Being authentic as a neurodivergent person can be unattractive to others and oneself

[YIDIRYIDIR]

1 hour ago, Ima Freeman said:

Let me ask it this way, cause I was kinda sloppy with my original question.

How to deal with the phenomenon, that most people are weirded out or outright dismissive about oneself, because  one is neurologically atypical?

Get alot of rejection in workplaces, socializing, etc. The ego wants to be accepted by its surroundings to feel safe Distrustful, weirded out looks, rejection, outright hostility is what I see often. I guess I communicate similar messages involuntary, because of being overstrained.

I got my handful of divergent friends btw, but I have to deal with workplace, education, social situations, society by and large.

By owning everything about yourself. when you accept yourself,(it's a skill, that requires practice and inner work) to a point where you can authentically express yourself with confidence and without any caution or performance (aka detachment from external judgment and having courage to risk rejection) you actually get less rejection, because people embrace and respect you more, because it shows in how you carry yourself. (watch the streamer sketch for example) 

and watch this video, and notice how the more the guy speaks, the more attractive he becomes, because of how he carries himself. (read the comments as well) 

 

[Schizophonia]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

Being authentic creates haters regardless. That's why most people are fake.

If you are authenticaly hateful* and in denial, and thus projecting onto other people who are "attracted."

[Leo Gura]

5 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

If you are authenticaly hateful* and in denial, and thus projecting onto other people who are "attracted."

I don't hate anyone, but I got haters.

Haters don't care how pure you are.

Edited 4 hours ago by Leo Gura

[Schizophonia]

7 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

I don't hate anyone, but I got haters.

Haters don't care how pure you are.

If you are moving closer to purity why aren't you the Mormon type with eight kids, memberships in a gardening club and a charity, and a permanent, ear-to-ear Colgate smile

There is a dose of hatred in your persona, things that aren't love in general, other things, and this manifests itself through other people.

[Leo Gura]

24 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

If you are moving closer to purity why aren't you the Mormon type with eight kids, memberships in a gardening club and a charity, and a permanent, ear-to-ear Colgate smile

There is a dose of hatred in your persona, things that aren't love in general, other things, and this manifests itself through other people.

I do have a general contempt for mankind, but this is fully warranted since mankind is ignorant, toxic, and unteachable. But I don't hate individuals. I don't even hate Trump.

Why didn't Jesus fit your Mormon stereotype?

Why did Jesus have haters?

Relative to a Mormon I am as pure as fresh snow. Just thinking about Mormons pollutes my mind.

Edited 3 hours ago by Leo Gura

[Olaf]

I think there are actually some mental illnesses that might even increase your attraction. My friend from high school was bipolar and it wasn't until he became bipolar and had episodes that he started getting girls. He died, I don't want to talk about it here publicly, but some mental illnesses actually can increase attraction, probably because you care less and give less shits. Now this is by no means an advice to become bipolar  but it is interesting to think about.

[Miguel1]

10 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

I do have a general contempt for mankind, but this is fully warranted since mankind is ignorant, toxic, and unteachable. But I don't hate individuals. I don't even hate Trump.

Why didn't Jesus fit your Mormon stereotype?

Relative to a Mormon I am as pure as fresh snow. Just thinking about Mormons pollutes my mind.

If I said this in the dating subforum, I would be labelled as a spiritual narcissist 

[Leo Gura]

3 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

I would be labelled as a spiritual narcissist

My haters label me that way, so welcome to the team.

[LordFall]

Mastering social calibration is how you do it. Doing pickup is one of the best way to learn since you're putting yourself in one of the highest friction mode of interactions possible, approaching a woman that you don't know on the sidewalk. Teaches you building rapport quickly and also little things like body language and facial expressions. There is a good argument that pickup should be practiced even without the goal of romantic intent because it's such a powerful social skills training mechanism. I was a shy introvert before and now often times people don't believe me when I say I'm an introvert because I host events with 20-50 people but I do that like one every once in a while and the rest of the time I mostly chill at home.

Other great avenues to practice social calibration are getting a sales job or working in customer service/retail/restaurants. All of these avenues gives you both high number of social encounters to learn from with little stakes in terms of messing them up at first. There's so many great videos on Youtube that'll teach you advanced social calibration to the point that you can end up understanding social dynamics way better than neurotypicals. 

There is a camp that would call social skills training the opposite of authenticity but I disagree. It lets you gain intentionality over your behaviour, how you come across and  your relationship with others. That would be like saying learning to walk or to speak a language is a lack of authenticity because it's not our natural states. 

Edited 2 hours ago by LordFall

[Schizophonia]

36 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

I do have a general contempt for mankind, but this is fully warranted since mankind is ignorant, toxic, and unteachable.

Why your cerebral cortex was led to form this conclusion: because you are hateful, want to feel superior etc.

If that weren't the case, you would have arranged your life in such a way that the idea of bringing that up wouldn't even cross your mind, because the time or energy to symbolize this idea wouldn't be there.

To take another example for the sake of clarity: someone involved in politics who is frequently angry tells themselves that they want peace, but are forced to be unpeaceful due to the material circumstances.
Yet that is merely a relative, ego-driven truth. The absolute truth is that they enjoy being angry; playing the role of the angry person over some global issue that disrupts peace; and that if they truly wanted peace, they would never have entered politics in the first place, or would have gone about it in a completely different way.

The ego's lie (by extension, the illusion of separation; from a non-dualist perspective): "I want peace, but I am forced to be angry for the time being."

The truth: "I want to play at being angry, using an objective problem as a pretext; otherwise, I would be doing something else as is already the case for most people on Earth."

Once you grasp that you realize that people actually betray themselves every time they open their mouths.

The guy who sees gay people everywhere and talks about gay people is probably gay himself. The guy who says girls love scumbags gives off scumbag energy, the guy who sees violence is violent, the guy who sees stupidity is stupid, the guy who sees stinginess is a cheapskate/someone who actually would lowkey like to take advantage of others and so on.

That’s why I’m increasingly trying not to be offensive, because it’s becoming more and more obvious that I want to click on a topic because it actually concerns me, and talk about someone because I’m projecting something onto them.

I say it often and I’ll say it again; it’s exactly what I’m doing right now. I could be doing anything, "buying a toaster" like Peter Ralston sais to you lol, I remember that and yet here I am writing all this to you, because I am projecting my "egoic hypocrisy" i described onto you.

The day I truly move past this, the day I’ve genuinely shifted into love, I’ll go about doing things and I simply won’t need you as a mirror anymore.

Not necessarily Leo in general but the Leo who says that.

Edited 3 hours ago by Schizophonia

[Olaf]

@Leo Gura the only spiritual narcissist on this forum is Natasha, kidding

[Leo Gura]

10 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

the guy who sees stupidity is stupid

This sounds nice, but it's just not true.

You can genuinely see the stupidity of mankind. The smarter you get the more you will see it.

An intelligent person cannot look at a MAGA rally voter and not be appalled by the stupidity of those people.

I see the stupidity of mankind so clearly that I hurts my soul. I hope one day all of you reach that level.

But you are right that this can be taken too far. Be careful with misanthropy, it is a seductive poison chalice.

Edited 2 hours ago by Leo Gura