Am I Finally Ready To Let Go of Dating?

[Miguel1]

18 hours ago, AION said:

Ok I believe you but that is not what I asked 

I didn’t even want to answer AION’s question about why I’ve gotten so much success because I knew it would get backlash if I started elaborating my strenghts. But he pushed for it, so I had to give it to him.

But then some members don’t seem to like raw, truthful answers.

[Miguel1]

8 minutes ago, Valach said:

Brother I will try to come back to this and formulate it beter later on. I need to get some work done right now and this response needs time for me to think.

Thank you brother.

[Natasha Tori Maru]

22 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

 I sense that we just don’t understand each other. I also can’t encourage you guys to look into your questions and where they arise, otherwise I come across as having spiritual ego.

Usually this means the correct questions are not being asked, or the line of questioning is not understood or not clear enough.

We are asking questions to assist you/prompt self enquiry - why would discarding the questions, or trying to ask us where they arise from, assist you? Other than to appear to outsiders to avoid asking yourself? Actually asking yourself and deeply questioning (not necessarily answering us, that isn't needed, it is for you to answer for you) is the only aim. 

Your answers seem to side step. Consistently. So I am more inclined to think there is an issue with the phrasing or how the questions are asked that is imprecise. 

My typical line of questioning goes beneath the surface claims of "I need people/am extraverted" to the source. I do this with all kinds of enquiry. 

The point might not be initially apparent. 

Maybe this type of enquiry just doesn't work for you? 

Edited yesterday at 11:36 AM by Natasha Tori Maru

[Miguel1]

@Natasha Tori Maru Thank you for trying though.

Let’s try again. What is it exactly that you want to ask me?

I feel like nothing I answer is good enough, unless I give what you guys actually want to hear.

[meta_male]

@Miguel1 My first reply here was very short but it touches on what others pointed out too:

The way it comes across to me is that you’re frustrated with “normies” and with the compromises involved in "normal" dating. But at the same time, you’re still very much a human being participating in the same human world. So I wonder whether defining yourself against “normies” is actually moving you away from unity and toward separateness, or even into avoidance. Which is basically a given if you keep dating and sleeping around with more and more women, you end up burnt out. You seem very burnt out at this point, and maybe taking a break could be beneficial without having to decide that you’re done with dating forever.

Personally, I'm more curious about what exactly you think you would have to compromise in a relationship, if that's even a possibility for you?

Also, I don’t think you’ll ever find someone who is not bullshitting themselves at some point, that’s just part of being human. You do it too, and so do I, and so does Leo and everyone else on this forum, no matter how spiritual or "conscious" they think they are. So I’m curious where you draw the line between accepting a girl’s humanity and compromising something fundamental in yourself. Are you yourself easy to be around in a relationship?

There is no single human being out there who is going to be exactly like you, so what are you willing to compromise? It seems as if your standard is be so high that it becomes impossible for anyone to meet at this point.

[Olaf]

@meta_male not everything has to be about unity, you don't want to be in a relationship with a girl that is alcoholic, standards keep you out of trouble. Just cause you love someone, doesn't mean it is healthy to be in a relationship with them especially if they carry your kid, now you have a person you have to deal with for the rest of your life, there is a difference between a hook up and some serious relationship. 

[Miguel1]

@meta_male I feel like I have answered these questions so many times it is getting exhausting.

Of course nobody is perfect in self-awareness but there is levels to this. This should be obvious. And obviously I am not looking for my copycat.

I am quite burned out, yes, hence I’m taking a break and this thread.

There are so many things you have to compromise when dating a normie. I feel like people who ask this question do not have extensive experince dating a normie.

So many things to watch out for in what you say and do without triggering their ego defence mechanisms. And not only theirs but their friends’ and families’. How deep can your relationship and intimacy go?

How much peace and how much drama?

How can you trust a person with your life who is so unconscious (please don’t take this as me having a spiritual ego. I don’t have a better way to describe said people)? How can you have a partnership for life with such person?

[meta_male]

@Olaf That's a bit of a stretch. You can have standards but you're bound to be with someone who isn't perfect, if you date humans.

[Olaf]

@meta_male the lower the standards, the more awful the relationship, the more awful your life is, simple math

[AION]

52 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

I didn’t even want to answer AION’s question about why I’ve gotten so much success because I knew it would get backlash if I started elaborating my strenghts. But he pushed for it, so I had to give it to him.

But then some members don’t seem to like raw, truthful answers.

If you were like me, introverted, you wouldn’t have gotten the success you had. In my opinion you shouldn’t feel bad. Women are the gate keepers. They ask and we supply. To be honest I kind of feel stupid reading your thread because egoism got you the result. And what I’m seeing right now is that you are turning it on yourself in a masochistic way and calling it spirituality. You have no responsibility for the choices of stupid hot girls. I think you should be nicer to yourself. 

[Miguel1]

I suggest people who do understand me, to jump on a call with me and we can discuss this deeply in one sitting, very deeply.

This format here on the forum is very exhausting and all over the place, as there’s so many people answering. People don’t read everything. People answer spontaneously. People comment throughout the day, in the middle of their work day and then lose their deep thoughts after returning to work.

People read these and answer while in God knows what emotional state.

All these make this conversation extremely hard to have.

We need to sit down in one setting and set aside potentially 2-3 hours and discuss it all throughly.

When I started this thread, I didn’t intend this to be so extensive and deep. It was just a release of emotional burden. I intended it to be fairly casual.

Edited yesterday at 12:29 PM by Miguel1

[Olaf]

@AION this has nothing to do with the issue here. Very conscious girls are very rare and therefor it is hard to create a conscious society, actually it is a much bigger problem when you think about it, the evolution of humanity. 

[meta_male]

@Miguel1 There's bound to be drama in relationships, but you know that. Without it, no intimacy.

I do get your frustration, for what it's worth.

14 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

So many things to watch out for in what you say and do without triggering their ego defence mechanisms. And not only theirs but their friends’ and families’. How deep can your relationship and intimacy go?

“Words are windows, or they’re walls,
They sentence us, or set us free.”

It's in your control.

Bro, take a break. Just chill and do some solo camping, honestly. All your questions don't need to be answered today.

[Miguel1]

15 minutes ago, AION said:

If you were like me, introverted, you wouldn’t have gotten the success you had. In my opinion you shouldn’t feel bad. Women are the gate keepers. They ask and we supply. To be honest I kind of feel stupid reading your thread because egoism got you the result. And what I’m seeing right now is that you are turning it on yourself in a masochistic way and calling it spirituality. You have no responsibility for the choices of stupid hot girls. I think you should be nicer to yourself. 

My high level of selfisnhess definitely got me great results back then. Especially with my ego / cockyness.

But I don’t think I am turning it on myself. Real spiritual work is just that hardcore, masochist. This requires a specific kind of mind to do this work seriously. Hence most people don’t do it.

I have no responsibility for unconscious girls / people, but that doesn’t mean I should take advantage of their unconsciousness.

And besides, I care deeply about making humanity a more conscious place, so their unconsciousness is in some way my responsibility as well. There are bigger people and then smaller people. The bigger people should take care of the smaller, to whatever extent they can.

Edited yesterday at 12:38 PM by Miguel1

[Miguel1]

@meta_male The whole point of dating a conscious person, is so that there is no unhealthy drama. At least a lot.

And yes, a break would be good for me. This thread was just supposed to be me getting more clarity on that.

Thank you for the sympathy.

[meta_male]

@Miguel1 I agree.

There’s also something I’ve been wondering about: what’s left to do when you’ve asked for advice, genuinely tried different things but nothing seems to help?

I’ve had friends show me a lot of love and support during some very distressing times and I’m grateful for that. But their advice still wasn’t helpful. The forum wasn’t helpful either, and neither was therapy.

Sometimes I wonder what you’re supposed to do when you’ve reached that point.

I wish you the best of luck.

[Miguel1]

@meta_male Thank you brother.

[Ulax]

Go rizz up some IFS therapist baddies

[Alexop]

On 10/1/2026 at 1:01 AM, Miguel1 said:

@Lyubov 31. I’m looking to date girls a few years younger

8 months of actively dating different people got me burned out with all the fakery that is socializing with normies, and especially dating.

I am exactly there man. I feel you. I am 31 and living in Sweden, which is pretty close culture wise to Finland where you live. Finding friends is hard here, nevermind a healthy partner. I met many mentally damaged girls and I have enough of forcing myself to socialize just to meet a girl.

I will tell you my strategy: I go to social activities that I enjoy. Those activities give me a small chance to meet a partner some day, but I don`t do them just because I want to find a woman. I enjoy doing them period.

The activities are:

-pair dancing (Lindy Hop and West Coast Swing social dance events) 2 times a week

-gymnastics gym maybe once a month

-occasional climbing gym sessions where I randomly talk with new people at auto-belay area

-politics involvement (that is part of my life purpose of influencing Sweden`s politics). With this one you can become popular and you know that popularity is chick krack.

-as a bonus for my happiness boost, I do alone activities in nature. 

This is what I do. NO dating apps. Delete that shit from your phone.

Try to enjoy life alone. It is sooo hard to find a healthy beautiful woman that it basically is just a lottery. Especially if you are an introvert like me. Many women are mentally damaged, and those who are healthy either have a man or they are reluctant to investing energy in meeting a man (because they had too many bad experiences with all sorts of boring man-children). Men here a very socially under-developed and bore the shit out of women. Men don't develop because nobody tells you what a man is here and how to become a man. Women are so confused here and don't know why they aren't attracted to almost any man. Good job Scandinavia with your leftist gender sameness garbage! And this man-children disease is spreading fast all-over the world. Because of this crap, dating will be double as hard. Women will just lose interest in dating completely.

And even if you meet her, you might separate after a few years. You will go back to the bottom, just a bit older. 

Do social activities that you enjoy doing anyway and enjoy life alone. If she comes, that will just be a bonus. Good luck brother!

Edited 23 hours ago by Alexop

[Miguel1]

@Alexop Thank you for the message brother. I can sense it came deep from your heart.

I am with you. I am around a lot of dancers (all hot girls pretty much) but the immaturity and amount of mental health issues is wild. Which is funny because Finland is considered to be the happiest country for like 5-10 years in a row, yet the suicide rate here is close to highest if not highest. We are probably the most anti social country and we struggle with loneliness the most.

And as you said, women here are confused as hell, as the are no real men. They are going mad. Everyone is going mad. When a country becomes too liberal and progressive, and it lacks a solid conservative foundation, everyone goes fucking mad. Our politicians makes racist jokes and we become the laughing stick of the world.

Anyway, I love dancing and football. Football has only guys. Dancing has only girls. But I would not date pretty much any of the girls in the circles.

That’s the only thing I disagree with you. There’s no way I will find my life partner in my hobbies. It has to be in a condensated place of conscious individuals.

Oh and Hinge. I’ve got some success by using its paid filtering system. You can filter really hard, all the way to your religion being ’spiritual’. It takes a lot of time to find some potentials but at least it’s way faster than approaching 1000 random girls in the street. But my looks def help me in the Hinge game.