ExodiaGearCEO

How do you forgive?

10 posts in this topic

I feel like I really suck at this. But, I sometime feel like I can’t forgive people and I then have this certain grudge or act in certain way to them.  Like for a example, found out my little brother stole money, expensive items from me 3-4 years ago and knowing he’s a liar. Now today I tend to have a terrible relationship with him because ever since that happen I can’t love or forgive him deeply. And when I tried to tell myself I I will forgive him it just feels so fake? How do you truly forgive and let go forever???

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Empathy is the ability to simulated someone else's processes in their brains in your own brain. If you can truly understand someone else, you will have no grudge against him anymore.

Easier said than done, yes.

Try 5 whys and you will get to the root cause at least in a sufficient manner.

For example:

1. Why did he stole my money? - Because he needed it too buy groceries.

2. Why hasn't he no money to buy groceries? - Because he is unemployed.

3. Why is he unemployed? - Because he was really bad at school.

4. Why was he bad at school? - Because everyone else was mocking him and he was too afraid to participate in class.

5. Why was everyone mocking him? - Because he was the smallest guy in class.

Something like that. You probably won't get to the ultimate truth about your brother with this, but at least you have thought long enough about him in a non-judgmental way, that every grudge you will hold against him, will slowly fade away.

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Grudges and revenge is just ego fulfillment. Realize your brother is you. Realize your brother doesn't know any better. He's living life going off experience just like you are from your relative perspective. You are causing your own suffering by holding grudges which does nothing for you. 

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I don't think there exist such a thing as forgiveness.

Either you're angry at someone, or neutral or loving. 

You're focusing on the wrong question. Don't ask how to accept someone I don't like :D That's stupid. 

Just focus on how to become a loving human being. That's your answer.

Edited by Salvijus

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@ExodiaGearCEO

First, notice that you are what you express. You are the first one to feel your emotions, and you might be the only one actually. Have you ever felt that someone loves you and you are sure that he/she loves you but at the end, that person didn't, it was only you loving him/her?

Not being forgiving is your punishment for being unconscious of putting the responsibility of your emotional state on the external world. You believe your bad thoughts punish the other one, but you got it backward, it punishes you. That is the definition of hell to me. You get punished on the spot for not being conscious. When I realized that, for me, it was a game changer. Why would I want to punish myself? You will never forgive your brother, as you can only forgive yourself.

Imagine that the external world is actually you. What you put out is what you get, you are what you express... I imagine to be in a bubble, I live in it forever so I better not fart to much if you see what I mean. Be as kind, generous and nice toward others as you can, and get instantly rewarded! That's developing consciousness.  

Second, find your brother excuses for what he did, sincere excuses: He is/was unconscious, he is not you, he is younger, he is different psychologically but also biologically. That's developing understanding/ compassion

Third, try to see that the challenge he has given you is the best exercice someone could wish for to learn about yourself to actually master your own emotions. You would have never learned as much about you and how to master your emotions without him. Change the bad into gold, be an alchemist. That's developing gratefulness.

Fourth, stop resisting. It's your resistance to what is that's creating the pain, not the bad move of your brother. The world doesn't have to fit your imagination. The bigger the difference between the external world and your dream, the bigger the pain. That's developing acceptance

Fifth, see that it happened a long time ago, it is only happening in your head, not in reality, you are not awake, you are dreaming, focus on the here and now, what is actual. That's developing mindfulness.

Sixth, recognize your expectations about how a brother or anybody should act, see that your expectations can be very painful when they don't come true. That's developing awareness.

Seventh, see that forgiveness or anger only has to do with you and with you only, it's not about your brother. You only have been interacting with yourself your whole life, believing in an external world. That's developing perspective shifting.

Eighth, realize that to put conditions on how much love you are giving your brother if he acts a certain way is like saying "I'm going to allow myself to be happy (expressing emotions in the spectrum of love) only if he/she/people act/the world is a certain way". That's developing unconditional loving. Love everything... just because it feels good, embrace the bad.

Ninth, realize that there is no external and/or internal world, the boundary between the two is just another dream. That's becoming enlightened.

I hope it helps! Take care

 

Edited by Nic

Who Am I to judge? When I think I know, I don't know that I don't know.

"Things don't change when they are understood. Understanding reinforces the intellect (the ego). The seeker has to make room to the meditative state."

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@ExodiaGearCEO Thanks you for your Question. I have similar trouble with forgiveness. Also many thanks for your advice @Nic  is of great value!

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@Sockrattes hi, thank you so much I had tried it and i think it starting to work. 

@Nic wow thank you so much! That was deep man. You’re so right! 

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was going to add to this. looks like youve already come back to your senses.

feels great huh?

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@ExodiaGearCEO You are welcome. It is one thing to understand all this, having an epiphany reading those points, it is another to see life like this. I encourage you to take every single point and make it a field of study and practice... It is a release to live life with this kind of mindset. I have a brother too ;) ... Have fun!


Who Am I to judge? When I think I know, I don't know that I don't know.

"Things don't change when they are understood. Understanding reinforces the intellect (the ego). The seeker has to make room to the meditative state."

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@ExodiaGearCEO here’s a good question for you to ponder: how much of your inability to forgive is not coming from your authentic self but rather a manipulation of your ego to maintain its own self agenda and self bias and maintain its own righteousness?

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