after 100 approaches I still have approach anxiety

[Olaf]

So this is gonna be a very relatable topic for the most of you. As most of you probably feel approach anxiety. Now last friday I did 100 approaches in a day so you would think you would never feel approach anxiety after that again  wrong! So today I had a day that I haven't had in a long time, but now I can clearly see what is happening. I wanted to focus on doing what @Jirh said, which was do 3 approaches and see how it goes, focus on quality. So in my mind there was huge pressure of only doing 3 approaches and focusing on quality.

I walked around for an hour or more and approached no one. The last time I had this was when I was focused on implementing a certain technique a few weeks ago. So now I understand what happens. I put pressure on myself to achieve a certain goal and when the goal is quite hard for me, in this case making the best out of 3 approaches or applying some technical thing, then I can get into my head about it. Instead I have to set a light, very light intention that that is what I want to do and then just do what I usually do, no pressure.

No pressure, no need to push, just intention, you do it or not, it is okay, the intention is there and that is enough, if not today then another day. This made me think of my first days approaching or if I haven't approached in a long time, I put so much pressure on myself that I don't approach, let go of pressure and just set an intention. I thought it was great to share, because many of you are at this stage and now you can learn from my mistake. If you get this, you will probably approach 10x more. 

[LordFall]

How is your fitness? Working out reduces approach anxiety. A lot of this stuff is very primal so if you feel like you are a physically weak man and you are talking to the women of the tribe your brain will release cortisol and give you anxiety. Whenever I worked out and gamed after I noticed it reduced my anxiety by over 50%.

Also having more money in my bank account made the approach anxiety go down drastically, I tried doing game with $200 my pocket vs having thousands and not stressing about any expenses that could come up and it was a night and day difference. 

[Olaf]

@LordFall wait you had 1000 euros in your wallet? Or you mean in your bank? Yeah I could try working out before, I normally don't feel approach anxiety this much, but today was just an exception. Normally I just need 3 approaches and then after that much of the approach anxiety is gone. 

[LordFall]

$200 to my name at that point. There is a popular mentality in the pickup community that you should always keep going out no matter how your life is doing and I tried that and it was mostly stressful and not fun. I did still get laid being super broke but it took all the intoxicating stress free abundance feeling out of it.

Yeah try it out and see the difference. Part of approach anxiety is not being used to talking to strangers in general but part of it is the competitive 'am I good enough to interest this woman?' aspect. The better I do in life the more I can just be carefree and charming even without regular socialization. 

It's insane how the subconscious feels this and calibrates, it also heavily impacts your posture. I've seen some dudes walking around with just defeated postures that seem unattractive from just the way they walk. Sometimes I even see dudes with terrible posture on transit and it seems like their girlfriends look around and make eye contact with me way more often. 

[Olaf]

@LordFall oh I thought in your wallet, yeah I think it is about feeling safe I guess, but no amount of muscle will make you feel safe in a street fight with 3 big dudes. I have had quite some muscles a few years ago, but don't really felt like it helped me feel much safer as some guys have knifes and what not. But with money for sure, I don't feel financially stressed that much, maybe ambitious stress of wanting to achieve goals, but not in survival stress, needing money to survive. But sometimes it does feel safer with a wingmen of course, because you are two dudes. I only had one time that I nearly got into a bar fight, but I was smart enough to leave. I thought the 3 of them were outside waiting for me and maybe they were. This is a little bit the problem of going out alone, but luckily it barely happens. 

[LordFall]

I think it's not so much about can you win any fight that comes up but if you feel physiologically powerful or not. I had like 20 lbs of extra muscle a few years ago and I definitely felt way better and more grounded.

Stopped working out as much when I started putting more energy into my business. When I was crushing it with great cashflow it felt so different going out and doing game. 

 

 

 

Edited 19 hours ago by LordFall

[Olaf]

@LordFall oh you mean working out more for like health and happiness, vitality? Like being in a good state of being

[LordFall]

Both, I also think that your body knows if you are too skinny/fat to handle yourself in combat vs having a good amount of muscle mass. It completely changes how you hold your ground and carry yourself.

Women are primal and read that physical presence instantly, so neglecting your build to just rely on verbal game is playing on hard mode for no reason.

[Jirh]

4 hours ago, Olaf said:

doing what @Jirh said, which was do 3 approaches and see how it goes, focus on quality.

I don't recall saying anything of such.

But it feels good to be appreciated even for something I didn't actually do 

[Olaf]

@Jirh hahaha just take the compliment  it probably was @Valach then

[Valach]

@Olaf When I was reading it originally I was like "Wasn't it me who said it?"

Yeah. Seems like you are pressuring yourself to have "good" approaches. Did you investigate why? What would it say about you if you did not?

[Olaf]

@Valach because I wanted to make the best out of the 3 approaches

[Valach]

56 minutes ago, Olaf said:

@Valach because I wanted to make the best out of the 3 approaches

Why?

[Olaf]

@Valach because the exercise was to focus on quality

[Leo Gura]

Dude, AA resets every day.

You could approach a million girls, and get AA next week.

[Valach]

22 minutes ago, Olaf said:

@Valach because the exercise was to focus on quality

The point of exercise is that you stop running away from sets. Not that you have to make 3 best approaches of your life. Literally approach the woman you are attracted to - 3 sets, that is the point. Not to pick them up.

[Ulax]

14 hours ago, Jirh said:

I don't recall saying anything of such.

But it feels good to be appreciated even for something I didn't actually do