Retroactive jealousy

[Lyubov]

1 hour ago, Joshe said:

Facts. Girls lie about it because the stigma of being a slut. Eventually, you reach a point where just don’t even care to ask the body count and just assume it’s 20-50. Lol. Animals gonna fuck. Fact of reality. Let it go. 

Yeah, once you reach a certain age you sorta realize you gotta accept it. Whatever woman you are with will have a thing or two that will piss ya off, don't dwell on the past. Obviously you can filter and choose someone who perhaps hasn't gone so crazy that it creates all sorts of issues where you're running into her ex bfs with her and whatnot, but even girls who appear good will have done a few things that will piss you off. So don't dwell too much on the past but get a read on her if she is worth building a relationship or not now. Nothing wrong with pursuing women who weren't promiscuous just know it may be a fruitless effort and not go how you expect.   

Edited Wednesday at 06:13 PM by Lyubov

[Breakingthewall]

On 8/9/2026 at 9:47 AM, Ben_P said:

now every time we have sex I just think, am I living up to what she’s had before, am I manly enough, is my dick big enough, does it feel good enough for her. I know these thoughts are toxic and aren’t that important for good sex but they plague me. 

Why do you think that if she told you that she discovered real sex with you? Makes no sense. If she would said that the ex was incredible and that then ok, but she said that until you she was blocked in sex, no good sex before you, so who cares if the others were masculine or not? Worse sex with them, better sex with you, period 

[Ben_P]

8 hours ago, Breakingthewall said:

Why do you think that if she told you that she discovered real sex with you? Makes no sense. If she would said that the ex was incredible and that then ok, but she said that until you she was blocked in sex, no good sex before you, so who cares if the others were masculine or not? Worse sex with them, better sex with you, period 

Just insecurities really, I think watching porn in the past made me think I needed to be a certain way, look a certain way and I’d compare myself and feel inadequate. Just sometimes struggle to believe that she chose me when she could have any guy. I don’t normally think this way, but finding out her sexual history just triggered something which I thought I had moved past 

[Breakingthewall]

15 minutes ago, Ben_P said:

Just insecurities really, I think watching porn in the past made me think I needed to be a certain way, look a certain way and I’d compare myself and feel inadequate. Just sometimes struggle to believe that she chose me when she could have any guy. I don’t normally think this way, but finding out her sexual history just triggered something which I thought I had moved past 

That's normal, everyone have insecurities, but in your case she told you that before you sex was basically shit and now it's great so you have it quite easy. She had some unsatisfying experiences in the past that were exploration more than real sex and the only real sex that she had has been with you, then you could consider that's she was virgin and you are the first and the only, the others have been just trial and fail. 

Think that easily could be different, any woman that you could meet could have been with another boyfriend who has had great daily sex for a year or two

[Spiral]

It is unreasonable to expect girls to be ladies. It’s also unreasonable to be a gentleman for the same reason.

That’s not a thing anymore. 

[Joshe]

No need for mental gymnastics. Simply accept the truth of reality: there are men who can fuck the shit out your girl and she would very much enjoy it, and more than likely, your girl has had great sex with other men. Because sex is enjoyable. That's the truth. Go ahead and accept it.

It doesn't say anything about you. And sure, there are guys who can do her better than you, but that doesn't mean you aren't also good. Just maybe not as good as someone else. Where you go wrong is thinking that being the best she ever had is the price of admission. You're placing too much emphasis on sex and your dick. Women aren't operating like this. 

Stop measuring.

[Joshe]

Women don't go into sex wondering if you're going to fuck them as good as the last guy. Just like men don't approach it that way. 

Some guy she slept with in 2019 isn't in the room. You are. The only way he gets in the room is if you keep dragging him in with you. lol 

[Inliytened1]

4 minutes ago, Joshe said:

No need for mental gymnastics. Simply accept the truth of reality: there are men who can fuck the shit out your girl and she would very much enjoy it, and more than likely, your girl has had great sex with other men. Because sex is enjoyable. That's the truth. Go ahead and accept it.

It doesn't say anything about you. And sure, there are guys who can do her better than you, but that doesn't mean you aren't also good. Just maybe not as good as someone else. Where you go wrong is thinking that being the best she ever had is the price of admission. You're placing too much emphasis on sex and your dick. Women aren't operating like this. 

Stop measuring.

Damn bro stop pulling punches.  Go straight for the kill next time. 

[Joshe]

12 minutes ago, Inliytened1 said:

Damn bro stop pulling punches.  Go straight for the kill next time. 

Plenty of men can give her a good fucking. Men want to be the only one who can do that for her. That's the error. It doesn't make sense. So accept reality and shed the insecurity. I went through this myself. It was heartbreaking to think of some other guy making my girl cum. There I was thinking I was the only one who could lay it down. lol 

Eventually, you find out otherwise. 

Edited 1 hour ago by Joshe

[Inliytened1]

16 minutes ago, Joshe said:

Plenty of men can give her a good fucking. Men want to be the only one who can do that for her. That's the error. It doesn't make sense. So accept reality and shed the insecurity. I went through this myself. It was heartbreaking to think of some other guy making my girl cum. There I was thinking I was the only one who could lay it down. lol 

Eventually, you find out otherwise. 

Well. I beg to differ.  Only you can fill her up the way you do. And no other guy will have that space.  You will own her forever if you do it right. 

Edited 50 minutes ago by Inliytened1

[Terell Kirby]

Most girls will not let on about their sexual past because it is taboo, I'd give her the benefit of the doubt- maybe explore why she lied. 5 is actually a low number depending on her age- you can still salvage this relationship.

You also may want to explore deeper your insecurity about her sexual past, that would be something to take responsibility over and not blame her.

Edited 43 minutes ago by Terell Kirby

[Emerald]

I think there are two things going on here... and it's important to separate them out from one another.

One is internal to you. And that is the insecurity about her having other partners and being afraid that you don't match up. And that's important to work through. 

Honestly, as a woman, I've had about a dozen sexual partners before. And I never think back on those sexual experiences with any kind of longing or even really vivid memories of the quality of the physicality of the sex. And I definitely don't compare my current partner to my previous partners. 

My full focus is on the love and connection that I have with the man that I'm with right now. And good sex (for me and for most women) is less about sexual pleasure and more about love and intimacy.

So, women almost certainly aren't comparing how your sexual techniques are compared to the techniques of some past guy.

But the other thing is... she lied to you and gave you the impression that you were transforming her and giving her a sexual awakening. And men often like to feel like they're having a deeply transformative effect on the woman they love... or women in general.

And then, you found out that she was pretending to have that sexual awakening with you, and that she'd always been a sexually open person and you didn't introduce her to those parts of herself like she said.

So, it's not just that she lied about having had 5 sexual partners in the past. It's that she lied about it in a way that made you feel really special on the basis of giving her uniquely transformative sexual experiences.

So, before that lie fell apart, you'd already begun thinking about yourself as a special guy that gave her this special sexual awakening... and having a lot of meaning attached to that idea. 

Then, when that was revealed to be a lie, it ripped away that sense of having given her a special experience... but it maintained the worldview where some other guy in the past gave her that special sexual awakening.

So, it's quite normal to feel some grief and anxiety about that... because it's not just a lie about her body count... it's a lie that invalidates a kind of shared meaning and naturally leaves you questioning, "If she lied about this, how does she actually feel about me sexually and otherwise?"

It would be like, if a guy told a woman that he's never been with a woman as beautiful before. And then, she finds out that all his other girlfriends are equally attractive to her and that he told them all that same line... that he'd "never been with a woman as beautiful."

It just weaves the illusion of specialness with the lie... and then the lie gets undermined. And it leaves the woman thinking, "Am I special to him? Or is he just saying what I want to hear?"

So, this lie might be making you feel, "Am I special to her? Or is she just telling me things that will make me feel like I'm special to her because she knows what a man likes to hear?"

Edited 37 minutes ago by Emerald

[Inliytened1]

13 minutes ago, Emerald said:

I think there are two things going on here... and it's important to separate them out from one another.

One is internal to you. And that is the insecurity about her having other partners and being afraid that you don't match up. And that's important to work through. 

Honestly, as a woman, I've had about a dozen sexual partners before. And I never think back on those sexual experiences with any kind of longing or even really vivid memories of the quality of the physicality of the sex. And I definitely don't compare my current partner to my previous partners. 

My full focus is on the love and connection that I have with the man that I'm with right now. And good sex (for me and for most women) is less about sexual pleasure and more about love and intimacy.

So, women almost certainly aren't comparing how your sexual techniques are compared to the techniques of some past guy.

But the other thing is... she lied to you and gave you the impression that you were transforming her and giving her a sexual awakening. And men often like to feel like they're having a deeply transformative effect on the woman they love... or women in general.

And then, you found out that she was pretending to have that sexual awakening with you, and that she'd always been a sexually open person and you didn't introduce her to those parts of herself like she said.

So, it's not just that she lied about having had 5 sexual partners in the past. It's that she lied about it in a way that made you feel really special on the basis of giving her uniquely transformative sexual experiences.

So, before that lie fell apart, you'd already begun thinking about yourself as a special guy that gave her this special sexual awakening... and having a lot of meaning attached to that idea. 

Then, when that was revealed to be a lie, it ripped away that sense of having given her a special experience... but it maintained the worldview where some other guy in the past gave her that special sexual awakening.

So, it's quite normal to feel some grief and anxiety about that... because it's not just a lie about her body count... it's a lie that invalidates a kind of shared meaning and naturally leaves you questioning, "If she lied about this, how does she actually feel about me sexually and otherwise?"

It would be like, if a guy told a woman that he's never been with a woman as beautiful before. And then, she find out that all his other girlfriends are equally attractive and that he told them all that same line... that he'd never been with a woman as beautiful.

It just weaves the illusion of specialness with the lie... and then the lie gets undermined. And it leaves the woman thinking, "Am I special to him? Or is he just saying what I want to hear?"

This is way too complicated  We are simple creatures. All we want to do is make you feel good in the moment. Because at the end of every day that's what we are left with.  So if we can unite. Then we are doing it right

Edited 27 minutes ago by Inliytened1

[Emerald]

3 minutes ago, Inliytened1 said:

This is way too complicated  We are simple creatures. All we want to dk is make you feel good in fhe moment. Because at the end of every day that's what we are left with.  So if we can unite. Then we are doing it right

Let the OP be the judge of that.

[Inliytened1]

12 minutes ago, Emerald said:

Let the OP be the judge of that.

I don't think he's a regular so probably won't be back for a while  I want to know how you guys can just shut the old guy off and move on to the new guy  How do you shit those feelings off so quick. 

Edited 15 minutes ago by Inliytened1

[Emerald]

5 minutes ago, Inliytened1 said:

I don't think he's a regular so probably won't be back for a while  I want to know how you guys can just shut the old guy off and move on to the new guy  How do you shit those feelings off so quick. 

That sounds like something that's more about a specific woman... and not something that's universal among women.

So, I couldn't answer why a specific woman might move on quickly.