Help! I Don't Know How To Gain My Independence From My Mom

[Hardkill]

I am 29 years old and turning 30 in a few months. I am still financially dependent on my parents and my mom has always had to manage and schedule my life ever since I was born. Don't get me wrong, I have become increasingly independent from my parents as I've grown older; however, I am now at a point where I've so f***ing had it with my mom managing my g*d d**n life. Also, my mom is getting increasingly tired of supporting me and making sure that I get through school; however, she can trust that I can be completely independent because I hardly initiate any of my responsibilities including school, work, managing my time I spent throughout the week with all of my hobbies, etc. I've seen therapists and psychiatrists for all sorts of consultation on how to gain my full independence from them, but I am never able to stick with applying any of their suggestions for long because they are so mentally taxing on me that they decrease quality of my life such as having get up by myself in the morning everyday and going to sleep relatively early everyday, keeping a list and schedule of things I need to do each day, etc. Also, I don't have a job of my own other than working for my parents. It's been hard for me to get a job because of how competitive everything is today. Please help!

[Socrates]

@Hardkill You need to get honest with yourself.

You cant get up early? Jeez, I feel you man, what an inconvenience...

Jokes aside go find a fucking job and stop this bullshit thinking which is a mix of limiting beliefs and victimhood.

[Hardkill]

9 minutes ago, Socrates said:

@Hardkill You need to get honest with yourself.

You cant get up early? Jeez, I feel you man, what an inconvenience...

Jokes aside go find a fucking job and stop this bullshit thinking which is a mix of limiting beliefs and victimhood.

How is not finding a job a limiting belief? 

I wish I had more stress tolerance and energy to continue improving my life

[Brimstone]

@Hardkill start with 4 simple words, "I can do it" when you mum says she will sort it for you. Sure you may not get it exactly right to start, but you will get there with perseverance. 

Or, maybe try something completely different like moving far away so you have no choice other than to sort it out for yourself.

Through it all simply trust that life will resolve itself and provide as it always has, and that all will be ok, even if it appears that at times it isn't so great.

 

[Emerald]

My recommendation is simply to kick yourself out of the nest. The reason why you doubt yourself is because you've never had the chance to prove to yourself that you can be independent. You're not going to die. Maybe you'll struggle, but you'll be alive. You'll be a lot more alive than you've ever been. Nothing will be lost except some temporary cold comfort.

[Hardkill]

53 minutes ago, Emerald said:

My recommendation is simply to kick yourself out of the nest. The reason why you doubt yourself is because you've never had the chance to prove to yourself that you can be independent. You're not going to die. Maybe you'll struggle, but you'll be alive. You'll be a lot more alive than you've ever been. Nothing will be lost except some temporary cold comfort.

So how do you explain homeless people out on the street who need to be hospitalized?

Edited September 25, 2017 by Hardkill

[Emerald]

12 minutes ago, Hardkill said:

So how do you explain homeless people out on the street who need to be hospitalized?

Is that what you're afraid of? Do you think you'll become homeless?

[Hardkill]

Yes, of course! I mean where am I gonna go? I don't really have much money of my own.

[smd]

@Hardkill Get a tent and some camping gear.  Start going out & sleeping in the backyard with your camping gear for practice because you're now taking an interest in camping.  Next, every few weekends, go camping so you can get out on your own for a little bit.  Enjoy the outdoors & give yourself some personal space.  I wouldn't change anything else other than that right now...

[Hardkill]

There must be another way. I don't want to live in a salvation army organization for the homeless. 

Also, I don't really like camping and don't think that that's smart thing to do when it comes to possibly being surrounded by all sorts of wild animals and nasty bugs. 

Edited September 26, 2017 by Hardkill

[Key Elements]

16 hours ago, Shiva said:

Go traveling for a while. I think what would help you is anything that gets you out of your current situation and gets you to experience something new. Even if it's just for a short period of time. Traveling always opens up new perspectives.

If you don't have the money to travel that's even better. Then it becomes more of an adventure instead of jus tourism. You can check out sites like workaway or helpx where you can find people and businesses that provide you accommodation and food in exchange for your work anywhere around the world.

I really love your suggestion! 

I was in India. I met a good friend working as a bilingual teacher. He was my colleague from China on a foreign exchange program in India. We became good friends there. Now we're both in the US. He's now studying his Masters in Bilingual Education. We live a good 14 hrs drive away from each other but wish to meet. Yes, travelling and living in a different country for years is an excellent opportunity and experience. 

[HII]

On ‎25‎.‎09‎.‎2017 at 11:06 PM, Hardkill said:

How is not finding a job a limiting belief? 

Have you even tried? Please write down every single job you applied for.

[Saarah]

@Hardkill If you're in a situation you hate, you have to first find your emotional balance and peace within. That means accepting where you are, letting go of certain patterns of thought that make the situation unbearable and just feeling as much flow and ease as possible. Don't try to move on from a place of panic and despair, you'll end up remaining very ineffective in your attempts to move on.

Once you've truly become more easy about yourself and situation, which will create symptoms of being able to wake when you need to and do better in your daily life and tasks, then start to move towards solutions. You just have to notice opportunities suited to your preferences, get creative, be realistic. Remember you have this amazing resource called the internet where you can learn all sorts of skills etc. Start taking actions but from that place of balance. You need to sort all those imbalances that are making it difficult for you to do anything properly first.