The battle between heart and the self (fear)

[Charlotte]

@KyleR ??

 

 

Ok so I'm FINALLY coming off shark week (lol) and feeling miles better. It's mental how much it has an effect. 

Went out for a meal last night with mum and she said I have some issues based around diet... Fear basically. I don't ever want to put the weight back on so I'm watching the diet like a hawk. It is fear isn't it. She said you know too much to ever go back there Charlotte, you've changed completely, stop listening to your mind. She's right. I might do a course on the relationship with food. The psychological components based around food. 

I don't think I should be feeling guilty if I have a vegan burger now and again (I try and stick to wholefoods as much as possible). I'll look into this today. 

Yesterday I met up with a new friend. It was great to sit and talk about personal development/spirituality. This person I feel can allow himself to be vulnerable (in a good way) what you see is what you get. He is transparent and I'm very drawn to that. When we talk it feels like it's a safe space, we both speak from the heart. I could definitely learn from him. 

So on today's agenda:

I went out and bought the flashcards needed to organise some kind of structure with the English studies. I'll get that all written up today and stuck over my bedroom wall. ☑️

Do some more studies. ☑️

Start packing for Barcelona.☑️

Make sure I have the food diary printed off for the naturopathic college on the 31st march☑️

1 hour self inquiry (20 minute), 1 hr reading new book ,❎ and 1hr meditation.☑️

Look into course☑️

[Charlotte]

 

[Charlotte]

Wow it's been a mad day. 

Lots of contemplation and introspection. 

Looking forward to the shamanic drumming ceremony tomorrow morning. Muchly needed ❤️

[Charlotte]

Gonna journal this whilst it's fresh af in my experience. 

Currently sat in Costa in the Trafford centre walking around in what feels like a massive infinite boundless bubble....

Okay so just finished the coaoa and shamanic drumming workshop/ceremony. 

It was a beautiful journey from beginning to end.

In the beginning we had to go round the circle and say your name and explain why you came to this event. My answer was. "I have no idea why I'm here but maybe I'll find out."

After opening the space with drumming and chakra mantra meditation we all went up to receive our ceremonial grade cocoa deva. 

 

We lay down as comfortable as poss and people started their inner journey.

I was lay there thinking... The fuck is going on? fuck all is happening, this is shit. 

I lay there observing my thoughts about other people's journeys and what was going on with them in that moment. 

Then it hit me.

The reason I was here was to just be. Just be still. Be quite. 

This time it wasn't about an inward journey, this time it was about realising there is no fucking inward journey (fundamentally) and to just be! 

Game changing insight.... absolute game changer. 

Experience and experiencer ceased to exist. I lay there in complete bliss for god knows how long. 

After it finished we all sat up and it felt like I loved everyone. I was connected to everybody. Everyone was me and I was everybody. 

The more I go to these workshops the more truth prevails. 

Showing my deepest gratitude for such a beautiful day ❤️

[Charlotte]

P1_H08.pdf

[ZenDancer]

Hi there @Charlotte  ... I'm loving your journal... your honesty about how your mind can go from 'fuck everything' to serenity and wisdom is beautifully honest and human... and it sounds an awful lot like the carnival that often inhabits my tiny brain (which makes me feel better!) Keep up the good work!

Hugs,

Lucas

[Charlotte]

@ZenDancer I'm so glad your enjoying it and it's brought something positive for you. Yes I'd say honesty is of most importance... Always ❤️

[Charlotte]

No matter what happens externally remain as awareness. Remain as an observer.

Silent.

More and more intense situations are happening externally and I can remain unaffected, yes emotions are felt but like a bag in the wind, they are carried away. 

[Shin]

19 hours ago, Charlotte said:

No matter what happens externally remain as awareness. Remain as an observer.

Silent.

More and more intense situations are happening externally and I can remain unaffected, yes emotions are felt but like a bag in the wind, they are carried away. 

Just wait

?

 

And btw,

Keep eating fruits

?

Edited March 19, 2019 by Shin

[Charlotte]

Last philosophy class of this term (quotes are amazing)

P1_H09.pdf

Won't be able to attend last class of this term as I'll be away but definitely going onto the next term in April.  

[Charlotte]

Flying out at 9am tomorrow morning. It's weird this time because I've not over thought it, I've been mindful of creating something from nothing and because I've let things be just as they actually are you feel you've forgotten something because you haven't over thought it ?

Previous trip I was ruminating for a few days prior, building something up mentally but this time I've remained more present and it's actually fucking mental the difference ? there is no stress in anything. It's all created. People say. "Oh it's stressful doing this and doing that." No, that's a projection. You're creating the stress. There's nothing actually there. It just is. 

[Charlotte]

Album of the past 2 months ❤️

 

 

[Charlotte]

❤️????

 

Was able to enjoy English class today due to not becoming overwhelmed due to me putting in extra effort at home. 

These nootropics I got are well sorting out the food cravings, starting to feel normalish again. Wether that's the nicotine leaving the system or the nootropics I don't know. Either way I am grateful to the up most of fucks. 

Get the dogs out now in this beautiful spring sunshine then finish packing for tomorrow. 

[Charlotte]

Open up your heart. You have a  choice ❤️

[Charlotte]

All done, packed and done. Meditation then up at 4am 

[Shin]

Try to enjoy

«it»

??

Edited March 20, 2019 by Shin

[Charlotte]

@Shin

[Charlotte]

There has been a robin singing out the front of my window literally all night. I couldn't be more grateful if I tried. It's just so beautiful ❤️

[zambize]

3 minutes ago, Charlotte said:

There has been a robin singing out the front of my window literally all night. I couldn't be more grateful if I tried. It's just so beautiful ❤️

Ahhh this is the kind of post I really appreciate <<<3333,  last time I got baited into thinking you posted something like this but you were just replying to that idiot shin

[Charlotte]

3 hours ago, zambize said:

that idiot shin

?

There is many many appreciative /grateful moments like this daily but if I was to post them all you'd get fed up of them