The Ego

[Spiritual Warrior]

The Ego

I've been shining a lot of light on my ego lately and I probably should give this "little guy in my head" some grace because hes just a scared little figment of my imagination that doesn't want to die, but I am as of right now disgusted by him. He is selfish, he is whiny, he doesn't care about others, he gets mad when things don't go his way. I mean come on man, grow the fuck up. 

Of course, when I say this, I am referring to the person that I am or that I identify with. That is what the ego is. At its core, this ego is a hallucination that I have been embodying since the day I was born. But now, at 31 years of age I am really starting to see it for what it is.

And EVERYONE lives this way, everyone. We are all fine and dandy just living in this little dream world that honestly doesn't really give you the fulfillment that you are searching for. Every time I produce some achievement, there is never any real lasting happiness or fulfillment, its just on the next thing. There is something flawed here and I am determined to not live like this. 

Now that im 31 years old, I want to start thinking about if I want to have kids in a few years, do I want to stay at my job long term, etc... but its so hard to decide when I can now see that the ego taints all perceptions of reality in gunk. I want to clear the windshield and see reality exactly AS IT IS before I make any lifelong decisions. 

Edited 8 hours ago by Spiritual Warrior

[Someone here]

There might be a false belief or expectation that life should always work out for you and you should be satisfied all along but consider that this is a totally false assumption and if you are seeking peace of mind , you have to understand that you are not fundamentally here on this earth to always be happy and satisfied. It seems like your direct experience contradicts your false expectations. The sooner you accept this principle the better .

being a father in 31 in my humble opinion is a bit quick and you still need a little bit more of life experience.

[Leo Gura]

Good. Good. Progress.

[Breakingthewall]

Exactly, well said, everyone lives like that, and it's a pretty sad way to live. Remember when you were a child and reality was alive, but at a certain point, without knowing exactly how, everything turned into evaluation, judgment, calculation, the need to fit in, to succeed, and then reality was no longer alive, it was an Excel spreadsheet with chronic anxiety, looking toward a future where everything would be good if a series of requirements are met.

That path is a disaster; the only sensible way is to open up to the living source maintaining the necessary planificación of the adult. achieving it is a difficult equation, but possible.

Edited 10 hours ago by Breakingthewall

[Spiritual Warrior]

2 hours ago, Breakingthewall said:

but at a certain point, without knowing exactly how, everything turned into evaluation, judgment, calculation, the need to fit in, to succeed, and then reality was no longer alive, it was an Excel spreadsheet with chronic anxiety, looking toward a future where everything would be good if a series of requirements are met.

Exactly how I feel right now. Luckily, I am a dance instructor so I get to be imaginative and creative on a daily basis through my work at least, which I am grateful for. This is what keeps my inner child alive. 

But in terms of building a future, I am not too sure what is the point of running a dance studio, of winning dance competitions, of getting maried and having children. 

It feels as if im pursuing these things in order to satisfy my ego, which is fundamentally false and "made up." Its as if I am building towards a life that is going to put me deeper and deeper inside of the dream state and that is NOT OKAY with me. 

Edited 8 hours ago by Spiritual Warrior

[Terell Kirby]

Awesome, I can relate

[VeganAwake]

6 hours ago, Spiritual Warrior said:

 

There is something flawed here and I am determined to not live like this. 

 

Yes,

The ego isn't just a figment, it's the entire self construct that seemingly builds/layers from a young age, as you mentioned.

It never becomes satisfied btw!

But is it actually real?

Look closely.

Can it be located? 

What does "I" consist of? 

[Sobanya]

It really helps me to remind myself that I'm the universe and trying to claim any particular part of it is ego's futile fantasy. Life is a soup, and I am the soup. The flavor's so vast my expectations and experience never ever keep up with it. My best hope is to become a good ingredient 

[Breakingthewall]

15 minutes ago, Sobanya said:

The flavor's so vast my expectations and experience never ever keep up with it.

You could taste the whole flavour anytime, you don't need different experiences, you need being open to this one.

That's why some mystics become statics, because they don't want any closure, any wave that blurrs the perfect transparency of this exact moment 

Edited 3 hours ago by Breakingthewall

[oOo]

@Spiritual Warrior 

The ego is not a little guy in your head. 

You learn that through consciousness transmutation exercises as a direct experience. 

[Breakingthewall]

5 hours ago, Spiritual Warrior said:

But in terms of building a future, I am not too sure what is the point of running a dance studio, of winning dance competitions, of getting maried and having children. 

It feels as if im pursuing these things in order to satisfy my ego, which is fundamentally false and "made up." Its as if I am building towards a life that is going to put me deeper and deeper inside of the dream state and that is NOT OKAY with me. 

Yeah, your vision is clear. People enter life paths driven by a need for validation without perceiving it, and once inside, getting out is difficult.

How can you choose something like having children if not through direct contact with the source of life, perceiving that what you are doing is an act of expansion, openness, and life, seeing it in all its depth? Doing it just because otherwise you're a failure, or for ego-driven reasons, pushes you into a forced life of chronic anxiety, sadness masked by stimuli, a path that grows narrower and narrower. Not smart choice.

[Breakingthewall]

3 hours ago, VeganAwake said:

Yes,

The ego isn't just a figment, it's the entire self construct that seemingly builds/layers from a young age, as you mentioned.

It never becomes satisfied btw!

But is it actually real?

Look closely.

Can it be located? 

What does "I" consist of? 

If I think: oh I'm a loser, all my friends are millionaires and I only have 4 millions, then I feel a lot of anxiety. 

Is this an illusion? Why? It's a reality. A fluctuation, a wave, appears in the reality, or the reality took the form of a wave that manifest as: oh I'm a shit+anxiety and closure. It's absolutely real, same real as a galaxy or an universe 

For you maybe a supernova is more real than a neurotic thought, but both are equally real, are the reality appearing as that structure, and the complexity and synchrony that involves that thought is exactly the same than the one of the big bang, it's the unlimited appearing, existing

If you break down that thought at a quantum level, all the way to the foundations of reality, its complexity is that of the universe. That thought is the product of reality's fields interacting, and these fields come from dimensions we cannot even fathom. Any event in reality is perfect synchronicity; there are no levels, there is only one level and it is the total level. Existence exists, this, right now, is that.

Edited 2 hours ago by Breakingthewall

[gettoefl]

All that happens, all you have done, all the way you are, is unstoppable and inevitable and good.

You cannot be different.

Accept. This is called self forgiveness.

Everyone and everything else too. (This is an even harder step since life is a bum rap and everyone except me are assholes right?)

From this understanding, good can happen.

All is perfect. Now in fact it could become more perfect because I know all this and I know what is.

Edited 2 hours ago by gettoefl

[Breakingthewall]

8 minutes ago, gettoefl said:

All that happens, all you have done, all the way you are, is unstoppable and inevitable and good.

You cannot be different.

Accept. This is called self forgiveness.

Everyone and everything else too. (This is an even harder step since life is a bum rap and everyone except me are assholes right?)

From this understanding, good can happen.

All is perfect. Now in fact it could become more perfect because I know all this and I know what is.

Imo it's better forget if things are good or bad and fight with everything. This game is not a joke, there is no place for too many mistakes, there is only one wise direction and is the one of openess, anything else is madness.

Human mind is a dense labyrinth of molasses. If your actions and your focus do not constantly tend toward clarity, you will end up like a fly in honey, trapping yourself further while believing you are freeing yourself.

[Spiritual Warrior]

1 hour ago, oOo said:

@Spiritual Warrior 

The ego is not a little guy in your head. 

You learn that through consciousness transmutation exercises as a direct experience. 

That is the best description I could come up with. In reality, the ego is made up of nothing, it is a groundless structure. The next question would be to ask yourself, are there any grounded structures? Or in other words, is there anything in this reality that is not stained with falsity?

All I know is that something is off. THIS AIN'T IT. 

"Although my primary epiphany could be summed up as Truth Exists, it was actually much more complicated than that. The flipside of Truth Exists is This Ain't It." ~ from Spiritual Warfare by Jed McKenna

 

 

 

[Breakingthewall]

4 minutes ago, Spiritual Warrior said:

That is the best description I could come up with. In reality, the ego is made up of nothing, it is a groundless structure. The next question would be to ask yourself, are there any grounded structures? Or in other words, is there anything in this reality that is not stained with falsity?

The ego is a structure that exists, and it's foundation are billions of years of evolution. Spirituality denie the reality of the ego and doing so closes the door. Any need of validation comes from the absolute need of acceptance in the herd, built in billions of generations.  If you don't understand the strengtht of this structure, you are trapped. 

7 minutes ago, Spiritual Warrior said:

Or in other words, is there anything in this reality that is not stained with falsity?

Nothing is false from a broad perspective, everything that exists is absolutely true by the fact of existing. Could be a closure but not a falsehood.

The fear of being not enough is absolutely real, it's programmed by life from when we were rats. Spirituality would tell you: what the ego says is false, the truth is that you are loved and accepted.

Then you are in a tribe and your ego screams: be worthy or you will be expelled to the darkness, the cold and lonely death. Then any non dualistic comes and says that this is an illusion, that there is no death, you are imagining everything. If you think about it closely, it's so absurd that's funny.

[Breakingthewall]

39 minutes ago, Spiritual Warrior said:

 

 

 

"Although my primary epiphany could be summed up as Truth Exists, it was actually much more complicated than that. The flipside of Truth Exists is This Ain't It." ~ from Spiritual Warfare by Jed McKenna

 

 

 

McKenna is absolutely wrong, enlightenment is not knowing that everything is an illusion, is being open to the absolute light of the limitlessness, it's a reality not a realization, is being what you ultimately are, what reality ultimately is, and it's power and it's life is total.

The fact of being is absolutely affirmative, just because it is, and that implies everything. McKenna said that was so surprised about the absence of the philosophers, the teachers, the world. He can't see that the philosophers or a "mystical" state are the same, the absolute fact of being happening, and knowing that worths zero, being open to it worths everything, it's the absolute alive and you are that.

He believes that knowing reality is an illusion removes him from the shell of the ego, but the category of illusion is a categorization of the ego. Enlightenment is being open to the total light that implies the absence of limits, to the source from which universes and dimensions emanate, which dances in the creation of forms because it has no limits and there is no alternative: it is, and being implies appearing. And that being has no restriction; it is absolute power, life, the perfectly synchronous relationship that creates dimensions, creation and death. A entire universe is the same than a thought, both are the absolute, both are unfathomable and alive. McKenna is closed to the life because he's prisoner of the categorization. 

Edited 1 hour ago by Breakingthewall