course involve their own intuition and emotions in deciding how attractive they find a certain woman to be, but during the beginning stages of dating guys decide how attractive a chick is primarily by her looks and tend to naturally deal with her on a more logical level.

Btw, women in general are also actually more attracted to a man who has high status than a man with good looks even if he looks super hot. They also find men who looks fit and somewhat muscular (not to the size of a pro bodybuilder or powerlifter or strongman competitor) sexier than a pretty boy who looks scrawny. Though again, looks can only do so much to attract most women in general. So looking like a hot muscular dude will still only help you a bit. 

Edited December 29, 2018 by Hardkill

[Pilgrim]

@Hardkill

Well your description of an attractive man doesn't appeal to me at all.  We cannot put people into boxes, it's not so much about gender but rather about energies. There are women who have a lot of masculine energy and men who have a lot of feminine energy. I believe our task as humans is to balance these energies as well as possible. We have something to learn from each other. An ideal relationship consists of interdependence and mutual respect. There is no one person who takes the lead. Sometimes the woman may take the lead, sometime the man might. It's team play. 

I think it's a very bad idea to pretend to be someone you are not, it will come falling down at some point. I understand that it can be fun to try out strategies that work with women.. but ultimately that's manipulation. The women will not like the real you, but simply the picture you created about yourself. It's not sustainable, but might work in the short-run. A relationship is about finding the best fit for you, if you don't show your true face how can you ever find the best fit then? I agree that confidence is crucial though. Confidence is very attractive, but it comes in many forms. Just fall in love with your personal uniqueness and everything will be fine. 

[Hardkill]

On 12/30/2018 at 8:36 AM, Pilgrim said:

@Hardkill

Well your description of an attractive man doesn't appeal to me at all.  We cannot put people into boxes, it's not so much about gender but rather about energies. There are women who have a lot of masculine energy and men who have a lot of feminine energy. I believe our task as humans is to balance these energies as well as possible. We have something to learn from each other. An ideal relationship consists of interdependence and mutual respect. There is no one person who takes the lead. Sometimes the woman may take the lead, sometime the man might. It's team play. 

I think it's a very bad idea to pretend to be someone you are not, it will come falling down at some point. I understand that it can be fun to try out strategies that work with women.. but ultimately that's manipulation. The women will not like the real you, but simply the picture you created about yourself. It's not sustainable, but might work in the short-run. A relationship is about finding the best fit for you, if you don't show your true face how can you ever find the best fit then? I agree that confidence is crucial though. Confidence is very attractive, but it comes in many forms. Just fall in love with your personal uniqueness and everything will be fine. 

It's not about pretending at all. I do agree with you 100% that everyone has to be absolutely the real you that's inside you. In the case of man, it's about bringing out that masculinity from within. Most men these days have become too feminine, which has made them too emotional, too needy, too insecure about themselves, and too unassertive. In actuality, most men are hiding behind a facade that neither shows at all what it means to be a man nor allows them to speak their desires and intentions as a man. Why do you think that most men don't have the balls to go up to a woman they are really attracted to and tell her with solid confidence that the real reason he is talking to her is because he thought and felt that she looked cute, beautiful, pretty, gorgeous, hot, sexy, etc.? Why do you think that most men don't want to be the one's to decide and state what they really want to do on a date(s) and where they want to go to on a date(s) and when they want to go on a date? Why are most men too afraid of being sexual and making the moves on her because he wants to admit to her or clearly demonstrate that he honestly wants to sleep with her and possibly be a potential boyfriend/husband instead of just pretending or giving off a false impression of wanting to be just friends with her? All of this is because because most men are TOO AFRAID TO BE DIRECT with a woman. They don't want to risk getting rejected or even coming off as a creep (which to SOME degree is a risk that every strong man has to take with women). Sadly, they are also so many out there too who never grew up with a father or an older man who could be not just like a father to them, but also one who could be a strong masculine father figure to them. Consequently, these guys never got to look up to someone who could really teach and show them growing up how to be a man, let alone experience true manhood.

Yes, an ideal relationship consists of interdependence and mutual respect. However, it is a man's responsibility to take the lead and initiate almost everything with a woman. Most men are beta-male providers who get with certain women who only got into a relationship with them or married them primarily for their money and/or other means of providing for her. A lot of women also like to take advantage of these kinds of guys whom they can control and gain so much attention and validation from. Also, most women who are not with a dominant man eventually get tired of being in charge with setting up the dates they go on, handling all sorts of family and household matters, their finances, the sex they have, how much time they need to spend together, setting their goals for their careers, etc. Eventually, these women will lose all respect for their man, and more than likely cheat on or leave him for another man who hopefully can be a real man for her.

Now, you may say that alpha males are not sexy, but when you come across a man who is one, then you will be turned on by him inevitably. You may feel somewhat uncomfortable with the raw masculinity he exudes even if you see him and you may not even like him at all in any sort of way from the get-go. Nevertheless, the fact is that when you are in the presence of a man's man, provided that he interacts with you as respectful gentleman, you will undoubtedly be so extremely influenced by him to at least give him a great amount of respect. This is because you see that he without a doubt stands out from the rest of the men as a man who is strong, brave, confident, centered, rational, decisive like a leader, has some level of charisma, street smart, is respected by other men, is on his life purpose, can protect her on some level, etc. Now, I am not trying to say that I like or even respect those "bad boys" who are completely abusive assholes or manipulative, conniving douchebags. I see these guys as the scum of the earth with no honor and no respect or real love for women, let alone for themselves deep down. I am talking about good men who have a backbone and genuinely respect and love women completely 100%, but at the same time are very masculine. These guys are like the true male heroes of dating, sex, and romance. While they are alpha males they also have a benevolent character overall. Now I will say that the "bad boys" who are good with women are not as a common as the contemporary "nice guys" out there. Hell, the "good men" out there who are good with women are even less common then the "bad boys." Some say that the "good men" that exist are like 1 in a million. This in fact makes the men who worked very hard to achieve such a rare status inevitably stand out as like the top 1-3% men for women. However, we need A LOT MORE MEN to strive to become like the real heroes of dating. 

 

Edited December 31, 2018 by Hardkill