My "success" story on how I lost my virginity at 25

[8Ball]

Warning: Details may be graphic.

So I want to share my "success" story on how I lost my virginity today at the age of 25, turning 26 in a month. Never had a girlfriend but have dated two women who were both fond of me but I never cared for them. At the age of 22 I came really close to a colleague at work but I could never tell her how much I really liked her, I think she had some feelings for me but I couldn't know for sure. I was a pussy basically and could never express feelings or be sexual with her. I feared coming off as a complete fool if she replied "I like you as a friend." Lesson lesrned though, will never do the same mistake again if I ever find someone who I care for as much as I did for her.

I had a troublesome childhood, deep rooted trauma, and have steadily improved my game/social skills quite a bit and grown as a human being a lot and raised my conciousness the last few years. Much thanks to Leo and his videos.

But I think I have a fear of intimacy, mostly due to my past and probably because I still suffer from a little anxiety and self-esteem issues although it's nowhere near as much as it was a few years ago. Nowadays I feel more masculine, happier and confident and take greater care of my body. But I don't have a large social circle and I rarely go out so I don't get a chance to meet women.

My first encounter with a female in bed was at the age of 22 when me and a friend went out with two girls. She didn't attract me physically so I couldn't get my dick up. During the foreplay and kissing I was hard, but as soon as she touched it, it never went hard again so we gave up. Didn't come as a surprise though since I had been jerking off to porn for 10 years at that point so how could this overweight female attract me compared to all the porn actresses?

Did have a few more shots I easily could have taken with the women I dated last year but didn't feel an attraction to them as well, so never wanted to go all the way so I cut them off completely before we even talked about having sex.

Three days ago, I had a friend over and two women. One of them definitely super hot, we all took some MDMA. The hot woman wanted to get all cozy with me. The problem was that she's super experienced and I'm, well not at all. We hugged and touched and I was basically a pussy not being sensual enough so she said I made everything feel weird. But being high off of MDMA I told her how perfect she was and how beautiful she was which made her fall in love with me (because of her MDMA high). I could have easily slept with her, she even asked me to touch her down there and I complied but after a minute I stopped. How could I possibly have an orgasm or even get it up if all my brain is ever used to is having orgasms by jerking off to pixels on a screen. I had some viagra on hand but she being experienced and I'm not, well, it felt as if I would lose my face if I took it further. I've watched Leo's videos on how to have amazing sex but all I could think of is how embarrased I would appear by having sex with an experienced super gorgeous 24 year old woman, with me almost turning 26. She would compare me with all the other dudes before her. All I could think off basically and my monkeymind made me stressed the fuck out.

So for the last few days I've felt miserable about yet again fucking it up. And this time it was with a beautiful girl with a gorgeous body. Living in Sweden where prostitution is illegal is actually no problem since I only have to take a one hour train ride to Denmark where it's perfectly legal. So I said fuck it, there's no right or wrong. Morality is just a product of our ego. I knew exactly what brothel to choose and read some great reviews about this woman who always gives the clients the best she can offer. She seems really into it like she's totally comfortable with her job. It turned out that all the reviews were spot on.

So I call and make an appointment. Take the train and then a cab to the brothel. I came there half an hour early and sit in the room and wait. An hour before I took some bensodiazepines to calm me down and drank a tiny amount of vodka to boost my hornyness, along with two viagra pills to ensure that I don't spend money down the drain by not even getting it to work. I know I know, stupid, would've been bettee going completely sober but I wasn't zoned out or anything. I had jerked off to porn five days ago and I've been trying NoFap on and off for five years with no success so I felt I needed all the help I could get, hence the pills and one shot of vodka.

So she walks in, super happy with a big smile, in her late thirties, and I immediately feel comfortable in her presence. We talk a little and I say I'm not experienced at all and that I chose her because I've read some excellent reviews about her online. 250 dollars poorer, she tells me to take my clothes off and to lie down on the bed until she comes back after a shower. Very comfortable setting, nice round bed, music, comfortable pillows. She comes back a few moments later and we do all kinds of things, she sucks, I lick, I finger, she rides, I grab her hard all over her body, suck on her titties and we make out super passionately. I basically do my very best and it feels so natural because of her great personality and humor. She gives me an oil massage, I give her one as well. I could get a boner when she sucked and jerked me off and when we made out and touched our bodies. But as soon as it came down to penetration, it slacked, even though I took two pills of viagra! No matter what she did I could never orgasm and this woman knew exactly what she was doing. Had it been someone else they wouldn't last more than five minutes with all the things she did.

After our time was up I told her about my problems and that it had nothing to do with her, because she asked me if she did something wrong because this usually never happens with her. I told her that I don't care that I didn't finish and that it was worth every penny just to cross the barrier to embrace intimacy rather than being afraid of it all my life.

I tried to apply the things I've learned from Leo's video about sex, that I shouldn't be in my mind, to surrender, be in the moment and so on. But I learned a lot though even if I didn't finish. Making out is nothing hard, it's fucking easy lol. Always wondered if you had do have some super-duper awesome technique. (I have made out once before this though, but this time it was awesome) I learned that I need to focus on letting go, stop watching porn, stop jerking off, that foreplay plays a huge part in getting aroused. There's really nothing to be afraid off and I could have easily done it without the bensodiazepines. It just feels so great to finally know that I can be comfortable in bed (as long as the woman is so as well, if not then I know it's my job to make her feel comfortable). I just need to rewire my brain to be aroused without porn.

So I need some thoughts here from you guys.

I'm thinking of the following:

- Never watch porn or masturbate.

- Go to the gym regularly which I do though but could do it more regularly.

- Start doing some cardio along with my gym routine.

- Eat cleaner, meditate, be more conscious throughout the day.

- Meeting women somehow and just start working my way up, even if I lose my face with the first few women. Start slow by practicing foreplay and kissing. Then take it up a notch by mastering oral/fingering skills, and how to make a woman aroused without even touching the genitals.

 

Edited September 26, 2018 by 8Ball

[SFRL]

Don't overanalyze things. There are 3 things that make you more attractive to women: Game, looks, and money. 

Improve at any or all of those and you become more attractive to women. You have known this since Middle School. 

[aurum]

@8Ball

2 hours ago, 8Ball said:

Never watch porn or masturbate.

- Go to the gym regularly which I do though but could do it more often.

- Start doing some cardio along with my gym routine.

- Eat cleaner, meditate, be more conscious throughout the day.

- Meeting women somehow and just start working my way up, even if I lose my face with the first few women.

These are all good. I would also lay off the substances next time you go for it. It’s not helping you.

[ajasatya]

2 hours ago, SFRL said:

There are 3 things that make you more attractive to women: Game, looks, and money

@8Ball this is not a complete analysis. i've never been a good player in the game of attraction. i'm too skinny and my looks aren't great. i barely have enough money to live well. i don't own a car. i don't even own a decent smartphone because they're too expensive for me.

there's an interesting kind of woman that's interested in virtues. yes, they're pretty rare. but they're highly attracted to honesty and to your ability to work hard towards improving your life. this is the kind of woman that's worth marrying and spending the rest of  your life with. the kind of woman that you'd want to grow and build a family with.

emotional barriers? she will be with you as long as you're sincere. sex is not feeling good enough? she'll be open to talk and understand what's not feeling right. flaws? she'll open up about those and will be willing to improve herself.

it can always grow deeper. it can always grow infinitely deeper.

Edited September 25, 2018 by ajasatya

[SFRL]

38 minutes ago, ajasatya said:

@8Ball this is not a complete analysis. i've never been a good player in the game of attraction. i'm too skinny and my looks aren't great. i barely have enough money to live well. i don't own a car. i don't even own a decent smartphone because they're too expensive for me.

there's an interesting kind of woman that's interested in virtues. yes, they're pretty rare. but they're highly attracted to honesty and to your ability to work hard towards improving your life. this is the kind of woman that's worth marrying and spending the rest of  your life with. the kind of woman that you'd want to grow and build a family with.

emotional barriers? she will be with you as long as you're sincere. sex is not feeling good enough? she'll be open to talk and understand what's not feeling right. flaws? she'll open up about those and will be willing to improve herself.

it can always grow deeper. it can always grow infinitely deeper.

 

So you catched a unicorn? Can I see it? 

Edited September 25, 2018 by SFRL

[SFRL]

@8Ball

Watch this episode from The Red Man Group. It addresses a lot of the points in your post.

Also read Rollo Tomassi's book: The Rational Male. You can listen to it on Audible. 

 

 

[ajasatya]

37 minutes ago, SFRL said:

So you catched a unicorn? Can I see it? 

catching that unicorn was waaaay easier than catching the unicorn that was in me

in fact, i knew that i would find someone like her after i managed to transform myself. i just didn't know that it would only take 3 months after the major transformation.

sure, you can see the unicorns.

btw, the video you posted above is extremely superficial 
it doesn't tap into the best of Life!

i highly recommend dropping the "women as toys for sex and trophies for the ego" game. it's a very toxic way to relate to people.

Edited September 25, 2018 by ajasatya

[8Ball]

Of course I will have to give up the substances, and I will. Psychedelics probably not, rarely use them though, and only for self-inquiry and contemplation. Rarely use any substance nowadays, I was much crazier a few years ago when it came to stuff like that. Had a few benzos lying around and I thought that it could just loosen me up a little, I don't get a rush from those pills. Thinking about it now, I don't think the benzos or the little vodka did anything to help me today. It more likely made it much harder to cum. Did felt like I came close a few times though.

But even though I couldn't finish, I learned that being intimate is so incredible and shouldn't be feared. Sure, she was a prostitute but we kissed passionately and our bodies felt connected, and it was worth every penny to cross that mental barrier to prove to myself that I can enjoy intimacy. To erase that background noise in my head that keeps telling me to give up on girls altogether because it's too late. Feel so calm today. 

I'm going to aim for a clean organic lifestyle and diet. Natural euphoria from exercising, meditating and rock climbing which I absolutely love. I need to love myself more in order to attract love. I have a lot to work on the coming months.

Also moved to a new city a few months ago and already starting to expand my social circle. Sure, they're all worlmk buddies, one of them is an ex-colleague though but he keeps in touch from time to time and have been invited to his party this weekend. And I've been hanging out with two girls from work the past month, we've really bonded and share everything together, every little secret. Even been asked by one of them to come and hang out with her and her friends. She's fond of me but only as friends. Even went totally out of my comfort zone a month ago or so and asked a cashier for her number, she told me she had a boyfriend, I told her that's fine give it anyway and she did and I checked out, it was a real number. More or less just practicing to see if I have the courage to cold approach women and go past the I have a boyfriend comment.

Oh, and I'm not recommending that virgins go out and have sex with prostitutes. Just because I feel there's nothing wrong with it and I had a great experience, doesn't mean you won't regret it. Truly think carefully if you decide to go down that route.

Edited September 25, 2018 by 8Ball

[billiesimon]

3 hours ago, SFRL said:

Don't overanalyze things. There are 3 things that make you more attractive to women: Game, looks, and money. 

If you actually tried game, you would know that money has ZERO impact in attracting and dating modern women, in the western world.

Looks... it's good in the first periods where you are getting to know each other, but it fades away very soon.

Game, if we define it as charisma, social awareness and masculine energy, is the actual attractive force for modern women.

Resources (money) were useful to attract women in the previous centuries, but especially in very very ancient times, because we were tribal or even nomads and women had to choose a mate who had a lot of resources to provide to the kids.

In the postmodern world money is actually the worst thing you can show to a woman, because it displays that you are so fucking desperate and socially low value that you have to bribe them.

 

A nice "currency" to modern women is social proof and social awareness. Because it displays that you are a good leader of people and possibly a very pleasant emotion in her private life.Try going to a club with "money" and see what you get. 99% of girls will laugh at you and the rest will exploit your money while fucking the socially calibrated and funny guy behind your back.

Money is also a very "beta male" thing to show off to girls.

[SFRL]

9 minutes ago, billiesimon said:

If you actually tried game, you would know that money has ZERO impact in attracting and dating modern women, in the western world.

Looks... it's good in the first periods where you are getting to know each other, but it fades away very soon.

Game, if we define it as charisma, social awareness and masculine energy, is the actual attractive force for modern women.

Resources (money) were useful to attract women in the previous centuries, but especially in very very ancient times, because we were tribal or even nomads and women had to choose a mate who had a lot of resources to provide to the kids.

In the postmodern world money is actually the worst thing you can show to a woman, because it displays that you are so fucking desperate and socially low value that you have to bribe them.

 

A nice "currency" to modern women is social proof and social awareness. Because it displays that you are a good leader of people and possibly a very pleasant emotion in her private life.Try going to a club with "money" and see what you get. 99% of girls will laugh at you and the rest will exploit your money while fucking the socially calibrated and funny guy behind your back.

Money is also a very "beta male" thing to show off to girls.

Ok man, I am going off to enjoy my money now. 

 

[SFRL]

34 minutes ago, ajasatya said:

catching that unicorn was waaaay easier than catching the unicorn that was in me

in fact, i knew that i would find someone like her after i managed to transform myself. i just didn't know that it would only take 3 months after the major transformation.

sure, you can see the unicorns.

btw, the video you posted above is extremely superficial 
it doesn't tap into the best of Life!

i highly recommend dropping the "women as toys for sex and trophies for the ego" game. it's a very toxic way to relate to people.

She looks really cute. 

I still won't get married though. Too much risk in this day and age. 

[8Ball]

4 hours ago, SFRL said:

Don't overanalyze things. There are 3 things that make you more attractive to women: Game, looks, and money. 

Improve at any or all of those and you become more attractive to women. You have known this since Middle School. 

Sure, overanalyzing creates more problems than solving. Having game and good looks definitely helps but money... not at all. Attractive for some women perhaps, but emotions creates love and attraction, not material things. The woman I dated last year could have easily gotten someone way hotter than me. She liked me for being real, honest and not overly attached to her.

Believe me when I say that women are definitely attracted when they see a good looking man, but if they had to choose between a boring good looking man with a stick up his ass and a decent looking man with great charisma and personality, she will choose the one who will make her FEEL better. 

[SFRL]

2 minutes ago, 8Ball said:

Sure, overanalyzing creates more problems than solving. Having game and good looks definitely helps but money... not at all. Attractive for some women perhaps, but emotions creates love and attraction, not material things. The woman I dated last year could have easily gotten someone way hotter than me. She liked me for being real, honest and not overly attached to her.

Believe me when I say that women are definitely attracted when they see a good looking man, but if they had to choose between a boring good looking man with a stick up his ass and a decent looking man with great charisma and personality, she will choose the one who will make her FEEL better. 

Dude the only reason you got laid is because you paid money! ?

Get real

 

[ajasatya]

5 minutes ago, SFRL said:

Dude the only reason you got laid is because you paid money! ?

Get real

you talk about "getting laid" as if it were something else... it makes things worse for people like the OP

let the man be the man

[SFRL]

6 minutes ago, ajasatya said:

you talk about "getting laid" as if it were something else... it makes things worse for people like the OP

let the man be the man

What else? 

[Strikr]

9 hours ago, ajasatya said:

catching that unicorn was waaaay easier than catching the unicorn that was in me

in fact, i knew that i would find someone like her after i managed to transform myself. i just didn't know that it would only take 3 months after the major transformation.

sure, you can see the unicorns.

btw, the video you posted above is extremely superficial 
it doesn't tap into the best of Life!

i highly recommend dropping the "women as toys for sex and trophies for the ego" game. it's a very toxic way t×o relate to people.

reading your post increased my awareness of what I want in a "couple". probably why I m so outdated with the attractive game, my ass is between trophy girl and "unicorn"

you're right, when the mind can't see the beauty you only focus on the physical shit and .. self deception !

btw your wife is very beautiful .. so what ? haha   as you're aswell I suppose  ( no --- ) you look like a good friend, you two are very harmonic !

[8Ball]

26 minutes ago, SFRL said:

Dude the only reason you got laid is because you paid money! ?

Get real

 

I am real. But hey, this thread is about how to step up my game and curing my dick lol. Your suggestions weren't in line with my opinions but I'm open for all tips and tricks. So having better game is one of your suggestions, do you have experience yourself where you've noticed a difference in attraction by applying something different in, let's say, interracting with women? Elaboration is key here man. 

Edited September 25, 2018 by 8Ball

[ajasatya]

34 minutes ago, SFRL said:

What else? 

something like a trophy that says how smart/amazing/cool you are... like winning a competition.

then you go like "hey, you only won because you cheated".

i find that perspective poor and misleading.

[NoSelfSelf]

Virginity thing is so lame construct of the society to boost its ego and shame others...

[Forestluv]

It sounds like you made a lot of progress. You were sexual with a prostitute. In a sense, you did "finish". You didn't back out or freak out halfway through and leave. You gave your all and were engaged through the whole process. 

Regarding "game".  Be genuine. You may want to work on composure a bit. Nobody wants to be so nervous on a date that they start shaking and break down - spilling their drink as they babble about their masturbation habits. Yet, it doesn't sound like you are going to become some smooth guy that can sweep a woman off her feet and fuck her senseless until she is too sore to take anymore. If you learn a bunch of pickup lines and strategies - would they feel natural to you? Or would it feel awkward and forced? Is that who you genuinely are?

Some guys have this idea that they need to steer initial dates toward sex and close the deal within a couple dates. There are plenty of women that are fine going on several dates and getting to know a guy, then spending some time just fooling around. It doesn't have to be a high stakes scenario like you are a basketball player on the free-throw line with down 1 point with 2 seconds left in the game. Find someone you feel somewhat comfortable with. After a few dates, if the topic of sex comes up in conversation - perhaps casually mention that sex is special for you and sometimes you get a bit nervous. Some women will appreciate that. If some woman judges you as a loser, do you really want to try and have sex with her? The pressure would be really high. There are women that are much more chill and supportive.

When I was your age, I had the opposite problem - premature ejaculation. One time I was with a more experienced woman. Things progressed fast and after the second date I found myself in her bedroom talking about books. I had anxiety and almost came before my pants even came off. It was literally three pumps and a squirt. I will never forget the look she gave me as she said "Did you come already??!!! You did, didn't you? Are you fucking serious? That's it?". . . It was an awful experience. Later, I met another gal and mentioned prior to sex that sometimes I come quickly. She replied "Sometimes that's fucking HOTT!! When I turn a guy on so much he can't hold back it makes me feel like a sexy". She then suggested that we could always do it a second and third time - that I would probably last longer. And guess what happened? I came after 5 seconds the first time and she thought it was hot. The second time I lasted about 5min. and then gradually increased my stamina. I wasn't a dynamo with intercourse, yet I knew I could improve my oral skills. I told women I dated that I wanted to get really good at giving oral sex. They were thrilled to let me practice on them. Most guys aren't into oral sex. They flap their tongue around a few times as they are thinking about moving on to intercourse. I learned how to give oral as if I was playing a musical instrument. You can send a woman into absolute bliss with skilled oral sex.