random jungle noise

[now is forever]

also found this (sensors cortex is a little vague here, the occipital is the  visuals in the back - so it’s a little vague)

as there is no brain, i just use the brain as a relational symbolic language/belief system.

Edited October 28, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

regarding the halloween edition:

[now is forever]

distinction as a way of decision making is always being distinctive about what we want and what we need and what is actually good for us as a personal growing factor.

Edited October 29, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

confession: i am a serial thread killer and some people i know, think i like to have the last word, but it’s completely unintentional - i could talk hours and hours with people who like to have last words.

it‘s a pretty nasty habit because i don’t know if it’s a good or bad one. i know i can’t be part of a conversation if my mind always jumps to conclusions. it’s like i want to say something without really saying something because i just say the answer is 42. and i don’t even notice i‘ve done that until it’s already out. 

is that annoying? i guess for a lot of people it is super annoying. this is actually a point where i can see my ego trying to shapeshift.

Edited October 30, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

 

Sphynx

Dancing on acid

And feeling like a feather drifting wherever the wind fancies

I tower over the mountains and head for Babylon

I lose myself in time, I feel like the Sphynx

And I walk over the plains and feel the soft grass caress the bottom of my feet

There are some women off in the distance, I'd like to dance with them

They take me by my hand and we dance the farandole

I come from Bethlehem, and you- from the North

But it doesn't matter because we are brothers and sisters

We are one with the universe

Like the stars burning in my heart.

 

(Sphynx)

 

Blaise and Alcazar are like brothers in the kindly eyes of the Sphynx.

With their lynx eyes they dance under the stars, they smell the soul-flowers and enjoy their suffering.

Sphynx, show yourself ! Take me, guide me on my path.

It will take us one thousand and one lightyears away and we will live on forever in time, we will be Sphynxes.

 

the farandol

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blaise_Pascal

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alcázar_of_Seville

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Virgin_of_the_Navigators

Edited October 30, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

 

[now is forever]

halloween energy is one hell of lethal energy in verbal arguments.

pretty self righteous, but also kind of precise.

Edited October 31, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

felt a little down today and listened to one of my most favorite songs of my teens. it’s melancholic and true.

 

[now is forever]

 

Volver= to return/turn around/go back/come back(home)

 

I imagine the flickering

of the lights that in the distance

will be marking my return.

They’re the same that lit,

with their pale reflections,

deep hours of pain

And even though I didn’t want to come back,

you always return to your first love

The tranquil street where the echo said

yours is her life, yours is her love,

under the mocking gaze of the stars

that, with indifference, today see me return.

 

To return

with withered face,

the snows of time

have whitened my temples.

To feel… that life is a puff of wind,

that twenty years is nothing,

that the feverish look,

wandering in the shadow,

looks for you and names you.

To live…

with the soul clutched

to a sweet memory

that I cry once again

 

I am afraid of the encounter

with the past that returns

to confront my life

I am afraid of the nights

that, filled with memories,

shackle my dreams.

But the traveler that flees

sooner or later stops his walking

And although forgetfulness, which destroys all,

has killed my old dream,

I keep concealed a humble hope

that is my heart’s whole fortune.

 

To live… with the soul clutched

to a sweet memory

that I cry once again

Edited November 2, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

a song for all and none

[now is forever]

small update on progress, not that i forget.

started to do ashtanga yoga again. working on asanas - started to teach my body pincha mayurasana from the scratch - it builds up all the little muscles in the back and feels just really amazing.

starting to be really interested in natural miracle cosmetics alchemy - and think about making some and selling it on the market (i‘m in berlin, thats how it flows here)

insight for the day from mari kondo from the chapter: tidy a little a day and you will be tidying forever: people cannot change their habits without first changing their way of thinking. ?

crucial in my tidying process - i try to tidy everything at the same time, that takes forever. (what would a designer do without things that could run better)

ah yeah and i don’t have to take the l-theanin against craving anymore - that’s also a progress. i can experiment better now.

so i stick with the ashwaghanda first - and look how the other nootropics fit in over time.

and i bought a book from nietzsche in english... it’s maybe less dry then.

Edited November 4, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

today i will try not to be a thread killer. but regarding pointlessness of talking. what should i do- they even teach it to children.

 

Edited November 4, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

some things in life hurt more if we never  know. like the food we will never taste, or the things we will never see, or travel we will never make, or pictures we will not draw, or a person we will never meet, (maybe again), a decision we will never make, a dream we will never confirm, beauty we will never see nor touch nor hear. words we will not speak. a complete life we will not live.

all of that only when we know, they exist.

[now is forever]

yesterday while walking to the bakery i found this, it feels a lot like me, a useless  printer that prints fallen leafs.

 

Edited November 5, 2018 by now is forever

[tsuki]

9 hours ago, now is forever said:

some things in life hurt more if we never  know. like the food we will never taste, or the things we will never see, or travel we will never make, or pictures we will not draw, or a person we will never meet, (maybe again), a decision we will never make, a dream we will never confirm, beauty we will never see nor touch nor hear. words we will not speak. a complete life we will not live.

all of that only when we know, they exist.

Humility and surrender helps me with moods like this.
Imagine all of the suffering you will never experience.

[now is forever]

1 hour ago, tsuki said:

Humility and surrender helps me with moods like this.
Imagine all of the suffering you will never experience.

thank you. longing for the world is also suffering - even though it’s a bittersweet one. so how to be happy about all the suffering i won’t feel when this actually is already suffering.

maybe i am not ready to give my dreams up.

if it where not so many...

 

Edited November 5, 2018 by now is forever

[tsuki]

1 hour ago, now is forever said:

so how to be happy about all the suffering i won’t feel when this actually is already suffering.

Yes. This is the greatest paradox.
Happiness is suffering if you anticipate its cessation.

There is really nothing we can do about suffering, other than being present to it.
And we can't help but to try to stop it nevertheless.

[now is forever]

@tsuki but there has to be one main direction no? it’s impossible to pursue everything at the same time! if everything important seems to be equally important - how can all of that fit through me?

i used to fix that through a net of social connections and dependencies - but if the main contract is broken, where should i take up the work.

i‘ll maybe never go through the suffering of changing diapers and unlike others that’s one of the brightest dreams i ever had.

 

the dream goes as far as i phantasize about sneaking my way to a random caviar plantation, attac and retreat with what i can get.

either it is a super ego that talks here or it is the most godly wish ever. that’s something i must fight out with myself.

Edited November 5, 2018 by now is forever

[tsuki]

1 hour ago, now is forever said:

@tsuki but there has to be one main direction no? it’s impossible to pursue everything at the same time! if everything important seems to be equally important - how can all of that fit through me?

The main direction is called inevitability.
We go along with our dreams until we remember that there is something more important and follow that for a while.
We do not choose our path. Even if we plan, the will to plan something is spontaneous. So is the will to go through with the plan or not, when the time comes.

Importance is not 'out there'. Things are not important. We are the importance of things.
Problems are not 'out there'. We find things problematic.

Ashes to ashes and dust to dust.
Everything else in between is entertainment.

 

[now is forever]

@tsuki yes you are right but you see i tried not to reach a point like this - not everything can be managed from within. i was the glue that held the shit together. i can’t help i always tried to fix everything.

Edited November 5, 2018 by now is forever