what is your goal going out?

[Olaf]

I think the goal should be to close when going out, for sure you need to qualify, make a list of things you want in a girl, but this week I have become much more focused on closing, which isn´t just getting her number, but really like imagine you were trying to pull her home, that is the goal, not just a number. It is like reach for the stars and land on a cloud, if you can´t pull her, you atleast have come much further then if your only goal was to get her number, you could get someones number in 2 mins, but can you pull someone in 2 mins? Probably not. This is my view atleast. Dream bigger than just hitting a certain amount of approaches or a certain level of numbers closed, that doesn't improve much per say. Imagine a gay guy trying to pull numbers: he would maybe be able to get 10 new girl friends, but they are friends, it doesn't mean they see you as a men they want to have a relationship or sex with, because it is platonic. Female to female. Not male to female.

[Miguel1]

Probably in order:

1. Have fun & Dance

2. Make connections that benefit my career

3. Dating opportunities & Making friends

Edited 23 hours ago by Miguel1

[Natasha Tori Maru]

Get off chops and let loose - I only go out to dance or see live music 

[Yimpa]

Spoiler

 

[something_else]

I used to go out with specific goals like "talk to X many women, and then you can just relax and have fun for the rest of the night"

I stopped doing this when I realised that 90% of the time I hooked up with a girl, it was one I met when I had completed the goal and I was just vibing and having fun.

After that I just started going out to have fun. Girls can often pick up when you have a hidden agenda, it reeks of desperation. There's a term I've heard girls use, "meerkating", it's used to describe guys who stand in the middle of a club and scan around for the next girl to approach. It is not a positive term.

Now I mostly just go out with friends to have fun, and if I find a girl to hookup with then great. I find this much more enjoyable than going out with goals and an agenda, and it gets me better results.

[Olaf]

@something_else you can also have too much fun where there is no intent and forget to close or anything, this was my problem, so I guess it depends on what spectrum you are, if you are with a very serious face looking in the club, trying to find the courage to approach, holding a beer, you should have way more fun, but if you are having way more fun, but it leads nowhere, that is also pointless. 

[something_else]

23 minutes ago, Olaf said:

@something_else you can also have too much fun where there is no intent and forget to close or anything, this was my problem, so I guess it depends on what spectrum you are, if you are with a very serious face looking in the club, trying to find the courage to approach, holding a beer, you should have way more fun, but if you are having way more fun, but it leads nowhere, that is also pointless. 

This is true. However most guys having lots of fun in clubs also tend to get laid a lot. When you are having fun it doesn't even feel like 'doing pickup' or 'approaching', you just meet women naturally by existing in a busy place and being sociable. I've always found it very natural to go through the motions of hooking up with someone after that stage, if you have to learn how to do that part, pickup does teach you that I suppose.

Pickup as a framework can be good for getting out of your comfort zone and giving you basic tips, but eventually that more natural approach will start to appeal more to you I think.

[Inliytened1]

22 hours ago, Olaf said:

I think the goal should be to close when going out, for sure you need to qualify, make a list of things you want in a girl, but this week I have become much more focused on closing, which isn´t just getting her number, but really like imagine you were trying to pull her home, that is the goal, not just a number. It is like reach for the stars and land on a cloud, if you can´t pull her, you atleast have come much further then if your only goal was to get her number, you could get someones number in 2 mins, but can you pull someone in 2 mins? Probably not. This is my view atleast. Dream bigger than just hitting a certain amount of approaches or a certain level of numbers closed, that doesn't improve much per say. Imagine a gay guy trying to pull numbers: he would maybe be able to get 10 new girl friends, but they are friends, it doesn't mean they see you as a men they want to have a relationship or sex with, because it is platonic. Female to female. Not male to female.

I don't agree.  It took me a while to realize that you don't need to sleep with her or get her back home on the first night for it to be a success. A lot of it is about setting things up.  And this often takes a few dates.  If you push it you are bound to blow the whole deal. Now there will be some that want it and you'll know those.  But otherwise as long as you set it up for next time it's a success.  And who knows. You might even fall in love. 

Edited 13 hours ago by Inliytened1

[Lyubov]

pulling is like language, how well you speak it, know it, all that, it plays a role. your timing is important, you don't need to pull that night. in fact a lot of great things work out with girls in the first week or so. results forward approach is the thing which counter intuitively blocks your progress.

[Inliytened1]

1 minute ago, Lyubov said:

pulling is like language, how well you speak it, know it, all that, it plays a role. your timing is important, you don't need to pull that night. in fact a lot of great things work out with girls in the first week or so. results forward approach is the thing which counter intuitively blocks your progress.

Yep.

[Lyubov]

I probably missed out on sleeping with easily 10-15 really high caliber beautiful women because I thought I had to pull that night, people, especially women reallllyyy feel your presence. desperation and "goals" to get into their pants are interpreted as an ulterior motive. 

I interviewed some web developers to build my website. They had a mediocre portfolio and offered little substance in the meeting but seemed desperate to close, I could feel how desperate one of them was and they brought almost nothing and offered no help for me during this meeting. 

I ended up hiring a guy who did a completely free mock up for me unasked, he just sent it over a few days after I had meeting with him without responding to his offer (and it actually looked good regardless of how much he prompted AI to build it, I could not do this myself), and he had the attitude during the meeting of fixing all my misconceptions and helping me, his expertises shown and he was not desperate for the job. why would he be with his skill sets and value he offers? 

It's really not so different with women. They feel what you have to offer and give them and then pick you and show you when they're ready to be pulled. Many do not want to be pulled the first night because they think 1) they will be seen as a slut and 2) you will ghost them after you get what you want from them (sex). You don't have to do anything except not fuck it up. If you aren't getting this experience with women it means your batting average is bad and they do not want to be pulled by you, so you need to go back to your original intention and see what foundation it's built on before taking off again. 

Edited 10 hours ago by Lyubov

[Miguel1]

@Lyubov It goes the other way around too.

If you are too lax, you will lose many girls.

Being persistent in a non-needy way is a skillset and a result of a great inner game.

There is a middle way to this.

[Lyubov]

1 hour ago, Miguel1 said:

@Lyubov It goes the other way around too.

If you are too lax, you will lose many girls.

Being persistent in a non-needy way is a skillset and a result of a great inner game.

There is a middle way to this.

I've never had an issue going in that direction. My energy has always ran too high, doing too much. Yeah if someone is exceptionally passive and "doesn't know what to do" then I'd have a different response. 

Edited 10 minutes ago by Lyubov