165 Days Before College

[Everyday]

Today it was better. My thesis coordinator it is out of town so she cant check my last presentation version. But it is alright. 

I have to present my thesis at 9:12 tomorrow in 7 minutes. I have 37 slides so i will cut a lot out of it haha. 

 

Afterwards i am working at the library waiting for my friend to finish his turn, afterwards we are going to eat at a Vietnamese restaurant and get some beer. I will go to work later tomorrow as well and hang out with my colleagues at work later. Tomorrow night i am going over to the 24 year old girl i already slept with. What a great way to end an awesome day. Awesome!

Meeting with the younger one on Thursday. I am curious what will happen. 

 

Work was fine. I am learning about GA4 and i noticed i want to just understand it enough to pass a test at work. This is how i learned stuff the last 4 years. I cant be better at work behaving like this. It isnt good for me. I can at last focus on work and get shit done. I was really lazy since i started. I put more work on uni than to learn for my job and the place which i actually get money from. 

I also need to figure out how to express and explain myself better. I suck at talking with clients. 

 

A few of my colleagues didnt manage to pass some tests and an exam from last year so they have to wait until autumn to do it again. I imagine they are feeling pretty bad right now. I know i would.

 

Today was my second day at work consecutively since last year in October i think. It was hard. I was bored, i wanted to sleep and couldnt focus as much as i should have. I almost fell asleep during a meeting. 

 

I am trying to set dates with good looking girls but it isnt going well. Some of them have exams and i am struggling to keep the conversation engaging. I got ghosted a lot so far. 

 

Man, i cant believe 4 years passed since i started this degree. I changed so fucking much. I will change even more and i am excited about it haha. Life is really good. I made lots of progress the last 4 years. I am proud of myself. 

[Everyday]

On 6/27/2023 at 9:16 PM, Everyday said:

I have to present my thesis at 9:12 tomorrow in 7 minutes. I have 37 slides so i will cut a lot out of it haha. 

I was nervous at the beginning of the presentation but later i got my shit together. I explained to them what i did and my results without reading everything from the slides. 

They actually liked a lot my thesis. I had no problem answering to their questions. They asked if i am planning to do a masters and i lied. 

I got a 10 for my graduation thesis and i think that this is awesome. I put lots of effort into making it. Amazing!

 

I still cant believe i finished college for good. I got used to feel guilt and stress daily. 

 

Instead of working while waiting for my friend i spoke with a colleague and two of her friends whom i met volunteering in May. The colleague told me she broke up her 7 year long relationship with her boyfriend last month. Wow. They spend the last 4 years long distance. I imagined this guy is doing really good if this girls is ok waiting for him so long. Turns out he was extremely lazy and very controlling. She said she was very stupid for being loyal all these years when they met a few times a year only. She said she chose to be with him because her own insecurities. He told her how she will never find a guy to accept her because of her problems. OMG. I didnt even imagine this guy is like that. I actually met him last year. I thought she is the toxic one in the relationship because she seemed to order him around. 

 

After the presentation walked with my friend and got some nice lunch. Went to work and it was ok. Went to have dinner with my colleagues. Didnt drink at all and i actually felt good about it. Two of the new colleagues insisted i drink since one beer wont do any damage. Yeah, but i dont want to drink. The old colleagues knew =)))))

I get a little bored being there with them to be honest but i was nice. I was glad the 24 year girl wanted to meet last night. I left after 3 hours to see her. Arrived at her place and she was dressed super sexy. The sex was even more awesome even if i think i could fuck her better. I think i lack a constant rhythm. 

I didnt expect to meet with her since she said she is busy af. But now she said we can still meet. Nice! This is good news. 

My sister and brother werent happy to hear i am seeing her again. I feel good about it. It was so fun!

 

 

Damn, what a day! Finished college, ate good food, worked and had sex!

 

 

Tonight i am meeting with the younger girl. I am curious what will happen. I was thinking to break things with her. She is not what i want now. I dont feel comfortable getting into this ,,relationship''. In my mind it isnt a relationship. But i am acting like it is so basically i cheated on her with the other girls last night. I am not seeing it as cheating since i didnt want a relationship in the first place haha

 

 

Two girls told me we might meet next week. I am meeting with a polish girl this Sunday. She is really fun. I set up another date with a girl who seems okish sunday as well. I think i will cancel on that one. 

Stopped speaking with the girls who didnt put in some effort into the conversation. No reason to stress about it. 

 

 

 

[Everyday]

Hey

16 hours ago, Everyday said:

Tonight i am meeting with the younger girl. I am curious what will happen.

She said last two weeks to meet at her place several times after i told her i am too busy to see her because of the thesis. So i imagined that last night we will meet at her place and there is no need to mention it again. She asked me where are we going two hours before the date. I just thought we will meet at her place but i didnt wanted to seem desperate actually telling her to meet at her place. Stupid.

I thought she doesnt actually want me to come to her place regardless of what she kept saying last 2 weeks. So i took it easy and said - do you want to go to the park and afterwards to your place? She said yes but her room looks weird being so empty. Lol. This is the lamest excuse to not invite someone over. OMG.

We went to the mall next to the park. Got ice cream and than we walked in the park. I felt so stupid and annoyed. She really wanted just to hang out and talk. She pulled back from kissing just to talk. I didnt touch her all over like last time since i had sex the other day. I was chill.

After 3 hours, i said it's late let's walk. We started going to her place i said - i will leave you at the bus station and go home. She said ok. Again, i thought she didnt actually want me to come over. I didnt even ask. Just left home, got some food and felt stupid for wasting my time with her. 

On my way home she kept messaging me about shit. She told me again how she looks down on girls who wear slutty clothes. While we walked in the park i saw some super hot girls. Wish i was with one of them instead. I remembered what she told me - she doesnt want to have sex after 1-2 months like some ppl have. I didnt think she is serious about this but she really was. 

 

Today was her last day living in the dorm room, alone. Next week she moves at a cousin for a week and after that she goes home until September. So we would meet just to talk, lol. She wants to meet several times next week since is the last - to meet and talk =)))))))))))))) Basically, if i keep talking to her i will get laid in autumn, after 4 months. Maybe. Yeah, no thanks. Time wasted man. This isnt the type of relationship i want. Just talking and talking especially that i cant say i have fun with her. 

 

Oh and she was kissing just as bad as last time. I noticed i was colder myself with her. Understandable. 

 

 

Whatever, i will meet with friends this weekend and also a polish girl. She is fun so far in conversation. Speaking with other girls but they dont really put any effort so no reason to bother. They arent really interested in having a conversation and this is ok. 

Edited June 30, 2023 by Everyday

[Everyday]

On 6/30/2023 at 10:15 AM, Everyday said:

Today was her last day living in the dorm room, alone. Next week she moves at a cousin for a week and after that she goes home until September. So we would meet just to talk, lol. She wants to meet several times next week since is the last - to meet and talk =)))))))))))))) Basically, if i keep talking to her i will get laid in autumn, after 3 months. Maybe. Yeah, no thanks. Time wasted man. This isnt the type of relationship i want. Just talking and talking especially that i cant say i have fun with her.  She kept mentioning how she doesnt like getting undressed because of shame.....great

I felt anxious to break things up with her but there is no way i was going to see her again next week. I just cant waste other 3 hours just speaking shit. I stressed all day about actually messaging her to get it off my chest. I was cold with her last 2 days and this isnt nice at all. She kept messaging me even if i didnt replay. Just messages about anything. How she thinks of me and wants to be kissed blah blah - just to back down once we meet f2f.

I finally messaged her and she didnt have a total breakdown like i feared. My break up reason was that i cant have another long term relationship (even if isnt actually the case) but i was embarrassed to tell my other motives. I will do so as i get more confident. 

Next time i wont stay for so long seeing a girl like her. Five dates was too long. It was clear from the 1st / 2nd date.

 

She mentioned twice that i didnt let her know me better and giving her a chance. She mentioned i didnt let her in. I got this complaint in the past as well. I told her i am sure of my decision and that was it. I really am.

 

I feel so much better after i got this off my chest. It felt so uncomfortable getting all those cringe messages from her and seeing things going worst each time. I felt so down when we met last time. She isnt the type of girl i need now. 

 

Matched on Friday with a 26 year old girl on Tinder. We had a nice conversation and she was already making some plans for the future. I didnt feel uncomfortable like i did with the girl above. Maybe because she is more beautiful and i like her vibe. Interesting. I see myself with this new girl, even meeting with friends. I saw myself like this with Teo1 a few months ago. I am actually panicking again when she doesnt reply for some time. Wow. 

 

Might meet with one of several girl i talked over the week. I could message again the ones which didnt put much effort but i will waste my time honestly. All the dates i had like that turned bad.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yesterday i did some work and mainly playing minecraft. It made me feel very bad. I was in my bed all day. Didnt mediate in 4 days. I feel trapped. I should do smth productive but i was so lazy. Also i was stressed wanting to end things with that younger girl. 

[Everyday]

Hey

 

 

 

On 7/2/2023 at 0:12 PM, Everyday said:

I feel so much better after i got this off my chest. It felt so uncomfortable getting all those cringe messages from her and seeing things going worst each time. I felt so down when we met last time. She isnt the type of girl i need now. 

It feels so good to not feel like i have to replay to those cringe and frequent messages. I was surprised she didnt keep trying harder to make me stay like i did with my 1st ex. I was really desperate. She let it go and i appreciate this. I didnt let Teo1 go so easily and didnt mind my own business so fast.

I checked this younger girl again on Tinder and she started using it again. Good for her to be honest. I hope she find someone who actually likes her. It was too much for me. 

 

I went on my 22th birthday with a Polish girl. She was shy and anxious as i imagined since she didnt have close up pics of herself. She was cute anyways. We had drinks at a bar and afterwards we drank beer in the park. She mentioned this but i wasnt sure she is serious. This is really nice. She was fun. She said she likes me as well even if she will be here until October. Maybe we will have sex after going out a few more times. It was a good date anyways. 

 

Set up a date with a girl who mentioned she is looking for fun. We spoke for a few days. 

 

I am also really looking forward to meet the 26 year old girl. We didnt speak about a certain time to meet but i hope it will be this week. She didnt actually tell me when she is free. I should ask again. I have a good feeling about her like i had about teo1. I see myself with her already. I like we can have a conversation opposed with replaying in several days.

 

Meeting with the 24 year old girl only for drinks since her mom is coming over. 

Met with friends and it was fun. They high five me for banging this chick and told me i should have dumped the younger one sooner. One of them said is good i know the name of the girl i slept with. Of course, she is actually nice. 

 

 

I didnt want to go to work and well, work. Wanted to stay home and be lazy. I SKIPPED a few days of meditation. Not cool. Drank more last night than i wanted but it is alright. I didnt get too drunk. Work was boring at times, i am used to take longer breaks and do the bare minimum. I wanted to say i will do this next week but i cant. I really worked. 

 

Got some more junk food to celebrate graduation. 

 

I am still afraid to be lazy now. It was useful to have an external factor to be productive. I am looking back at those times i was working towards finishing uni almost each day last 2 months. I feel getting lazy after work and just chill =))