Blocking & Deleting After a Break Up or Not?

[Schizophonia]

Just now, Joseph Maynor said:

Do you still relate with everyone you had a relationship with in the past?

No.

[Jirh]

Just now, Valach said:

Okay and someone preffering peace of not getting calls all the time might block the number, does that make the person immature?

Less mature maybe 🤫

Just kidding. I went extreme in this case, but blocking is a reasonable choice.

They tried contacting me from a different number and reached out through my family too.

My answer was still the same. Ignore 🤣

[Valach]

Just now, Jirh said:

Less mature maybe 🤫

Just kidding. I went extreme in this case, but blocking is a reasonable choice.

They tried contacting me from a different number and reached out through my family too.

My answer was still the same. Ignore 🤣

Okay, what is immature now about blocking an ex?

[Joseph Maynor]

4 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

No.

There seems to a sort of taboo about admitting the death of relationship.  Although everyone knows about this in their own direct experience.  

[Jirh]

Just now, Valach said:

Okay, what is immature now about blocking an ex?

If they're not contacting you, i.e. not interrupting your healing, then what's the point of blocking them?

Do you need to murder someone just so you don't have to visit them at their home?

[Valach]

Just now, Jirh said:

If they're not contacting you, i.e. not interrupting your healing, then what's the point of blocking them?

Do you need to murder someone just so you don't have to visit them at their home?

Because you are hurt in some way and you with to not see them anymore (social media, stories etc.) or you want to signal to yourself that it is truly over and cease the contact. Or you want to prevent yourself from reaching out in times of weakness (not sure if that works since you can unblock anytime).

[Jirh]

Just now, Valach said:

Because you are hurt in some way and you with to not see them anymore (social media, stories etc.) or you want to signal to yourself that it is truly over and cease the contact. Or you want to prevent yourself from reaching out in times of weakness (not sure if that works since you can unblock anytime).

Nothing wrong with that.

It's just not ideal, therefore immature.

[Valach]

1 minute ago, Jirh said:

Nothing wrong with that.

It's just not ideal, therefore immature.

Why?

[Jirh]

4 minutes ago, Valach said:

Why?

Because ideally independence demands you to be free from them, even if you're still attached. You don't watch their stories or read their updates. Or if you do, you don't read between the lines and overthink and interpret everything as a signal.

That's the ideal, which means maturity. You're more focused on your goals and life than on one person who passed through it. You're not defined by that person.

Edited 58 minutes ago by Jirh

[Natasha Tori Maru]

27 minutes ago, Jirh said:

Blocking is about indirectly sending a message to the other person. It often signals hurt and attachment. It's not a clean exit. Especially if they're not contacting you anymore. It's like saying: "I am over you, I don't need you anymore. I hate you." It's mostly childish.

Strongly disagree regarding the judgement here. Blocking is just another type of boundary. 

If someone is going to read and infer things indirectly without first hand information that's on them. Their interpretation is their responsibility.

You can always let the person known you need space, and then block.

In the end we need to look after ourselves first.

[Valach]

4 minutes ago, Jirh said:

Because ideally independence demands you to be free from them, even if you're still attached. You don't watch their stories or read their updates. Or if you do, you don't read between the lines and overthink and interpret everything as a signal.

That's the ideal, which means maturity. You're more focused on your goals and life than on one person who passed through it. You're not defined by that person.

And if I am still attached and I seek independence from them via blocking so I can focus on my goals and whatnot, would that signal maturity or immaturity?

Furthemore, would you say someone with trauma is inherently less mature?

Edited 54 minutes ago by Valach

[Schizophonia]

43 minutes ago, Joseph Maynor said:

There seems to a sort of taboo about admitting the death of relationship.  Although everyone knows about this in their own direct experience.  

Precisely i would say a relationship is truly dead only when you let the person simply occupy their own space like a funeral urn or a keepsake photo.

This implies for starters not blocking them; there is something immature and sordid about deleting someone with whom you shared a chapter of your life’s journey, a "chapter of samsara" because "it makes me feel good and proud right now."

Everything he might have done to please you and conversely, the "relationship artwork" just to avoid some pain?

But it also implies this because the act tacitly signals that you haven't actually let go of what the person represents. Ultimately this risks driving you to repeat similar relationships over and over again because you condemned the signifier (the person themselves) rather than the signified (the underlying reasons why you were attracted to them, why you sustained the relationship, why you acted the way you did, and in reality, why it ended).

To address those who draw a comparison with food do you want a healthy relationship with food or do you want to remain a compulsive eater who has to hide food.

Edited 23 minutes ago by Schizophonia

[Jirh]

Just now, Valach said:

And if I am still attached and I seek independence from them so I can focus on my goals and whatnot, would that signal maturity or immaturity?

Immaturity seeking maturity.

Just now, Valach said:

Furthemore, would you say someone with trauma is inherently less mature?

Yes, obviously. Trauma often hinders growth and maturity. It gets you stuck in loops.

[Valach]

Just now, Jirh said:

Immaturity seeking maturity.

But that is what you do as well no? You said it yourself, that you do not block to not send the message of some hatred. That is still seeking to appear mature. 

Just now, Jirh said:

Yes, obviously. Trauma often hinders growth and maturity. It gets you stuck in loops.

I would be very careful there. Trauma and pain related to this was the biggest catalyst for my own personal growth and raise in consciousness. Besides, most people have plenty of trauma, most of us are completely unaware or living in denial about having it.

[Miguel1]

For people saying that blocking signals immaturity.

Please consider that caring about looking immature or not to your ex, is even more immature.

[Jirh]

39 minutes ago, Valach said:

But that is what you do as well no? You said it yourself, that you do not block to not send the message of some hatred. That is still seeking to appear mature. 

Blocking would be an impulse. A response to pain.

Maturity is having control over your impulsive behaviors, even if it hurts.

And it's not about being twisted and not sending a message to your ex. It's about your own growth. Learning to control yourself is a major part of maturity. And you don't learn it by indulging. You learn it by accepting the pain and integrating the loss.

39 minutes ago, Valach said:

I would be very careful there. Trauma and pain related to this was the biggest catalyst for my own personal growth and raise in consciousness. Besides, most people have plenty of trauma, most of us are completely unaware or living in denial about having it.

Pain can be a catalyst for many things, but trauma is often crippling. Most people don't know what trauma is like. The word is thrown around a lot, it lost its meaning.

[Jirh]

22 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

For people saying that blocking signals immaturity.

Please consider that caring about looking immature or not to your ex, is even more immature.

Not blocking is not an act. It is the default. It doesn't signal anything.