Dating app and social media are fucking dating up

[Alexop]

16 minutes ago, AION said:

Bro you live in the first world country. If you lived in India or Romania I would get it that you couldn’t find developed women but in west Europe you can find them left and right. It is not they don’t exist. To me you sound also very judgmental “they can’t think for themselves”. What do you even mean with this? Like 99% of people can’t think for themselves. We all copy thoughts from others. 

You need to draw a red line on what is mature enough for you. So you can have a happy relationship with that person. Thinking for yourself is a spectrum. Some people have enough confidence and intelligence to decide many things based on what they need. Others are almost completely driven by what others say and do.

I lived in Romania most of my life and the quality of women there is poor. Sweden is much better but more reserved 

I don't want to sound like I am some God who searches for a Goddess. It is just that I cannot have a happy relationship with a conformist automaton. And I am looking for a relationship, not just sex. Finding a such person that I cand resonate with is hard.  

Edited 14 hours ago by Alexop

[Alexop]

3 minutes ago, something_else said:

What has been your approach to building a social circle of friends there?

I mostly join activities. Dancing, gymnastics, politics. I am very introverted, so social circles are not my favourite. Plus that it is very hard to build one here. Most people hang around with people they met back in school. 

I do some cold approaching when I see the opportunity too. 

Edited 14 hours ago by Alexop

[something_else]

11 minutes ago, Alexop said:

I mostly join activities. Dancing, gymnastics, politics. I am very introverted, so social circles are not my favourite. Plus that it is very hard to build one here. Most people hang around with people they met back in school. 

I do some cold approaching when I see the opportunity too. 

I do know Scandinavian countries are quite reserved, but I feel like joining activities is a good way to meet people. Have you actually managed to make a solid social circle of friends? I don't mean 'social circle' in the pickup sense, I mean like actually building some deep friendships. Even if you are introverted, this will have a huge influence on your ability to date.

You could also try to find communities of other non-native Scandinavians who may be more sociable. It sounds like a bizarre idea, but consider travelling to the more remote cities in Sweden, or other Scandinavian cities and staying in social hostels. You'll meet tons of really cool people that way.

[Alexop]

10 minutes ago, something_else said:

I do know Scandinavian countries are quite reserved, but I feel like joining activities is a good way to meet people. Have you actually managed to make a solid social circle of friends? I don't mean 'social circle' in the pickup sense, I mean like actually building some deep friendships. Even if you are introverted, this will have a huge influence on your ability to date.

You could also try to find communities of other non-native Scandinavians who may be more sociable. It sounds like a bizarre idea, but consider travelling to the more remote cities in Sweden, or other Scandinavian cities and staying in social hostels. You'll meet tons of really cool people that way.

I didn't really try to create a social circle. I get very bored by small talk. But if some opportunity happens, to get introduced into a more non conformist circle, I won't refuse. 

Cool idea! The one with hosteling around on small cities. I will maybe do weekend trips like that. 

Most couples form online or through social circles from what I feel. I will work in physiotherapy soon, so that can give me some good opportunities too.

[meta_male]

@Alexop I'm not into pickup myself. I'm just trying to point out to you that the way you talk about men and women might make it harder for you to find the emotional connection you're looking for. 

I've never been to Sweden, but from what I've read, the social culture seems similar to Switzerland. It can take a lot of time to build social circles and form close relationships. People might seem distant at first, but that doesn't mean they don't want deep connection. Like @LordFall mentioned, it helps to focus on what you can do to improve your situation rather than focusing on what the limits are (and it seems you're already working on that). Don't take this as criticism, but here are some thoughts and assumptions I would question:

• They ignore all men who they can meet physically and scroll dating apps instead.
• Everyone is so afraid of vulnerability.
• I was noticing a pattern.
• They look for the best man they can find.
• Everyone takes care of themselves and not bother others with themselves.
• Finding a such person that I cand resonate with is hard.
• I am very introverted, so social circles are not my favourite.
• Most people hang around with people they met back in school. 

 

 

 

 

Edited 13 hours ago by meta_male

[Alexop]

@meta_male cool appreciate bro. 

[something_else]

15 minutes ago, Alexop said:

I didn't really try to create a social circle. I get very bored by small talk. But if some opportunity happens, to get introduced into a more non conformist circle, I won't refuse. 

Saying you are 'bored by small talk' is a classic defence mechanism for avoiding action and bolstering your own ego. "I'm so deep, I just can't tolerate small talk, everybody else is so boring." No, everybody is bored by small talk. Small talk is a tool used to advance to deeper conversations with new people. Socially skilled people know how to advance past small talk with almost anybody. It is not someone else's responsibility to provide you with interesting conversation, it's a shared effort, and that starts with small talk.

17 minutes ago, Alexop said:

Cool idea! The one with hosteling around on small cities. I will maybe do weekend trips like that. 

I've made several life long friends from hosteling around. It's such a good environment to meet cool people and make friendships. You will need to tolerate some small talk though 

Quote

Most couples form online or through social circles from what I feel. I will work in physiotherapy soon, so that can give me some good opportunities too.

Then put together a solid profile too. I've had good results on dating apps using almost entirely photos of me taken while travelling, so another advantage of hosteling is building up a solid collection of good dating app profile pics.

[meta_male]

17 minutes ago, Alexop said:

Cool idea! The one with hosteling around on small cities. I will maybe do weekend trips like that. 

Honestly, this is a great direction to explore, especially if you're introverted and easily bored by smalltalk. You will naturally find yourself in situations where you interact with people, even over the most basic things. And you'll probably find that other people are more likely to initiate conversations with you.

[Ulax]

@Alexop Just keep putting yourself out there. You will find the type you want eventually.

AION is also a virgin i think, and he keeps putting himself out there, which i really respect about him. So never give up.

[AION]

Obviously there are a lot of women who are out of their mind and have crazy unrealistic expectations compared to what they have to offer. But those people will end up as lonely cat women anyway. And if you try to help them they will attack you. So it is best to pretend like they don't exist if they pretend you don't exist. There are enough women in the world that will like you who you are. If even 10-20% of your age group likes you those are thousands of options. You just have to find them through different means. And dating apps is not one of them. Try some different sports or hobbies. At a certain point you will create traction.

1 hour ago, Ulax said:

@Alexop Just keep putting yourself out there. You will find the type you want eventually.

AION is also a virgin i think, and he keeps putting himself out there, which i really respect about him. So never give up.

Nice rage bait but try better haha

Edited 10 hours ago by AION

[Schizophonia]

You receive what you truly are. 

[Ulax]

54 minutes ago, AION said:

Nice rage bait but try better haha

?

[Alexop]

@AION I agree that pretending that such people don't exist is the best thing. I was just trying to grasp how the situation is

God will punish you in the end for your ignorance and selfishness. I don't need to hate them or something. Everyone will get their bill sooner or later. The selfish pick-up guys, the feminazis, the "I am too cool to not be single" people etc.

The punishment for such people is, Most probably, a lonely, sad old age full of regrets and unburnt karma.

Edited 9 hours ago by Alexop

[Alexop]

5 hours ago, Ulax said:

@Alexop Just keep putting yourself out there. You will find the type you want eventually.

AION is also a virgin i think, and he keeps putting himself out there, which i really respect about him. So never give up.

It is okay man. It also is a challenge for me to put out vulnerable parts of myself and receive shit from people and not get triggered. It is a way to test my confidence. 

@AION makes good points sometimes. 

[AION]

@Alexop I make good points all the time but sometimes I have trouble with formulating them 

[Alexop]

7 hours ago, meta_male said:

Honestly, this is a great direction to explore, especially if you're introverted and easily bored by smalltalk. You will naturally find yourself in situations where you interact with people, even over the most basic things. And you'll probably find that other people are more likely to initiate conversations with you.

You don't know Sweden man hahah. People have low social skills here, it is a shy culture. They rarely talk deep stuff with strangers. The swedes who do that are usually coming from multicultural families or they lived in other exotic countries and culture shocked themselves into correcting their anti-social behavior. It is the only big problem I see with this country. Otherwise cool people. They just need to open themselves and improve their inter-personal skills.

This is why it is soo important to live in countries that are totally different than yours and learn their culture. Moving to Sweden, from Romania, completely changed my life. I will never be the same again, in a good way.

Edited 6 hours ago by Alexop

[LordFall]

3 hours ago, Schizophonia said:

You receive what you truly are. 

Yes you attract what you are, not what you want. The self is improvable though. Having a bad mindset is not a problem unless you refuse to change it. 

That's why self-awareness is the best place to start. Write your dream life and then strategize on what skills you need to develop to get there.

By nature I'm quite shy, awkward and introverted. I'm built up such a big network and advanced social skills that usually extroverts don't believe me that I'm an introvert that mostly likes to stay home by himself. Throwing 1-2 cool events a month still involves mostly chilling at home and thinking on how you can make your own event better. Ironically extroverts find that part boring so most networks and events are built by introverts. 

[Alexop]

@AION same. Sometimes God speaks through me but I misspell some of his points.

Edited 6 hours ago by Alexop

[AION]

4 hours ago, Ulax said:

?

I don’t know what you are talking about. Nowadays I don’t even have to do pickup. Women make moves on me. But usually they are mid to be honest. 

[Schizophonia]

50 minutes ago, LordFall said:

Yes you attract what you are, not what you want. The self is improvable though. Having a bad mindset is not a problem unless you refuse to change it. 

That's why self-awareness is the best place to start. Write your dream life and then strategize on what skills you need to develop to get there.

We have to follow love yes; the affects we are seeking.