AilinKyung

Can Men And Women Be "just Friends"?

35 posts in this topic

There is a certain chemistry of sexual attraction. If it isn't there or it has been lost, no amount of friendship can change that. 

Yes, I have always had male friends, 


Ayla,

www.aylabyingrid.com

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4 hours ago, Ayla said:

...as opposed to women which are not... ? :D 

LOL 

I believe most women are even more sexual than most men :D women often repress it and/or express it in a different way than man. It is always surprising and/or shocking to discover how sexual women actually are...for some men it is hard to deal with :P (maybe because they cannot keep up lol) It's important for both man and women to get in tune with their sexuality and learn about this stuff and their bodies. If a man masters his sexuality and psychology, he can keep up with every women, no matter how sexual, kinky or horny she is so there is no need to be scared for a man. If a woman masters her sexuality and psychology then she can express it more often and more freely if she likes to and have a much better sex life and also stop blaming men. It's natural.

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19 hours ago, Emerald Wilkins said:

Men who have resistance to their feminine nature cannot sustain a friendship with women, so sexuality becomes the only means of connection. 

What about gay guys who hate women & don't even like being friends with them? Lol

Correct me if I'm wrong but I thought sexuality and attraction were seperated from emotional relationships. For example you can be married and not be attracted to your partner anymore even if you care about them. You can also be sexually attracted to someone regardless of your relationship. 

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6 minutes ago, shouldnt said:

Correct me if I'm wrong but I thought sexuality and attraction were seperated from emotional relationships. For example you can be married and not be attracted to your partner anymore even if you care about them. You can also be sexually attracted to someone regardless of your relationship. 

This is correct, lust and love are separate emotions. They just happen to go pretty well when used together ;)

Edited by Neill Bolton

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2 hours ago, shouldnt said:

What about gay guys who hate women & don't even like being friends with them? Lol

Correct me if I'm wrong but I thought sexuality and attraction were seperated from emotional relationships. For example you can be married and not be attracted to your partner anymore even if you care about them. You can also be sexually attracted to someone regardless of your relationship. 

If a gay man hates all women or if a woman hates all women, it is likely due to resistance to their feminine nature. Feminine repression isn't just a problem for straight men. As for how this expresses itself in an individual will vary. Often, if a person has resistance to femininity (or masculinity) and they also have a sexual orientation that matches the gender associated with that energy, they will become obsessed with sex as this feels like a way to temporarily heal the divide within themselves.

As for how this expresses itself in gay men, I'm not sure as I haven't had a close friendship with a gay man with extreme resistance to femininity. But I've had huge issues with repression of femininity in the past, and I developed a variety of unhealthy patterns in relation to it; one of which was sexual obsession with women (I'm bisexual). It was my normal attraction to women compounded by the yearning to be in touch with my own feminine side. Since doing a lot of work toward reintegrating my feminine side; my friendships, feelings, and attractions toward women are a lot healthier. On top of that, my self image has improved.

But yes, sexuality and attraction can be separate from emotional relationships, and they can also be deeply intertwined. In my post, I was moreso talking about unhealthy sexual obsession occurring as a result of repression. This would serve as a barrier to friendship because the person with the sexual obsession might be unable to relate to someone in an intimate non-sexual way. I see this pattern in society a lot. But it need not be the case. A psychologically healthy person can sustain friendships with people of either gender, while also being a sexually motivated person. 

Edited by Emerald Wilkins

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Personally, my deepest friendships with women always turned out to reveal some underlying feeling of attraction. From her and from me.

And this attraction turned out to be, in a sense, a kind of fuel for chemistry. What I mean by that is that the attraction seemed to make us both enjoy each other's company a bit more. We both had a bit more fun together, because we were extra interested in having a good time with each other. Which is great.

But as with any fuel, we have to be careful. Either we'll burn it out someday, or it'll simply explode prematurely. Both these cases are sad. Very sad.

But even though it has good sides and bad sides right now, I know I'll be able to have totally healthy and deep friendships with women one day.

I'm just not there yet. I just need to validate and appreciate myself so much that I don't need any women's validation or appreciation anymore. Or I just need to dissolve the whole issue with some spiritual work. 

So the answer is YES ! We can become friends, but only if we're actualized enough to avoid the traps of our own sense of lack.

Edited by Philip

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On 3/18/2016 at 9:05 PM, AilinKyung said:

men do have sex on the mind

I had a face-to-face experience in 2015 where one female didn't appreciate the friend zone.

I told her no on day one, and she wouldn't listen.

She moved back to her home state as a result of that.

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Yes, of course. But both have to be very aware whether there's any attraction at any point. It's not anyones fault, it's just life.

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On 3/18/2016 at 10:35 PM, Emerald Wilkins said:

I think that a lot of men and women are very immature and probably couldn't sustain a friendship with someone of the opposite gender... but this is a sign of repression and low consciousness. If you really look at people beyond your own ideas about gender, you will notice that there is a natural ebb and flow of masculine and feminine energy in every single person in varying degrees. So, we are all androgynous; some moreso than others. People with a resistance to friendship with or sexual obsession with a particular gender have a resistance to their own contrapositive energy. Men who have resistance to their feminine nature cannot sustain a friendship with women, so sexuality becomes the only means of connection. Women who have a resistance to their masculine nature cannot sustain a friendship with men, so sexuality becomes the only means of connection. So, sexuality becomes a deep thirst and crippling need for people in this state. A healthy, fully integrated person can have deep friendships with others because they have made friends with themselves. Sexuality can be enjoyed as a beautiful connection in a state of wholeness and not just a way to put a Band-Aid over the inner wounds caused by the splitting off of the contrapositive energy.

Hmm,

I kind of relate to that, after opening the door of emotions in my life I became a women on the inside in some aspects, I look after myself more often, I speak more tenderly to people, I feel situations differently, It becomes easier to relate.

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of course, we are men and most likely we will have thoughts to have sex with our friends if we find them beautiful, but it doesn't mean we can't control it. we can, and we also can have many beautiful friends...

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@AilinKyung, I suppose you understand "men" and "women" by human beings with adequate genitals?

If so, don't you think this might lead you astray? What about a person's brain sex?

I am physically a man, but I have a quite relevant feminine element inside. Don't you?
I have female friends. Maybe they have masculine element on the inside that plays well with my feminine portion?

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A girl I know just broke off a friendship with me because her boyfriend felt uncomfortable. She was inviting me out without him around. Shit can be complex. There always seems to be a certain boundary with opposite sex friendships. 

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To be fair, as a guy, I notice myself naturally and without effort feeling more willing to become friends with girls I find more attractive. In terms of what's natural, I think it really depends on how beneficial friendship is compared to sex for surviving and reproducing. Of course sex stands out as the much more beneficial of the two, so it makes a lot of sense that a friendship between male and female at least starts with some form of sexual attraction.

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