Hardkill

I don't want to be human anymore

13 posts in this topic

I have become mentally disturbed by my thoughts and memories of all of the failures I've made in my life including my dating/sex/romance life, social life, school, work, etc. For years, these things have been negatively affecting my life including my concentration on my schoolwork, my job, my workouts, my social life, etc. It's as if I have demons in my head that have been haunting me for eternity. Since pickup, dating advice, and social advice of all sorts from A-Z have failed me I really wish I didn't feel anything towards anyone anymore. For over 15 years of my life, no therapist nor has any medicine been able to help me with this matter.  Also, meditation takes years to for it to work. So, I don't know what to do and don't know where to go now other than committing suicide or continuing to suffer through this forever. I don't want to castrate myself literally because I am too afraid to do something so gruesome like that. I would like to somehow be like a machine with no feelings or emotions for about year. I know that if I were a robot then I would have 100% laser-like concentration and work virtually non-stop on achieving my personal dreams. I am begging with all of my heart, soul, and every fiber of my being that someone here could tell me how to lose my humanity, at least for a brief period of my life.

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I know the feel bro. What if done for the next 30 days would make you feel just a bit better? This question helps me a lot 

Have you heard of neuroplasticity? Your life is the sum of your habits. So I think if you stick to something and had like 12 positive high leverage habits by the end of next year (1 habit per month) youll be on another dimension 

I also believe that game might not be the right thing right now. Picking up girls is a skillset which can be useful but right now your focus should be on inner healing and growth. 

Edited by thehero
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There is still more hope my friend. Ask God for help.  Read this guide: 

 And try some love meditation, try to see yourself with more kindness. You're just trying your best, you're not perfect, none of us are. But keep trying.

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hi i am really sorry you feel that way i hope everything turns out ok

the best thing i recommend is to either get professional help or a really good personal coach (leo is really awesome and tripp adivce for dating https://www.youtube.com/user/TrippAdvice he goes into details what really work not some pickup lines)

some of the other things i have found use full is if there is something you want to achieve stick with what works and and don't stick with what don't work if something doesn't work ask if its because you don't do what it says or if you do what it says and it still doesn't work(if its the last one its a possibility that that's the reason it doesn't work and it's not because of you then it would be best to find a new approach) 

something else is literally to go all in give your 100% attention to what you want to accomplish and take full responsibility and find hope(not hope from the outside but from the inside)

figure out all the distractions or time wasters that have nothing to do with your goal an stop doing them in the period you try to accomplish your goal

(imagine you do nothing the entire day except using all your willpower(but still recover probably) on trying to achieve your goal  (but of course still get enough sleep and food and be with your family but see if you can minimize everything else you normally do in your free time try to achieve one single thing at a time but start with the most important one some research shows we are really bad at multitasking)

something else that is useful is when you have found your goal find systems that can help achieve your goal(or actions you can do to achieve it)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FFrR0cGWnac&t=176s (The Art of Solving Problems Permanently)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ijSng_X9soc&t=517s (Fake Growth vs Real Growth - What If You're Just Tricking Yourself?)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l96TZeZGlDg&t=861s (How To Deal With Strong Negative Emotions)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XulpS3cAkOM&t=145s (How You Lie - All Your Dirty, Sneaky Lies & Manipulations Exposed!)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5WSlkzz2_Bk (What Is Happiness? - An Extremely Advanced Definition Of Happiness)

http://www.4dxbook.com/blog/category/the-4dx-book/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=heNMGlDN8Sk (on giving it your all)

http://calnewport.com/ (everything on how to ace career and have lazier sharp focus aka deep work) 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oNia6dzeE-4 (Hard Times = Growth)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ufNOWvcfrE4 (how to love your self right now)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fqn2bDRKDJk&t=60s (Why Is It A Great Time To Be A Guy?)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5rey8B-yu5Y (How To Stop Being A Victim - The #1 Reason You Are Stuck In Life)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cIeQ2a8WmTc (How To Stop Being A Victim - Part 2 - What All Victims Fail To Understand)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GfF7EpHXyDY (Responsibility vs Blame - Why You Are 100% Responsible For

Everything)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k3J3n7p0PNg (How To Stop Playing The Victim And Start Changing Your Life)

the road less travlled scott m peck 

radical honesty by Brad Blanton 

i hope everything turns out ok good luck :) 

 

Edited by BjarkeT
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eventual you have to bite the bullet 

leaving your comfort zone might be painful in the process but the rewards can be extraordinary_bjarke tan

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Thanks for the response, but I feel like I've seen countless vids and reading innumerable books on self-help. How many more books and vids on self-help do I need to go through to master my emotions? It's so overwhelming

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13 hours ago, Hardkill said:

Thanks for the response, but I feel like I've seen countless vids and reading innumerable books on self-help. How many more books and vids on self-help do I need to go through to master my emotions? It's so overwhelming

I think maybe just enough to find a permanent solution or until the problem becomes a non issue(i have linked a few videos on the topic above) the results you really want to have its likely that it will come from taking direct action towards the problem (i think the best chance of getting the results you want is to give your absolute full attention on one problem at a time untill it's solved) but i also think the key is to balance theory and pratice(which is an other video leo have) but i think that its important that the theory is relevant to the problem and that you think its could be a solution 

Edited by BjarkeT
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eventual you have to bite the bullet 

leaving your comfort zone might be painful in the process but the rewards can be extraordinary_bjarke tan

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14 hours ago, BjarkeT said:

I think maybe just enough to find a permanent solution or until the problem becomes a non issue(i have linked a few videos on the topic above) the results you really want to have its likely that it will come from taking direct action towards the problem (i think the best chance of getting the results you want is to give your absolute full attention on one problem at a time untill it's solved) but i also think the key is to balance theory and pratice(which is an other video leo have) but i think that its important that the theory is relevant to the problem and that you think its could be a solution 

but there are so many things to try that I don't know I'll even live long enough to try them all. 

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The best way i have seen this turn around is to completely change focus/view on this and what you do on a day to day basis. Always do something new, something of positively-driven nature, finds new hobbies, go new places, ultimately what this does is replace old patterns, thoughts, energies with new ones, eventually with enough determination you won't even remember the past because so much has been replaced with new patterns that eventually take over and reshape your life.

When i was a teenager was the darkest years of my life, i was in such darkness that so much had to be change in order to survive. After many years of spirituality, complete change of life focuses and absolute desire for peace and freedom i became a whole new person, literally. Nowadays i run into people from my teenage years and i cannot even remember them, its like i am not that person anymore but they remember me.

Now don't get me wrong i have excellent memory, always had since i was a child and take care of myself very well from my understanding but it seems now that i changed everything i became everything else i wasn't or didn't have access too, i am no longer in the same vibration i once was so i guess i simply cannot see or remember the person i used to be anymore. Its just a shadow memory and not really authentic anymore but more like a dream that never really existed in the first place.

Traveling, Meditation, Mindfulness Practice, Martial Arts, Doing things and going places completely different from the norm of society and important changing whole lifestyle and diet focus to a more natural approach really sparked a fire of light within me that only grows brighter and brighter.

Hope this helps

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All is well

 

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9 hours ago, Hardkill said:

but there are so many things to try that I don't know I'll even live long enough to try them all. 

Maybe it isn't necessary to try everything it's possible that you can still get what you want the most from doing a few things really well or just the most relevant things but i think it's possible that one can accomplish much more than one would think i know because i made that mistake in the past i think the key to accomplish a lot is just about how effective you spend your time doing it and how much of that effective time you spend in the long run

even if it isn't possible to accomplish everything you want i still think its better to start anyway if you haven't as i think its best to at least make some progress in the direction you want rather than no progress at all

Edited by BjarkeT
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eventual you have to bite the bullet 

leaving your comfort zone might be painful in the process but the rewards can be extraordinary_bjarke tan

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On 30.11.2017 at 3:06 AM, Hardkill said:

I know that if I were a robot then I would have 100% laser-like concentration and work virtually non-stop on achieving my personal dreams.

What are your personal dreams? What work would you have to do to achieve them? What emotions keep you from doing that work?

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I can relate. Sounds like you need some real healing. I know the feeling when even the most brilliant concept and 100x positive habits can't help you. You need to give yourself some space and some love. It's not true that meditation takes years for it to work, you can heal really fast if you're just commited to it. 

You don't need to lose your humanity, you need to embrace it fully. Forgive yourself for everything, be totally honest and open about it and learn to love it. 

Take care and good luck ;)

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'Something very spiritual you'll nod your head as you read it'

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Your problem is you think everybody is perfect and you're the only victim. Look around you there are many people wish that they were you. Find some friends even if you "suck" at social activities then find some people who suck at it too, but don't be alone with your thoughts.

And remember life is "off/on" thing it's either you exist or not, it's not just about personality.

I as a human being don't judge or measure you by your money or what you achieved I simply respect and love you because we're a huge family lives on earth. please think again and try to change your thinking.

Love from Middle East

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