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Elisabeth

Do you also feel a dark painful wound in your chest?

5 posts in this topic

I wonder what it is. I've been having this feeling for years now. It's right behind my chest-bone, an emotion, a sadness so painful that sometimes I thought it might be a physical ailment. Sometimes it's like a black hard coconut, sometimes more like a cut, sometimes it feels like an abyss. Sometimes it expands out of my body in a black and paralyzing depressive cloud, likely still with an intense burning in my chest. Sometimes it's an almost enjoyable form of melancholia.

It's been with me almost constantly from approx. age 20-25, and not constant but recurring in the last four years too. Almost a decade now, and likely even before, as I wasn't aware of emotions prior to starting therapy. 

'Just watch it, it will change' they said, but I've sat with it many times it's not really changing. If anything, observing it closely sometimes sucks me into a very dark place for some time. 

It seems to be somehow connected with loss, sorrow, longing for something I don't think I can have, disbelief in myself, lack of human contact... these are things that make the wound more painful. What seems to mitigate it sometimes is my partner's closeness (like, when he really sees into me), sometimes sexuality, excitement or meditation if they can flip into the 'ecstasy' range.  

Are there more people with a persistent feeling like this? Do all people have it to some degree? Is it rare? Is there a name for it? Where does it come from? Is there a 'cure' for it?

It got triggered today, I watched it for a few minutes, once again trying to understand, and then I was down and exhausted for the rest of the day. It hurts so much.

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@Elisabeth

3 hours ago, Elisabeth said:

It's right behind my chest-bone, an emotion, a sadness so painful that sometimes I thought it might be a physical ailment. Sometimes it's like a black hard coconut, sometimes more like a cut, sometimes it feels like an abyss

I have a similar feeling at the same spot, I will try to desrcibe and relate. It feels for me like there is a deep void a hole that has never been filled up or nurtured, a hot knife stabbed into the middle of my chest / chest-bone / solar plexus. An emptiness that feels like an endless vortex that fulfills one with the beauty of melancholy or the evanescence of existence, as I see the beauty of this world pass by.. music, nature, cities, landscapes, parks, flowers, trees, beaches , the ocean all of this seems to fill up this void or mitigate it's pain or I am drowning in it's never ending circle of agony and misery. I will not get into the details when I started noticing it, yet I can relate quite well. Since, I am strugeling with a phase wise / wave wise incoming phase of depression from time to time. Also, it feels like nerves in my body are sometimes twitching at this spot like they re-aling themselves.

Since, I am meditating this inner dilemma started to ease itself out and I feel more confident in my abilites and skills that I have acquired and I am not that scared of using them or feel the pressure of anxiety, self-doubt and self-hatred or social pressure. I tend be a "dreamer" so, I have high ambitions, but zero support emotionally not materially. So, I started doing everything myself as a kid and feel into the trap of immediate gratification and failed in the terms as what society denotes as failure. I tried nofap for a time and it felt it quite invigorating, more focus, more confidence, less plessure seeking and also being able to maintain / sustain habits and routines. 

Also, everytime I do shadow work it feels like bits and piece of that spot started to integrate itself into this spot. 

3 hours ago, Elisabeth said:

Are there more people with a persistent feeling like this? Do all people have it to some degree? Is it rare? Is there a name for it? Where does it come from? Is there a 'cure' for it?

I asked one of my best friends that knows me since my birth he is extremely open-minded and quite the contrarian. He described it exactly as either of us has described, also that he feels unfulfilled at a different spot in his body in the context of talking about depression and how to deal with it.  This seems reasonable for the other questions. https://www.epainassist.com/abdominal-pain/stomach/what-causes-pain-in-solar-plexus-area the picture that they use may not be at the exact spot, for me it is a tiny bit below my chest-bone. This a bit more spirtual / esoteric but with more focus on depressionhttp://chipur.com/solar-plexus-true-center-emotions-relief/

3 hours ago, Elisabeth said:

sometimes sexuality, excitement or meditation if they can flip into the 'ecstasy' range.  

Same here it feels like I am unstopable in the sense of ultra confidence or self-esteem and not in the sense of being a despot. I feel great have fun see the world more brigthly, I feel energized, hyper productive and laser focused and quick-witted and mentally alert. Like I took to much sugar and can't contain this massive amount of excitement and energy.

3 hours ago, Elisabeth said:

Are there more people with a persistent feeling like this? Do all people have it to some degree? Is it rare? Is there a name for it? Where does it come from? Is there a 'cure' for it?

It got triggered today, I watched it for a few minutes, once again trying to understand, and then I was down and exhausted for the rest of the day. It hurts so much

I don't know if there is a cure :D , I would love that this void would be filed up and I can be energetic and hyper productive most of the time. Balance is key most likely and mindfulness meditation has helped me a lot. I am doing the unified mindfulness technique or see / hear / feel / in and out and what not technique from Shinzen Young. I am interested in chakras and yoga, yet I want to work on some other things for now. I want to start a yoga practice and deeper shadow work in the future when I feel more stable in terms of my "academic" future and when I am more on track with my life purpose. 

Edited by ValiantSalvatore

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@Elisabeth Sounds like you’re holding a pessimistic future perspective for yourself/ life, and feeling the mental breaks from it during sex / ecstasy / partner “seeing the real you” as you mentioned.  ‘Longing for something I don’t think I can have” makes me think you’re used to this negative long term view, to the point you don’t realize there is not an actual problem, but that it is your perspective and it’s eluding you. Have you listened to speakers which focus on the infinite possibilities in life? I think that would help. Life is supposed to be fun. Sounds like maybe you slipped into a kind of “life is serious, that’s a given” mode. There’s no inherent meaning though. It’s up to you. 

In a bigger picture, maybe you’re becoming aware of the reality of non-physicality, and mentally holding on to the concept of a physical reality. Are you prioritizing fun everyday? 


The Truth is unbelievable.

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I have this as a tension in my chest. I changes sometimes to fire and burning. I also feel a similar sensation on my face, cheeks, and in my brain. It melted away once after days of meditating and felt like a wound being drained of infection. It comes bak though. 

Edited by Widdle Puppy

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I used to have a feeling in the same place. But it wasn't like a wound, per say. It was painful in an engorged way. It was more like a bubble of repressed emotions. I used to be very adamant about being stoic and not showing emotion. So, I wouldn't let myself cry or really feel much of anything, and it was like that bubble was always in my chest with no way to get out. Luckily, I've since resolved that problem.

But I was watching Teal Swan in her Heart Chakra video, where she was talking about 'heart walls' and it made me think of the issue that I used to have with the bubble in my chest. She recommended a particular author who is an expert on heart walls. So, maybe it's one of those. 

Here is the video. I'm not sure at which point in the video she talks about them though. I hope it helps. :)

 

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