Dating One Person At Once vs Multiple - Before Commitment

[Miguel1]

Let’s drop all the PUA toxic bs for a moment.

If you’re goal is to find a healthy relationship that is deeply aligned, should you date one person at a time or multiple?

The more I drop the PUA paradigm, the more it makes sense to date only ONE person at once.

Your dating should be so honest, authentic and vulnerable that you find out about the potential of the relationship in a few dates.

If you only do surface level dating, then of course it takes forever to find our if you are aligned and compatible.

What do you think? What are your reasons?

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P.S. If I see one Grandiose joke, or one Daddy joke, I’m gonna Spank you.

Edited 11 hours ago by Miguel1

[Inliytened1]

2 hours ago, Miguel1 said:

Let’s drop all the PUA toxic bs for a moment.

If you’re goal is to find a healthy relationship that is deeply aligned, should you date one person at a time or multiple?

The more I drop the PUA paradigm, the more it makes sense to date only ONE person at once.

Your dating should be so honest, authentic and vulnerable that you find out about the potential of the relationship in a few dates.

If you only do surface level dating, then of course it takes forever to find our if you are aligned and compatible.

What do you think? What are your reasons?

Welcome home. You thought the alternative worked? I mean you have to at least get that working if you are going to have any chance of some kind of swinging shit.

Edited 9 hours ago by Inliytened1

[Zenterus]

It depends by your definition of "date."

I'm with you when you say that when one exits the PUA paradigm that dating multiple women seems somehow... wrong, but in the process of finding your ideal partner, you do have to cast a wide net -- especially if your standards are high.

I will personally talk to and go on multiple first dates with various girls in a span of a couple of weeks, but 9/10 times there won't be a second date. Once I meet a girl with potential, then yeah, I just focus on her until it shakes out either positively (which that means we start dating all the way to commitment) or negatively, which in that case I'm back in the game, baby.

[Inliytened1]

19 minutes ago, Zenterus said:

It depends by your definition of "date."

I'm with you when you say that when one exits the PUA paradigm that dating multiple women seems somehow... wrong, but in the process of finding your ideal partner, you do have to cast a wide net -- especially if your standards are high.

I will personally talk to and go on multiple first dates with various girls in a span of a couple of weeks, but 9/10 times there won't be a second date. Once I meet a girl with potential, then yeah, I just focus on her until it shakes out either positively (which that means we start dating all the way to commitment) or negatively, which in that case I'm back in the game, baby.

9 out of ten times there isn't?  What is wrong? Are you just that picky?

Edited 9 hours ago by Inliytened1

[Zenterus]

@Inliytened1 Yes

[LordFall]

I think if you are primarily interested in monogamy then spinning plates can be okay but I think you're right that keeping your energy for one deep connection makes sense if that's your goal.

I would game in a manner where you are building a strong social circle with female friends and acquaintances so that you're continuously meeting and building bonds with women that your relate with and are aligned with your goals and then you ask out the ones you really vibe with and you try to make them your girlfriend.

Something like this

Edited 8 hours ago by LordFall

[Lyubov]

I don't think it really matters. Relationships go the distance as far as your communication skills are developed + how authentic/honest you are in flow, and even that could mean the relationship authentically ends, it's no guarantee at all. Dating a lot of people at once can also reflect scarcity based beliefs or an imbalance. It's time consuming to date lots of people. I think culture also plays a roll. Seems like in more romance cultures like Latin America they are sorta slightly more open and flexible with this and secure in a more extroverted open relationship type of dating before getting serious. 

From my lens I obviously would not take any girl seriously if she is still seeing an ex or something like this. That's also usually a scarcity based belief system at play since people who are usually in their flow let go and welcome with open arms the unknown (new). So that's just my perspective, nothing I'm saying here is absolute and it's different for everyone. I've heard of one woman who got divorced and met her new husband like a month later and they've been happily married for 20 years now. Just do what's authentic for you. Test what works for you against your belief system, the rules that govern relationships and their dynamics are largely arbitrary and as unpredictable as a rushing river. 

Edited 8 hours ago by Lyubov

[Inliytened1]

18 minutes ago, Zenterus said:

@Inliytened1 Yes

Well that's how its supposed to be played.  Don't be shy about it.  Shit, if i coud go on 10 dates and not fuck any of them i would probably pat myself on the back.  That you have guidelines and rules is a great thing.  I'm just like a dog out for water.

[Miguel1]

I think if I spend 3 dates with a girl, it’s time to drop everyone else and just focus on her.

Otherwise you are doing something seriously wrong.

Edited 4 hours ago by Miguel1

[Inliytened1]

15 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

I think if I spend 3 dates with a girl, it’s time to drop everyone else and just focus on her.

Otherwise you are doing something seriously wrong.

Yes correct, that's what I do. But shouldn't we know on 2.  if you are putting her through the ringer, which you guys seem to have worked out. Then you shoud know in one or two dates.  Heck, you should know after the first.

[LordFall]

Counting dates (1, 2, or 3) is a symptom of relying purely on cold dating funnels. When you’re meeting total strangers off of cold approach or dating apps, you’re forced to set arbitrary counters because you have zero prior context on who they are.

When you build through a social circle or shared ecosystem first, you already know their values, lifestyle, and vibe before date one. The transition to exclusivity becomes an organic escalation of how well she fits into your life. 

[Inliytened1]

2 minutes ago, LordFall said:

Counting dates (1, 2, or 3) is a symptom of relying purely on cold dating funnels. When you’re meeting total strangers off of cold approach or dating apps, you’re forced to set arbitrary counters because you have zero prior context on who they are.

When you build through a social circle or shared ecosystem first, you already know their values, lifestyle, and vibe before date one. The transition to exclusivity becomes an organic escalation of how well she fits into your life. 

Do you ever go back to the cold dating funnels.  I mean go on instinct or gut.  Do you ever do that.  I think that's a property we shouldn't be so quick to lose.  It just seems you guys have it so broken down now that you would think everyone could get laid.  

[LordFall]

Yeah I go out with the boys sometimes and do some cold approach when having drinks in downtown.

In general I like the idea of sexual transmutation and when you don't have a girl converting your horniness into motivation to work on your business or your social circle and not just waste time hooking up with random chicks or porn. 

[Inliytened1]

4 minutes ago, LordFall said:

Yeah I go out with the boys sometimes and do some cold approach when having drinks in downtown.

In general I like the idea of sexual transmutation and when you don't have a girl converting your horniness into motivation to work on your business or your social circle and not just waste time hooking up with random chicks or porn. 

That's always where the problems come in.  When they invade your privacy.  I'm not saying that it is an invasion but if we look at it like that then it is.  So, thats why i say @Miguel1  It is vital that you do not waste your time.  I have wasted so many girl's time.  I guess it's not the end of the world but they wasted time on me.  So yeah, be ready guys otherwise do not bother. Just put it out there for them if you are just looking for one thing.  Although I don't see how that works.  I still don't see how this whole business that it has been made into works.  But if you say so.

[LordFall]

I think with the right woman and relationship you wouldn't see it as an invasion of privacy man, more like a welcomed addition to your life purpose and an injection of feminine energy into your tank. 

[Consept]

This is something im thinking about at the moment, as in if your goal is to find the right person for you, whats the best way to go about it?

So I kinda felt like op in terms of just seeing one person and im probably naturally inclined to do that. But the issue is I felt like I was putting all my eggs in one basket, which isn't bad but if you dont know them that well all kinds of things can come up and then you're already a bit deeper into it. 

I dont know if its the right way but now im thinking more to just go on multiple first dates and just see how I feel with different people. 

The caveat is that if I am genuinely looking for something long term, I cant get distracted by short term flings. Essentially you have to be super honest with yourself. But overall I think cast the net out wide and one something comes in that ticks all the boxes, go for it 

[Inliytened1]

7 minutes ago, LordFall said:

I think with the right woman and relationship you wouldn't see it as an invasion of privacy man, more like a welcomed addition to your life purpose and an injection of feminine energy into your tank. 

That's how it starts out. But then they want to take over everything.

[LordFall]

Just now, Inliytened1 said:

That's how it starts out. But then they want to take over everything.

Yes, being able to set and enforce boundaries is one of the most important skills to building a high quality relationship in my opinion. It can single handedly change if your relationships are toxic or full of alignment. 

[Inliytened1]

Just now, LordFall said:

Yes, being able to set and enforce boundaries is one of the most important skills to building a high quality relationship in my opinion. It can single handedly change if your relationships are toxic or full of alignment. 

Yes and having that communication is the beauty.  If you can find a partner that is on your level intellectually I think it goes miles.  Because then you can lay those groundrules together.  Another warning point guys - they must be intelligent.  Very smart.  Otherwise it is doomed.

[LordFall]

Haha yes I love intellectual women. Love nothing more then spending hours having deep conversations with women. Intellectual connection is so important for me. I've had FWBs that didn't really understand me and my ideas and I felt like that limited the depth of our bond for sure. My ex was one of the smartest women I've met to this day.