my private students' dad is love bombing me and encouraging tax fraud

[Judy2]

i need to get this off my chest and hope it won't be used against me by anyone.

i have been teaching three sisters French for a couple of weeks, since they switched schools and need to keep up with their peers. i have an undergrad degree in English with French as a secondary subject.

the girls' dad pays me cash after the French lessons and is sending me heart emojis all the time. (that combo makes me feel like a prostitute.) more hearts and kisses than i have ever received from any lover. he praises me a lot, touched my back twice when showing me out, but other than that, he hasn't acted inappropriate.

he insists on paying for lessons that we had to cancel, and i am hesitant to accept that because usually, no one has ever offered to do that, let alone this amount. he also pays more than any other parents have ever paid me before for tutoring their children.

i feel a bit overwhelmed and don't know how to communicate with him. my goal was to hand in a document for my tax report in September (since i also have other students and would like to advertise my private tutoring services more officially), but his response was "don't be like that" and i felt too shy to be more persistent.

what do i do? do i just start writing official invoices and present them to him via email, and he'll have to accept that?

he's so fond of me for some reason and voluntarily upped the amount he pays me a couple weeks in, so if he thinks i'm so important, he should handle the fact that i want to do this the right way?

i think it's just so strange he voluntarily sends me more money all the time. 

Edited Sunday at 03:29 PM by Judy2

[Judy2]

he is now asking me to send him photos from my holidays.

Edited Sunday at 05:30 PM by Judy2

[LordFall]

Enforce your boundaries. A lot of women struggle with one telling themselves that their boundaries are valid and two enforce them once they decide on them. Predatory men take advantage of that all the time.

Most men don't know how to meet women so they will hit on every single woman they meet in whatever context and be inappropriate and lack social calibration. You're not crazy this is weird af.

Unless you're into him but doesn't sound like it so sounds like a boundaries needed type of issue or time to find another job. 

Edited Sunday at 04:52 PM by LordFall

[Elliott]

You shouldn't need documentation to file cash sales as income. What country are you in?

He sounds like a total perv, like hes trying to come onto you.

[PsychedelicEagle]

Doing what’s right is never wrong. 

[Realms of Wonder]

People are already responding to some of the points but one that I want to focus on is him paying for lessons that don't happen.

If you had to cancel, that is one thing, but if he cancels, its common in some industries to be paid at least part of what the original fee was.

I used to work as a Massage Therapist. if they canceled within 24 hours there was a cancelation fee of like, 30-40%, but if they canceled right before they had to pay for the whole thing.

And yeah, it sounds like he isn't seeing you in a totally professinal light.

At the end of the day, if you want to report your taxes, that's your choice whether he agrees or not. I would either start invoicing him for it or just keep good track of the cash you are receiving so you can report it properly come tax season.

[Judy2]

@Realms of Wonder

okay, thanks for your reply.

[Michal__]

You probably see it differently but to me it sounds like a goofy cash cow.

[Basman]

You just need to be stricter with your boundaries. This shouldn't have gotten this far in the first place. 

You need to ignore anything that's not business related. Don't respond. Don't reply. Don't even look him in the eyes if it's not relevant. Reject any advances or touch. 

And don't accept any money that hasn't been previously agreed upon. That could be used to pressure you. Follow the agreement. 

If things go out of hand you can always fire him and send the messages to his wife.

[Judy2]

14 hours ago, Basman said:

You just need to be stricter with your boundaries. This shouldn't have gotten this far in the first place. 

You need to ignore anything that's not business related. Don't respond. Don't reply. Don't even look him in the eyes if it's not relevant. Reject any advances or touch. 

And don't accept any money that hasn't been previously agreed upon. That could be used to pressure you. Follow the agreement. 

If things go out of hand you can always fire him and send the messages to his wife.

to his last message, i didn't respond because i couldn't even think of anything to say. or i usually just respond with very short, polite messages or simply ":)", which should also get it across?

i don't have his wife's contact info, we usually just say hi when i come in and that's about it. 

i just feel as though i'd be the one making it weird if i told him to tone things down a bit. 

Edited 2 hours ago by Judy2

[Basman]

1 hour ago, Judy2 said:

to his last message, i didn't respond because i couldn't even think of anything to say. or i usually just respond with very short, polite messages or simply ":)", which should also get it across?

i don't have his wife's contact info, we usually just say hi when i come in and that's about it. 

i just feel as though i'd be the one making it weird if i told him to tone things down a bit. 

I don't think you necesarilly need to spell it out. People say weird things all the time. Just don't reciprocate anything that isn't business relevant. Cold like a glacier.

It's only if he crosses a certain line that you need to be firm, like if he tries to pinch your butt or sends a dick pick.

[Basman]

Horny old men can be quiet overbearing and shameless. It's like their brain turns off.

[Judy2]

32 minutes ago, Basman said:

I don't think you necesarilly need to spell it out. People say weird things all the time. Just don't reciprocate anything that isn't business relevant. Cold like a glacier.

It's only if he crosses a certain line that you need to be firm, like if he tries to pinch your butt or sends a dick pick.

okay, that makes sense. 

[oOo]

I never flirt with another woman while in a relationship.

My boundaries are explicit by either bringing up my partner fondly or controlling the emotional energy around the interaction. 

If I were in a similar position I would drop the client, and gtfo so they forget I ever even existed as soon as possible. Unless it was truly truly the right thing to do, I wouldn't even bother telling the guy about what's happening; I don't know him and I don't know her, I don't know the dynamics, its none of my businesss and it would likely cause more trouble than what its worth. 

"Dear blank blank, thank you for blank blank but unfortunately my schedule has blanked. Blank, blank , blank, blank, blank. Ba, ba blank, blank.

Thank you for the blank opportunities. 

Kind regards,

Mr. Blank"

Boundaries are only needed for relationships that matter, for me its better to just walk away as soon as possible. Another client not boundary violating would be preoccupying your awareness right now in a positive way about how you could be a better teacher if you didn't have to deal with this schmuck in your head enough to create a forum post about him. 

This is just from a man's perspective. 

Best wishes, stay safe.