random jungle noise

[now is forever]

1 hour ago, tsuki said:

The question that bugs me is: aren't we, adults, imposing our wishes onto children by bringing them into existence? (assuming that we have control).
Having children to satisfy my urge to be a father is not about the unborn child at all.
Or is it? I could say that this urge is the child speaking through me and me having it is simply letting go.

nature reproduces itself and we are in a time where we have the choice. so it is kind of weird how people turn out to be so nihilistic about life, they think it would have been better to not been born. and i also reached that point once where i questioned if it had any meaning - but the meaning for life is just life itself. and that’s the only thing i know, i know that i am able to give as much love as this small worm will need to be happy without too much suffering and i will put my life on the line for that. i can’t keep it from seeing the world as it is though. so that’s why i want to make a better one - that’s evolution. because that child is not just a child, it is a whole generation.

there is no meaning to it and at the same time it is everything there is.

(it referring to yes itself)

 

so do i want to impose any wishes upon an unborn child, not intentionally - i try to expect nothing from that person except for becoming a human. and that’s a matter of evolution, i can only provide some tools.

you see tsuki how much suffering the not suffering already is.

Edited November 6, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

5 hours ago, tsuki said:

My problem is that I see solutions to her problems and she won't apply them, even if she agrees that it's the right thing to do.
I guess my problem is not letting her solve her problems her own way .

sorry for being late to that - maybe you could try to help her solve her problems her own way? 

you do that here with us, too. so why not let her solve her problems her way? 

actually that is one of my main problems too. if i ask for help i don’t mean help in the sense that i want a complete solution - because i just can’t apply his solutions it is like giving a left handed person a scissor for a right handed and ask to cut out accurately. 

what i mean with help is getting impulses to find solutions i can apply myself. and more than that the courage of being able to solve a problem together.

Edited November 6, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

 

@tsuki i thought about it again - there is a difference in wanting someone to take the solutions i present them because i think i know i am right and wanting someone to take the solutions because i want to help them. 

number one is producing mini me‘s number two is caring. but both are blind to the practicability of the solution for the person who has to use the solution. both want to controll the not controllable.

(i know that, because it’s the shadowside of my teens- being radical uncontrollable in a way, never following blindly, of course that was an Illusion because that controlled me, but i hate if people want to controll me if i don’t or can’t  accept it as guidance)

and by the way haven’t we been at the point where the disfunctional coffee pot was taken into consideration.

Edited November 7, 2018 by now is forever

[Zweistein]

On 6.11.2018 at 8:41 AM, now is forever said:

 

@Zweistein nice you are saying hi - seems almost like back in the days. 

nice you are watching over me     ?mommy - i‘m not sure if dandelion is in the season though. i‘m eating ?  and ? right now.

To me it felt like life is presenting you lemons right now 
I'm not sure if my thoughts are helping anything or if they are making things worse , but here they come...

19 hours ago, now is forever said:

sorry for being late to that - maybe you could try to help her solve her problems her own way? 

If the other person is living in a totally different (monkey-mind) reality, this is the toughest thing to do, isn’t it? But yeah, I guess that's what we are trying to do here 

 

If you take a second look at what you wrote about "him", can you compare his and your reality?

On 6.11.2018 at 8:41 AM, now is forever said:

he isn’t interested in the educational stuff at all, not really - he has a look, nods and then it’s my game again - he is also not interested in how it feels or how i would manage with vegan pregnancy diet. it is all completely natural and expectations from my side are criticism on him while he expects me to do everything simultaneously and even more and better than before and doesn’t understand why i slowly went into strike mode. why i don’t even like to do the things anymore i always liked to do - because what for if it doesn’t reach anyone. 

he doesn’t understand my perspective however i try to explain it to him he is always the one with the bigger ego - i try to understand him but his view is not about us it is about him, while i try to think us.

Can you be sure that all these thoughts are really true? Could you "turn them around" and find some truth in them as well?

Also, have you tried to identify how badly you want to be a mother, when you are in your most emotional state vs. when you are in your most clear state of mind? Is there a difference?

[Zweistein]

On 5.11.2018 at 2:53 PM, tsuki said:

@now is forever Good. Cry your eyes out.

The world will be ready for you when you feel like returning to it.

Btw, I totally agree with @tsuki on this one! 

[now is forever]

6 minutes ago, Zweistein said:

To me it felt like life is presenting you lemons right now 
I'm not sure if my thoughts are helping anything or if they are making things worse , but here they come...

If the other person is living in a totally different (monkey-mind) reality, this is the toughest thing to do, isn’t it? But yeah, I guess that's what we are trying to do here 

 

If you take a second look at what you wrote about "him", can you compare his and your reality?

Can you be sure that all these thoughts are really true? Could you "turn them around" and find some truth in them as well?

Also, have you tried to identify how badly you want to be a mother, when you are in your most emotional state vs. when you are in your most clear state of mind? Is there a difference?

i‘m sure i took my part in it too. and i play the victim, yes.

but i am really sick of being the one who always is considerate and helps out with the mess he produces because his ego is to big to consider my competence in many aspects. he even decides for himself when we already made decisions together.

and yes from his perspective i absolutely did nothing i didn’t even exist in his memory of everything i planned and did not only for us but also for him. he just completely wiped me off the board.

and i am sick of telling him that my illness was tough for me, he even made a scene in the beginning when my hands and fingers where swollen and i had real pain and was not able to work.

i‘m a very sensitive person in sense of wanting to be understood and understand the other - and i really need these moments of love. i waited for him turning into my direction for 4 or 3 years. and i didn’t pressure the family thing - but when i did he acted as if something like having children would just happen on its own - that i have to produce them in my body seems to be not understandable for him. and that a family is teamwork - not only in a material sense is even worse. i don’t want that, why should i have children with someone who doesn’t want to work together?

[Zweistein]

2 minutes ago, now is forever said:

i don’t want that, why should i have children with someone who doesn’t want to work together?

Looks like you understood that part of it 
So, maybe you could figure out a strategy to have children with someone else then?

[tsuki]

Ugh, so many posts, so little time to respond .

5 minutes ago, now is forever said:

i‘m sure i took my part in it too. and i play the victim, yes.

My wife's therapist told her once: every masochist finds his/her own sadist .

[Zweistein]

 

1 minute ago, tsuki said:

Ugh, so many posts, so little time to respond .

My wife's therapist told her once: every masochist finds his/her own sadist .

Oh oh, and we all found Leo, lol... 

 

[now is forever]

Just now, Zweistein said:

Looks like you understood that part of it 
So, maybe you could figure out a strategy to have children with someone else then?

yeah, but - that’s difficult, too. where should i find a someone else? and how quickly could i fall madly in love again and the other person the same so that we want to have children very fast and i could be sure we would be a better team aswell.

maybe i would just focus on the madly in love part and my mad love for family  would never been fulfilled.

[now is forever]

3 minutes ago, Zweistein said:

 

Oh oh, and we all found Leo, lol... 

 

yeah we are all just victims here. 

[now is forever]

this conversation gets a strange direction.

in sense of relationship being in this forum it’s procrastination - in sense of finding what i want to do in sense of business i am progressing and finding a new orientation where i got stuck before.

i also learned a lot about myself and how i see the world - and a lot about the world, too. at least i got new insights and already started to go deeper into some matters and develope tools i need if i want to progress.

so sometimes i don’t know what is egotistical anymore. i do exactly the opposite of transcending my ego - i try to support it, to become independent while at the same time not wanting to be alone.

Edited November 7, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

@Zweistein the only heroic ruthless strategy i have, i derived from this movie:

i am not ruthless - i am the opposite of ruthless it is as if you would tell a bunny ? to become a predator.

Edited November 7, 2018 by now is forever

[tsuki]

36 minutes ago, now is forever said:

i am not ruthless - i am the opposite of ruthless it is as if you would tell a bunny ? to become a predator.

lol

Typical victim mentality. 

[now is forever]

whui

 

[now is forever]

46 minutes ago, tsuki said:

lol

Typical victim mentality. 

doesn’t mean i am an easy prey though.

no seriously i‘m really bad in everything that has to do with bluffing. or exploiting on purpose- if i have to plan it, it’s already over. i feel bad for the other person.

Edited November 7, 2018 by now is forever

[tsuki]

4 minutes ago, now is forever said:

no seriously i‘m really bad in everything that has to do with bluffing. or exploiting on purpose- if i have to plan it, it’s already over. i feel bad for the other person.

Oh, that's true for me as well.
Predators don't plan. They just do, in the moment.

[now is forever]

4 minutes ago, tsuki said:

Oh, that's true for me as well.
Predators don't plan. They just do, in the moment.

some things are not doable without planing and if we already talk about strategies - i‘m lost, because i can’t do without having it planed somehow. don’t you agree?

[tsuki]

@now is forever If you're hurt, hurting others retrospecively won't help you. It is better to cry your eyes out in this case.
However, if you feel hurt when somebody hurts you - this is the time to stand up for yourself.

Retaliation is never helpful.

[now is forever]

4 minutes ago, tsuki said:

@now is forever If you're hurt, hurting others retrospecively won't help you. It is better to cry your eyes out in this case.
However, if you feel hurt when somebody hurts you - this is the time to stand up for yourself.

Retaliation is never helpful.

i don’t get what you are referring to. i‘m just sitting in this massiv ? full of shit and don’t know where i have lost my poppins bag. because in it there would have been a ladder.

Edited November 7, 2018 by now is forever