Am I Finally Ready To Let Go of Dating?

[Terell Kirby]

1 minute ago, Joseph Maynor said:

We yearn for this sometimes on the path even though breakups are incredibly painful.  

I’m always like I’ll never get in another relationship after a breakup-

Then I find myself in another .

Love is love- good, bad and ugly

[Someone here]

Are you interested in marriage and kids ?

[iamlite]

@Miguel1 Hi, I read several times you want relationships that are more truthful and conscious etc etc, and you bored of "social fake"

I still kinda don't understand what  exactly you want. Like what actions should your girlfriend take so that you are satisfied, because for different people "truthful" means different stuff

[iamlite]

I would love to share a little bit also

I see a lot of girls who are very mature and have good character and are inspiring in life

Of course most girls are not interested in ontological topics, but neither do guys  in real life lol

But there are a lot of girls who have other cool interests like art or intellectual etc. You can connect there

[Yimpa]

1 hour ago, Miguel1 said:

You have really nice, juicy lips  

Dont take that personally, that’s ego  

[Miguel1]

I didn’t mean for this conversation to be so long.

It is interesting that whenever I open up my feelings around this, it garners so much attention.

This one was just spontaneous release of burden.

[Miguel1]

1 minute ago, Yimpa said:

You have really nice, juicy lips  

Dont take that personally, that’s ego  

Girls always think that I have fake lips. Their ego can’t handle that a man is more beautiful than them 

[Miguel1]

50 minutes ago, Someone here said:

Are you interested in marriage and kids ?

Kids I am open to, if I find a really high quality partner to raise them with.

Marriage I don’t really see a reason other for some legal benefits here in Finland.

[Yimpa]

2 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

Girls always think that I have fake lips. Their ego can’t handle that a man is more beautiful than them 

[Valach]

19 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

Girls always think that I have fake lips. Their ego can’t handle that a man is more beautiful than them 

For me woman would often get mad that I have much softer hands than them. I never used anything for them but I have really soft skin on them.

[Miguel1]

1 hour ago, iamlite said:

I would love to share a little bit also

I see a lot of girls who are very mature and have good character and are inspiring in life

Of course most girls are not interested in ontological topics, but neither do guys  in real life lol

But there are a lot of girls who have other cool interests like art or intellectual etc. You can connect there

Yes, thank you.

I need to spend more time around art spaces. But mature art.

Lots and lots of ego in art scenes, and especially conformity and group-think.

[oOo]

7 hours ago, Miguel1 said:

I have plenty of female friends. They are all exhausting if we were to actually build a deeply intimate relatioship.

Keeping it casual with them is no problem.

I live in Australia, I've traveled a lot around the world and continue to do so.

I have just never experienced that problem.

This doesn't mean there aren't immature, 'low-conscious' women. Australia in fact is well on its way on the downward trajectory when it comes to dating with one of those reasons being women being influenced by low-conscious women that get a social platform and then infect their minds with nonsense.

But there are so many wonderful women in the world, many of which that I admire and do some things better than I, inclusive of Australia. 

They're engineers, architects, librarians, artists, musicians, actors, doctors, lawyers, spiritual teachers, and so many women as well that are in just your everyday professions like baristas, cooks, council works or even just women living and working in villages, farms, and more.

What is it that makes you believe your are more conscious than all of your friends? 

Why is it that you believe that you cannot find a woman interested in personal development when it comes to advancing their consciousness?

Do you travel or do you struggle forming new relationships?

For a relationship, a level of admiration is important relative to the uniqueness of the individual themselves. 

They don't need to walk around like famous pickup artist Mystery, it could be as simple as a woman admiring how hard a man works or a man, appreciating how organised a woman happens to be. 

How simple or extravagant that admiration has to be also depends on the person themselves. Narcissism tends to have an interesting impact on the scale of admiration as well, those on the higher end of narcissism being famous for the love bombing (high admiration) to devaluation loops (low admiration) they cycle with partners.

How important to you is it that you have to admire your partner or that your partner admire you? What are your requirements for a relationship to be stable over the long term? Do you sometimes project onto your partner about what you want them to be more than accepting them for who they are? Perhaps viewing your relationship in the context of narcissism will help you shed light on certain areas. 

Also, what are your past relationship experiences like? 

There's no need to answer all of these questions most of them of course are just for you to address personally depending on how much you wished to share. However just for me, based on my life experience I would say that what's the case here more than not is not seeing blind spots and knowing how to fully address them more than "I am more conscious than all these women and I cannot deal with their shit"; if feels more like a self-protection mechanism more than a stable assessment of every reachable women inside or, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, just women outside your present immediate friendship group.

One point I want to make though is that this is now the second thread you've made on pretty much the same topic in the last few months. 

What is more important for you here, seeking attention or seeking a solution that leads to the same growth you would expect from a potential future partner that may be going through the same issue right now as you're both unsure of how to fully address it? 

Are we going to get the same thread in a couple or so months time? You gotta man up here, I hope you don't take that as a criticism but you gotta be more mature here given the pattern emerging. It's not about you getting a partner, just taking personal responsibility for the situation. 

A personal question for you alone to answer for yourself not share publicly, what is one action step you can take today to make progress in this life area of yours that would genuinely bring you personal growth and best serves your trajectory in a healthy way? 

Best wishes.

 

Edited 5 hours ago by oOo

[Miguel1]

12 hours ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

Earnestly mean it. I was in a bit of a fantasy cocoon for a long time, and in retrospect I can see areas I was underdeveloped. 

Just as one clean example - if I was at your level of development at 31 I myself would probably have been more discerning in those 3 relationships. But overall I needed to move through them. I find being in relationship with men accelerates my spiritual process. Romantic relationships have a way of brutally mirroring your ego and shit back at you. Subconscious shit comes up in a way that never really does when alone. You patterns are on display in an intimate way. 

For some relationships are a distraction. For me, they aid in my process. Especially as I have moved closer to integration and working on conditioning. Less seeking for me now. More revealing what is already within me. Men help me with that 🙂

Trouble arises when your partner blocks your spirituality or inhibits process.

Thank you for sharing 😊

[Miguel1]

7 hours ago, Lyubov said:

What I see is a lot of different beliefs here. I would do a lot of self inquiry on this and put precisely into words what needs you have and how relating has fallen short for you. I’d then very soberly also exam your expectations. What are you expecting form women? What is a conscious woman? Is your idea of how the relationship should be a personal bias or actually in flow with truth? This is a very sneaky topic because there is a lot of bias and your own mistakes and perceptions that could actually be clouding your path towards finding fulfillment and enjoyment in this area of life. 

Oh trust me, I have done a shit ton of contemplation on the subject.

It comes down to my natural psychological traits:

- A very passionate person. Deep feeler. Loves depth. Loves intimacy.

- Yet a very social person. Highly extroverted. 
 

This combination leads me to desire a fulfilling relationship where I will get both. Much rather 1 deep relationship, than 100 shallow connections.

But how do you have a deep relationship, if there is no intellectual intimacy?

Let me add:

- I am also a deep thinker. A deep questioner.

So naturally if my partner has a lot of limitations in her thinking, I can’t help but feel like the relationship is lacking intellectual intimacy because I have to hold myself back all the time, feel like I am walking on eggshell, and can’t discuss and explore freely — I cannot explore and penetrate her mind nearly as deeply as I desire to.

Edited 5 hours ago by Miguel1

[Miguel1]

@oOo Thank you for the thoughtful message. I will answer you tomorrow.

Good night everyone for now ✨

[Natasha Tori Maru]

11 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

Oh trust me, I have done a shit ton of contemplation on the subject.

It comes down to my natural psychological traits:

- A very passionate person. Deep feeler. Loves depth. Loves intimacy.

- Yet a very social person. Highly extroverted. 
 

This combination leads me to desire a fulfilling relationship where I will get both. Much rather 1 deep relationship, than 100 shallow connections.

But how do you have a deep relationship, if there is no intellectual intimacy?

Let me add:

- I am also a deep thinker. A deep questioner.

So naturally if my partner has a lot of limitations in her thinking, I can’t help but feel like the relationship is lacking intellectual intimacy because I have to hold myself back all the time, feel like I am walking on eggshell, and can’t discuss and explore freely — I cannot explore and penetrate her mind nearly as deeply as I desire to.

Do you think you have to have all of these needs fulfilled from one person?

[Joshe]

1 hour ago, oOo said:

A personal question for you alone to answer for yourself not share publicly, what is one action step you can take today to make progress in this life area of yours that would genuinely bring you personal growth and best serves your trajectory in a healthy way? 

You’re feeding the problem with a focus on intentional “growth”. Growth optimization is part of the problem here. A runaway self-elevation manifesting conceptual distance. There will be no healthy relation to others until he works out his self-elevation. One simply cannot waltz about seeing everyone as “normies” and “low conscious” while at the same time relating to them in good faith. So two options. Fix that or find someone else in the same niche. 

Edited 4 hours ago by Joshe

[oOo]

17 minutes ago, Joshe said:

You’re feeding the problem with a focus on intentional “growth”. Growth optimization is part of the problem here. A runaway self-elevation manifesting conceptual distance. There will be no healthy relation to others until he works out his self-elevation. One simply cannot waltz about seeing everyone as “normies” and “low conscious” while at the same time relating to them in good faith. So two options. Fix that or find someone else in the same niche. 

Why is self-evaluation outside of growth, or this kind of self-evaluation? Does that not depend on the conceptual distance between someones perception of growth versus the present moment now?  Accurate growth is centred more on realism; realism is the engine of now and now has no unnecessary preoccupations.  

I think you're partly right though, you're highlighting the relationship between conceptualisations around personal growth and the impact this has on the social distance with people or 'classes' of people depending on what their philosophy says to them at the time. This was the very issue with a recent thread I commented on relating to spiral dynamics, which can happen on both sides, so its a real pattern that can be easy to autocorrect passed if you're not aware of it. 

@Miguel1, what are your thoughts here? How much of your difficulties here do you believe may just be related to internal optics on how you're conceptualising versus feeling the reality of yourself, and the optics you subsequently have on potential relationships with the outside world? Feel free to answer on your own terms, there is no pressure on my personal end.  

Edited 4 hours ago by oOo

[Joshe]

1 hour ago, oOo said:

Why is self-evaluation outside of growth, or this kind of self-evaluation? Does that not depend on the conceptual distance between someones perception of growth versus the present moment now?  Accurate growth is centred more on realism; realism is the engine of now and now has no unnecessary preoccupations.  

I think you're partly right though, you're highlighting the relationship between conceptualisations around personal growth and the impact this has on the social distance with people or 'classes' of people depending on what their philosophy says to them at the time. This was the very issue with a recent thread I commented on relating to spiral dynamics, which can happen on both sides, so its a real pattern that can be easy to autocorrect passed if you're not aware of it. 

@Miguel1, what are your thoughts here? How much of your difficulties here do you believe may just be related to internal optics on how you're conceptualising versus feeling the reality of yourself, and the optics you subsequently have on potential relationships with the outside world? Feel free to answer on your own terms, there is no pressure on my personal end.  

Just making sure we're on the same page. Elevation, not evaluation.

What I'm suggesting is that the lens of self-optimization is largely the problem, not growth itself. Leo's teachings make it very easy for growth to become verticalized with a hierarchy. You're not merely learning, becoming more aware, etc., you're "moving up", past the others. You become "more conscious", "more developed", and the "normies" and "low-conscious" people below you stagnate because they don't give a shit. 

Isolation and distance from others are somewhat obvious consequences of such a stance. So I think self-optimization is a key pillar propping up the problem here. IMO, Miguel would need to drop the self-optimization frame to to solve this problem. But of course, if he knew the cost, he'd likely reject the solution. Because the solution is to put the self back in its proper place, which is outside of a hierarchy.

Of course Miguel would say "this is just the reality - I'm higher consciousness and that's just the truth of the matter", (like you pointed out in the SD thread), but why would one place such a high bar on connection and refuse it if it doesn't happen on their impossible terms?

It's not a question of "How do I as a high-conscious person find people that I can connect with?"

It's a question of "Why do I refuse to connect with people who are not as high-conscious as me?"

Deep connection can obviously be had with "low-conscious normies". 

As a general rule, if you're looking onto reality and it seems broken, defective, or something about it is fucked up, you're the one that created the mess. What caused the problem? You did. Where did you go wrong? My money is on: growth has been verticalized with a hierarchy, and you need to figure out what that is serving, because something is being served. This is where the gold is.

Also, a leading hypothesis: Miguel has tried to connect deeply with many woman and they have rejected his attempts, and instead of seeing those failures to connect as his own lack of tact, he sees them as "the girl is just too low conscious to go there with me". I think this because there was a conversation we had a while ago where he explained he tried to connect deeply with a woman in a way that had a high probability of being perceived as weird/cringy and the girl didn't want anything to do with it. Obviously, we don't have all the data, but this seems plausible to me. 

I hope I'm not sounding harsh here. I've been through my own challenges relating to the "low conscious normies", lol. Not a fun time. 

Edited 2 hours ago by Joshe

[oOo]

I feel like you're overconceptualising right now on the issue.

My point was straightforward, going around with it too much obscures the self-insight.

I tend to agree though with a point on how the flavour of Leo's teachings are marketed too hierarchically, which both protects the teacher from accurate evaluation from self to other and places flourescent coloured goggles on the followers that detaches them from reality filtering metrics which leads to the same problems as the teacher, and which can be discovered as evidence based examples represented on the forum to date.

All growth needs to be levelled with presence before it can be fully integrated.

To the level its not based on patterns I've observed it becomes wrapped instead in 'sticking points', blockages and neuroses on stages of development and where answers from consciousness to those problems are at risk of only being compensatory, self-protective and doubling down rather than the presence needed to integrate with actual raw reality. This tends to occur most where there are imbalances and disconnecting points between the intellect and one's emotions or rather broader nervous system.

Sympathetically towards Leo, becoming a personal development teacher at such a young age, you're both naturally going to lean towards hierarchical organisation while you learn to make your own self-understanding and authority in sharing distinct from the cultural influences that may contradict your stances. This is evident in Leo's teaching style in the way he critiques culture, so my words have some weight in that regard.

Horizontal reintegration as I highlighted in my previous comment requires far more experience and growth than what the average of any culture could possibly facilitate, much more so while a teacher is trying to carve out their own niche. 

Let's try to keep this as simple and straightforward as possible @Joshe, no unintentional obfuscation.

 

Edited 2 hours ago by oOo