Monogamous vs Polyamory

[Natasha Tori Maru]

@LordFall Exactly as said - Dunning-Kruger effect. You don't know what you don't know.

[LordFall]

1 minute ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

@LordFall Exactly as said - Dunning-Kruger effect. You don't know what you don't know.

I just don't see how it applies in the situation. We were talking about relationships as a vehicle for growth and then you said that perhaps polyamory is a way to distract from our inner truth. Then you quoted my line on if we are left to our own devices we aren't much. Which makes a lot of sense to me, a human without its environment first of all cannot exist but even if it can it would have a limited experience of reality. We learn to exposure to the universe which perhaps can be called the higher self if we use non-dualistic terminology. Until we have multiple experiences with that greater self we literally cannot speak, barely think and well are limited creatures.

That is why I think that over a 10 year period if one was polyamorous vs single vs in a monogamous relationship I think the polyamorous people will experience the greatest growth in inner truth and self-knowledge over the other two situations. 

[Natasha Tori Maru]

@LordFall It is reasonable to infer from what I said - there is an assumption behind

Quote

 If we are left to our own devices then we aren't much.

that requires inspection.

[LordFall]

5 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

@LordFall It is reasonable to infer from what I said - there is an assumption behind

that requires inspection.

Feel free to elaborate. By ourselves we barely exist so I'm not sure what part you disagree with. Consciousness is a phenomena that grows with exposure to reality, it doesn't thrive in isolation. I think temporary solitude to recharge or to absorb social experiences makes sense but hermits are pretty low consequence individuals that don't achieve much. Maybe they have a great relationship with themselves but they aren't very high quality partners by definition so I mean it hardly makes for an effective dating strategy. 

[Natasha Tori Maru]

3 minutes ago, LordFall said:

By ourselves we barely exist so I'm not sure what part you disagree with.

Here's the assumption again

Me telling you isn't going to provoke a genuine insight. And your intellect appears to tell you something else.

 

[LordFall]

1 hour ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

The Dunning-Kruger effect.

The irony here is hard to ignore, Natasha.

You invoked the Dunning-Kruger effect to imply I suffer from uncalibrated overconfidence—yet when asked to demonstrate the mechanics of your own premise, you retreated into 'me telling you isn't going to provoke insight.'

Using a psychological label to claim intellectual superiority, but then refusing to articulate or defend the underlying logic when pressed, is the literal definition of the dynamic you're trying to project onto me.

If you have a coherent framework for why solitude inherently yields deeper truth than complex relational experience, I'm all ears and genuinely open to the model. But if the position is just 'I know something you don't, but I won't explain it,' then there's no actual substance there to inspect.

[enchanted]

All forms of sex and relationships are a distractions albeit sometimes pleasant. Do what you want.

[Zenterus]

I've gone through a similar journey at my peak in PUA where I glorified polyamory and engaged with it pretty successfully for a few years, but as I matured as a person, I've come to appreciate monogamy more.

There's a few reasons for this:

1 - More women are open to polyamory than most men think, as long as you're resolute and honest about it. It has to be "who you are" for the woman to accept it. However, I find that the highest quality women, the most feminine and most loving, will want to feel special to you in some way and that's hard to pull off when you view her as one of many. Sure, you can lie about it and just tell her she's special but your integrity will take a hit from that. Evem during my poly years, I always had 1 girl that was a cut above the others and who I treated with extra reverance. Ignoring this means you're just operating from Ego and you don't actually care about the women you're dating.

2 - In my experience, women who are fully for Polyamory without needing to feel special like the girl in the above point are just.. low value. They are not that attractive, feminine or interesting to be around and they usually have other issues as well that allow them to live that lifestyle perpetually.

3 - This one is more esoteric, but I personally noticed that I feel "cheapened" when I dip my pen in multiple inks. I don't enjoy having sex with a lot of women at the same time. There's something inherently disrespectful (to myself) about it that leaves me feeling dirty, sometimes even for weeks.

4 - Life has so much more to offer than romance and relationships and we have limited time to explore it. Spending a significant chunk of your time managing your romantic relationships is such a waste of time. I gotta work, spend time with friends, hit the gym, introspect, travel, engage with hobbies, etc. Dealing with one girl is already enough of a time commitment, any more and your life goes off balance, in my opinion.

5 - I understand the arguement about having children raised in a community or tribe of sorts, but I'm actually not quite sure i want any, so I care little about building a little polycube for them. That said, having close friends in your life also serves that purpose. You dont have to be sleeping with the people in your community for them to care enough about you to help you out. 

[LordFall]

51 minutes ago, enchanted said:

All forms of sex and relationships are a distractions albeit sometimes pleasant. Do what you want.

Why would you say they're a distraction over an enhancement? 

[aurum]

5 hours ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

The theoretical concept and the real experience of it are two radically different things.

As @aurum raised - it is difficult to understand the volume of emotional and intellectual labour it typically requires. It can bring up many survival based insecurities and childhood wounds. 

If you have this sort of capacity it could work. 

It was way above my pay grade 

You had a poly relationship?