Zigzag Idiot and the ladder of Objective Reason

[Zigzag Idiot]

If you in a bad mood

make up a silly song

One that justs goes along

singsong sing along

 rhymes right or wrong

 

I see you 

you see me

we go pee

then we go

he he he

Te he he

ho ho ho

and away we go

from where we flowed

[Zigzag Idiot]

Enjoying the simple things in life. Return to Ordinary Idiot ever so often,,,

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

A crucial element in being awake

Do you discern the difference between sensing and feeling?

Vive la différence,,,

When you pray (meditate), do so with your whole body and be completely there.

[Zigzag Idiot]

Let's be real reactive now

Of course responding consciously is always the preferred and more beneficial way juxtaposed to the reactivity that comes from our untamed animal selves.

The village Idiot is a wild card Joker and there are many varieties of them. Whatever town or metropolis you live in or nearby.  Everyone takes their turn in this almost inevitable kind of reactivity. The crucial element in evolving is always the return to the state and station of Ordinary Idiot. Sometimes crow is served up by one's own hand, to be eaten. Sometimes not.

Not all instances of return to Ordinary Idiot requires an apology to another Idiot or Egonaut.  The freedom attained in apologizing to another and the forgiveness that comes from your own heart boosts its capacity for emanating. Forgiving yourself is vital. Forgiving another, when necessary, keeps you from hating yourself.

Don't bury your hatred like a self deceptive Zen Devil. And the nature of self deception being what it is, makes for a huge hurtle. No matter your essence or personality type.

 Say for instance you find yourself feeling betrayed in some way. Then becoming reactive you hit your uncle with a charred hamburger patty and you scream at your favorite Aunt that she's a goddamn cu** from hell. It's unlikely that you suddenly recognize your foolishness and say, "Oh my goodness! Look at how badly I have erred and behaved. Let us sit in meditation or hold hands and pray."  Usually it will take at least a day or so of reflection, pondering, and more importantly a period of some deep sleep with good REM cycles.

I'm a Mars/jovial/solar (adrenal dominant) endocrine type. So I've had these unfortunate events happen to me that puts me into the category of raging asshole hypocrite at times. 

Don't be a torture to yourself and others by acting constantly like an  egonaut or an objectively hopeless Idiot. When you can, try to remember yourself and eat crow as soon as you can do so sincerely.

 

with love, 

Authentic Idiot sometimes aka Zigzag Idiot

 

Good quotes on the phenomena of hatred-

https://www.diamondapproach.org/glossary/refinery_phrases/hatred

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

A excerpt from one of Cynthia Bourgeault’s online courses which is an excerpt from the Teachings brought forward by the mystic George Gurdjieff.

Fifth Striving: "The striving always to assist the most rapid perfecting of other beings, both those similar to oneself and those of other forms, up to the degree of the sacred Martfotai, that is, up to the degree of self-individuality." 

The fifth striving may be one of the hardest as it places us in the position of a Teacher. Teaching can take many roles, from being a good parent, to sharing in a group, to being a guru with hundreds of disciples. Listen to your conscience and find your niche. As with every path of action, ego presents the greatest obstacle.  Ego is like a stick with two ends.  One end is the arrogant self-aggrandizing character, and the other is the meek self-deprecating character.  What they have in common is their focus on the egoic self : "I am so great" or "I am so nothing."  True humility balances the two and is the only place where selfless action  can occur.  Most of those who avoid the responsibility to teach use the egoic "I am so nothing" excuse. 

 

Do not underestimate your capabilities and do not be afraid to make a few mistakes. Teaching is the best way to learn. "When the Teacher is ready, the students appear."

“Teaching is the best way to learn.“ -

This is a statement which is also echoed in A Course in Miracles.

ACIM and the Teachings brought forward by Gurdjieff are stressing the metaphorical interpretations of the New Testament.

[Zigzag Idiot]

Acquired conscience vs. Awakened conscience

I'm full of bullshit sometimes and I'm okay with that. Because it doesn't matter,

If I wasn't okay with my periodic bullshit ways. I would be divided against myself.

I try not to dismiss or justify my errors but sometimes I probably do. When I err and it causes someone else offence or hardship I try to sit with it and cook. Remorse of conscience informs me and does so properly.

The self sustained stain of guilt is a perpetual vicious circle. It's a worthless burden put on mankind by dogmatic religions.  It's my experience that guilt blocks the awakening of conscience. So self forgiveness is a necessity and also to see what you don't like in others is also within oneself most often. When it's noticed. Everything is cancelled out.

To borrow a line from Rob Brezney. "My morality is always on the verge of collapsing".  My automaton or animal is an absolute slut.

Guilt is often mixed with acquired conscience. Acquired conscience changes over time and is different between different cultures. This is our conditioning and super ego. Our internalized critic that doesn't come from our inner self but rather an auto-pilot critic from childhood conditioning. We should show kindness towards our elders because even though they had a hand in our conditioning; they've carried this burden longer than us younger folk. Awakened conscience is different and is the same in all awakened people. The 'language of the smile' is a cousin to awakened conscience. Awakened conscience is the intelligence of the Cosmos. It's the golden rule. Do unto others as you would want to be treated.

We're all fools and a variety of them as well. A ship of fools is my so called "I".

Make yourself vulnerable and Insecure people will mock you sometimes. This can grow you. Forgive yourself as needed.

If anyone does you wrong and makes you angry. Forgive them so you won't hate yourself.

Over and out. See you later alligator,,,

[Zigzag Idiot]

It's been hitting 100 degrees Fahrenheit for the last week. All the vegetation is going dormant. I'm doing a lot of laundry because I sweat -out so many changes of clothes. My I-phone survived going through the washing machine! I couldn't believe that it still worked.

I've been putting off replacing my Subaru windshield for over a year. Gonna take care of that tomorrow. Living large ,,, ya know. Life in the fast lane,,,,,

Hyperbolic rhetoric or rhetorical hyperbole. That's how my grandmother communicated. It defines my style of writing at times. I come by it honestly. In person though, I'm pretty deadpan.

[Zigzag Idiot]

Let go he reminds.

He’s been putting out quite a bit lately on his Patreon channel.

I paraphrase Almaas- -  Don’t reach conclusions and avoid becoming miserable.

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

I’ve had a flu like sickness overwhelm me. I lay here in bed with fever,  chills and aches. It may be Covid. I don’t know. It seems like it takes a great effort to type anything out. 
I love you.

This happens often whenever I’m in pain. I get weepy and tend to be overly expressive and emotional. But definitely not expressed loudly. 
I love you. Whoever I see or think about,,,,,, It’s probably awkward to read. For some anyway.

[Zigzag Idiot]

This is in the spirit of my previous post.

I reserve the right to tell you that I love you. Maybe even with tear filled eyes thinking of how precious life is. Then in half an hour tell you what a son of a bitch you are.

All of us are this way. We’re naturally multidimensional and not necessarily bipolar. Don’t worry about your self image.

Just have your being.

I try to observe my preachiness. It’s not meant that way.

I trusted a fart earlier and shit on myself TMI I know. Not to mention gross.
I know it sounds dramatic but It’s possible I may die sometime soon. I hope not. I keep it an aim to stay in contact with lightheartedness. Physical suffering makes it difficult.

 

[MuadDib]

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

@MuadDib @Myioko

Thank you!

[Loba]

I guess I have some questions first and foremost, why do you feel like you're going to die in your 50's?  People often live to their 70-90's.  What's going on dude?  Are you sick?  And if so, is there anything that you need?  I follow your journal sometimes.  I remember you mentioning a few times you felt as if you were close to passing.  Whatever happens, keep us updated, I hope you feel better.  <3

And, I have some experience with the afterlife and know without a doubt it will be a super fun, marvelous place.  Maybe those who have a proclivity for it can go to some tavern in the afterlife, when we are all free and happy and carefree and have a mug of ambrosia?  I hear it tastes as sweet as honey, but gets you drunk as a skunk.

All the best.

-Annie

[Zigzag Idiot]

Thank you Annie for wishing me well. That's appreciated. I see that attribute missing in a great deal of the population, Too many people are just interested in putting themselves above others no matter the cost of becoming asleep to their own conscience. I make no claims of purity or being good except for irreverent bullshit hyperbole I spout every now and then. My being is always in flux and I try to remember my Self (capital S or Higher Self) some would call it. As often as I can.

I do feel quite a bit better this morning. With the covid pandemic and feeling so terrible. It just triggers that fear or possibility. 

My father passed on when he was 66 yrs old from kidney cancer. When he passed I just set that as my possible time of departure. He pushed himself in the extreme attempting his life aims. Though I haven't accomplished as much as he, we have much in common. I don't take care of myself, eat badly and have been exposed to carcinogens to an outrageous degree. In the number thereof and volume.

Given the commonality of our genetics, me and my father. I placed my departure from this planet at 66 years old just to add some sobriety to my overall perspective instead of thinking I'm going to life forever. At almost 55, this gives me 11 years hypothetically and quite arbitrary too I suppose. I don't want to be caught off guard. When my day comes, I want to be ready for it. Maybe even enthusiastic for the oncoming event.

Hope your day is good,,,

David

[Loba]

On 8/11/2022 at 6:35 AM, Zigzag Idiot said:

Thank you Annie for wishing me well. That's appreciated. I see that attribute missing in a great deal of the population, Too many people are just interested in putting themselves above others no matter the cost of becoming asleep to their own conscience. I make no claims of purity or being good except for irreverent bullshit hyperbole I spout every now and then. My being is always in flux and I try to remember my Self (capital S or Higher Self) some would call it. As often as I can.

You're welcome David!  I see it missing in a large portion of the population as well, but I have hopes that it will change in the future.  Some areas of the world are not like that at all, it seems to be a mostly western problem.  I think that as we begin to see the importance of community and working together as a species that the rough individualism will settle down a bit and we will all have the best of both worlds.

On 8/11/2022 at 6:35 AM, Zigzag Idiot said:

I do feel quite a bit better this morning. With the covid pandemic and feeling so terrible. It just triggers that fear or possibility. 

That's good, so sorry to hear you weren't feeling well.

On 8/11/2022 at 6:35 AM, Zigzag Idiot said:

My father passed on when he was 66 yrs old from kidney cancer. When he passed I just set that as my possible time of departure. He pushed himself in the extreme attempting his life aims. Though I haven't accomplished as much as he, we have much in common. I don't take care of myself, eat badly and have been exposed to carcinogens to an outrageous degree. In the number thereof and volume.

Oh no, I am sorry to hear that, that's so young.  I see, I understand, too.  I haven't lived the healthiest lifestyle and I have an autoimmune disease that could possibly eat up a large portion of my years on this planet, it's hard to know because it fluctuates in degree of symptoms.
Do you feel that this lifestyle is taking its toll on your health right now?

On 8/11/2022 at 6:35 AM, Zigzag Idiot said:

Given the commonality of our genetics, me and my father. I placed my departure from this planet at 66 years old just to add some sobriety to my overall perspective instead of thinking I'm going to life forever. At almost 55, this gives me 11 years hypothetically and quite arbitrary too I suppose. I don't want to be caught off guard. When my day comes, I want to be ready for it. Maybe even enthusiastic for the oncoming event.

I get that, I like to plan ahead, too.  I feel I will probably leave this world in my 50's and do a lot of premature planning, just so that there are no surprises when it happens.  11 years is still a good long while, and who knows, maybe God will give you a few more years?  Sometimes people who live unhealthy lifestyles manage to beat the odds and live a really long time, but I can certainly see the benefits of getting yourself emotionally/psychologically ready for the big sleep.

In my experience, there will be things to look forward to when the time comes.  I think each person gets their own individualized experiences so I don't wanna put mine off onto you, but death is/will be a warm, connected and peaceful experience once a certain threshold is crossed. 

[Zigzag Idiot]

6 hours ago, Loba said:

Do you feel that this lifestyle is taking its toll on your health right now?

In the 1990’s my father transitioned his ever-present side business from hardwood sawmill to that of sawmill equipment manufacturing. During this time I painted a lot of the equipment and breathed way too many acrylic enamel paint fumes and thinner. I also took care of a couple of cow herds during this time.  Besides smoking 2 pack of Camel light per day for around 15 years, I also sprayed a lot of herbicides. So it’s mostly my past which might catch up with me. I did quit smoking cigarettes in the year 2000. I let go of managing our family cattle ranch in 2017. 
There is quite a history of cancer and in my family. Kidney cancer and more prevalent, mouth and throat cancer. 
I’m pretty resilient physically but like I wrote previously in setting my hypothetical time of departure at 66 years old. It mostly was an attempt at sobriety concerning the longevity of my own life. I want to be ready when my time comes. 
I just awoke after sleeping 18 hours. I do feel better but I’m still a little weak.

Thank you for your response and concern.

Feel free to write me anytime,,,
 

[Wisebaxter]

 

On 11/08/2022 at 2:35 PM, Zigzag Idiot said:

My father passed on when he was 66 yrs old from kidney cancer. When he passed I just set that as my possible time of departure. He pushed himself in the extreme attempting his life aims. Though I haven't accomplished as much as he, we have much in common. I don't take care of myself, eat badly and have been exposed to carcinogens to an outrageous degree. In the number thereof and volume.

Given the commonality of our genetics, me and my father. I placed my departure from this planet at 66 years old just to add some sobriety to my overall perspective instead of thinking I'm going to life forever. At almost 55, this gives me 11 years hypothetically and quite arbitrary too I suppose. I don't want to be caught off guard. When my day comes, I want to be ready for it. Maybe even enthusiastic for the oncoming event.

Hope your day is good,,,

David

@Zigzag Idiot I'm sorry to hear you haven't been well mate. Have you read any of Joe Dispenza's stuff? His book Becoming Supernatural outlines a way we can naturally heal ourselves by connecting to relaxation and peace as a practice. If you're experiencing emotions relating to survival mode a lot, this will stress your system and leave you open to illnesses. He has a couple of good guided meditations on YouTube that help you reprogram your body to be more used to feelings of connection and positive emotions. He says we unconsciously create the situations that give us the chemicals we're craving. In other words, we get addicted to our pain. He recounts story's about people coming back from stage four cancer, all sorts of shit, just by creating a habit of reconnecting to source, or just relaxation or love. If you're in fight or flight mode a lot, or feeling stressed, your body can become hooked on these emotions. It sounds overly simplistic I though, but he really does go balls deep into the science. I love the guy. I've emailed you a morning and evening guided meditation of his if you're interested. They're a good way to get started reconnecting on a more regular basis. I see it as using the power of intent to create a new body and mind. God can do this, it just has to do it in a more limited and drawn out fashion when disguised as an ego

Saying all of this you do seem like a positive guy so I hope you don't think I'm suggesting otherwise. I just know how the mind can get me trapped. Conceptual stuff, images of this or that. Ideas, beliefs, assumptions.

Is there any way you could clean up your diet a bit, or take better care of yourself? I'm wondering what you meant by not taking care of yourself. I'm thinking that self-love might be an issue, as you've mentioned shadow work to me before. Matt Kahn is great for that. It also sounds like you're good at accepting parts of yourself, acknowledging your bullshit etc. You've probably come across all or most of these ideas too, but worth a shot  This might be beyond Matt Kahn even though  

Sometimes I'm confused between the two spiritual paradigms of 'create your experience consciously and choose not to suffer,' and love and give attention to the neglected parts of yourself. The two approaches seem at odds. Ralston says change it, Matt Kahn says shine a light on it, love it and give it a voice. I've certainly been able to switch off things like fear and sadness, just through my intent. But am I burying things and not healing deep wounds? I might make a thread about this. I can't help thinking that shadow work begets more shadow work. When is it done? Aren't we just creating more habitual experiences, of 'healing,' The I need healing paradigm. Just a few musings  

 

Edited August 15, 2022 by Wisebaxter

[Zigzag Idiot]

@Wisebaxter Please pardon my tardy response. My mood has not moved far from apathy the last few days. The sickness I've had has not let go. Looking at the symptoms.  I'm fairly sure it's Covid.  

This morning I felt good enough to go outside and do some strenuous physical labor. I wasn't as careful as I should have been and got a catch in my lower back,,,,, Oh well,, Sometimes having two problems are better than having just one. It might just be my twisted reasoning. A phrase I learned years ago of having "problems of comparable magnitude."

On 8/15/2022 at 3:24 PM, Wisebaxter said:

I can't help thinking that shadow work begets more shadow work. When is it done? Aren't we just creating more habitual experiences, of 'healing,'

I agree with your statement. I encountered that situation in my own life in the past. Through Self Inquiry I realized my own unnecessary suffering in the form of complaining.  I still catch myself sometimes. I also think that unavoidable suffering does exist but if met with equanimity or conscious attention, It can be endured better than when it's a source of mechanical complaining. 

I still fairly often observe my own reactivity.

[Zigzag Idiot]

Good documentary on Chogyam Trungpa. Run out of his home country Tibet by the Chinese. Eventually ended up in U.S. where he founded Naropa university in Bolder Colorado in the mid 1970’s. Had sex with students. Stayed drunk and high most of the time. Go figure ?‍♂️?‍♂️Paradoxical character,,,,,

He authored this spiritual classic. I highly recommend it.

[Zigzag Idiot]

I finally recovered from my illness. It was probably Covid. I had all the symptoms. Even though I felt dramatic and expressive in pondering the possibility of my death. I don’t really feel foolish now that I’m back to enjoying good health.

I enjoy most of Leo’s lectures but I don’t agree with everything he says. Especially when it comes to our existence after the body konks out. Whether it’s 5 years from now or 20 years. I hope that I’ll actually be anticipating the occasion with at least some sincere curiosity instead of fear or dread.
You don’t usually see people approach their death filled with peace. Most of the time there is a definite amount of physical discomfort.

Because I never had children and a family I was able to go into part time retirement at about 50 years old. It’s usually the last thing that people really want to think about but I feel that seriously contemplating our inevitable death is a worthy endeavor. Being prepared for the death of my body is my top priority. 
One of my concerns is the scattered quality of my attention and consciousness when I’m in the dream world. I would feel a little more secure if I had some more lucid dreaming experiences under my belt before I make the transition.

People are so resistant to thinking about their inevitable death. We’re all going to die and it’s just too easy to mix in imagination and fanciful bullshit on the subject of the afterlife. I’ve just not had whatever experience that others have had which translates into confidence concerning one’s experience after death of the body. I know one thing for certain. I don’t want a visitation at the funeral home before or a traditional funeral service either. Just let the crematorium make ashes out of my body.   Maybe if some of my old friends and family members felt like getting drunk and burning my body up in a brush plié on the ranch. That would do. There’s always dead tree’s here and there scattered over the ranch that requires a fire anyway.  I think that would be great. It would be similar to an Irish wake,,,