Addicted to Personal Development

[Wisebaxter]

Has anyone else experienced this? There are so many practices, self enquiry, shadow work, life-purpose, contemplation, meditation, reading, do-nothing and about a hundred more. I just don't want to go to bed as I'm so juiced for this stuff and if gives me such a sense of progression. My whole life is now just a series of practices. I've seen the Ox's footprints and now I'm so keen to catch a glimpse that it's become an obsession. I never feel like I've got enough done during the day so I'm staying up until 3am and only going to sleep when I'm exhausted. I then wake up too early and want to jump straight on it again. It's not really that I can't sleep, it's that I don't want to sleep, not while that Ox is roaming around up in the mountains. I swear I can hear him snorting and the sound of his hooves on the rocks. Maybe this next Rupert Spira or Adyashanti video will be the one...or maybe I should meditate some more...argghh lol. It's not just about chasing enlightenment though, it's also about the thrill of expanding your intellect or raising your consciousness. 

Edited December 1, 2018 by Wisebaxter

[Sahil Pandit]

@Wisebaxter Never let go of that pursuit. Use this feeling as a reference when times get tough! 

[Wisebaxter]

Just now, Sahil Pandit said:

@Wisebaxter Never let go of that pursuit. Use this feeling as a reference when times get tough! 

@Sahil Pandit Thanks man, but could you elaborate a bit on that? Do you mean the feeling of excitement?  A reference for what sorry? 

[Sahil Pandit]

@Wisebaxter There are highs and lows in personal development as well. When you're in a "low" heavy emotions will cloud you and you will think something along the lines of "Whats the point?" 

But this is the opportunity to reconnect with how you felt when you were in love with PD and that feeling of not wanting to go to sleep because there was so much to look into, explore, research. 

[Wisebaxter]

@Sahil Pandit Ah I see, yeah that's a great idea. If I ever lose my juice then I'll just re-capture the feeling. Saying that, this is almost a low I'm going through as I'm worrying I can't sustain it or that I'm gonna suffer from fatigue or something. Plus my girlfriend is feeling neglected as I keep snubbing her for PD lol. When you'd rather work on an exercise to release your positive shadow than have sex then that can't be a good sign...

Edited December 1, 2018 by Wisebaxter

[Joseph Maynor]

There are pros and cons regarding addiction to personal development.  One of the pros are you are focused on improving your life.  A couple of the cons are you can stop short of improving your life and get distracted by all the theory and by teaching others.  Teaching others can be a pretty nasty distraction to doing your own projects.  As a teacher you gotta make sure you're not bypassing from doing your projects by teaching others.  It's so easy to find any reason to fall short of doing what you plan.  In that case personal development just becomes more distraction and more comfort mentality.  After all, everything is great when you don't actually expect yourself to do anything that you've planned!  It's like living in thought thinking and that's doing, but that ain't doing.  That's you being tricked by the Mind thinking you're doing just because you're swimming around in ideas that all sound like you're doing something important.  But all the while, your actual personal development projects just sit idly by untouched while you're all caught up in ideas.

Edited December 1, 2018 by Joseph Maynor

[Sahil Pandit]

@Wisebaxter Easier said than done, but you get it 

[purerogue]

I just go with the flow, I am not interested , or disinterested with personal development , I just happen to do what I do and funny thing is it works. 

[Wisebaxter]

6 minutes ago, Joseph Maynor said:

A couple of the cons are you can stop short of improving your life and get distracted by all the theory and by teaching others.  Teaching others can be a pretty nasty distraction to doing your own projects.

Yeah I feel so lost in theory most of the time. My main issue might be a lack of actually doing the practices, if I'm honest and just soaking up more theory by reading books and watching videos. If I did the practices properly, stuff like 'do-nothing' etc I might actually be able to relax. 
As for teaching others I think that's commendable, even if it distracts you. it's not something I do massively at this stage, but if you do then I think that's a great sign as you're obviously feeling very compassionate towards others.  Spirituality without helping others is quite empty I think. Om Swami says that the more awake you become the more compassionate you'll become

Edited December 1, 2018 by Wisebaxter

[Leo Gura]

It's a quality problem to have.

Eventually you'll probably get so over-stuffed with self-help theory that you will need to detox from it.

Eventually, to deeply awaken, you'll have to let go of the desire for hoarding theory. But right now you might still be at the point where more theory is helpful to you. You'll have to play it by ear.

[Wisebaxter]

10 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

It's a quality problem to have.

Eventually you'll probably get so over-stuffed with self-help theory that you will need to detox from it.

Eventually, to deeply awaken, you'll have to let go of the desire for hoarding theory.

@Leo Gura  Yeah I think I'm getting to that stage. I need to turn my days into a kind of meditation retreat like you suggested in one of your videos and just go balls to the wall with that instead of the 40mins a day I'm doing at present. I blame your book list haha. Too many gems on there dude  I'm amassing theory and techniques like there's no tomorrow and I can just see how much they're going to benefit me in my life, but I need to pump the breaks a bit and come back into 'being' for sure. I've got some LSD coming in the post so maybe that will bring me out of my head a little bit. Very excited about it as I've never tripped before. 

Edited December 1, 2018 by Wisebaxter

[Forestluv]

1 minute ago, Wisebaxter said:

I've got some LSD coming in the post so maybe that will bring me out of my head a little bit. Very excited about it as I've never tripped before. 

If you like contemplative journaling, you might find it helpful to journal through the process: leading up to the trips, the trips, integrating insights with conceptual understanding and embodying the deeper truths. There can be a lot to process and journaling can be a good tool.

[Wisebaxter]

1 minute ago, Serotoninluv said:

If you like contemplative journaling, you might find it helpful to journal through the process: leading up to the trips, the trips, integrating insights with conceptual understanding and embodying the deeper truths. There can be a lot to process and journaling can be a good tool.

That's a really good idea, thanks. I think it will help me to focus my intention and help me get more out of it. I was going to write a trip report afterwards but hadn't thought of journalling beforehand. I love contemplation but have hardly done any. I keep meaning to every day but for some reason the reading draws me in more. I think maybe I'm just very cerebral and I'm not used to engaging with direct experience as much. I'll work on that.  

[Forestluv]

10 minutes ago, Wisebaxter said:

That's a really good idea, thanks. I think it will help me to focus my intention and help me get more out of it. I was going to write a trip report afterwards but hadn't thought of journalling beforehand. I love contemplation but have hardly done any. I keep meaning to every day but for some reason the reading draws me in more. I think maybe I'm just very cerebral and I'm not used to engaging with direct experience as much. I'll work on that.  

I’m also cerebral oriented. I find contemplation journaling great for integrating my mind with my heart and direct experience. Self exploration and direct experience are super important components to develop a holistically integrated understanding. Your consciousness will expand through the process. I would go into it sincere and open, without expectations. 

You can have your own journal here in another area of the forum. Some users like using that format.

[Wisebaxter]

2 minutes ago, Serotoninluv said:

I’m also cerebral oriented. I find contemplation journaling great for integrating my mind with my heart and direct experience. Self exploration and direct experience are super important components to develop a holistically integrated understanding. Your consciousness will expand through the process. 

You can have your own journal here in another area of the forum. Some users like using that format.

Yeah I guess contemplation is a great way of bridging the head with the heart. Whenever I do it I fall into the habit of just intellectualising about whatever I'm contemplating but I'm getting the knack of how it should be done now, using the senses etc. 

Yeah perhaps I will start up a journal on here. Have you used this technique then, of journalling leading up to a trip? Works well huh? 

[Forestluv]

@Wisebaxter I didn’t journal before my first time. I started after my first trip because there was so much to process and explore. It opened up new avenues. Journaling is great way to explore.

Now that I think about it, there may not be a lot of stuff to process and journal about heading into the first trip. It’s kinda just waiting for the show to get started. 

[Wisebaxter]

7 minutes ago, Serotoninluv said:

Now that I think about it, there may not be a lot of stuff to process and journal about heading into the first trip. It’s kinda just waiting for the show to get started.

Interesting. I guess my main concern is getting into the right head space to that head space can be amplified during the trip. Right now I have concerns about getting enough rest, some guilt about not working while my partner does, money worries and guilt and resentment from the past (not for anything major like abuse or anything.) I'm working on this stuff daily as I want the trip to be more about having insights regarding non-duality and the nature of reality, not about me dealing with my inner demons or anything, although I'm prepared for that and will welcome and feel grateful for any insights in that area too. I think it would be prudent to spend time each day doing visualisations for what I want during the trip. Did any heavy personal shit come up for you first time? 

[Sockrattes]

Sounds like you are looking at personal-development like a commodity. "The more you put in, the more you get out of it."

In spiral dynamics terms, this is a orange way to look at things. 

[thehero]

yeah i realized this too. i am in the process of buckling down and focusing right now. i think it happens because Leo's expertise is very broad

 

@Sockrattes

i think that's an orange foundational idea, not a limitation. that applies to all stages 

j my intuition

Edited December 2, 2018 by thehero

[Sockrattes]

@thehero Unfortunately not.

Law of diminishing marginal utility.

It's actually "unhealthily" orange.